Marian availability

Recently at a cell group meeting we were each asked to reflect on where the Lord was calling each of us in different areas of our lives, and what would we each want to see in terms of personal growth or accomplishment over time?

The overarching thing for me was my availability, not just in tending to my own spiritual growth, or ageing physical self, but in giving time and energy to others which allowed them to experience the love of God.

That said, this year has been filled with many tumultuous events, and a varied group of people have come into my life, each of whom require something different from me. It has been challenging, to say the least, for it has often led me to question myself for I have felt stretched, and it has showed in my waning stores of patience, compassion and wisdom. I often feel that I frequently fail, that I could've been nicer, more gentle, and just more loving in my responses, rather than allowing my frustration and impatience to show.

The virtue of gentleness, a gentleness Mary of Nazereth displayed in dealing with life, either on the fly, or in pedestrian routine, this is what I desire. Life will always be messy and chaotic, storms do not appear at infrequent intervals but often in a flurry of atmospheric displays. I often feel I am batting desperately at a volley of shots that come my way, fast and furious, and from every angle. It is tiring, I get stressed out, I often feel like screaming, and yet, I wouldn't have it any other way. I love my life the way it is.

I find meaning in everything I have been tasked to do, whether it be at work or on the domestic front. I find joy in my relationships: I feel loved and supported by my spouse - my heavenly Bridegroom and my earthly one - and I find myself able to love those around me, not always perfectly, but in ways they need to experience love.

My mission is to change the world in every personal encounter I have, and in the humblest of ways, often engaged in making a difference where my presence is not visible. As my SD pointed out, Mother Mary was first and foremost a humble Jewish girl who simply said yes to God, again, and again, and again. All her titles, especially the loftier ones, stem from her humility and her open heart. Nothing more than that.

So I seek to be more like her, every day, to listen, to ponder, then to act with sensitivity, and a generous heart. What I would like to see as accomplishment by year-end, is to better manage my temper and my fear of being wrong, and of looking stupid. I would like to be more confident, and calm in how I respond to adversity and challenge, and to behave with graciousness, acknowledging in my heart that being kind is better than being right. And when I fall, not to give up, but to quickly pick myself up and try again.

There's something about Mother Mary that makes the world a better place. She had a talent for getting people, like Jesus, perform miracles, and she still changes lives by appearing in quiet ways and effecting transformation in the hearts of those who see her. So more of her in me, please.