Ipsa scientia potestas est

Never have I fully appreciated the phrase Knowledge is Power* more than in the last month.

I first began daily updates on A.'s condition for I felt that the people who loved and cared for her would want to know how she was doing, and because 24 hours made a world of difference in her condition, a regular communique would help all to know what to pray for and how to support A. and her family as different issues cropped up.

In writing the updates, came a responsibility: to write with no embellishment of prejudice or sentiment, and to report the unvarnished facts and allow each individual to process the information accordingly. No easy task.

How much information would lead to information fatigue, or would be useful, or critical???

Then I went away for a week and in that time, I hungered for information on A. I was grateful when I received a phone text update and it served as a reminder to keep A. in prayer. On days I did not receive any news, I was frustrated yet relieved, for I knew that no news is good news.

Upon my return this week, I found a new dimension of Knowledge is Power waiting, like a stealthy cat about to pounce on a hapless mouse. Information withheld, or distorted - done out of love perhaps, but it created a jumble of strong emotions and questions within me.

How do I act based on this new dynamic of information? What are the best interests of the parties involved? Where are my boundaries of responsibility?

The Rotarians' Four-Way Test came unbidden to my mind (spoken in my father's voice for he was fond of quoting it, the passionate Rotarian that he was) :

1. Is it the truth
2. Is it fair to all concerned?
3. Will it build goodwill and better friendships?
4. Will it be beneficial to all concerned?

I also sought counsel from people I knew were wise, mature and godly, who faced far more difficult situations than the one at hand.

Ultimately, I realized, as in any quandary I find myself, that it is in seeking the Father's will that leads to clarity. Putting aside my personal outrage and umbrage and letting the Spirit lead.

With my gaze trained on True North, the next challenge arose.

Knowledge of what disease can do to debilitate the body to such an extent that I am revolted and horrified.

Every cell in my body cries out at such indignity waged on the human body.

My soul weeps at such suffering.

I grasp desperately for meaning in such suffering.

Why? When will this end?

I can only, at this moment, rely on the grace of faith to steer me forth, as I navigate the oppressive and suffocating waters of darkest despair and sorrow.


* Ipsa scientia potestas est, "for also knowledge itself is power", comes from Francis Bacon's Meditationes Sacrae and implies that with knowledge, one's potential or abilities in life will increase. Knowledge, or the withholding of it, can be used to one's advantage, and is therefore power. Bacon was possibly paraphrasing Proverbs 24:5 "A wise man has great power, and a man of knowledge increases strength." Read more from my source: http://en.wikipedia.org./wiki/Knowledge_is_Power