Songs of Oz

It has just been fabulous, spending time with family in Melbourne. I have learnt so much of my heritage just listening to my mum and uncle reminiscing about the past.

Stories of my grandparents and my great-grandmother and being able to see the parallels between my paternal and maternal family histories have given me insights into what made my parents into the people they were, and why I was brought up the way I was.

This visit to Melbourne is in recognition of the fleetingness and fragility of life, its quicksilver changeability, and nothing bears witness to this more than the variable spring weather.

Given the cold and gloomy welcome we received last Sunday, yesterday's warm sunniness was welcomed enthusiastically not just by me but by everyone in the city.

It was easy to give thanks for the beauty of the day, especially when the day that preceded it was grey and cold. Although, I have to say I enjoyed the so-called bad weather for it was a nice change for the unbearable heat of Singapore's weather.

This trip to Melbourne has made me realize how vital it is to celebrate life as it unfolds. To sing songs of both joy and sadness, lifting praise to the Almighty, no matter what comes my way.

That life is filled with births and deaths and I should embrace them all and not get too attached to anything.

It's a little harder when it comes to people, not to get attached, but if I believe in Christ, then I also believe that death is defeated by Christ's salvific love. So even the thought that someone I love is dying should not dismay me too much for I know we will all be reunited in time.

Instead I should focus on the now, the living, living in the moment and to celebrate each day with song.

I sing with gladness of spring,
The lush green hills wrapped in fresh, crisp air.
I admire the sun's golden-soft glow,
That makes warm and beautiful all things:
Blushing camellias and flirtatious tulips
Colour my world with giddy lightness,
People smiling from the sheer pleasure of living,
I cannot help but laugh
At the giggles of delight that fill the air
Of wiggling boys mimicking tipping teapots.
The sweetness of life is hauntingly rich
With bread broken and wine drunk
Familial love drenched in Eucharistic joy.
If only this spring could last forever.

Active faith

One of the biggest threats to spiritual growth is dispersion. It is well and good to attend mass regularly, go for prayer meetings or talks, and make retreats seeking God - it is all good.

However, if we don't integrate the insights and affirmation we receive, if we don't ponder the mysteries of life and our own behaviour, we may just experience an epiphany or theophany and let it go. Wasted.

Then we end up wandering around in negative behavioural circles frustrated, angry with God, for we have been faithful and He has not reciprocated.

Why does He not heed our prayer for change when we have been praying for it years on end. Why are we still so unhappy, depressed and dissatisfied?

If we truly desire change of remarkable proportion in our lives, or not to be so clueless about our "vocation" and "mission", then we must act on it.

We must commit to prayer or what I call real J-time: not just talking at God, but taking time to sit still and be with Him, sharing our sorrows and joys, as with a beloved spouse or old friend. Just so that we can understand more and more what makes Him happy, consequently gaining real clarity into the lies and truths of our lives.

This commitment has to be a daily one. We must make it as fundamental as breathing. If we do inculcate this discipline of prayer, we will begin to be more open to His will in all we do. To find God in all things, and thus experience true freedom even when we make difficult decisions, for we will be operating from our authentic selves.

No longer influenced by fear or selfish desire, we are able to take control of any situation and make it our own (as we make it His), even the most shocking, horrendous and sorrowful ones.

True prayer leads to openness of heart and finally, action, which involves gratitude and creative action (see the previous entry).

Like the 10th leper in Luke's gospel who came back to thank Jesus and praise God after being healed of leprosy, and received further healing, his active faith made him well, not just physically, but spiritually as well.

So if you say you believe in God, prove it by acting on it.

Pray. Open your heart and say yes. Give thanks. Create. Act on it. Make a difference.

Every day.

Creativity first

It may have been an on-the-go busy week but I discovered that inspiration can strike any time, any place and any state of being.

Never mind that it was 6:30 in the morning and I was still bleary-eyed, dog-tired and definitely not firing from all cylinders. Great ideas just kept flowing out of me and I could only gratefully scribble down what turned out to be a remarkably cohesive commentary.

Tonight D. shared that despite having had a stressful week and going through a challenging period, she has been churning out lyrics to glorify God and she also knows that it did not come from her.

(Thanks D., for being so open to Spirit in your life and allowing yourself to be such a wonderful instrument. I really wanted to tell you this after your sharing so I tell it to you now for I know you will read this :D )

Later A. shared that when she visited De La Salle earlier this week she didn't quite understand why creativity was top on the list of attributes La Sallians should have. Until this evening... when she realized we are all called to be as creative as our very ingenious, fecund and original Creator.

A. reckoned that gratitude should've been on the top of the list. I think she's right, but also that gratitude and creativity are close cousins.

When we are creative, it's usually out of necessity - to find a new and better way. As Anthony Bourdain loves to point out, it's the poorest of economies that birth the most delicious cuisine.

Out of necessity, they use inedible or usually discarded parts of an animal and through the alchemy of cooking, create something sublime out of what is otherwise waste.

However, we can be creatively charged out of gratitude, a gratitude that engenders hope, that in turn pushes us to respond and fuels the sheer doggedness that keeps us plugging away creatively in spite of initial failure.

It is a profound sense of gratitude found within the heart that appreciates the gifts within and without - and leads us to using the gifts wisely and innovatively.

Thus creativity is a grateful realization that all in life is gift and an invitation to give thanks by using the abilities and capabilities, inherent and learned, to bear fruit.

So when we begin to feel that life is out of control and that a situation is way beyond us, don't lose hope, trust in the creativity of our God and in His inventive inspirations.

After all if we are in a living and intimate relationship with the Father of creation, surely some of His ingenuity must rub off. And it does.

So be creative. And fulfil your call in life.

Prophetic hope

Linking hands we lazily walked,
Feet sinking slightly in the firm, wet sand,
Leaving behind us a trail of shallow heel-toe prints
Along the simmering water’s edge.
I hug her to my side, feeling her warmth against me,
This woman whom I’ve loved since time began.
The wind slithers like silk across our limbs
As we hunker down on the beach.
Drinking in the sounds of the dawn,
We wait in anticipation,
For the rising sun to splash
An incandescent palette of gold, cerise and smoky blue
Firing up the moody sky,
Causing day to break in joyous splendour.
She exhales in awe, wonder shining in her eyes.
I smile.

Have you any idea what you mean to me?
You are my beloved, my goodness.
Everything about you gives me pleasure supreme.
From your soft, sweet lips to your flashing eyes,
Your wild, untamed hair over which you despair.
I delight in your passion for the Truth
The way you care with all your heart quite fearlessly
Beyond the ghosts of past hurts and wounds.
Your velvet-steel courage moves me
I am inspired by your feminine wisdom
Your maternal, healing sensitivity
While your profound sensuality makes me weep.
You are my desire, every day,
Always.

"Thank you for loving me first,
With such naked originality, so unconditionally.
Because of you, I dare to dream, to hope and to soar,
You are my way, my truth and my life.
I am created anew each time I look in your eyes,
You make me fully alive; because of you
I am.

* A big thanks to my W2W sisters who give me hope, September 11, 2009.

Feminine dignity and vocation

Just a couple of days back, I happened to catch Oprah's "Woman Who Changed the World" show where Gloria Steinem was a featured guest.

She lauded Steinem as a leader of the feminist movement in the US during the 70s, saying women today stood on the shoulders of women like Steinem who had championed vigorously for women's rights through the decades.

In the very next breath she complimented the 74-year-old Steinem on looking youthful and attractive, asking archly if she had anyone special in her life or was dating for she still looked so good.

In that one question she managed to dismiss all the progress women like Steinem made, transforming women into objects valued and desired by the opposite sex based on their physical appearance. Oh Oprah!

I can't say I blame her for one has only to scan women's magazines, popular TV serials or MTV, the bellwether of pop culture, to come to the conclusion that it seems to be highly important that a woman is attractive and desirable.

Never mind about character, personality, intelligence or the intrinsic value of each woman, all that seems to be secondary, for ultimately, a woman's worth is measured and validated by how alluring she looks, much like a beautiful work of art.

What makes it worse in our so-called progressive times is that women now aspire and CHOOSE to be objectified.

Many of us seem to think that the ultimate goal in life is, "to look sexy to attract a man/men and get a husband or life partner, if not, I am a failure as a woman ergo unable to express my sexuality fully as a woman."

That is the biggest lie that any woman can buy into.

There is nothing wrong in taking pride in one's appearance and treating one's body with respect, appropriate as "temples of God", but an inordinate amount of time, money and attention spent on looking good leads one to value superficiality and be satisfied with external beauty while ignoring the cultivation of the beauty of one's soul and inner being.

This can only lead to unhappiness for looks fade over time, and for a woman who only values herself via her looks, the future is bleak (despite the advances in aesthetic medicine).

Here is where I laud Catholic social teaching that "rests on the threefold cornerstones of human dignity, solidarity and subsidiarity" and Pope John Paul II, who in his lifetime really recognized the pivotal role that women play in society.

In his Apostolic Letter, Mulieris Dignitatem, on the Dignity and Vocation of Women, JPII helps women understand what exactly is their true dignity and vocation as woman by enumerating the graces that were bestowed on women from the very beginning of time, and that will enable them "to acquire in the world an influence, an effect and a power hitherto never achieved" in order to "aid humanity in not falling".

Like Mary, all women are called to a special union with "the living God"and to overcome the inclinations of "original sin" that view women as objects of "domination" by drawing on unique, "personal resources of femininity" which can be found in the deep and profound discovery of self-identity, of "who I am" as created by God.

To be able to see myself as the woman I was created to be, through the eyes of Jesus, and be empowered by that radical and affirming love.

To acknowledge the gifts of my womanhood: sensitivity, strength and the courage to be a prophetic witness, "the apostle of the Apostles".

To understand the distinct gifts of motherhood (whether I am single or married) and virginity (by saying yes to the gift of Christ's spousal love) and live them out fully in my everyday life.

To dare to receive Christ's redemptive love 'in order to love in return' and thus become the "perfect woman" who is "an irreplaceable support and source of spiritual strength for other people, who perceive the great energies of her spirit".

All this can be ours, as women, if we, like the Samaritan woman, listen to the entreaty of Jesus, "If you knew the gift of God" and claim it.

By claiming my true dignity and vocation as woman, I claim the "essential equality" of being created in the image and likeness of God and I am better able to recognize the truths of my existence.

That I am a woman, fearfully and wonderfully made, much loved and cherished as an individual, regardless of what others, men and women, think.

That I am a woman who is able to live out the fullest expression of my sexuality every day because I am able to love others as Jesus loves me.

He has truly done great things for me and holy is His name!

Do not cling on

This evening I received the news that the father of my dear friend and sister M. had passed away this afternoon. It has been a long and difficult journey for her and my heart goes out to her during this time of loss.

I had just been reflecting on death this morning as I lay awake in bed: how this year has been shadowed by many deaths - of people I knew or the close relatives of friends - and of people who are dying.

While I am not afraid of dying, for it is as John Donne describes it a "short sleep past" till we "wake eternally", I do wonder how I will deal with the loss of loved ones, like my mother, in the future.

I must admit I do experience fear at the thought of losing my mother for I cannot envision life without her presence to anchor me. But I also know when the time comes, I will let go (not that I have much choice in the matter really) and go on to lead an equally fulfilling and enriching life.

Departed loved ones are never very far away. In a thought they are brought to life as they inhabit our memories.

Although it's been six years since my dad passed on, I am reminded of him every day in funny little ways. Death does not alter our relationship much in that I still know what would please or displease him; make him roar with laughter or wrinkle his nose in disgust.

In fact, I still unconsciously behave in ways that I know he would approve of, so I would say our relationship as father and daughter is still very much a living thing.

This reality of separation and loss takes on new meaning when seen in the light of John's gospel, the passage where Mary of Magdala is weeping at the discovery of the loss of Jesus' body the day after the crucifixion.

She finally recognizes Jesus when he calls out her name, and He proceeds to tell her not to cling on to Him.

When we love (and grow bonds) in our relationships, grief is inevitable when we suffer a loss of relationship through death.

Grief is our way of honouring the depth of love in any particular relationship and it's a process that can transform us into more sensitive, compassionate and wiser individuals.

Given our human predilection to want things to remain the way they are, to cling on to the familiar, it isn't easy to let go of a treasured relationship. However, we are asked to do so.

The advice of Jesus, "do not cling on", invites us to leave behind our old perceptions of a love relationship, to allow a new way of loving to take place, for the "lost" relationship to take on a different and richer dimension.

The passage of grief invites us to claim this new way of loving that transcends time and space. It invites us to let go of unhealthy attachments so as to be able to grow new healthy bonds.

Dad is still my dad even though he is no longer here. I still love and honour him in my thoughts and actions. He is still one of my guiding lights in life. He remains very much alive in my memory.

I am stronger, wiser, more loving and more compassionate as a consequence of his departure.

My wish for M. is for her to experience all the different textures and colours of grief to arrive at the point where she can move forward into a new phase of her relationship with her departed father and luxuriate in the joy and pleasure of it.

Until "death shall be no more".

Alpha awesome

It amuses me how whenever I do something for someone else, I find that the something was meant for me as well ie I gain as much as, if not more, from the something.

In this instance, it's the Alpha course I have been attending. I signed up to encourage my cousin J. to attend and it's been a time of affirmation and revelation for me.

I just completed the weekend retreat and discovered that this is the much-awaited-for event for most participants who know what Alpha is all about (of course I didn't know).

The weekend blew me away for the ministry time was Spirit-powerful and I am humbled by the gifts that have been given to me.

I am also awed at how the Lord continues to lead me along the way I should walk, giving me loads of encouragement as I take uncertain, shaky steps forward.

My takeaway from the weekend is God's blessings are upon me no matter why, what, when, where and who I am.

Even when I hate myself or deem myself most unworthy of being loved, He is right there loving me and holding onto my hand.

And if I open my heart to Him and trust Him, that's when miracles happen and He makes it happen not just for me but for those around me. Through me, His love can radiate to others and transform them.

I think this is what St. Irenaeus meant when he said, "The glory of God is man fully alive," for in trusting God wholeheartedly, I am living fully to my potential (even in my work-in-progress state) and quite unforcedly blessing myself and others and giving Him glory.

May He always be my alpha and omega.

One day

A stream of sparrows twittered by,
In the pearlescent grey dawn.
They flew with unerring sureness, intent on their journey,
Guided by the winds of inner sense.
I envied their verve and grace
Their ability to soar without question or doubt.
While I struggled on the ground to step forward_
Bogged down as I am by my own brokenness and fears.
Surely life cannot be that simple?
To breathe, to live, to take flight!
Inner compass constantly pointing True North
As they make their nests in the crimson-hued temple
Resting in redemption,
(How lovely a dwelling place!)
Having mastered the art of Ignatian contemplation.
Perhaps if I learned to trust
My deepest desires
I could fly
Or lie recumbent, safe within his muscled arms
For one day.

*Inspired by Psalm 84 in the early morning of August 15th