Aqua vitae

Over 70 per cent of the earth is covered in it. Seventy per cent of our bodies consist of it.

Without it, all living forms cannot grow and eventually die. Life only begins when it is present.

It cleanses, refreshes, even brings healing.

Beyond the physiological level, it is a gift of the Spirit, a gift that in baptism we are purified and reborn into new life.

What an unimaginably precious gift water is in all its rich nuances of meaning and yet, we often take for granted, misuse, and even abuse this gift.

Like the woman at the well, we have been given living water that will become “a spring of water gushing up to eternal life” inside each of us.

However, very often our thirst for God takes us away from Him rather than toward Him for our senses and our intellect tell us that the other alternatives are more attractive.

Unless we are able to seek within, this thirst will never be slaked. Instead we become slave to things, people and ideas, finding temporal happiness but not much inner peace, driven on by our unquenchable needs, subsisting only on a primal level.

We become superstitious, idol-worshippers, spiritually bound by the walls of our worldly beliefs, living dependent "lives of quiet desperation" but convincing ourselves we are living the dream.

When the waters grow muddy. we lose the ability to see with supernatural clarity and eventually treat this baptismal gift as a mirage, a tantalizing but capricious figment of imagination.

To come to the spring within requires first the recognition and acceptance of self, of who I am.

Together with an openness of heart and mind to Jesus and a faith-filled imagination to see beyond what is perceived as reality, we can be transformed.

Just as the woman at the well was.

Now this is not a one-off, chance occurrence but something that can happen again and again in our lives , IF we allow it.

Today’s gospel reminds me of the importance of drinking regularly from the waters of life: to meet Jesus where I am and sit quietly, replete with His transforming love.

So if you're thirsty, travel inside and treat yourself to some living water. Satisfaction is guaranteed.

Love and marriage

Just yesterday, I chatted with two friends in the course of my day and one asked me whether I wanted to get married while the other asked if I had met that special someone yet?

I have to admit that the concept of marriage has popped up in my consciousness a fair bit recently and I have been reflecting on what it means in my current state of singlehood.

Coincidentally, I had spent the morning watching Christopher West’s Created and Redeemed on Living the “Great Mystery” of Marriage.

Watching the DVD helped me understand the longings of my heart for each of us is created for marriage, to be in union with "Christ the Bridegroom", who out of deep love wants to "‘impregnate’ us with divine life.”

Can I, as a single, live out marriage vows and experience Christ’s love as “free, total, faithful and fruitful”?

Having received the complete gift of Christ’s love, who laid down His life for me of His own volition so that I can live life to the fullest, I am learning to reciprocate that love and in turn, love Him in a manner that is “free, total, faithful and fruitful”, which, incidentally, is what couples pledge each other in the sacramental vows of marriage on their wedding day.

While I lack the physical presence of a husband, and at times wish that I had someone to cuddle just before I fall asleep, I can honestly say that I do not want for much at this point in my life. Even the occasional jagged edge of loneliness is smoothed over by spending time with Jesus.

Abraham Maslow found that humans have an instinctual need to make the most of their unique abilities, to self-actualize and be the best they can be once they had satisfied all their physiological needs.

Viktor Frankl took the concept of self-actualization one step further and posited that self-actualization is merely a side effect of self-transcendence, for our search for meaning in life takes us outside ourselves and our psyches into the world.

Falling in love (when self-transcendence becomes an actuality) with Jesus has led me to seek beyond my own needs and wants. And being faithful to Him means being faithful to His vision of life here on earth: to love others as He has loved and continues to love me -with a love that is unconditional, tender, compassionate and boundless.

Secure in His embrace, I am content, at peace with myself and brimming with inner joy. For what matters most in my life is His happiness and in seeking to please Him as a bride pleases her bridegroom, and vice versa.

Ain't love grand?

Forty days

There is a common trait in my family that I suspect runs in many families.

We tend to get impatient with the people that mean the most to us and end up speaking in curt tones to one another, saying things that hurt the other.

Why do we do it when we claim to love members of our family dearly? There is no reason on this planet to treat another human being without respect or basic courtesy, much less one who is loved.

The haunting lyrics of Alicia Keys's song Like you'll never see me again are an apt reminder:

"I don’t wanna forget the present is a gift
And I don’t wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me
‘Cause Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed"

As she cautions in the song, don't wait until you lose it to know what love really is.

While it can be pleasant to reminisce about the past and to dream about the future, we live in the present and should therefore recognize its import and the impact our actions have living each moment of the present.

"The challenge of Lent is to recognize the place good things have in our lives and not be addicted to them," said Fr. Romeo during his homily yesterday.

Just as a disproportionate amount of attention on the "good things" is bad, so is a total lack of appreciation for them.

He went on to say that our biggest temptations came not from our weaknesses but from our strengths.

We can be tempted to be arrogant in our intelligence. Likewise, we can be tempted to discount and even abuse the bonds of love we have been blessed with in our relationships.

The central message of Lent is to renew our hearts and renew the way we live our lives. Refresh our relationships, not just with Jesus in our personal prayer time, but also with others, in order to enrich the relationship we each have with Him. For we cannot profess to love Christ if we do not love one another.

Just as we spring-clean our houses during the Lunar New Year, so must we spring-clean our hearts and minds.

It is said that it takes 21 days to form a habit. During Lent, we are given 40 days to change the way we normally lead our lives and enter Easter transformed by this season of grace.

So don't let the time go by unmarked. Make a change in the way you normally live your life today.

World views

As our last W2W meeting we were discussing how we viewed five areas of our lives - self, life, others, the world and God. (We are in the middle of John Powell's The Fully Alive Experience.)

My vision of the world scored really high for I saw the world as a beautiful place that God had created. When M. shared that she couldn't score that section and that she thought she ultimately saw the world as a scary, frightening place it got me thinking.

She is not wrong. Look at the fighting and unrest going on in the world. The mindless violence. Multitudes of people being abused, oppressed and killed. Disasters of all manner you read about in the newspaper every morning. The world IS a grim place.

So have I hardened my heart so that I am inured to the horrors of the world? Or am I myopic and cannot see beyond my nose and hence live life cocooned in my own little world?

I suspect I am guilty of both instances at times and can only pray that they are few and far between.

However, I also choose to see the glory of a sunrise breaking over the distinctive skyline, the graceful beauty of the trees that grow outside my window, or the elegance of herons wading in the canal in the cool dawn air as the world that God made and the world that man has contributed in adorning.

All the ugliness and the suffering to be found are mainly man-ufactured and have little to do with the world we have been tasked to be stewards of, a world that evolves and surprises as it revolves around a primordial cycle of its own.

There is, of course, an inherent fragility in life. Everything ages as time passes. People, animals, plants, fall sick and die. Death cannot be denied, or explained at times. But that's what makes life, the world, even more poignantly glorious. The transience of natural law that can be cause for sorrow and celebration simultaneously.

The world we live in cannot be a perfect place - we already know that as paradise was lost due to the disobedience of the first humans. It will only come to perfection when we are reunited with Jesus beyond death. Or when we choose to live out God's will in our lives and the beatitudes Jesus gave in His sermon on the mount.



So let us honour the world we have been given and make it a better place by staying focused on God and never losing hope; being poor in spirit, pure of heart and compassionate, principled kingdom-builders.

Consequently, if we learn to view the world through Christ's eyes, maybe the world won't seem so scary after all.

Guiding Light

Today's psalm, Psalm 27, is an especially rousing one and one which gives me heart in times of struggle.

Entitled Triumphant Song of Confidence of David, it is one of bold testimony of the Lord's protection and fidelity.

"The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear?"

It is a psalm that I can see St. Paul praying often for the triumph of light over darkness is one he experienced most literally in his body on the road to Damascus.

As I reflected on the feast day of St. Paul's conversion last Friday, I gave thanks for his enthusiasm and untiring effort to bring Christ to the rest of the world - something that he continues to do today through his letters.

St. Paul's letters, which pre-dated the writing of the four gospels, are a source of inspiration and a testament to the ingenuity and dedication of one man.

Variations on the same theme, his letters to diverse communities answered the questions each struggled with, and addressed specific needs in very practical terms, becoming a how-to guide on living in the Spirit.

While I do not pretend to offer such profound wisdom in my blog writing, I do aspire to bring Christ to those who read it.

To get people to give pause and ponder a little.

Get curious about this amazing man, Jesus Christ, who lived over 2,000 years ago and why He still continues to impact so many lives today.

Like St. Paul, the presence of Jesus is real in my life, and this living relationship I have with Christ brings me such joy that I want very much to spread this joy to everyone I meet.

To say to those who live in darkness that life doesn't have to be that way. There is a much better alternative.

As Psalm 27 proclaims "I believe that I shall see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living."

This has become a truth I live out every single day.

While there are passages of dark I have to navigate through in life - it's never all hunky dory all the time - I know that if I focus on the light ahead that is Christ, then He will guide me through tough times. He will never forsake me.

I am content to "live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life" and I can no longer envisage my life any other way.

All it takes, as Fr. Arro advised today in his homily, is for us to make time for prayer and reading Scripture on a regular basis.

So seek His face and you will not lose your way.

Where are you?

Where are you?
I cannot see your face.
I cannot hear your voice.
I cannot touch your hand.

In every heartbeat,
Every breath you take,
I am there.
Within you
All around you
Deep calling on deep
Enfolded in your desires
Your will and mine are one.

You see me in the old woman you helped across the street.
You hear me in the cool breeze rippling through the trees.
You feel me in the fond embrace of a beloved friend.

How do I know you are real?

I am real because you are.
Made in my image and likeness,
You are my hands and feet
You are my eyes and ears
You are my heart.
My spirit lives in you.

Ask and my love will always be given to you abundantly.
Seek and you will always find me.
Knock and my door will always open wide in welcome.

I get it. I do.
I see you clearly in the open plains of my heart.
I hear your voice in the silence of your Word proclaimed.
I feel your warmth in the glow of the setting sun
Or a child’s shy smile.

Most of all, I truly experience your boundless love for me and
I am transformed forever.

Inspired by Mark 5:25-34

The real thing

I just watched an episode of CSI which featured a host club, where women visited and chose a host from the meat book, who would then spend time with the paying female client.

During their time together, the host would cultivate a "relationship" with his client by listening to her, making her laugh and "making her feel like a queen", loved and respected.

Sex actually marked the end of the "relationship" so the meetings were mainly platonic.

What was horrifyingly tragic was that a stripper, Cotton Candy, who bared her body for money, had deluded herself into believing that Jesse, her paid host, who had another 24 other "relationships" at any one time, was "her fiancee".

While this is pure TV fiction, we cannot deny the very human need for love and acceptance in life.

We all crave for love, to be loved for who we are, unconditionally, totally.

Unfortunately, by today's standards, this most commonly translates into the physical level, sex.

You just have to tune into MTV to see scantily clad women who gyrate desperately to gain the attention of men.

Sexy has become the ultimate "testament" of womanhood.

The need for Cotton Candy to believe in something more than just sex harks back to the real meaning of relationships, intimacy that transcends the physical.

Emotional ties that are the backbone of all relationships.

However, because eros, carnality, is the most gratuitous and easiest adaptation of agape, a more selfless, sacrificial love, it is the most widely embraced.

After all, it calls for one to luxuriate in the sensate and hang the Puritanical, fiddly definition of love which demands way too much from a person.

Instant gratification beats happily-ever-after which only happens in fairy tales, going by today's divorce rates.

Why are absolutes so difficult to live by? Is relativism the season that is here to stay?

I hope not. I am, by nature, an idealist.

I believe that the sacrifice that God made, to be born as man and to consequently give his life to prove His love for ALL mankind is the ultimate form of love, and to honour the highest degree of love, I choose to live by a code that is increasingly seen as archaic and out-moded.

Never mind that at heart, it is the most practical and logical choice.

Reality has never been a very comfortable bed-fellow. Rationalism is infinitely more attractive.

While I know it's unlikely that I will find a life partner who has "clean hands and pure heart" despite my desire for marriage, I know I will not settle for less.

I have tried carnality and I can tell you that it is a pale second to the love that Jesus offers.

He is the embodiment of the perfect ""host", who delights in my imperfections and really loves me for who I am.

Best of all, His love is gift, with no price tag or strings attached.

If I never find a human spouse, then I am most happy to live with my heavenly one.

Sure, I sometimes yearn for a real human body to hug and who hugs me back in love, but if I have to settle for what Christopher West terms "counterfeit love" in his interpretation of JP2's Theology of the Body, I would rather wait for the real thing.

If not in this lifetime, then in the next.

Reality rules.

Magi gifts

The wise men or magi gave gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh to honour a baby whom they had read the skies to find. A journey which took them to a humble stable in Bethlehem.

One they undertook, not because they were grounded in the faith of Abraham, but because they had studied the stars and could discern something unusual and wondrous was happening that gave them the impetus to set out on a journey.

While on vacation in Phuket over Christmas, I chanced upon this great Marcel Proust quotation on a T-shirt of a fellow hotel guest:

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes."

This became the theme of my brief holiday with Mum. Every morning on our walk on the beach, we found new things to delight in as we scanned the soon-familiar shoreline.

Every new sand dollar I spotted brought back the excitement I felt as a child when I discovered a treasure for my shell collection.

Every new step we took on the powder-soft sand was a shared affirmation of life.

There is such visceral pleasure in being an active participant in the act of giving and in watching someone you love experience the same joy you feel in simple things like watching the sun set or supping on a chewy banana roti.

My gift this Epiphany is one I hope I give every day, whether on vacation or not, and that is to give myself in love to those around me.

And like the magi, may I always ponder on and follow the star that leads me to Christ- as I gaze on it with new eyes at every juncture of the journey.

Excising the past

The new year is an appropriate time to get rid of the old and start life anew.

I've lived with a lump in my right breast I detected through BSE (breast self-examination which every woman should practise every month) over three years ago and have done nothing about except monitor diligently.

As I went for my annual mammogram and ultrasound last December, I decided that I had enough of the alarmed looks and stony silences I received as the tumour showed up on the X-ray looking decidedly cancerous (jagged edges instead of smooth).

Never mind that it hasn't changed shape or size in three years. With cancer, who knows when a benign growth transforms ominously into one loaded with abnormal cells that will spread and kill the host body?

Given rising medical costs, I thought to myself it's time for action.

I opted for local anaesthesia as the quicker and less disruptive option as my doctor and surgeon, Dr. Hoe, presented this alternative to me.

A visit to his clinic and within the hour, I would walk out the door about a gramme lighter.

It took an hour and a half (with another half hour spent prior the procedure to mark the location with ultrasound) as it was deeper than expected.

I was mostly calm and relaxed before and through the entire procedure, although the last bit where he stitched me up was decidedly uncomfortable as the anaesthesia was wearing off.

It was novel and strange to have someone cut a hole into you, stretch open the hole, stick a finger inside to determine the location of the tumour and subsequently excise a part of you.

To hear and smell the cauterizing of blood vessels to stop the bleeding, know what size needles were used to finally stitch you up...

I am glad I was conscious through the entire operation, so that I could continually pray that the Spirit guide my surgeon's hands.

There was even room for levity when Dr. Hoe tried to apply more anaesthesia and it accidentally spurted skyward, landing on my eyebrow. I enquired quizzically, "Botox too?" and he and his nurse both burst out laughing.

Best of all was the call from his nurse the day after informing me that it was benign.

B. said she knew that would be the result. Tongue in cheek, I said so did I.

Given the Scripture verse I picked at the W2W's new year's thanksgiving dinner, I was unafraid:

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for thou art with me." - Psalm 23:4

What I took away from the whole experience is that medicine can indeed be a noble profession and not just an extremely lucrative one.

The impression one gets mostly is that specialists specialize only in lightening your pocketbook.

Dr. Hoe has been great from day one, always cheerful and ever-ready to answer silly questions of mine with patience and clarity. He has always taken the time to allay my fears. And his nurse and receptionist are equally friendly and warm.

What impressed me most during the operation was the way he spoke to Christine, his nurse, politely and with respect.

Notwithstanding that he was thorough and precise, and took the time to explain to me what was happening throughout.

I feel blessed to have so much to be thankful for just into the new year and I am grateful not just for the skill of my surgeon, but the concern and care of all the people He has placed in my life.

And I see that life is blessing and blessing is life.

New year bright

Start the year right by acknowledging all that we have comes from a higher power, who has chosen us.

In Life of the Beloved, Henri Nouwen encourages us to reclaim an awareness of God's love and the fact that we are each chosen by Him, rather than allow others to "determine whether we are chosen or not" and find ourselves "caught in the net of a suffocating world that accepts or rejects us according to its own agenda of efficiency and control".

As we gathered together this new year's evening at the ICPE Singapore HQ to give thanks for the graces experienced in 2007 and to offer up a new year resolution, we did just that.

A community of women, we prayed for each other as each woman came before the Holy Family to offer up her unique gift of resolve and her gratitude.

No celebration is complete without eating so we dipped and munched our way through an incredible spread of food laid out around the steamboat. Finishing the feast with a dessert of orange cake and ice cream. Yum!

Conventionally we mark time in seconds, hours and days, weeks, months and years, but we'd do well to remember what Nouwen goes on to say:

"Our preciousness, uniqueness and individuality are not given to us by those who meet us in clock-time - our brief existence - but by the One who has chosen us with an everlasting love, a love that existed from all eternity and will last through all eternity. "

So let us live 2008 in His time. Walking in His light.

Dream speak

In today's gospel, it was a dream that restored one man's faith and led him to make a life-changing and faith-filled decision. A dream where an angel of God delivered a message of hope.

In what must've been a bewildering and dark time for Joseph - Mary, his betrothed was with child, a sure sign of her unfaithfulness - he remained ever faithful to God and thus was able to hear Him speak.

Incredible, unimaginable news brought via a special mode of communication.

That a child, Immanuel, God-with-us, was to be born as a gift to the world. And he, Joseph, to be father, protector and guardian to this akan datang* baby, to tend to this child who would grow up to be the salvation of the world.

The infancy narrative is a story re-told every year for over the last 2000 years that it's easy to take its beauty and significance for granted.

So easy to let the commercialism of the season take centrestage and lose the sense of wonder at the miracle of love being birthed right in front of our eyes.

With all the running around I've been doing these last few weeks, I haven't had much time to reflect this Advent. To give proper homage to the ultimate gift that God is bestowing.

So it's nice to have a lazy Sunday to rest and ruminate. (Am done with all my usual Christmas festivities and just looking forward to taking off on Christmas afternoon for Phuket with Mum.)

What's reflection-worthy to me today is how even as we sleep, the Spirit of God is at work within us. That through our dreams, in those unconscious moments, He can speak to us.

I recently watched the movie Stepmom again and the dying mother was assuring her son that she would live on inside his heart and while this was not as good as her being there, there was a special place where they could meet - in his dreams.

Likewise, we are sometimes given the opportunity to meet Jesus and listen to Him in our dreams.

So don't be too quick to dismiss dreams as flights of fancy or unconscious yearnings/unfulfilled desires within us.

Sometimes, they can be messages of hope that transcribe into concrete events that change lives radically.



* coming soon

Rosebuds

Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying:
And this same flower that smiles to-day
To-morrow will be dying.

I couldn't agree more with Robert Herrick for Old Time just flew by this year and I can't quite believe 2007 is almost at a close.

There have been so many rosebuds that came into full flower this year that my life has been one fragrance fest. after another. I have been enveloped in bouquets of velvety soft petals of the sweetest perfume.

Gifts from the Father that I hope have benefitted those around me as well.

Of course there have been times I've been bogged down by petty worries and just swept along the frenzied pace of life in Singapore, but this has also been a year where I have learnt to create sacred spaces to get to know the most important man in life, someone I have grown to depend on for strength, comfort, advice, affirmation and just your basic but essential TLC.

The year 2007 is most significant for He revealed a promise He made to me two years ago and this revelation was the mother of all a-ha moments.

I give thanks for it every day and I hope I never lose the awe I feel over this simple gift.

The Japanese celebrate each spring with hanami, flower viewing, for they pretty much have the same idea as Herrick.

The brief lives of the beautiful cheery blossoms reflect the transience of life which in itself has a beauty that is ephemeral and thus must be celebrated as it is experienced.

Just as all the good things in life are celebrated, so must the not-so-good things like loss and suffering, unalterable facts of life.

For without the bitter, how can we experience the sweet?

Therefore the trick is not to be soured by bad experiences, but to allow each new day to bring fresh possibilities of healing and pain-wrought wisdom, untried opportunities to live and love.

Through thick and thin, good and bad, luxuriate in each and every experience.

So don't forget to smell the rosebuds as you gather them. In deep appreciation and gratitude.

Immortality

S. recently lent me her copy of Khaled Hosseini's latest novel, A Thousand Splendid Suns. I looked forward to reading it for I love his earlier work, The Kite Runner, which is soon to be released as a movie.

I didn't get down to reading it until last week but the moment I started reading it, I couldn't put it down. Hosseini is a story-teller of the first water. Go. Buy. Read.

It is a heartrending tale of friendship and the ultimate sacrifice of love between two women.

Mariam is a harami (bastard) child of a rich but weak father and an unstable mother and has experienced nothing but rejection and abuse her entire life until her husband Rasheed takes a second wife, Laila.

Initially adversaries, the women bond when Laila defends Mariam against Rasheed's cruelty.

From this sprouts a kinship between the two women until Mariam saves Laila from death by killing Rasheed and thereby signs her own death warrant.

Mariam goes to her execution with" abundant peace" for despite her unpropitious start in life and its consequent hardships, she became a woman "who had loved and been loved back" and a "person of consequence at last".

"This was a legitimate end to a life of illegitimate beginnings."

Many of us yearn for immortality, to leave our mark on this world. Such ambition is ill-placed if we seek to build an edifice to the personage of I, me and myself.

That we are born into this world is already a sign that we are loved and matter very much to Someone.

If we realize the import of this and reciprocate by seeking to be made in His image and likeness; by loving all around us, giving in little ways every day, acting from a grateful heart, being the person each of us is called to be, then we will have succeeded in making a difference in the world.

Just as Mariam lives on in the heart of Laila, shining "with the bursting radiance of a thousand suns", we will live on in the hearts of those who love us.

Given the season of Advent we are in, it is worthwhile meditating on the words of Blessed Teresa and endeavouring to put them into practice:

"At the end of life we will not be judged by how many diplomas we have received, how much money we have made, how many great things we have done. We will be judged by 'I was hungry and you gave me to eat, I was naked and you clothed me, I was homeless and you took me in.' Hungry not only for bread - but hungry for love. Naked not only for clothing - but naked for human dignity and respect. Homeless not only for want of a room of bricks - but homeless because of rejection."

Staying connected

I attended the Praise@Work Conference yesterday at the CJC auditorium together with over 500 people.

To be able to meet and listen to so many people from different walks of life who have a close connection to Jesus, a living relationship, and who actively practise following in His footsteps was awesome and amazing.

Bo Sanchez who opened the conference invigorated with his rousing speech and gave new heart to fusing spirituality into work and keeping the connection strong.

He elaborated on five points which he practises daily:

1) My work is my praise.
2) My work is my pulpit.
3) My work is part of my purpose.
4) My work is my passion.
5) My work is my provision.



What I found most valuable was the last point where he challenged everyone to live simply in order to "be as rich as we can for others".

Everything we have comes from the Almighty and we are all called to share what we have with others. Only by being good stewards and exercising thrift can we give and share more.

Love for our neighbour translates not just into money, but time, which in today's world has become an extremely precious commodity.

Despite the busy lives we all lead and the expensive baubles that speak to us, if we make the decision that we are builders of the kingdom, Christ's disciples, then a life of simplicity is key.

Quite difficult, living in material-conscious Singapore, but not impossible as I have discovered these last few years.

Bo also challenged each of us to look at work in the broader sense and recognize that we can continue to do God's work no matter how old we are or what state of life we are in.

There's no such thing as "too old" or "I am not capable enough". There's only "if You say I should do this, then show me how and I will".

So how do I stay connected in everything I do (and not just what I do for a living)?

A question my SD once told me to start the day with is a great one: "Lord, show me how to love."

Life stories

Over last weekend, the W2W ministry met up at the Botanic Gardens for our last meeting of the year.

It was a beautiful, sunny morning and we spread ourselves out on the grass to have breakfast (thanks to A. baby who brought yummy tuna sandwiches and cheesecake) and to share our life stories with each other.

What a celebration of life as each woman shared her unique story and of how she saw Jesus in the dark and light moments of her journey.

The twists and turns in the roads_
the torturous travails,
the thrilling triumphs...
...everything
- the detours, veering off the path, getting lost -
that takes her
face to face with the Father.

Nothing like looking back on life to see His presence in it.

Recognize now that even in the midst of smiles and tears back then, He was there.

Give thanks that we have been given the grace to weather the storms of life and acknowledge the gifts of joy and love.

Know that no matter how lost we are, He will always find us and carry us home.

One common thread through the stories is that each woman has experienced sorrow and suffering in some form or another, either shaped by circumstance or will.

What inspires is that each has made walking through the fire a refining process that burns away the impurities to reveal a heart on fire, lit by the spirit of God's love.

Just as St. Paul said to the Romans:

"...we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

While I look to saints like Therese of Lisieux, Edith Stein, Augustine of Hippo and Paul to encourage and inspire, I also look to my sisters (and brothers) around me to do the same.

Together, arm in arm, we walk our unique paths toward one common destination.

Bid for freedom

I was busy attending seminars last week and it has been vastly rewarding intellectually, psychologically and spiritually, albeit physically tiring.

First up was the two-day Choices workshop run for teachers teaching RE (religious education) in Catholic schools where I was given the opportunity to absorb the concepts I summarized last year when I helped develop the resource material for this unit.

Followed by the three-day Set Free Retreat organized by SACCRE and led by Diana Mascarenhas of ICPE India and Fr. Elias Vella OFM from Malta.

Two events with different and varied content but with one similar goal - to enable an individual to make choices in life that would lead to personal freedom no matter the state of life one was in.

Free from fears, needs and dysfunctions to become and to be the person she or he is meant to be - a unique individual with a unique set of passions, goals, ideals, opinions, values, perspectives and life experiences.

The road to freedom involves an awareness of self, who I am, and an acceptance of the person I am, in order to move towards self-transcendence through the cultivation of values and spiritual maturity that brings inner peace and joy.

It is through knowing myself that I am free to build dynamic, vibrant, soul-satisfying relationships with others - and God.

If not, my distortions will forever colour the way I view myself, God, others and the world around me*; and I will live in bondage, bound by my emotional hijacks and self-imposed barriers.



Until I set off on the stony path of self-discovery, I will remain within the confines of the baby pool, unable to get out, scamper across the hot sand and wade into the cool, healing vastness of the living ocean, and into the warm arms of a loving, tender, very real Father.

Acknowledging the wounds that cause my distortions is not enough, although there is tremendous power in articulating past hurts.

For real healing to take place, there is one more crucial step: turn to Jesus as one turns to a much-loved and trusted friend.

Invoke the power of His name to do what no man can do - bring release and inner healing to the soul and spirit within.

To transform past experiences such that they no longer have a hold on the present or the future.

Can it be that simple?

Yes, as the blind man and the haemorrhaging woman in Mark's gospel and I have found out. Faith can heal.

And with the healing comes truth, which in turn liberates as Jesus had promised, "The truth will make you free."

So what is this great truth that liberates?

In a word, love.

His great love for humanity, for every single person on this earth.

Once you've experienced this love in a very personal manner, deep down in your heart, you will be set free, free to love as He loves you.


* Read John Powell's Fully Human, Fully Alive: A New Life Through a New Vision

Our best interests

At our last weekend W2W meeting, we were discussing questions that would help each of us in discerning our personal vocation in life. One of the questions asked was: "When (what situations) do you have the impression of giving the best of yourself?"

Usually, our passion or a strong interest in something will reveal a flair for that particular activity. While there is usually a distinction between career choice and personal vocation, sometimes, the twain will meet.

I am reminded of some of the stories I heard on the Big Island just a few months ago. One man was a driller and growing coffee was just a passion he would indulge during his free time.

When it got to a point where he realized he was having more fun with his coffee-growing, and that his hobby could generate income, he quit his job and focused all his energies on growing organic coffee beans. The farm is now a family-run business with mum, dad and kids fully involved in every aspect of farming and the sale of coffee beans.

So if you are not happy with your career choice, is it really possible to start over? Crazy you say? Impossible? I beg to differ.

Because I had only a vague idea of what my gifts were when I was young, I did not consciously map my career path. Even then, although I did not know it at the time, God was leading the way. For I found out where my talents lay and I learned many lessons that now stand me in good stead. I was being moulded and shaped, learning discipline, fortitude and industry.

While I did not enjoy what I did for a living for I did not function well in a corporate environment, I did it - for it was a way to earn money and gain familial approval.

When it came time to look for a job after being laid off in 2003, I explored all my options, but this time, the big difference was that I consulted my heavenly Father as I searched.

I had considered the question above, together with a number of other questions and discovered that my gifts were writing and teaching.

Coupled with the desire to find meaning in what I do and be able to spend time with my mother who was recently widowed then, there was only one option - turn my back on corporate life and freelance.

Jesus was holding out a beckoning hand as He encouraged me to leave the security of the boat and walk on water.

He sent people my way to aid me in making this choice. Writing jobs came my way inexplicably. "Angel" friends helped finance my Pilates certification in the form of loans, money gifts or job opportunities. I could even take Mum on vacation each year.

It was not an easy time or process for I had to radically change my lifestyle and forgo ALL luxuries.

I was greatly humbled for I was stripped of all my worldly trappings and had to make sense of myself as a person who no longer held a well-respected position and drew a huge salary nor flew business class and ate in swanky restaurants.

The blessings came however. I found I could be happy with very little in life. I came to see and appreciate the miracles of everyday life.

Most of all, He blessed me with so much love in the guise of caring friends and a supportive mother.

I came to understand what it means to live on God's providence and every single day, even now, I continue to be astounded at how lovingly He takes care of me.

The biggest difference in my life, over the last few years, has been the strength of my faith, which has grown by astronomical leaps.

Especially when things got murky or when I started to feel overwhelmed by my choices in life (there were dark, dispirited moments, periods of helplessness and near-despair), I would turn to Him and say, "Lord, You deal with it! You brought me here, so please take charge now," and I would give him carte blanche in resolving the matter at hand.

The instant I did that, I would be freed of my burden. Best of all, He would always come back with a singularly innovative solution.

As I endeavour to live out my personal vocation, naturally giving of my best when I exercise my God-given talents, I now strive for excellence in everything I do.

Modelling Brother Lawrence* I offer up especially the tasks I find most tedious and I carry out my "common business wholly for the love of Him".

Seeing as He has our best interests at heart, surely He deserves only the very best from us?

* Brother Lawrence was a lay brother in a Carmelite monastery, who lived in the 17^th century. He worked mainly in the kitchen, performing menial tasks, but his profound inner peace attracted many who sought spiritual guidance from him. His teachings can be found in The Practice of the Presence of God.

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brother_Lawrence

Family ties

I just threw a little dinner party for my cousin A. whose birthday is up in a few days. As he hates fuss (about on par with the person who shares the same birthday as Dad but we won't mention initials here), it was kept simple and small (no other guests but my bro and SIL).

BTW I had to practically arm-twist him to allow me to cater for this little soirée in my home. What is it about the men in my family that know how to give but not how to receive love graciously?

As I chopped and julienned, I thought of how cooking was my dad's and my way of showing love. More than that, since his demise, it has become my way of remembering and honouring Dad, and evoking his spirit on a daily basis.

My father considered sitting down together as a family and sharing a meal as something sacred, a time-honoured tradition.

I used to find his insistence at eating dinner together irksome at times (especially when I had to work late and knew that my parents were waiting for me to return home before we all sat down together at the dinner table to eat - MAJOR STRESS) but have, today, come to appreciate and to perpetuate the tradition.

Earlier in the afternoon, Mum was sharing with me how someone she knew was abandoned by her children in a home and left to die. While I was trying hard not to be judgmental (What? How can he serve in church so actively and not care about his mother??!!!), I was made mindful of how I treated my remaining parent.

Do I show love, respect, care and concern for my mother (whom I live with) in a life-giving manner every single day? Do I bless her by being a good daughter?

"Honour thy father and mother" is the fourth* commandment and the first one that pertains to how we relate to others.

I believe the primacy of this commandment speaks to the fact that family is the most basic unit of society and if we can't even get it right at this level, whatever we do outside the family for the glory of God is dimmed, tarnished.

Charity, love, begins at home. Mutual respect and love between parents (husband and wife) and children (siblings), familial harmony is the weave of the fabric of human life on earth.

In his Apostolic Exhortation Familiaris Consortio, Pope John Paul II recognizes marriage and family as the most precious of human values:

"Willed by God in the very act of creation, marriage and the family are interiorly ordained to fulfillment in Christ and have need of His graces in order to be healed from the wounds of sin and restored to their "beginning", that is, to full understanding and the full realization of God's plan."

Parents are called to be "the visible sign of the very love of God" while family is called to mission by becoming "more and more what it is", which it does by revealing and communicating love, and thus reflecting and sharing in God's love for humanity.

If we grow that little family tree in the soil of love, giving it the necessary nutrients such as daily waterings of forgiveness, warm rays of acceptance and sprinkles of tolerance, then it will grow deep roots and spread its branches into a community of love that crosses geographical, social and cultural boundaries to ultimately foster “the good of each and every human being”.

Want to effect world peace? Simple.

Start by loving (through active, concrete actions and words) and forgiving members of your immediate and extended family and seek to live with them harmoniously minute by minute, day by day, year in, year out.

*What for Roman Catholics is the fourth commandment, is for Judaism and some of the other Christian denominations the fifth. Did you know that? I just found out on Wikipedia today. Fascinating.