Living the Easter story in chaos

If I were to share how my Holy Week and Easter octave has gone, it would sound like a litany of things that went wrong just because they could. 

I already acknowledged how Lent was for me a season of being open to the Spirit and getting involved in life, not so much a time of inner reflection and me time with Jesus, but more a time of meeting Jesus in all those around me, who asked me, as He did the woman at the well: Give me a drink of water.

Back to Holy Week, and more so this past week, it seems as though God has answered my constant prayer for humility, trust, faith and obedience in spades. So many situations happening all at once that required me to exercise wisdom and compassion by processing negative emotions at a snap before acting (not something a high feeler like myself excels at). So many cries for help that assault my ability to practise healthy boundaries and strike the balance between giving and receiving.

I have already been feeling overwhelmed lately, but none more so than yesterday when my mother suffered a hip fracture requiring surgery. Too much back story here that I will not delve into, which is not what this post is about anyway. 

In all the messiness and chaos of life, how do I experience the Resurrected Lord in new ways, ways that would mean my faith has grown, and I am a better Christian despite it all?  How can I honour Him with obedience by allowing Him to take control of all the situations that I cannot? I would have to say that while I cannot purport to have many experiences of great joy this Easter, I do hold His peace in my heart all the time. I know He has been there all along, walking with me, as He did the disciples at Emmaus. And I recognize all the miracles He has effected thus far, and am most grateful for them all. I can give wholehearted thanks to the One who loves me so tenderly, which is very important to me.

I can also see I have been able to let go more easily, not to cling to my ideas of love, as Mary Magdalene did when she first encountered Jesus at the tomb, post-Crucifixion. Let go and go with the flow, for Jesus is in control. This has helped me to be more patient, more forgiving, and most of all, to be able to empathize and be kind and gentle with those whom I love. I have also been able to live in the moment and cherish those sacred moments as and when they present themselves. I see a lot of grace in this gift I have been given by Jesus.

I come back to reflection I did for a day of prayer and fasting I did for Lent, for the forgiveness of others, which I would like to share here. First, two passages of Scripture spoke to me:

1. Luke 7:47 - I tell you, her sins—and they are many—have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love.”
2. Matthew 11:28-30 - “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

“Unforgiveness” is a kind of hardness of heart, a burden, that all of us carry in some form or another. Two things came to me as I was praying: 

One, in order for us to forgive others, we need to experience the forgiveness of God in a very real way, like the woman in Luke’s gospel (see above) who was able to first recognize the depth of her sins, and was courageous enough to approach the Lord; and humble enough to place her sins at the Lord’s feet with real sorrowful repentance in her heart. Thus, she was able to show great love, unlike the unforgiving servant in Matthew chapter 18.

Two, we need to let go of the heavy burdens of “unforgiveness” that weigh our hearts, and instead carry the Lord’s yoke, which is to be able to see things from His perspective and to be able to say: Father forgive them for they know not what they do. Only when we can see with the eyes of mercy, God’s mercy, can we find rest for our souls and be able to forgive not just others, but ourselves as well. 

As missionary disciples, forgiveness of others is so fundamental to how we actively live out our faith, so we need to renew our own efforts in exercising this in all our relationships, foremost within our families, marriages, and communities, and the wider social networks of our lives.

This reflection is one I hope I live out in concrete terms as I rise to face the new day of the Easter story in my life.