It is not enough that we have the best of intentions towards people, and we sacrifice our own wants and needs in order to show care and concern. If we come across as negative, self-righteous, intrusively domineering, and we are altogether unpleasant to be around, our good deeds are lost, gone with the wind. All people will remember is the foul attitude, and they will turn and walk in the opposite direction when they see us approaching.
But she/he has a good heart! Sorry, that does not excuse the surliness or the caustic tongue. As Pope Francis put it, we cannot proclaim Jesus with a funeral face. Do-gooders, aka good Christians, have to attract people with their joie de vivre. Christ must shine through in their demeanours as well as in their good deeds.
So why is it that active Christians, missionary disciples, have such a hard time exuding sweetness and light as they go about doing good in the world? I have a couple of answers for I find myself guilty of a funeral face more than I would like.
One reason is I try to do too much. Finding the balance will always be tricky, but I cannot let tiredness derail all my good intentions and efforts. Sufficient rest and recreation is key. I must also be clear why I am doing what I am doing and to allow God's agape to flow into my heart when I make those exhausting and hard choices to love - so I can also stop perfecting things and let the Spirit lead.
The following stories from the Bible are cautionary tales and invite us to make the right choice with joy as well. The first is grumbling Martha who seeks redress from Jesus and instead gets told she frets about many things and thus loses sight of the better part (Luke chapter 10), and the other is the parable of the prodigal son (Luke chapter 15) whose elder brother is aggrieved by how their father celebrates the return of this ne'er-do-well brother whereas he has been there all along, slogging his guts out for the family business.
As Father Simon explained last week, the better part of Mary's contemplative attitude did not mean that Martha's active ministry was inferior, far from it. Both are necessary if we are serious about being followers of Christ. We are all called to be like Jesus, contemplatives in action.
What was the issue was that Martha had lost sight of what was truly important as she went about her ministry. She was too caught up in wanting things to be done a certain way, to elicit a certain response from people, that she lost the joy. Martha lost her agape, as did the elder son who himself became a prodigal interiorly in his inability to forgive his brother or to rejoice that his father, whom he loved, was ecstatic.
I relate. A lot. Having a sense of duty, a sense of right and wrong is not a bad thing. It is good to be responsible. I know how to walk the Christian talk. But when I begin to measure others against my own standards of acceptable behaviour, here is where I fall down. It is easy to feel resentment, and even envy, that I am losing out when I serve. Why am I not enjoying myself as others are? I fixate on small things and become small-minded. I compare and I grumble, like Martha.
Or because I have been trudging on for so long, I get a false sense of entitlement. I feel I am better than others, so I have earned the right to look down my nose at those around me, those sorry lot of sinners. I become the elder brother who is furious that his irresponsible sibling is being blessed by their father for doing nothing. And when my siblings actually backslide, or are insincere in their apologies, I go into a rage.
I forget I was a big sinner, like them, and I am still a sinner, even though I live in my Father's home. My Father forgives me every day and my elder brother, Jesus Christ, dies for me, the errant, younger sibling every day. Every day is Christmas, Good Friday and Easter. When I see the truth and open my heart to His agape, then I can live out agape the way He does.
Agape, or love, as Peter Kreeft defined in his essay, Love*, is more than a feeling and it comes from us, actively, by our free choice. And we must choose freely to love the concrete individual; who is often a choice that is inconvenient, stinking and begging.
Agape means we get up close and personal with people who hurt us frequently and disappoint us; who weary us with their inability to change; who have whiny, bitter and childish personalities we may actively dislike, and we accompany them in life, giving support and encouragement. Agape is love that goes beyond worth, beyond justice, beyond reason. It is to remain faithfully loving even in circumstances where there is no perceived discernible positive outcome (this is not an endorsement for co-dependency which is to be avoided). I like what Kreeft wrote:
Love is a flower, and hope is its stem. Salvation is the whole plant. God's grace, God's own life, comes into us by faith, like water through a tree's roots. It rises in us by hope, like sap through the trunk. And it flowers from our branches, fruit for our neighbor's use.
Kreeft goes on to describe how agape must be in spirit:
Faith is like an anchor. That's why it must be conservative, even a stick-in-the-mud, like an anchor. Faith must be faithful. Hope is like a compass or a navigator. It gives us direction, and it takes its bearings from the stars. That's why it must be progressive and forward-looking. Love is like the sail, spread to the wind. It is the actual energy of our journey. That's why it must be liberal, open to the Spirit's wind, generous.
Loving in this fashion is hard, as the elder brother or Martha found out, but worthwhile. I have found what Kreeft said to be true: When you give yourself away you find that a new and more real self has somehow been given to you.
So what really is the better part? How does it help us return to our Father's house when we stray? It is being able to say to Jesus in wonder and gratitude thank you for loving me so much. I don't know why you do, but, thank you. You make me feel special and I want to spread that special to someone else for something so precious has to be shared with everyone I know. I agree to be that little pencil in your hand, please use me as you will... Let agape flow and joy bring us home into the Father's embrace.
* http://www.peterkreeft.com/topics/love.htm
But she/he has a good heart! Sorry, that does not excuse the surliness or the caustic tongue. As Pope Francis put it, we cannot proclaim Jesus with a funeral face. Do-gooders, aka good Christians, have to attract people with their joie de vivre. Christ must shine through in their demeanours as well as in their good deeds.
So why is it that active Christians, missionary disciples, have such a hard time exuding sweetness and light as they go about doing good in the world? I have a couple of answers for I find myself guilty of a funeral face more than I would like.
One reason is I try to do too much. Finding the balance will always be tricky, but I cannot let tiredness derail all my good intentions and efforts. Sufficient rest and recreation is key. I must also be clear why I am doing what I am doing and to allow God's agape to flow into my heart when I make those exhausting and hard choices to love - so I can also stop perfecting things and let the Spirit lead.
The following stories from the Bible are cautionary tales and invite us to make the right choice with joy as well. The first is grumbling Martha who seeks redress from Jesus and instead gets told she frets about many things and thus loses sight of the better part (Luke chapter 10), and the other is the parable of the prodigal son (Luke chapter 15) whose elder brother is aggrieved by how their father celebrates the return of this ne'er-do-well brother whereas he has been there all along, slogging his guts out for the family business.
As Father Simon explained last week, the better part of Mary's contemplative attitude did not mean that Martha's active ministry was inferior, far from it. Both are necessary if we are serious about being followers of Christ. We are all called to be like Jesus, contemplatives in action.
What was the issue was that Martha had lost sight of what was truly important as she went about her ministry. She was too caught up in wanting things to be done a certain way, to elicit a certain response from people, that she lost the joy. Martha lost her agape, as did the elder son who himself became a prodigal interiorly in his inability to forgive his brother or to rejoice that his father, whom he loved, was ecstatic.
I relate. A lot. Having a sense of duty, a sense of right and wrong is not a bad thing. It is good to be responsible. I know how to walk the Christian talk. But when I begin to measure others against my own standards of acceptable behaviour, here is where I fall down. It is easy to feel resentment, and even envy, that I am losing out when I serve. Why am I not enjoying myself as others are? I fixate on small things and become small-minded. I compare and I grumble, like Martha.
Or because I have been trudging on for so long, I get a false sense of entitlement. I feel I am better than others, so I have earned the right to look down my nose at those around me, those sorry lot of sinners. I become the elder brother who is furious that his irresponsible sibling is being blessed by their father for doing nothing. And when my siblings actually backslide, or are insincere in their apologies, I go into a rage.
I forget I was a big sinner, like them, and I am still a sinner, even though I live in my Father's home. My Father forgives me every day and my elder brother, Jesus Christ, dies for me, the errant, younger sibling every day. Every day is Christmas, Good Friday and Easter. When I see the truth and open my heart to His agape, then I can live out agape the way He does.
Agape, or love, as Peter Kreeft defined in his essay, Love*, is more than a feeling and it comes from us, actively, by our free choice. And we must choose freely to love the concrete individual; who is often a choice that is inconvenient, stinking and begging.
Agape means we get up close and personal with people who hurt us frequently and disappoint us; who weary us with their inability to change; who have whiny, bitter and childish personalities we may actively dislike, and we accompany them in life, giving support and encouragement. Agape is love that goes beyond worth, beyond justice, beyond reason. It is to remain faithfully loving even in circumstances where there is no perceived discernible positive outcome (this is not an endorsement for co-dependency which is to be avoided). I like what Kreeft wrote:
Kreeft goes on to describe how agape must be in spirit:
Faith is like an anchor. That's why it must be conservative, even a stick-in-the-mud, like an anchor. Faith must be faithful. Hope is like a compass or a navigator. It gives us direction, and it takes its bearings from the stars. That's why it must be progressive and forward-looking. Love is like the sail, spread to the wind. It is the actual energy of our journey. That's why it must be liberal, open to the Spirit's wind, generous.
Loving in this fashion is hard, as the elder brother or Martha found out, but worthwhile. I have found what Kreeft said to be true: When you give yourself away you find that a new and more real self has somehow been given to you.
So what really is the better part? How does it help us return to our Father's house when we stray? It is being able to say to Jesus in wonder and gratitude thank you for loving me so much. I don't know why you do, but, thank you. You make me feel special and I want to spread that special to someone else for something so precious has to be shared with everyone I know. I agree to be that little pencil in your hand, please use me as you will... Let agape flow and joy bring us home into the Father's embrace.
* http://www.peterkreeft.com/topics/love.htm
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