I just attended the wedding of a friend of mine V and his lovely wife M this morning and I thought the pastor gave a great homily on what a marriage must have in order to be successful.
It was a take on the original 5Cs, a cynical jab at Singaporeans' materialistic life aspirations: cash, car, condominium, credit card and country club membership. The pastor's 5Cs were:
Covenant
Christ
Communication
Compassion
Commitment
He introduced the last C, commitment, by saying that without commitment, marriage would not work even if it had the first four Cs and ended his homily by saying a successful marriage did not depend on finding the right partner but by being the right partner for the other.
Commitment is key for there will be days in any relationship when you grate on each other's nerves or even think maybe it's best you call it quits.
It will be commitment that will help a couple ride out the storms of their relationship when love is not enough. Or, for that matter, any situation that hits a setback, be it studies or career.
Father David calls the family the school of humanity for it is in our families that we first learn how to be a person. To learn about and acquire virtues like patience, forgiveness, compassion, fidelity, kindness, generosity... all the things that make us good - a person.
Families are forever, that is, we cannot disown our family members for our relationships will always remain historical fact.
My father used to tell us (me and my siblings) that we must always love each other for the four of us are manifestations of the love between him and my mother and that we all share a special and unique bond that must be honoured.
Family to Dad meant everything. Family meant accepting each other for who we are and loving each other through our differences with fierce, unwavering loyalty and unending generosity. Family disunity is not an option for love is everything, family is everything.
The building blocks of every family begin with a couple, a man and a woman who live out their wedding vows by promising to be together, to have and to hold, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish...until death do they part.
With divorce rates at a ridiculous 50 per cent and the sharp decline of formalized marriages, there
seems to be a crisis of commitment.
John Paul II rightly concluded that At the root of these negative phenomena there frequently lies a corruption of the idea and the experience of freedom...*
When we see freedom (and happiness) as represented by more choices in life, rather than the ability to conquer life's "limitations" and adversities, then we will give up when the going is tough, never even giving the situation a fighting chance to transform, to find a new equilibrium and eventual happiness.
My friend J who lives in Canada tells me she feels like an anomaly for her marriage is her first and her husband's second. Among his friends their marriage is unusual for most of them are on their third, or fourth...
If couples don't stay married and try to work out their differences, what makes them think their next marriage will succeed when all they are good at is wimping out?
If couples don't honour their relationships with fidelity (all in the name of "sexual freedom") and the sincere gift of love, then how can any relationship they are in work?
Commitment is not easy. But then, when is anything worth having in life easy?
Our achievements are all the more valued because we worked hard to get them. The same goes for relationships, especially marriage.
So V and M, keep your eye on the pastor's 5Cs and you will be committed for life with a love in TOB-speak that is free, total, faithful and fruitful.
* Familiaris Consortio, 6
It was a take on the original 5Cs, a cynical jab at Singaporeans' materialistic life aspirations: cash, car, condominium, credit card and country club membership. The pastor's 5Cs were:
Covenant
Christ
Communication
Compassion
Commitment
He introduced the last C, commitment, by saying that without commitment, marriage would not work even if it had the first four Cs and ended his homily by saying a successful marriage did not depend on finding the right partner but by being the right partner for the other.
Commitment is key for there will be days in any relationship when you grate on each other's nerves or even think maybe it's best you call it quits.
It will be commitment that will help a couple ride out the storms of their relationship when love is not enough. Or, for that matter, any situation that hits a setback, be it studies or career.
Father David calls the family the school of humanity for it is in our families that we first learn how to be a person. To learn about and acquire virtues like patience, forgiveness, compassion, fidelity, kindness, generosity... all the things that make us good - a person.
Families are forever, that is, we cannot disown our family members for our relationships will always remain historical fact.
My father used to tell us (me and my siblings) that we must always love each other for the four of us are manifestations of the love between him and my mother and that we all share a special and unique bond that must be honoured.
Family to Dad meant everything. Family meant accepting each other for who we are and loving each other through our differences with fierce, unwavering loyalty and unending generosity. Family disunity is not an option for love is everything, family is everything.
The building blocks of every family begin with a couple, a man and a woman who live out their wedding vows by promising to be together, to have and to hold, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish...until death do they part.
With divorce rates at a ridiculous 50 per cent and the sharp decline of formalized marriages, there
seems to be a crisis of commitment.
John Paul II rightly concluded that At the root of these negative phenomena there frequently lies a corruption of the idea and the experience of freedom...*
When we see freedom (and happiness) as represented by more choices in life, rather than the ability to conquer life's "limitations" and adversities, then we will give up when the going is tough, never even giving the situation a fighting chance to transform, to find a new equilibrium and eventual happiness.
My friend J who lives in Canada tells me she feels like an anomaly for her marriage is her first and her husband's second. Among his friends their marriage is unusual for most of them are on their third, or fourth...
If couples don't stay married and try to work out their differences, what makes them think their next marriage will succeed when all they are good at is wimping out?
If couples don't honour their relationships with fidelity (all in the name of "sexual freedom") and the sincere gift of love, then how can any relationship they are in work?
Commitment is not easy. But then, when is anything worth having in life easy?
Our achievements are all the more valued because we worked hard to get them. The same goes for relationships, especially marriage.
So V and M, keep your eye on the pastor's 5Cs and you will be committed for life with a love in TOB-speak that is free, total, faithful and fruitful.
* Familiaris Consortio, 6
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