I learned a new word last week. Acedia. It describes a state of being where one is restless yet listless; the inability to care about one's condition or position in the world thereby resulting in the inability to work or pray. It is a state of apathy where one does not care for anything and flees from the world.
It is also one of the seven deadly sins, more popularly known as sloth, but with a wealth of meaning that transcends the definition of pure laziness. As Father David pointed out, it is more than just a Garfield-like personality.
When I heard this, I immediately thought, wow, this is me; this is one of my biggest propensities to sin.
While I am always aware of my responsibilities, when things start to overwhelm me (for I am not exactly the most organized person in the world) I start to pretty much avoid the things I ought to do and do the things I ought not do, to paraphrase Saint Paul.
It is also one of the seven deadly sins, more popularly known as sloth, but with a wealth of meaning that transcends the definition of pure laziness. As Father David pointed out, it is more than just a Garfield-like personality.
When I heard this, I immediately thought, wow, this is me; this is one of my biggest propensities to sin.
While I am always aware of my responsibilities, when things start to overwhelm me (for I am not exactly the most organized person in the world) I start to pretty much avoid the things I ought to do and do the things I ought not do, to paraphrase Saint Paul.
I grow deaf, mute and blind all at once to key priorities and fuss with the easy lesser ones instead. Or I just avoid everything by burrowing my head in the sand. Or I coast: watch TV and coast.
And when things get tough or rough, my first instinct is to give up and chuck it all. It takes great effort to convince myself (thank goodness for my spiritual director and wise spiritual guides, not least the Holy Spirit) into staying the course.
Tied closely to this is my experience of freedom. Do I see freedom as the capricious whimsy to do whatever pleases me while rationalizing as long as I don't hurt anyone, it is okay?
Or do I see it as the ability to deliberate and work hard at harmonizing a motley mix of blooms, leaves and branches into a beautiful feast of flowers that brings pleasure to all who see and smell it (thanks SD for that wonderful image)?
At times, I do feel weighed down by my own expectations of what I will do in response to the situations and people around me and I do wallow in apathetic non-action, but then, I also know in choosing what seems to be the easier route (read cop-out) will not leave me sitting comfortably in my skin for it would be going against who I am and what I stand for in life.
In the aftermath of the devastating earthquake in Japan and its consequent tsunamis, what do I do, what can I do? It is just so simple to be appalled for half an hour and then forget it all, living as I do in my unaffected cocoon.
Certainly I cannot right the situation, given my limited abilities, but I can do something, by giving what I can to aid efforts, by not forgetting, and as banal and useless as it sounds, praying, for prayer does work.
Although I don't know anyone who was affected by the catastrophe, I am still bonded by humanity to reach out and help. For to do nothing is akin to acedia.
In his book Before I Go, Peter Kreeft says this about freedom, that the wise do not speak of it for "Lovers want to be bound, not free. They don't seek freedom because they are already free if they are lovers."
I was born with the freedom to choose and I choose to be a lover and to do as they do, that is, to love.
And when things get tough or rough, my first instinct is to give up and chuck it all. It takes great effort to convince myself (thank goodness for my spiritual director and wise spiritual guides, not least the Holy Spirit) into staying the course.
Tied closely to this is my experience of freedom. Do I see freedom as the capricious whimsy to do whatever pleases me while rationalizing as long as I don't hurt anyone, it is okay?
Or do I see it as the ability to deliberate and work hard at harmonizing a motley mix of blooms, leaves and branches into a beautiful feast of flowers that brings pleasure to all who see and smell it (thanks SD for that wonderful image)?
At times, I do feel weighed down by my own expectations of what I will do in response to the situations and people around me and I do wallow in apathetic non-action, but then, I also know in choosing what seems to be the easier route (read cop-out) will not leave me sitting comfortably in my skin for it would be going against who I am and what I stand for in life.
In the aftermath of the devastating earthquake in Japan and its consequent tsunamis, what do I do, what can I do? It is just so simple to be appalled for half an hour and then forget it all, living as I do in my unaffected cocoon.
Certainly I cannot right the situation, given my limited abilities, but I can do something, by giving what I can to aid efforts, by not forgetting, and as banal and useless as it sounds, praying, for prayer does work.
Although I don't know anyone who was affected by the catastrophe, I am still bonded by humanity to reach out and help. For to do nothing is akin to acedia.
In his book Before I Go, Peter Kreeft says this about freedom, that the wise do not speak of it for "Lovers want to be bound, not free. They don't seek freedom because they are already free if they are lovers."
I was born with the freedom to choose and I choose to be a lover and to do as they do, that is, to love.
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