Do not worry

It's been great slowing down and just listening to the demands of my body and responding in a positive manner.

When I am hungry (which I am quite a bit, much to my chagrin), I eat.

When I am tired, I sleep.

When I feel up to it, I take slow strolls around my estate with my mother as companion.

I have become more attuned to the rhythms of my body as it follows the sun's progress east to west daily.

The healing process is slow, but sure. Every day I feel a little stronger, but I know not to push it, which is hard for the me who is used to a more rapid pace of life.

Part of the healing process involves pain. As my nerves re-connect, parts of my skin near the wound have become hyper-sensitive, while other areas remain strangely numb.

Strange, sharp pains shoot through my system sporadically and my muscles spasm into life disconcertingly after an uncanny quiescence.

There are days I feel like I've been cut into half and my entire person will never be the same again.

I am bone-achingly tired and feel spent without even doing more than sitting in front of the telly.

But I know I am getting better and this is just something I have to go through.

C. asked if I felt depressed and the answer is no. Initially I just felt too awful physically. Plus, the thing that mattered most to me, my uterus, was still a part of me. That alone gave me cause for celebration. And I am eternally grateful that my deepest desire was granted.

Today S. visited me and asked if I were worried that it could be cancer.

Yes, there is a part of me that experiences some anxiety when I think about it for my fibroid was atypical in appearance. Then again, I told her I didn't think much about it for I would cross that bridge when I came to it.

Matthew 6:34 comes to mind, not to worry about tomorrow for it would take care of itself.

This is how I choose to live my life: one day at a time, taking one step at a time.

The Father knows what I need and I will rely on His love to see me through this period of restoration.

And so, I do not worry.