Thursday of the 2nd Week of Advent

Before the world was made, he chose us, chose us in Christ,

to be holy and spotless, and to live through love in his presence,

Today we celebrate the beautiful feast of the Immaculate Conception of the Blessed Virgin Mary. Mary is our mother who was conceived without sin and chose to lead a holy and spotless life, therefore she is truly a great role model for living life worthily, especially one in Christ. 

While we may be tainted with original sin, it has been washed away by the waters of baptism. We, too, can be like Mary, people who live through love alone. I am sure Mary was tempted as we are, but how she didn’t put a foot wrong was due in no small part to her own efforts to seek God all the time and remain in His presence throughout her life. Knowing who we are, beloved children of God, makes us secure and centred, not much can shake us or our faith. Life is simple for the only response to the Father in every waking moment would be: Let what you have said be done to me. We, too, can be full of grace. Nothing is impossible to God as Saint Luke tells us in the Annunciation. 

Lord, please give me the grace to say: Your will, not mine, be done today and every day.  

Wednesday of the 2nd Week of Advent

Shoulder my yoke and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Yes, my yoke is easy and my burden light.

Most of us like to go it alone in life thinking independence is a good thing. It is. However, if it is pride that motivates our independence, then we may start to think of ourselves as gods, not needing Jesus in our lives, and not recognizing the authority of the Father. We may grow arrogant and above ourselves, treating others as our inferiors. Thus, Jesus reminds us the lesson we need to learn from Him is how to be gentle and humble in heart. Utter reliance on someone is counterintuitive for most of us, but as Christians, this is what we are invited to do, to trust and to rely on Jesus completely. If we do what He tells us, we may actually find the yokes in our lives to be easy and our burdens light. That is not to say we will never face difficult situations, but it does means that faith can move mountains. We will be inspired to carry on, we have hope for a better day, and we will have the peace of knowing that He will guide us out of the darkest valleys.

Please teach me how to shoulder your yoke, Lord, with a lightness of heart, that I may rest easy in my soul.  

 

Marital woes

J and I met for lunch yesterday and we both agreed that marriage is hard, and at times, painful. It is this constant refinement of who we are, the quirks and kinks, all the little character flaws in us that can prove challenging. Plus, we are supposed to stretch all the time – we are constantly inundated with situations that just beg for us to heal our brokenness in order to deal with life in a more mature, balanced and positive manner.

Why can’t I continue being this crazy woman that I am, I want to be her, I like being her… which isn’t really true for the crazy me is also the unhappy me, the me that cannot find inner peace, the me that is never satisfied, the spoilt entitled brat that refuses to grow up and wishes to reside in the Neverland of melt down mode. Life is too short to be so angsty all the time. When I really think about it, I would rather be happy, content and relatively chill about life even when I bite into a lemon slice or hit a speed bump at full speed. (At my age, I no longer have the energy nor the inclination to hold grudges by choosing to remain angry over silly little things. Sweating the small stuff is no longer my cup of tea.)     

Yes, it’s true that every day (and there are no off-days) I am called to be more compassionate, more forgiving, more patient, more loving, more everything good with my spouse. He is the one I am spending the rest of my life with, so if I cannot be a good wife to him then what’s the point of marriage? If I had said yes to this vocation on our wedding day, in front of God and witnesses, then it is on me to make my marriage a good one, to honour my vows by being the best possible wife that I can be.

Now approaching my sixth year of marriage I can say that it takes wisdom, courage, forbearance in super-sized amounts, and there are some days I just feel I don’t have it in me. Then there are other days when I feel why is it me that has to change, why am I the only one in the wrong, why do I have to do all the hard work? I grumble about the sanctification process even though at the back of my mind the words my SD told me echo softly: It’s all about making you more beautiful. Do I want to be more beautiful, of course, I’m a woman, after all! But let me not lose the plot – it is all about an inner beautification process and not so much about pimping up my outward appearance.  

When I look back on these almost six years, I am still profoundly grateful and in awe at how the Lord made good on the promise He made me in 2003, that of marriage and motherhood. I feel much like Sarah, long past her child-bearing years, yet still experiencing all the challenging and wonderful travails that come with the vocation of marriage and motherhood.

The Lord has seen fit to bless me with so many treasures, not just a good, good man who loves me, but great children, grandchildren and more siblings. And I am able to praise and glorify the Lord in new and varied ways, to sing new songs of love by being a wife, mother, grandmother, daughter-in-law and sister. I am tired, even frazzled, but I am also grateful, joyful, fulfilled and filled with peace. I am where I am supposed to be and I thank Jesus for always being there to lead me and stretch me so that I can enlarge my tent, stretch my curtains wide; not holding back but driving my stakes deeper (Isaiah 54:2-3). Yes, marriage can be hard, but it is also downright awesome, healing and magical.      

Tuesday of the 2nd Week of Advent

Similarly, it is never the will of your Father in heaven that one of these little ones should be lost.

At our recent family dinner on Sunday, my brother shared the story of how a sheepdog in Georgia, USA, recently killed eight coyotes to defend his owner’s flock of sheep and sustained serious injury. We all agreed the dog was quite extraordinary. So today’s Gospel reading of the parable of the lost sheep reminded me of how the Shepherd searched for me and brought me back into His fold and how I now need to be His sheepdog in looking out for His little ones, protecting them from the coyotes of the world. I have to say I haven’t really been that pro-active lately in sharing the Good News so this is a timely reminder. 

Dear Jesus, please give me the right words to preach your Good News to the world and to help guide those who are lost back home to you, so that I may do the will of your Father.

Monday of the 2nd Week of Advent

I will hear what the Lord God has to say, 

a voice that speaks of peace,

peace for his people.

Our worlds are often busy and chaotic places. Every day  we read about new tragedies or disasters which either threaten to numb us or overwhelm us. How do we respond to the hurts of the world, the brokenness we see in others and ourselves? What do we ourselves do to broker peace as we rush about from place to place in the day?

It is in listening closely to the Lord that we can find a way forward, knowing that what He desires is peace on earth and that we are all part of the answer. So the question is do I make every person I encounter in the day feel better about themselves and their lives? Do they walk away feeling good, encouraged or inspired, and even at peace? I may not have all the answers, neither am I called to save them, but in listening attentively and with an open heart, I may allow the peace of the Spirit to flow into our conversation and touch us both, transforming us. 

Make me a channel of your peace, dear Lord. 

Sunday of the 2nd Week of Advent

And may he who helps us when we refuse to give up, help you all to be tolerant with each other, following the example of Christ Jesus, so that united in mind and voice you may give glory to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Faith hope, perseverance and tolerance - these are some of the key virtues we are called to emulate Jesus.  This is not just with those whom we love, our family members and friends, but within our communities and society itself. When we can live together in harmony, that Is when we are most able to testify to those around us the love of God and what He stands for. 

But how many of us can say we are experiencing this harmony within all our relationships? Aren’t most of our families fractured in some way, with tense or estranged relations? Are there not people in our lives that we cannot forgive, or whom we have wronged and have not made reparation? Do we make any attempt to try to be better people every day - to be more patient, more kind, more loving, more forgiving? 

The time is later than we think. It would be well to, as John the Baptist said: 

Prepare a way for the Lord, make his paths straight. 

Today as we light the second Advent candle symbolizing peace, let us not wait to change but choose a new way of life today and every day, the harmonious way of faithful loving and living. Help me, Lord, to be the change I want to see. 

Saturday of the First Week of Advent

Go rather to the lost sheep of the House of Israel. And as you go, proclaim that the kingdom of heaven is close at hand. Cure the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers, cast out devils. You received without charge, give without charge.

This commissioning charge by Jesus to the Twelve is one that applies to every one of us who is a believer and lover of Christ. Who are the lost sheep in our own home or in our daily proximity and are we actively reaching out to them? Do my words and actions mark me as a loving, forgiving and generous person? Do I give of myself willingly and cheerfully? Do I share all I have received from the Lord in terms of material wealth and abilities with those who are especially in need? Am I grateful for the Lord’s daily gifts to me and do I, likewise, bless others? 

It all sounds very challenging and tiring work, being a follower of Jesus. It is. My secret weapon is to rely completely on Him. As Isaiah put it: He will send rain for the seed you sow in the ground, and the bread that the ground provides will be rich and nourishing.

Thank you, Lord, for the gifts I will receive from you today. Please show me how I can go after the lost sheep and proclaim your kingdom today.

Friday of the First Week of Advent

Then he touched their eyes saying, ‘Your faith deserves it, so let this be done for you.’ And their sight returned. 

Blindness can take many forms. We can be blind to our own faults. And when we love someone we can be blind to their faults which makes for spoilt children and poor life partner choices. We can also be blind to all the good things that happen in our lives, refusing to be content or happy with what we have. Closely related to this is spiritual blindness, the refusal to see Christ, choosing to reject His teachings or anything related to Him.  

I used to suffer from partial spiritual blindness where I believed in God but I rejected His ways. I did not subscribe to the Christian lifestyle of purity and meekness, nor try to live a completely sinless life. Worse, I rationalized my sins away, championing secular ethics and social mores. 

A frequent prayer of mine is: Lord let me see your face and hear your voice in my life as the beatitude that most speaks to me is the one on purity of heart.  These words of Scripture today touch me greatly. Thank you, Lord, for allowing me to see. May my faith always deserve the reward of seeing you in my life. 

Thursday of the First Week of Advent

Everyone who listens to these words of mine and acts on them will be like a wise man who built his house on rock. 

I have always prized and desired wisdom. When I was younger one of my greatest fears in life was to discover that I was actually a fool. Of course now I know I will never be as intellectually brilliant as I may wish, and I am a fool quite frequently, but I’m okay with it. As long as I embrace the woman God has created me to me and I strive to play to my strengths, putting all effort into accomplishing His will in my life, then I am good. Rock solid even. 

Proverbs 9:10 says: The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. Listening well is a skill I will endeavour to sharpen this Advent so that I truly do the will of the Father in all things with a joyful heart. 

Lord, help me know you more, understand your will for me more, and give me the courage to go out and do the things I fear most just so that I can glorify your name as I should. Amen.

Wednesday of the 1st Week of Advent

Follow me and I will make you fishers of men.

This is an invitation Jesus extended to Peter and Andrew. It is an invitation He makes to us daily. Being Christian is more than just paying lip service and thinking only of my own salvation and happiness. It is about spreading the Good News, to bring the joy we feel to others who may need a boost in their lives. In this season of Advent, as we draw closer to the Lord, we need to find ways we can help others do the same. 

There are so many people around us hungry, lonely, oppressed and desperate. Do we hear the often silent cries of their hearts and respond? What can we do today that will reach out to our less fortunate brothers and sisters and make a difference in their lives. As Saint Paul reminded the Romans: as scripture says: The footsteps of those who bring good news are a welcome sound.

Dear Jesus, let my footsteps be a sound that brings relief, and even joy, to someone who needs it today.  

Tuesday of the 1st Week of Advent

Blessed are the eyes that see what you see. 

Knowing who I am, my identity, especially in Christ and His Father, has been one of the most pivotal points in my faith journey and my life. It took me a while to get there but when I did, the joy that today’s readings alludes to several times is very real. This joy that comes when we have the knowledge of the Lord is a prize that every Christian should possess. It may seem as if we need to give up a lot in order to attain it if we go by today’s relative and individualistic standards, but in truth, there is great freedom and inner peace. I love who I am and where I am, and it’s only because of Jesus. 

Enlighten my eyes day by day, O Lord, let me see you and who I am in your eyes.

Monday of the 1st Week of Advent

At every mass, just before we receive Communion we say:

Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof, but only say the word and my soul shall be healed.

I find this prayer which is the response the centurion made to Jesus in Matthew’s gospel full of the promise of Christ’s love. The more we believe in Him, the more we will experience a fuller extent of whatever we desire of Him. Faith is requisite. Faith, as we’ve been told, can move mountains, plant a mulberry tree in the sea; faith makes all things possible.

Although I believe in Christ, and I’ve experienced many miracles, I have to say, faith is not so easy to sustain, or is it just me? At times I do not think I am worthy of having my prayer answered. Or, it’s too ridiculous a request. I often place my own human limitations on what I feel Jesus can do. Thankfully He disregards my foibles and blesses me anyway. 

So today I ask for the singular faith of the centurion who recognizes the authority of Jesus. Say the word, Lord, and my soul shall be healed. 

Two years

Two years
Still missed
dented but 
your goodness
pulses within 
my being 
reminding me
to walk 
His ways
to be
in Him
Fully Alive
with Him
at peace
firmly centred
through him
strong witness
Reaching out
Always loving
Never forgetting 
Listening graciously
Allowing healing 
Thank God
for memories 
The gift
of you
never lost
marching on

Sunday of the 1st Week of Advent

Wake up now! This imperative from Saint Paul reminds us to be alert, prepared, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect Saint Matthew goes on to remind us in todays gospel. Despite this eschatological warning, we must not forget that because we are believers, we are already living in the kingdom of God at present for Jesus, the Son of Man, has already come into our lives and made a huge difference. Or has He really? 

Do I experience the joy of His loving and supportive presence even when my day is going “badly”? Am I generously sharing this wonderful news of eternal salvation in thought, word and deed to everyone I meet? Do people, as the hymn goes, know I am Christian by my love? May this Advent be this great opportunity to sharpen my skills of Jesus love, no matter what or who comes my way. 

O Lord, please help me know you more clearly, love you more dearly and follow you more nearly, day by day.

Prayer of Saint Richard of Chichester

Thanks be to thee, my Lord Jesus Christ,

for all the benefits thou hast given me,

for all the pains and insults thou hast borne for me.

O most merciful redeemer, friend and brother,

may I know thee more clearly,

love thee more dearly,

and follow thee more nearly, day by day.

Amen.

Praying for the dying and the dead

It’s always a difficult time for me when we hit Q4 for I remember the last days of W and E who both passed away within six weeks of each other two years ago. I still remember the daily visits to the hospice in the last week of W’s and then to the hospital for E. It was important to me to be present and to pray for their peace and comfort in that last leg for there can be fear and spiritual suffering that accompanies the physical suffering. At that time, I was praying the prayer of Saint Bridget daily and I was reminded of how dying can be fraught with great struggle, and I witnessed frequently how praying actually calmed them down and offered respite. 

Never more so than during the period of dying have I seen how powerful prayer can be. I remember how E (who was with me on a call from the Philippines) and I prayed for my aunt, M, the night before she died and we could both sense the inner conflict my aunt was facing, and as we continued to pray, how she eventually turned a spiritual corner. 

Never more so than during those last moments of decline have I seen how merciful God can be. So it’s important not just to pray for the dead, which is what November is all about, but it is vital to pray as much as you can with someone you know or love when they are dying. It doesn’t even matter if you are not by their bedside. I remembered how my brother, mother and I prayed the Divine Mercy chaplet for my aunt, R, who was dying in Brisbane (we were all back in Melbourne after having gone to Brisbane to say goodbye to her earlier) and we were told later that day that she went peacefully. P was in the US on a work trip then, and he, too, had prayed for my aunt near her end. 

Often guilt over our sins can cause anguish and can create much fear - and we can be afraid to die, whether we believe in eternal life or not. P, a geriatrician, has witnessed among his patients how dying can be a difficult, lengthy process, especially when they are afraid of death. So never forget the mercy of God, something we can always count on. And, there is always redemption, if we want it. A good way of exercising that want is to try our best to lead spotless lives and to frequent the confessional. When we err, to quickly right the wrongs, making restitution speedily along with a heartfelt apology, and conversely, to forgive ceaselessly, allowing all grudges to slide off our backs with ease.

Just as much as I pray for the dying when the need arises, I pray for the dead every day: for the souls of the recently departed (especially people I know or loved ones of people I know), and for all holy souls in purgatory. Every November, the Feasts of All Saints and of All Souls commemorate those who have gone before us. It was revealed to Elizabeth Kindelmann that by praying one Hail Mary in honour of Our Mother’s Flame of Love, "10 souls" will be released from suffering in purgatory in November. Ordinarily we pray three Hail Marys to release a soul from purgatory. 

Even though I find praying the rosary daily a little onerous at times, what makes me persevere is the thought of how many people I can help through my intercessory efforts, besides saving my own soul through the transformative power of prayer. The rosary, the Divine Mercy chaplet and the Flame of Love chaplet, these are my staples of prayer for it is through such prayers that we can make a difference to those who are dying and to those who are still in purgatory. So let us pray. 

Vietnam adventures

P and I are flying home today from Vietnam. We were on vacation here for the last 10 days and it has been wonderful, not just for the luxe hotels, delicious food, beautiful scenery, friendly people and enriching cultural experiences which is what most people normally expect from time abroad, but we have been graced by God’s multiple blessings day to day and this has magnified our travel experience, making it a time of great spiritual joy and growth. 

Before I came, my prayer was that we would bless the people here as well as be blessed by all we meet and God has honoured my prayer through and through. The day we arrived in Saigon, we managed to attend a confirmation mass of 12 young adults presided by the Archbishop of the Mekong Delta and four other priests. We could feel the presence of the Holy Spirit and the mass was like a promise that He would journey with us as we travelled through Vietnam. 

P was bugged by a nose infection and he sprained his knee when we were in Dalat, so instead of hiking, we ended up visiting more Catholic churches, travelling to the areas where various ethnic tribes lived. When we visited Domaine de Marie which is a convent of the Daughters of Charity, sweet, friendly Soeur Pierre Ky invited us to visit the inner courtyard of the convent grounds. It was a rare privilege we both enjoyed and I got to practice my very rudimentary French. We also got to eat crickets and silkworms (P balked at that one) besides the pancakes and strawberries Dalat is known for. I love trying new food so I was in heaven and I am very inspired to try cooking some of what I have tasted on this trip. 

We then flew to Danang and travelled to Hue as our base to visit Lavang. Using A’s rain prayer we managed to tour the grounds of Our Lady of Lavang Shrine with minimal weather disruption. Even our guide was surprised for it was raining heavily on the way there. The moment we arrived at the shrine, there was only a fine drizzle. When we sat and prayed, the rain became heavier, but the moment we finished and wanted to walk around, the drizzle became fine again. 

As our guide’s brother was a priest, we managed to go inside the Benedictine monastery of Thien An this time around for his brother’s fellow seminarian, a monk, kindly took us on a tour of their 18-hectare grounds. We heard them chanting in prayer before we visited the old church built underground and we walked through their orchards of longans, oranges, pomelos, bananas, dragon fruit and tea tree bushes. We visited their farm area where they reared fish, chickens and cattle and we also saw the huge vats they used to produce the tea tree oil that they sold. It was a lovely, leisurely afternoon where we sat in the old chapel grounds and ate their oranges. We were recounted with tales of how the monastery was protected miraculously despite efforts to try and regain their land for development.

One evening during dinner, P discovered he had lost his wallet. We knew it was unlikely it was stolen so we prayed for its recovery. Thanks to the intercession of Saint Anthony and Our Mother, we quickly found it as we retraced the steps of our long walk before dinner. I somehow knew we would find it and we even knew roughly where we needed to look. This was, to us, a testament of how much the Lord loved and protected us yet again. Other instances include how the Spirit guided P to try the side door of a church in Kadon so that we could go in and pray; and also to cut short our trip by one day to avoid the imminent typhoon. Our guide told us this morning that the path of the typhoon altered overnight to favour us. We are currently sitting in the airport lounge in Danang where the weather is grey but dry outside, after leaving the rain in Hoi An this morning. 

So many blessings to write about but the one thing I feel most blessed by with this holiday is the greater realization that I have a lifelong companion who loves Jesus and Mary as much as I do and who seeks to bless others financially with a rare generosity of heart. There can be no greater blessing than to have a husband who is a man with clean hands and pure heart, a man who models himself after Jesus. For that I am most grateful. 

The business of gentle

Today is the first day in a very long week that I actually had a nice generous chunk of me time to reflect and write. Since the Feast Day of the Queenship of the Blessed Virgin Mary which fell on August 22, I felt a renewed desire to write but have had to put my intentions on the back burner for there was a need for me to put my energies into a domestic issue, thanks to COVID (no, I still haven’t gotten the coronavirus).

What really kept me sane and relatively civil was the first reading last weekend from Ecclesiasticus chapter three, verses 19-21:

My son, be gentle in carrying out your business, and you will be better loved than a lavish giver. The greater you are, the more you should behave humbly, and then you will find favour with the Lord; for great though the power of the Lord is, he accepts the homage of the humble.

Being generous, being a giver is not enough. I have to be gentle in carrying out my business, which implies humility as seen in the next sentence. This gentleness or meekness, a hallmark of our Blessed Mother, is something I have been attempting to acquire for some time now. I am never the most patient of people and my quick temper has often guided my tongue with regrettable harshness. So I have made a concerted effort to be ‘gentle’ even when I least felt like it, what with the pouring downfall in days past, both literally and figuratively. Although, I was eternally grateful for the rain for it meant one less task of having to water my plants.

I can only attribute all my triumphs to the Holy Spirit for this business of being gentle was my desire through this week. I have had the insight to know when to keep silent and what to proffer with humility in the different circumstances that have presented themselves and not go with my knee-jerk, bull-in-the-china-shop inclinations. I have been able to find joy in everything that I do and not find any task too onerous. Despite my physical aches and pains, my inability to sleep well, and my soaring kan cheong blood pressure, I have been able to keep my cool most of the time. Most of all, I have been able to recognize all the graces I have received in this last week of great challenges and be grateful.   

Truly I thank God for His mercies big and small. I have kept praying throughout, I have even asked for others to intercede for me, and I feel blessed that I have been able to use my gifts and talents in ways that have made a difference to others. May I continue to find favour with the Lord. 

Living a good life

M said to me yesterday at P’s father’s funeral what does it mean to live a good life? How does one live a good life especially in one’s “golden” years? 

At the funeral service the pastor chose Ecclesiastes chapter three and what he expounded on affirmed my own belief. Life without God is one which is futile for earthly life ends when one dies and there is nothing one can do to prevent this. The gift of eternal life is ours if we see and live our lives through the eyes of God, in faith and hope, and in love. 

For me, Ecclesiastes 3:11-13 reveals His truth precisely: 

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God.

This chapter begins with this thought: there is a time for everything, a season for every activity. So the heartbeats in life are mapped out from the day we are born to the day we die. We cannot alter this timeline nor do we actually know when we will die for that singular moment is in God’s hands. What we can determine is how we live out each heartbeat, to compose the music of eternal life in our present lives by living a good life, not so much by seeking hedonistic pleasure but by doing good, cooperating with our Creator and living in step with the rhythms He has set in our lives.      

Having reached the age where I am reminded of my years by muscle stiffness, creaky joints, a failing memory and constant physical exhaustion, I know it will only get worse with time. Ageing is not pretty, nor is it for the faint-hearted. And when illness set in, the end can look awfully grim. 

So why did God allow this season of returning to Him be one of disease and decay? I see it as a way to bring me to my senses, a reminder of my mortality so that perhaps I will strive harder each day to live out my mission here on earth more fervently and fruitfully. 

Can one bear fruit when one is diminished in physical capacity? I would like to think yes. I have only to look at the example of my father in his dying months when he needed help with everything, needing to be fed and cleaned like a baby. He accepted his state of life with humility and grace. He never complained. He taught me humility, courage, perseverance and hope. His faith shored up my faith. 

The jagged edges of our broken relationship melded together in those interminable days of being caregiver and care receiver, of love given and love received. God was in the details of that slow, agonizing journey of my father’s death and I was blessed, impossibly enriched to have been part of that journey. The Lord made everything beautiful even in those days of suffering and grief for it also marked the beginning of my wholehearted return to Him and His ways. 

I do not know how or when I will die. I do however know it will be sooner rather than later and if I want to spend eternity in bliss, my behaviour today determines this. I can only pray that I am guided to doing good till the end of life so that people who knew me will say she lived a good life meaning that I touched many lives in positive ways and brought about good, transforming people and their lives. 

In the meantime I also choose to lead a good life by being grateful for what I have been given today, to be full of joy, at peace with my ageing body and content to walk at the pace the Lord has set as I do His will.