Yesterday, at lunch, I was sharing with D how during our wedding day P and I were astonished at how our respective circles of family and friends intersected in so many ways. I had also shared previously the story of how we had met, thanks to B, his sister, to whom we are both eternally grateful. She then pronounced God planned for you to be together from the day you were born. Profound and true.
I have always believed that God has indeed earmarked a particular man to be my spouse. However, due to the many wrong turns of my younger years, I thought I had frittered away my opportunity. That's it, my girl, you made your choices in life, you turned away from God and His ways, so there is a price to that. There are always consequences to actions even though I also knew that God does not punish us for being bad or stupid. It was what it was.
Intellectually I knew that it was difficult for a woman in her latter years to find a spouse, so in those intervening years, post-conversion, when I was then in my forties and very much single, I focused on the one thing that brought me joy and fulfilment, on the one person whom I called Spouse, Jesus.
I expended all my energy on seeking His ways and getting to know Him better. I no longer compromised my own principles, but sought to love Him as is recommended in today's Gospel, with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my mind, and with all my strength, and to love my neighbour as myself.
As I approach my fourth month of marriage where I find myself still in awe and deeply grateful for the man whom God has given to me as husband, I am more in love with my Lord and my God the more I grow to love P. I pray that I never lose this sense of wonderment and delight at how much Jesus loves me, or for the many gifts my Father bestows on me daily, and how the Holy Spirit is such a bountiful and limitless source of comfort and joy.
While there are many ongoing internal struggles on what is the right thing to do, that is, how do I balance the responsibilities of being a wife and mother (I do regard P's children as my own) with everything else I am called to be and do in life, I do not let them overwhelm me. And when my spirits do flag, I return to the Lenten promise of purification and inner peace found in prayer, fasting and alms-giving.
Jesus gently reprimanded Martha and reminded her that there is only one thing that is necessary in life, the better part that her sister Mary had wisely chosen. What this means for me, in real terms, is to let go of the things that are not necessary - excessive exterior busyness, irrational fears, complaints, my unhappiness at things that do not go my way, prejudices, proud stubbornness, distractedness, critical and judgmental ways, and my dominant tendencies that make me impatient and abrasive (thanks D for the insightful DISC workshop).
We are mid-way through Lent. My prayer for the remainder of Lent is that I can live the Gospel message of the day more authentically and productively: To love my Lord and my God with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my mind, and with all my strength, and to love my neighbour as myself.
I have always believed that God has indeed earmarked a particular man to be my spouse. However, due to the many wrong turns of my younger years, I thought I had frittered away my opportunity. That's it, my girl, you made your choices in life, you turned away from God and His ways, so there is a price to that. There are always consequences to actions even though I also knew that God does not punish us for being bad or stupid. It was what it was.
Intellectually I knew that it was difficult for a woman in her latter years to find a spouse, so in those intervening years, post-conversion, when I was then in my forties and very much single, I focused on the one thing that brought me joy and fulfilment, on the one person whom I called Spouse, Jesus.
I expended all my energy on seeking His ways and getting to know Him better. I no longer compromised my own principles, but sought to love Him as is recommended in today's Gospel, with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my mind, and with all my strength, and to love my neighbour as myself.
While there are many ongoing internal struggles on what is the right thing to do, that is, how do I balance the responsibilities of being a wife and mother (I do regard P's children as my own) with everything else I am called to be and do in life, I do not let them overwhelm me. And when my spirits do flag, I return to the Lenten promise of purification and inner peace found in prayer, fasting and alms-giving.
Jesus gently reprimanded Martha and reminded her that there is only one thing that is necessary in life, the better part that her sister Mary had wisely chosen. What this means for me, in real terms, is to let go of the things that are not necessary - excessive exterior busyness, irrational fears, complaints, my unhappiness at things that do not go my way, prejudices, proud stubbornness, distractedness, critical and judgmental ways, and my dominant tendencies that make me impatient and abrasive (thanks D for the insightful DISC workshop).
We are mid-way through Lent. My prayer for the remainder of Lent is that I can live the Gospel message of the day more authentically and productively: To love my Lord and my God with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my mind, and with all my strength, and to love my neighbour as myself.
No comments:
Post a Comment