Silent revelations

I I find that the COVID-19 pandemic as turned me into a bit of a hermit. I shun most social activities and I rarely go out, save for necessary activities like dropping the grandkids off at school, teaching or grocery shopping (early morning forays to avoid the crowds). So 2021 has been a social washout for just as I was starting to poke my head out of my shell, along comes Omicron.

I do feel bad that I have been a ghost in my community and a phantom friend to my friends, but I do it for two reasons, one is my 88 year old mother and the other is my grandkids who are under five years old. I know I will eventually get COVID, but I would rather it be later than sooner for I don’t want to be the source of infection in my family; and if I were, then I would wish that my mother would have been sufficiently “boostered” not to suffer too greatly if she got it, and likewise, the grandkids were vaccinated so that their disease would be mild and they would not get long COVID which has life-long damaging health consequences.  

At my community Christmas gathering which I Zoomed in for, we had a time for reflection on what would be areas of distraction that prevented me from being close to the Christ child and what was God’s invitation to me? 

I have to admit to COVID anxiety which puts me on edge and keeps me from being a more patient and understanding person. I am decidedly crabby to those around me. One of the other identified distractions is the sense of failure that being invisible to community and friends has given me. I feel guilt which is not helpful at all for it stops me from trying harder to connect with people. I have already failed so why bother? 

Sometimes I feel like a prisoner of my fears, recognizing, at the same time that some of them are unfounded. Yet I still choose to be overly cautious for sorry in this instance would be the possible loss of people who matter most to me. So what is the Christ child inviting me to do in the dark stables where He lays? How can I live fully where I find myself situated?

The invitation is to silence the fears and anxieties by learning to live with them, without allowing them to overwhelm me. I also need to break the silence and express myself in creative ways: to let others know that I do think of them and daily pray for them. It is hope I carry into the new year, the hope that the birth of Jesus brings. He is the light in the darkness and I, too, can shine His light into the darkness of others. But first, I need to find His light, His holiness in the silent nights of my heart then go forth with it with holy peace and joy.