Many moons ago my brother thought me ridiculous when I said God will find me the man in response to his question what are you doing to look for a husband if your vocation is marriage. I refused to date (have never really dated and I am incapable of doing flirty and frothy), and I was just happily pursuing my passions while working on my issues for I knew that unless I did so, even if the right man appeared, the relationship would not work well. I would go into it and not be able to engage in marriage fully as God created marriage to be, a reflection of His selfless, unconditional love that speaks of a blessed, lifelong commitment, total acceptance, never-ending mercy and joyous affirmation.
Marriage is where a couple sees God in each other and where they see themselves through God's eyes. At least that was His original plan until Adam and Eve mucked it up and left the rest of us emotionally and spiritually myopic.
While I made my pronouncement blithely, I said it in half supplication and half expectant faith for I was still trying to make sense of it all. Lord, is marriage my vocation literally, or figuratively? Tell me, please? This mystery thing is severely over-rated, yah? And just when I thought I knew where my life was heading, He surprised me with a man.
Fast forward twelve and a half years later where I meet P, and I keep asking him this: How do you know God has chosen me for you? I am still having a little trouble assimilating the necessary paradigm shift and the seismic implications of working towards a life partnership that is mutually fulfilling. P's confidence astounds, moves and irks me all at the same time for he also has the advantage of having read my blog and therefore has a fair idea of my faith journey, and knows me quite intimately on some level. Most unfair.
I still don't "know" if P and I will get married, but I do know that P and I are meant to get to know each other, and through this blossoming friendship, bring out the best in each other, smoothen out each other's rough edges, fulfil each other's unspoken needs and deepest desires, illuminate each other's world and bless each other with joy, laughter and transformative love. Never mind the m word, that's just the icing on the cake - journey, not the destination, and all that. Even if marriage is not on the pristine wedding invitation cards, we will walk away better people for having known each other.
Coming back to this whole nebulous idea of allowing God to choose someone for you while living in the reality of being a single woman with not a decent prospect in sight: it is tough. Very tough. I can vouch for that. Especially when children are yearned for and biological clocks are tick, ticking away. There are many things that a single woman has to give up and grieve over with the passing of time, the death of biologically driven desires being one instance. But I can also vouch for not compromising and bowing to the world's idea of relationships, and for holding fast to one's Christian ideals and being blessed abundantly for it.
There has been such healing and joy in making Jesus the lover of my heart, my Bridegroom, all these years. He has cherished and indulged me, protected me (from myself mostly) and helped me grow in countless ways. Jesus is totally my Way, my Truth and my Life.
He still is my first priority, as He should be yours, our first love, and this applies to all women, single or married, and men. For if you are nourished by His love and you allow Him to be your alpha and omega, then you are less likely to be so desperate that you rationalize poor relationship choices, or insist on someone who is not right for you, something everyone else can see, except you. More importantly, you will not fall into serious sin and suffer the damaging consequences.
If you know and luxuriate in your identity as Beloved, you will not allow loneliness to lead you to unwholesome, addictive activities such as masturbation. gratuitous liaisons, sexting, consuming pornography or trashy romance novels/movies. You will have the good sense to avoid chat rooms, potentially risky encounters, flirting inappropriately with someone you are attracted to, and be able to exert self-control over your libidinal urges. You will respect your own God-given dignity, and sisters, you will not give the milk away for free for it is meant only for the man you call husband. Same exclusivity rule applies to the men as well.
Now that I am in relationship, I need to continue to be sensitive to the movements of the Spirit for I will draw wrong conclusions, make mistakes, and even sabotage the relationship at times, but I do know if I keep my gaze on the crucified Christ, He will always lead me back to do what is right by both me and P, and this will be the inexhaustible fountain of grace for our relationship.
So I will keep working on knowing who I am in Father God's eyes, get raw and intimate with Jesus, and keep the Holy Spirit close to my heart, living within me. I will also live fearlessly, love selflessly, be grateful, be present, continue to let my passions take flight, and dare to go where He leads me, especially in my walk with P.
Marriage is where a couple sees God in each other and where they see themselves through God's eyes. At least that was His original plan until Adam and Eve mucked it up and left the rest of us emotionally and spiritually myopic.
While I made my pronouncement blithely, I said it in half supplication and half expectant faith for I was still trying to make sense of it all. Lord, is marriage my vocation literally, or figuratively? Tell me, please? This mystery thing is severely over-rated, yah? And just when I thought I knew where my life was heading, He surprised me with a man.
Fast forward twelve and a half years later where I meet P, and I keep asking him this: How do you know God has chosen me for you? I am still having a little trouble assimilating the necessary paradigm shift and the seismic implications of working towards a life partnership that is mutually fulfilling. P's confidence astounds, moves and irks me all at the same time for he also has the advantage of having read my blog and therefore has a fair idea of my faith journey, and knows me quite intimately on some level. Most unfair.
Coming back to this whole nebulous idea of allowing God to choose someone for you while living in the reality of being a single woman with not a decent prospect in sight: it is tough. Very tough. I can vouch for that. Especially when children are yearned for and biological clocks are tick, ticking away. There are many things that a single woman has to give up and grieve over with the passing of time, the death of biologically driven desires being one instance. But I can also vouch for not compromising and bowing to the world's idea of relationships, and for holding fast to one's Christian ideals and being blessed abundantly for it.
There has been such healing and joy in making Jesus the lover of my heart, my Bridegroom, all these years. He has cherished and indulged me, protected me (from myself mostly) and helped me grow in countless ways. Jesus is totally my Way, my Truth and my Life.
He still is my first priority, as He should be yours, our first love, and this applies to all women, single or married, and men. For if you are nourished by His love and you allow Him to be your alpha and omega, then you are less likely to be so desperate that you rationalize poor relationship choices, or insist on someone who is not right for you, something everyone else can see, except you. More importantly, you will not fall into serious sin and suffer the damaging consequences.
If you know and luxuriate in your identity as Beloved, you will not allow loneliness to lead you to unwholesome, addictive activities such as masturbation. gratuitous liaisons, sexting, consuming pornography or trashy romance novels/movies. You will have the good sense to avoid chat rooms, potentially risky encounters, flirting inappropriately with someone you are attracted to, and be able to exert self-control over your libidinal urges. You will respect your own God-given dignity, and sisters, you will not give the milk away for free for it is meant only for the man you call husband. Same exclusivity rule applies to the men as well.
Now that I am in relationship, I need to continue to be sensitive to the movements of the Spirit for I will draw wrong conclusions, make mistakes, and even sabotage the relationship at times, but I do know if I keep my gaze on the crucified Christ, He will always lead me back to do what is right by both me and P, and this will be the inexhaustible fountain of grace for our relationship.
So I will keep working on knowing who I am in Father God's eyes, get raw and intimate with Jesus, and keep the Holy Spirit close to my heart, living within me. I will also live fearlessly, love selflessly, be grateful, be present, continue to let my passions take flight, and dare to go where He leads me, especially in my walk with P.
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