Making pain work for you

I have experienced a fair bit of pain from a host of ailments this year as well as the emotional pain of accompanying my aunt before she went back to the Lord and I thought I would end the year with a personal reflection on pain. What have I learned from my pain this year? How has it changed me?

I started the year in pain due to plantar fasciitis and I learned that I needed to change the way I lived. Pain is the body’s way of telling me something is wrong, and that adjustments need to be made, sometimes permanently. I resented that. Why must it be different? Why can’t things stay the same? As I made the necessary adjustments I realized that embracing the change that pain brought on was not the worst thing on earth. While my body is less forgiving of abuse as I age, I can learn to treat myself a little better, be a little kinder to my body, work a little smarter. Don’t they say health is wealth?

In developing my spirituality, there is so much focus on being present, and self-awareness, and yet, sometimes, this focus is too narrow and I neglect to do the same for my physical self. Why when my body is the very thing I need in order to be the hands and feet of Christ?What good can I do to help others when I do not help myself first? I am limited when I am in pain. I cannot give fully if I myself am not feeling 100 per cent.

I am getting older. I have to acknowledge my body’s physical decline. I am entering a new phase of my life where mortality stakes its claim in strident hormonal tones. All the wise moves include eating the right foods, stretching, exercising, slowing down, sleeping adequately, and discharging the stresses of the day by practising mindfulness in my body. And when work gets the better of my body, my roller and my lacrosse ball are my BFF. I can no longer get away with doing nothing.

Pain of the psychic type is not as straightforward to deal with. It was tough seeing my aunt suffer so much before her demise. She had bronchitis that developed into pneumonia, and subsequently turned into tuberculosis. Coupled with a weak heart, she was in CCU for eight weeks, spent a week in the normal ward before she slid into a semi-coma and passed away. Why must there be so much suffering, so much desolation before one goes? I found it hard to handle when I visited her. My heart broke to see her so diminished and waif-like. She could not talk nor move. She was alive but completely immobilized and reliant on machines to keep her alive. She was justifiably depressed and wanted to die. Why God? Why? Is this all I have to look forward to in my not too distant future? I come back to pain, and suffering, being part and parcel of life.

God will not meddle to take all the pain and suffering in the world away for then the gift of free will would be taken away from us. Instead, He walks with us. And because He loves us, He weeps with us. He took on humanity to redeem us and we can be like Him when we offer up our pain and suffering for the redemption of the world. Pain can diminish us, but it can also make us heroic. Pain can make us ego-centric, but it can also help us grow beyond our selfishness. In the crucible of pain, we can find maturity, wisdom and fortitude.   

Many of the saints experienced great pain, whether physical or mental, and they somehow rose above their suffering (through grace) to live out their charisms fully. I think of Saint Damien of Molokai who contracted leprosy himself after working tirelessly to improve the living conditions of those banished to Molokai. I think of Saint Pio of Petrulcina who was in poor health and endured long years of embarrassing stigmata. I think of Blessed Mother Teresa who could not experience God’s presence in her life in her latter years but never let on and kept loving the poor and dying. I think of Saint Maximilian Kolbe who voluntarily gave up his life to save another prisoner of war in Auschwitz and suffered starvation/dehydration before being killed by lethal injection. I think of Saint Bernadette who was ridiculed for her visions. These are all ordinary men and women who overcame their own personal pain and suffering to glorify God with their lives.  

I am not suggesting we manufacture our own pain and suffering which many unfortunately do through unwise choices in life, but I can see that when pain strikes, there is always a way out. Sometimes it is going by common sense, which is God-given anyway, but when it gets really tough, it is through God, with God, and in God, in unity with the Holy Spirit.

In the New Year I hope to be a little cleverer and a little more diligent in dealing with pain. And when it is beyond me, let me rely on Him and His wisdom alone.