It began when I had met M. last Sunday and we had chatted extensively about our dreams as we went on our bridge walk (we are doing the chapter on deepest desires in Margaret Silf’s Landmarks).
It was great fun and invigorating to share our dreams and build castles in the air for P. had inspired both M. and myself when she shared how she wanted to run a resort that would give back to the local community in a big way.
It was clear from last Friday’s meeting that all of us have an innate desire to help others, something Maslow theorized years ago in his hierarchy of needs.
The question is how and when do we fulfill this “helping others” desire, among all the very many we have?
Most of us tend to focus on what I call “luxury” desires like I want to go muck diving in Lembeh Strait, see mola mola in Bali and hammerheads in Layang Layang…
I want to spend three weeks in Hawaii every year just walking, swimming and decompressing under my favourite hau tree on Waikiki beach.
I want to take my mother to Floriade in Amsterdam in 2012 and all the great gardens in the world; and oh, the latest one, I want to go on The Gibbon Experience in Laos, live in tree-tops and zip-line across the canopy.
The list just goes on and on and these typically consume most of our energy and resources for who doesn’t want to have fun?
Most people, like P. who came to dinner last night, say, “I will help the poor when I retire, when I have time”. Brother, the time is now.
Every day, we are given opportunities to “help the poor”, but do we take them? Who are the poor among us? Even in affluent Singapore, they exist and I am not just talking about those who are hungry for food and drink whom we can help very easily by writing a cheque if we but open our eyes to their plight.
Living in a city bristling with noise and endless distraction can make for great spiritual poverty. My client S. shared a great quote from Gandhi yesterday: “There’s more to life than increasing its speed”.
While I agree with that, it’s nigh impossible to slow down so I try to be sensitive to life’s impulses. Keep an open mind and be prepared to chop and change my plans in order to make time to spend a moment with those who need a listening ear, visit with a sick friend or just spend quality time with loved ones, especially ageing parents who always get pushed to the bottom of the list if they are not sick.
Say yes, rather than no, even if it means taking on too much on your plate and you don’t feel up to the task (ie you don’t think you’re good enough). For if it’s meant to happen, things will happen but you have to give God some material to work with.
Instead of saying, “I don’t have time,” it’s really up to us to be creative with our time and use it well.
I am always inspired when I see my physio Elaine, who is bursting with life and energy and juggles multiple balls and hats. She manages to make a living, help many people get well, push herself to the limit to learn, explore and grow, find time to dream and work towards fulfilling her dreams, while taking time to help the “needy”. She is a woman who has allowed her five loaves and two fish to be multiplied and used to feed many.
So in the smorgasbord of life, how do I choose which desires to pursue in the immediate and in the long term that are edifying for both me and others?
Ultimately it’s about connecting with people. If I listen with my heart and learn to identify what the needs and wants of others are and fulfill them in a manner that promotes mutual respect and dignity then I go beyond writing a cheque, the mere act of bestowing largesse that doesn’t involve much sacrifice.
And in the process, I learn more about myself and receive more, much more than just feeling good about myself.
I get to witness the miracle of exponential multiplication that starts with a simple desire and a humble offering.
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