Immanuel

Who has Jesus been for you this Advent? A question asked at last night’s reflection before midnight mass. The last half of Advent has been a period of inner struggle, of trying to make peace with the realities I am facing, of preparing my heart to make a home worthy of the Christ child to be born in. I felt I was somewhat lacking in charity, my efforts at being a good Christian disciple lacklustre. I was truly in darkness. I just couldn’t see the gold from the dross. So who has Jesus been for me? He is the light, of course.

I was reminded just before Christmas who He was when T asked me what my favourite Scriptural verse was. This popped into my head Isaiah 61:10 (I was actually trying to remember Isaiah 54:2). Never one to remember references well I was intrigued. When I looked in the Bible this was what I found:  

I delight greatly in the Lord;

    my soul rejoices in my God.

For he has clothed me with garments of salvation

    and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness,

as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
 and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.

That is right. He is also my Bridegroom, even though He is the Suffering Servant, and the invitation to follow Him requires me to suffer at times. I had forgotten to rejoice so focused was I on my difficulties. I had forgotten I was loved greatly in my attempts to love others. I had lost the joy. I could only see the shadows. I was living in the shadows.

Recently I watched an Inspired video shared by D on Facebook that showed colour-blind people who first saw in colour. Their reactions was immense joy that often brought them to tears. Their delight was palpable. I was reminded this was me when I first encountered Jesus in an up close and personal fashion. Jesus was my vision. He gave me the ability to see in colour and it was, is, truly amazing. 

I was also reminded that despite my deep happiness and contentment at my first homecoming, taking up my cross and following Him has not an easy process through the years, but it was, still is, worth it. Today I KNOW I still want to follow Him, but in order to do so, there will still be sacrifices to be made, and the path marked out is tricky and occasionally devilish. And yet, the view continues to enthrall. 

Just as my eyes are attracted to the delicate beauty of the weeds I find on my rambles, and I delight in the colour and symmetry of the unremarkable and the common, I can do the same wth whatever life throws at me. There is joy in the pain, great beauty in the loving, poetry in the brokenness. I just need to train my eyes on the precious baby wrapped in swaddling, resting on the hay in the smelly manger surrounded by livestock. He is my treasure!

No matter how dark the valley may be at times, the Christ child, Immanuel, God is with us, is with me. He and His inestimable mother Mary and stalwart earthly father Joseph walk with me. Christmas is here, and my soul rejoices.