I feel like I've lived a year in the last five weeks, from the day her condition took a turn for the worse on January 2nd.
It's been a real emotional rollercoaster, the scares and physical challenges: brain op - no brain op, chemo, 9/10 pain levels, throwing up, internal bleeding, bloating, low white blood cell count, dropping hair, a nose tube that reached right into the stomach to prevent vomiting, spike temperatures, dropping blood pressure, the debilitating fatigue, sinking into a coma...
The good days: the ability to eat, enjoy the food and not regurgitate it at all. This respite from the nausea and inability to eat lasted for just about one week.
The grim days: intense pain wrecking her body, the gauntness of gradual starvation, the failing body systems overrun by cancer, a truly horrific spectacle to witness.
Although I did not know A. for very long, or very well at all, the last five weeks have been a time of bonding, where she became the little sister I never had.
Someone I looked after with love, nourished with my cooking, advised gently, encouraged and coaxed.
I was her big sister who brought her treats, gave her massages, whom she looked up to and was comforted by. She appreciated all my gestures so sincerely that I was touched.
In turn, A. inspired me with her child-like sweetness and candour, her courage, fortitude, gratitude and generosity.
Of course she complained occasionally, and who wouldn't, but on the whole she was a superb patient - who accepted quietly the toll the disease took on her body.
Her especial gripe was the inability of doctors and nurses to find a vein for she had very fine veins and it would take many minutes and much pain before they could locate a vein to either take a blood sample or put in a drip.
After I once witnessed what they did to locate a vein, I understood why she kicked up such a fuss. It was painful to even watch.
A. dear, I love you, my sister in Christ, and I rejoice that you are no longer suffering for it caused me to grieve deeply to see your body breaking down and to see you wasting away.
I thank you for teaching me patience, gentleness, wisdom, how to love with compassion and empathy.
I will miss your smile, the way you looked at me with gratitude as I massaged you and the gift of girlish womanhood that you were.
I thank God for having given us Friday evenings to meet and share our lives over the last year. It has been a privilege and an honour.
Although you have departed, your spirit remains behind.
Rest well, little sister, until we meet again.
1 comment:
Thanks for sharing this - I've been in the dark about A's illness. Very sad and shocked by her death which I just got to know. Seems like you have been a wonderful sister indeed to her during her last weeks. Thank you for helping to make her last days more comfortable! I'm sure she experienced God's love flowing through you.
God bless.
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