Labyrinth truths

Just yesterday evening P claimed I had a new addiction – to house flipping shows. I admit to a fascination with house flipping as well as a show called Sort Your Life Out where a team of people come in and help families seriously declutter and organize their homes which have become hoarding or dumping grounds that affect daily living and overwhelm the inhabitants. 

While on my labyrinth walk this morning, I realized why these shows appeal to me so much. It’s about houses that have become run down, or homes in chaos, all in need of change and transformation. All it takes is some timely and expert intervention, and the changes wrought are often incredible – beauty, function and order are restored. Homes become oases of peace, enabling inhabitants to live harmoniously, rest and be restored. 

Jesus has been, and still is, my personal house flipper or sorter outer when I am messed up. When asked to reflect on truth (my labyrinth walk this morning was led by Edwina Yeow, Soul Tending | Anam Cara Ministries), I was asked to be aware of the guides that often taint my behaviour: pride, envy and shame. These often deflect or distort the truths in my life. Edwina also shared that Jesus wanted all of us to live our lives by the greatest commandment of loving God, and loving our neighbour as ourselves, and that this actually reveals three entities: God, other and self. Thus, the necessity of tending to self was as important as our endeavours to love God and those around us.   

With that, I began my walk. As I progressed, I noticed the cracks on the labyrinth and they came to represent my pride, where my good acts were often marred by my pride which showed up as impatience, the need to control the situation or to be right, and a very ego-driven view of the world. As I walked further, I noticed little plants growing in the cracks, making them places of new life. 

The thought that came to me was that if I immerse my seeds in the fire of Holy Spirit, my seeds will become good seed that grow into good plants, that will bear good fruit. So, whatever I do in life, I always need to offer it up to the Lord to burn away my self-indulgent tendencies and poor motivation. Do I do something good because I want the affirmation of others, or because this is how a good woman should behave, or do I simply do good because I love Jesus and I want to glorify Him? With this purification of intent, the cracks of pride can now be receptacles of life and beauty. 

Soon, I began to notice black splotches on the path which I immediately identified as my envy. I am always envious of people who attract others to themselves, men and women whom people just like from the get go. As an introvert, I have to work really hard to be socially acceptable, and because one of my core distortions is I am unloveable, I struggle a lot when I think someone else is loved more than myself. I often feel rejected, and my competitive hackles raise up. Then I heard the Father saying to me, my grace, and my love, they are both sufficient. As long as you KNOW I love you, why do you feel you need to earn the love of others? Just be, and become the you I created. Everything else will fall into place - so chill.

What am I most ashamed of? The ugly bits of who I am, for all my defects point to the fact I am not worthy of being loved. Envy and shame take refuge in the me that is a horrible, repellent failure of a person. I could hear the Lord say to me: Silly child, when will you accept that you are my beloved, the apple of my eye, and I love you just the way you are. Stop rejecting your darkness, your brokenness. Instead, take my hand, and let me transform you. Let me restore who you are, for I can take what is beyond redemption and make it into a masterpiece of true beauty and goodness.

I was reminded of the first time I read Isaiah 62:3-5. It blew my mind for the words gave me such hope. I never imagined that I could ever be so desirable as a woman. Today, the words took on another layer of meaning, and I am so grateful for His reminder. 

You shall be a crown of beauty in the hand of the Lord,

    and a royal diadem in the hand of your God.

You shall no more be termed Forsaken,

    and your land shall no more be termed Desolate;

but you shall be called My Delight Is in Her,

    and your land Married;

for the Lord delights in you,

    and your land shall be married.

For as a young man marries a young woman,

    so shall your builder marry you,

and as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride,

so shall your God rejoice over you,

So this is the truth I took home with me today. With my eternal Bridegroom, I am a delight, His radiant bride. I am my beloved's, and his desire is for me (Song of Songs 7:10).