Listening with humility

I just visited my SD yesterday and it was a fruitful visit covering a range of topics. When he asked me what I learnt from my visit to Fatima, I summarized it in three words for him for he is a little hard of hearing: Listen with humility. With a Gallic twinkle in his eye, he added, “Especially to those whom you are allergic to”.

How true. We often summarily dismiss the words of anyone, especially those for whom we lack affection or respect. I know I do it all the time – I shut them down and I shut them out. Worse, I often go around thinking I am right, and if anyone says anything contrary to my world view, I am quick to reject his or her words even if I happen to like the person. I, therefore, lose the possibility of gaining insight, wisdom and empathy, aside from the deepening of relationship bonds. Without humility, true listening cannot happen, thus, relationships have no space to breathe and grow.  

So listening with humility is a key activity for me to master in this stage of my journey if I do not want to end up an insufferable fool. Every day I have to stop myself from allowing quick, impatient words to tumble out of my mouth, words that are ill considered and can cause more harm instead of the good I desire; words that tear down, instead of building up. Another pearl my SD offered me years ago is that a person of good will is like fat in all the unwanted places. I do not wish to be a do gooder who lacks insight, wisdom and compassion, and whose actions are therefore of no discernible value. Meaning well and actually effecting real good are two entirely different things.

The prayer SD taught me years ago that is pure gold is to simply ask: Lord, show me how to love today? And in order to curb my impulsive, foolish tongue: Lord, please put Your words on my tongue today. 

Our Lady of Fatima also inspired me to make real in my life those fateful words at Cana: Do whatever He tells you. As a servant of the Lord, this imperative is vital, to being a good and faithful servant.  

SD and I also spoke of illness, mission, covenant and marriage.

“As long as we are alive, we have a mission to accomplish!” he ended his answer to how he was, given the infirmities age has imposed on him. Despite his lack of mobility and deafness, he still makes the effort to connect with people every day, and when we shared about people in our lives with cancer, he ended with a request that I pray for his friends as he will pray for my friends. What a testament to God is his zeal, his beautiful missionary heart still at work. I hope that I will never lose this living faith that SD embodies.   

On covenant - something I have been reflecting a lot on recently, given my upcoming five-year commitment taking with the ICPE Mission – SD shared another pearl, that covenant goes beyond a legal contract or duty, and that it is a choice, but a choice that needs love to be true. Love is at the heart of any covenant. It is initiated first by God, out of love, and I choose to respond with a yes, out of love for Him. This response made out of love must first translate in concrete ways of loving my community brothers and sisters in ways that they need to be loved. This requires a daily intention to love; effort, on my part, to love; and perseverance to love. 1 Corinthians 13:7 reverberates on what love should be:  

It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

No community is perfect, no one is perfect, all of us have our own quirks and issues, we will irritate and hurt each other at times, we may not see eye to eye, we may become disillusioned, even broken… However, community is the place where we can each grow in tolerance, graciousness, generosity, compassion, patience, and all those wonderful virtues, gifts and fruits of the Spirit that every missionary disciple should possess, especially if we want to transform the world with the good news we bring. So, yes, love has to be the superpower I choose, for my covenant to be life-giving and rich, especially when my experience of living out the covenant can be hard going at times. All commitments to covenants are marathons, not sprints, I can only ask for the grace to keep running the race, and attaining the merits of enduring love, hope and faith.     

Finally, we spoke about marriage. What did I desire to pray for? I said I wanted to be able to love my husband in the way he needed to be loved, and not the way I thought he needed to be loved. He rejoined, “Ah, you are becoming more aware of his weaknesses.”

Initially I couldn’t quite see the connection, but he went on, “Men are not as strong as you think they are, and they all need to be pampered”. I could then see his point. I have taken P for granted in many ways because he is strong, capable, reliable, and someone I know I can lean on. Despite his many sterling qualities, there is a boy inside of him who also requires nurturing, gentleness and maternal warmth. Just as the girl inside of me needs someone to care for her in order she feels cherished and confident. The inner child who still resides in each of us needs assiduous tending. What a great reminder!

And so it all comes back to listening with humility, and doing whatever He tells me to do. I thank God for all the people He has put in my life to help me see truths and I also thank Him for giving me the heart to do whatever I need to do every single day. Without His love and His grace, I can do nothing.

Take, Lord, and receive all my liberty, my memory, my understanding, and my entire will, all that I have and possess. Thou hast given all to me. To Thee, O Lord, I return it. All is Thine, dispose of it wholly according to Thy will. Give me Thy love and Thy grace, for this is sufficient for me.

-        Saint Ignatius of Loyola