Last month, I attended the wake of R who passed away on the
15th, after a three-month fight with lung cancer at age 72. He was
the owner of Wah Yuen Porridge at the hawker centre near my mother’s place and
I used to eat there regularly and frequently for I loved his congee, and in the
earlier days, the raw fish slices that were soooo slippery cool delicious. He
and his wife, S, are one of the sweetest couples I know, such good people who
were unfailingly polite and friendly.
Although I didn’t know him very well, and in latter years
have not been going there for they only worked weekends, I truly felt sad when
I heard the news. He will be sorely missed for his goodness really shone
through - every encounter with him was a pleasant one. And, his congee was, oh,
so soul-satisfyingly good.
His wife, S, shared that he regretted not retiring earlier
for he worked right up to the time he went into hospital. They had planned a
family vacation this June that he was looking forward to with great
anticipation, but, as S shared, while his new passport will not be used, his
recent baptism will be his passport to heaven.
R, and his wife, S, are truly what I would call salt of the
earth, people who brought flavour to the world, not just for what they served
in their food stall, but by who they were/are, hard-working, genuine, honest
and downright nice. If only I would be missed half as much at my own death, as
he now is, I would be more than satisfied. Even though he was only baptized
recently, I would say he was a man who espoused Christian values his entire
life, and the gift of baptism was the cherry on top of the cake of his life –
for it brought him so much peace and comfort in his last days. According to S,
he carried a cross with him wherever he was in the hospital.
His passing is a reminder to me to be a little more
uplifting and encouraging to people around me for I think I fail quite often
when I allow stress and my lack-of-sleep grouchiness make me impatient and
terse with others. One can only use such excuses for bad behaviour no more than
a couple of times, before it becomes an unwelcome permanent feature, a
character flaw. As I am perpetually tired, I have to be more aware of how my
sub-par physical state can lead me to sin.
It is much like the gospel passage, a couple of weeks back,
on the temptation of Christ in the desert after his 40-day fast. Despite his
hunger, Jesus could see where the devil was going with each temptation and was
able to draw on His own stores of wisdom and inner strength to reject each
offer that may have seemed appealing. While I may not be as adept as Jesus to
dismiss temptations out of hand so quickly, if I stay as close as He did to the
Father, then I hope that I will always be led by the Spirit, and thus be able
to moderate my own inclinations and tendencies to sin: to be tempted less and
less, and to have the moral strength to say no when I am tempted.
I quite like what this saying that has been floating around
the Internet recently suggests:
Patience with family is love.
Patience with others is respect.
Patience with self is confidence, and
patience with God is faith.
Loving others who may trigger me means I guard my tongue and forgive them any number of imagined and imaginable slights, knowing that
they acted innocently, if not judiciously. I keep a diplomatic cool at all
times and give the other the space and affirmation to be and become. Whether
or not I am wrong, I can humble myself and be the first to proffer an olive
branch or pour oil on troubled waters. I do not let my mood or feelings dictate
my words and actions – no one should be my dumping ground.
Loving myself means not being so hard on myself (I am a good
person, albeit grouchy and disorganized at times), but at the same time, neither
do I let myself grow slack in my habits. I maintain a spiritual discipline,
connecting with the Lord frequently through the day, and through prayer, a plan
of life, that nourishes my spirit continually, and centres me emotionally, no
matter what happens.
I also look after my physical self, setting aside time for
self-care; I exercise, eat and sleep properly. If I make the effort to maintain
health in every way, and exercise patience through the ever-changing, oft-time
tedious processes, I win. I have energy to do what I set out to do on a daily
basis. I have a better handle on my life. I feel good about myself. I have
confidence in my own judgements and my ability to make wise decisions in life.
I crash and burn less frequently.
Most of all, my faith in God is a living thing, that I have
to nurture every single day with gratitude, worship and virtue. I cannot take
Him for granted. If I sow good seeds and look after them well, then I will reap
good fruit, if not now, then in heaven. The continuum of eternal life spurs me
on to make every second on this earth count and create more good ones than bad
ones.
Lent is a great time to take stock of where I am in my faith life, and to re-calibrate my bearings and restart good habits, discarding bad ones. I am grateful for this season, the mindfulness it brings to my days. I continue to pray for R and his family in their time of loss, and I would like to draw on his example and be slightly more hospitable than I am inclined to be to those around me. I will live in the joy of the Lenten season, fasting from impatience, negativity, gossip, perfectionism and vanity.
