Father David said something recently that I found really profound: moral truths are something we discover and not something that we learn or decide.
Conversely, I have found that in deciding to live out moral truths, even ones I grapple with at times, I have discovered a lot about these truths (how true they really are) in the process.
When what is learnt in the classroom* and what is actively applied in life dovetail, it makes for heady validation and feels super-good.
We've been talking about sex, always a fascinating subject.
In the movie Vanilla Sky, Julie says, "Don't you know that when you sleep with someone, your body makes a promise whether you do or not!"
Whether we realize it or not, our bodies have a natural language (like how the blind do not need to be taught to smile) and one that cannot be separate from our beings, i.e. there is an integrated unity of both mind and body.
Just as we allow only a trusted few into the intimacy of our lives, revealing our inner selves and vulnerabilities to these people whom we love and love us in return, our bodies speak the same intimate language with our genitals.
The promise Julie is talking about when two people engage in sexual intercourse is one of deep intimacy that comes from a committed, lasting, faithful, nurturing, giving and loving relationship.
For the sexual language speaks our most intimate and personal communication and our bodies must never be used as an object to other ends (like pleasure) as this violates the intimate language of the body.
You may think casual sex is fine especially if it makes you happy and doesn't harm anyone, but you would be violating this sexual language of the body for there is nothing remotely casual about sex.
Because sexual gratification is so intensely pleasurable, sexual honesty, which comes from understanding the sexual language of the body and honouring it, is tough. Sexual abstinence in the absence of marriage is a hard truth to swallow.
Not many of us want to recognize or accept that the sexual language of the body is personal to the point of being spousal as it communicates this intimate message:
I accept the "deep total you" unconditionally and I give you my "deep total me" unconditionally.
The current culture of sexual freedom has ironically led us to believe that chastity or the absence of sexual activity in one's life is undesirable, even abnormal, and that sexual gratification can only be achieved by genital gratification.
However, sexual gratification is so much more than genital gratification if we allow ourselves to live beyond the "o" word. Instead, most of us whittle down our chances to be sexually satisfied by ascribing to such a narrow definition of sexual gratification.
Orgasms, while wonderful, are not the be all and end all of sexual gratification. Every man or woman who lives out his or her sexuality fully by being who they are meant to be and doing what they are meant to do are sexually vibrant and happy individuals.
And while I don't profess to have experienced ecstasy in the way mystics like Saint Teresa of Avila did, the sense of deep union with God in meditative prayer elicits such visceral pleasure that it is even better than sex for the deep glow of joy and inner peace it brings lasts way beyond the ever-too-brief orgasm.
But popular culture would have us believe otherwise. Every day we are inundated with messages such as if you are not having sex regularly, you MUST BE sexually starved and not living life to the fullest or exercising your right to happiness, poor you.
To be single is a curse for you are doomed to a lonely existence. You can't possibly be happy single...and celibate (even worse!). Total loser.
Yes, we all need love, we all want to be loved, but the lengths some of us go to to get "love" is counter to the nature of love, especially when we mix up love and lust. It can get muddy, messy and is not exactly morally or spiritually uplifting.
A one-night stand or casual sex is not love. Paid sex is not love. Adultery can never be love. These are all poor facsimiles of love we grab at in our quest for authentic love and happiness that so quickly degrades into a self-indulgent, selfish hunt to satisfy lust or impersonal, sexual desire.
Consuming pornography, masturbation and sexual crimes are the twisted offspring of such attempts at love for there is nothing personal or giving about these acts. They are mainly destructive (even harmless masturbation for it restricts true freedom and self-possession) and are often addictive.
A quick sweep through the newspapers yields just too many stories of lust gone wrong: destroyed families, careers down the toilet, crimes of passion, suicides and even murder.
Perhaps it's time for the discipline of sexual honesty?
It may not be easy, faced as we are with temptation at every turn, but it is worth it. Hugely gratifying even.
But don't take my word for it, discover for yourself why being sexually honest can be a really good thing personally.
* I am attending a year-long course on moral theology by Fr. David Garcia called Personal Compass, Navigating Your Way Through Moral Ambiguity that is absolutely brilliant. Check it out: http://catholicspi.org/downloads/PCcourseguide.pdf
Conversely, I have found that in deciding to live out moral truths, even ones I grapple with at times, I have discovered a lot about these truths (how true they really are) in the process.
When what is learnt in the classroom* and what is actively applied in life dovetail, it makes for heady validation and feels super-good.
We've been talking about sex, always a fascinating subject.
In the movie Vanilla Sky, Julie says, "Don't you know that when you sleep with someone, your body makes a promise whether you do or not!"
Whether we realize it or not, our bodies have a natural language (like how the blind do not need to be taught to smile) and one that cannot be separate from our beings, i.e. there is an integrated unity of both mind and body.
Just as we allow only a trusted few into the intimacy of our lives, revealing our inner selves and vulnerabilities to these people whom we love and love us in return, our bodies speak the same intimate language with our genitals.
The promise Julie is talking about when two people engage in sexual intercourse is one of deep intimacy that comes from a committed, lasting, faithful, nurturing, giving and loving relationship.
For the sexual language speaks our most intimate and personal communication and our bodies must never be used as an object to other ends (like pleasure) as this violates the intimate language of the body.
You may think casual sex is fine especially if it makes you happy and doesn't harm anyone, but you would be violating this sexual language of the body for there is nothing remotely casual about sex.
Because sexual gratification is so intensely pleasurable, sexual honesty, which comes from understanding the sexual language of the body and honouring it, is tough. Sexual abstinence in the absence of marriage is a hard truth to swallow.
Not many of us want to recognize or accept that the sexual language of the body is personal to the point of being spousal as it communicates this intimate message:
I accept the "deep total you" unconditionally and I give you my "deep total me" unconditionally.
The current culture of sexual freedom has ironically led us to believe that chastity or the absence of sexual activity in one's life is undesirable, even abnormal, and that sexual gratification can only be achieved by genital gratification.
However, sexual gratification is so much more than genital gratification if we allow ourselves to live beyond the "o" word. Instead, most of us whittle down our chances to be sexually satisfied by ascribing to such a narrow definition of sexual gratification.
Orgasms, while wonderful, are not the be all and end all of sexual gratification. Every man or woman who lives out his or her sexuality fully by being who they are meant to be and doing what they are meant to do are sexually vibrant and happy individuals.
And while I don't profess to have experienced ecstasy in the way mystics like Saint Teresa of Avila did, the sense of deep union with God in meditative prayer elicits such visceral pleasure that it is even better than sex for the deep glow of joy and inner peace it brings lasts way beyond the ever-too-brief orgasm.
But popular culture would have us believe otherwise. Every day we are inundated with messages such as if you are not having sex regularly, you MUST BE sexually starved and not living life to the fullest or exercising your right to happiness, poor you.
To be single is a curse for you are doomed to a lonely existence. You can't possibly be happy single...and celibate (even worse!). Total loser.
Yes, we all need love, we all want to be loved, but the lengths some of us go to to get "love" is counter to the nature of love, especially when we mix up love and lust. It can get muddy, messy and is not exactly morally or spiritually uplifting.
A one-night stand or casual sex is not love. Paid sex is not love. Adultery can never be love. These are all poor facsimiles of love we grab at in our quest for authentic love and happiness that so quickly degrades into a self-indulgent, selfish hunt to satisfy lust or impersonal, sexual desire.
Consuming pornography, masturbation and sexual crimes are the twisted offspring of such attempts at love for there is nothing personal or giving about these acts. They are mainly destructive (even harmless masturbation for it restricts true freedom and self-possession) and are often addictive.
A quick sweep through the newspapers yields just too many stories of lust gone wrong: destroyed families, careers down the toilet, crimes of passion, suicides and even murder.
Perhaps it's time for the discipline of sexual honesty?
It may not be easy, faced as we are with temptation at every turn, but it is worth it. Hugely gratifying even.
But don't take my word for it, discover for yourself why being sexually honest can be a really good thing personally.
* I am attending a year-long course on moral theology by Fr. David Garcia called Personal Compass, Navigating Your Way Through Moral Ambiguity that is absolutely brilliant. Check it out: http://catholicspi.org/downloads/PCcourseguide.pdf
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