Last Friday PT did a meditation on prayer and asked me and the other women present at our Woman to Woman Ministry meeting what prayer means for each of us (we have begun a new season of discernment leading to a commitment for spiritual growth)?
At this moment, prayer is my heart cry to God, where I sit in openness and vulnerability, to be able to see myself through His eyes. S's recent word for me speaks volumes as well: To approach and sit at the Lord's feet, breaking the brittle alabaster jar of my fears and stubborn pride again and again to anoint Jesus' feet with the perfume of my being, the pleasing and treasured aspects of my womanhood, adding to it the tears of my shortcomings, my failures and my sinful nature as gift to Him; then drying His feet with my tresses of humility, repentance and gratitude.
Apart from contemplation, I also see prayer very much as an opportunity to be part of the healing He wishes to bestow on all of us, his children. As an intercessor, I can offer up the people and situations that touch my life, and surrender them into His care. My faith will stand in the gap of those who have lost hope or have turned away from Him, to bring the miracle of the Holy Spirit's healing into their lives.
When I was asked to pick a landscape that best represents my prayer life*, I picked the night sky because it represents infinite possibilities in its immensity, even in the darkness.
She then asked what am I saying to God when I choose this landscape to describe my prayer life? Rudolph Otto's idea of the Holy comes to mind: mysterium tremendum and mysterium fascinosum, a scary mystery and a very alluring mystery. Otto proposes that an authentic experience of the Holy is one where I find myself in a liminal space that is at once extremely uncomfortable and yet I feel right at home in, despite being there for the very first time.
I can't help but map my spiritual life to the lived reality of my relationship with P for marriage is the icon of how love between God and us humans should be: total, unconditional, infinite and selfless. The Lord always invites us into relationship with Him and we are given the freedom to say yes, or to say no to his proposal. Likewise, in marriage, we are invited to say yes to each other and no other love relationship is as sublime as it is challenging for it asks for much from the parties involved. As my journey towards marriage is very much for me an experience of the Holy, I should not be surprised at the contradictory, ever-changing state of being I find myself, and I am learning to appreciate the various thresholds I pass through, making the most of them.
So what is God saying to me in this landscape? Stop struggling so much. Be still. Just sit at my feet and listen, for I will do everything to break down the walls and let the light shine in. Be open. Trust. Hope. Believe. I have to remember that even in the outer space of the great unknown, I know who I am, and to therefore allow myself to meet God exactly where I am, without giving into the temptation to second guess or run ahead of myself, or worse, to take matters into my own hands. I need to be an open and joyful receiver of divine grace.
PT then asked: If I were to go deeper in my prayer life, how might my landscape change? And after the change what would my landscape look like now?
I would definitely start to see more stars lighting up the night sky and I would be able to recognize the different constellations, and use them to help me orientate my way towards God, walking where He wants me to go. At the same time, I would derive joy from the beauty I find in the stars, gratitude from being able to navigate in the dark, and awe at how the Creator has made a path in the wilderness for me to walk.
Inherent in God's mystery is the invitation to go deeper always. The Abrahamic covenant whispers softly of God's promises of riches, fruitfulness, and unity. It promises a multitude of great blessings. So if I say yes what is the one thing I can do to go deeper? What can I commit to in order to get there?
The answer is clear to me. What about you?
* The suggested landscapes were river, forest, cave and night sky, adapted from Margaret Silf's Landscapes of Prayer.
At this moment, prayer is my heart cry to God, where I sit in openness and vulnerability, to be able to see myself through His eyes. S's recent word for me speaks volumes as well: To approach and sit at the Lord's feet, breaking the brittle alabaster jar of my fears and stubborn pride again and again to anoint Jesus' feet with the perfume of my being, the pleasing and treasured aspects of my womanhood, adding to it the tears of my shortcomings, my failures and my sinful nature as gift to Him; then drying His feet with my tresses of humility, repentance and gratitude.
Apart from contemplation, I also see prayer very much as an opportunity to be part of the healing He wishes to bestow on all of us, his children. As an intercessor, I can offer up the people and situations that touch my life, and surrender them into His care. My faith will stand in the gap of those who have lost hope or have turned away from Him, to bring the miracle of the Holy Spirit's healing into their lives.
When I was asked to pick a landscape that best represents my prayer life*, I picked the night sky because it represents infinite possibilities in its immensity, even in the darkness.
She then asked what am I saying to God when I choose this landscape to describe my prayer life? Rudolph Otto's idea of the Holy comes to mind: mysterium tremendum and mysterium fascinosum, a scary mystery and a very alluring mystery. Otto proposes that an authentic experience of the Holy is one where I find myself in a liminal space that is at once extremely uncomfortable and yet I feel right at home in, despite being there for the very first time.
I can't help but map my spiritual life to the lived reality of my relationship with P for marriage is the icon of how love between God and us humans should be: total, unconditional, infinite and selfless. The Lord always invites us into relationship with Him and we are given the freedom to say yes, or to say no to his proposal. Likewise, in marriage, we are invited to say yes to each other and no other love relationship is as sublime as it is challenging for it asks for much from the parties involved. As my journey towards marriage is very much for me an experience of the Holy, I should not be surprised at the contradictory, ever-changing state of being I find myself, and I am learning to appreciate the various thresholds I pass through, making the most of them.
So what is God saying to me in this landscape? Stop struggling so much. Be still. Just sit at my feet and listen, for I will do everything to break down the walls and let the light shine in. Be open. Trust. Hope. Believe. I have to remember that even in the outer space of the great unknown, I know who I am, and to therefore allow myself to meet God exactly where I am, without giving into the temptation to second guess or run ahead of myself, or worse, to take matters into my own hands. I need to be an open and joyful receiver of divine grace.
PT then asked: If I were to go deeper in my prayer life, how might my landscape change? And after the change what would my landscape look like now?
I would definitely start to see more stars lighting up the night sky and I would be able to recognize the different constellations, and use them to help me orientate my way towards God, walking where He wants me to go. At the same time, I would derive joy from the beauty I find in the stars, gratitude from being able to navigate in the dark, and awe at how the Creator has made a path in the wilderness for me to walk.
Inherent in God's mystery is the invitation to go deeper always. The Abrahamic covenant whispers softly of God's promises of riches, fruitfulness, and unity. It promises a multitude of great blessings. So if I say yes what is the one thing I can do to go deeper? What can I commit to in order to get there?
The answer is clear to me. What about you?
* The suggested landscapes were river, forest, cave and night sky, adapted from Margaret Silf's Landscapes of Prayer.
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