Celebrating new ways

All I knew when I began my Lenten journey this year was that I wished to draw closer to the Lord in a new way. It would seem that that was precisely what happened – although not quite in the way I envisioned it.

P got dengue a week into Lent, had a fall in the shower and ended up being hospitalized for four days. It was one of the most terrifying moments in my life when he fell, for, at that moment, I had no idea how badly he had hurt himself. Plus the day he fell ill, we were initially unsure if it was COVID or not, although I instinctively knew it wasn’t and opted to share the room with him the first night. Watching him suffer quite badly over the initial period of 10 days and the subsequent slow period of convalescing was hard. I felt helpless and useless. I even prayed to God to take some of his pain away and give it to me, I was happy to bear it for him.

Then the grandchildren fell victim to gastroenteritis and one had to be hospitalized for almost an entire day. I was on an emotional rollercoaster ride that didn’t seem to end. And yet, I couldn’t really allow myself to fall apart for I had many errands to run, clients to teach, and Lenten duties to perform.

My disciplines of prayer and walking were what got me through the Lenten season. In all that time, I could only trust that the protection and mercy of God had not abandoned my family, and that we would all get through it. Praying the Stations of the Cross daily made the Passion so real for me and I could feel myself living parts of it, journeying with the Lord on the way to Calvary.  

Jesus sent angels my way to impart wisdom and actual help: E gave me something to help boost P’s energy, S told me about papaya leaf extract to boost platelet count levels, D gave me probiotics for the grandkids to help them beat the stomach bug, and my close friends and community brothers and sisters offered prayer up for healing. S offered help any time, should I need it. B took me for a walk and fed me dinner which made me feel loved – it was nice that someone else was taking care of me instead of me taking care of everyone and everything. I could really feel Jesus loving me providentially through friends and family.      

The latter part of Lent was spent just trying to recover from my physical exhaustion and ensuring P got stronger and better every day. We actually spent Holy Week on a staycation and it was lovely to celebrate 64 months of marriage with some R & R. I felt we really met Jesus during that week as we began walking each day in the darkness of pre-dawn, only to see how light lit up the dawn sky and the sun rising up from the horizon. The majesty and awesomeness of the Creator sang out to me through the beauty that enveloped me. It made me realize how present He was in our lives, in every moment, and it is always a question of whether I see Him or not, of whether I choose to see Him or not.   

Although I bemoaned the lack of opportunity and my inability to quieten down and be more contemplative this Lent, and I felt guilty that I couldn’t really fast this Lent for I got hypoglycemic due to my state of physical exhaustion, I did get to experience Jesus in a different way. I learnt to trust in Him and hope in Him in new ways, and I was given ample opportunity to love in very real and practical ways. I am grateful for all the moments this Lent when I felt His presence, during Mass, in my solitary walks, and most of all in the people He has placed in my life.

The joy of the alleluias I sang at the Easter Vigil Mass was transformational. This promise of eternal life that comes from Jesus choosing to save me via the Cross inspires me to love others as He loves them.

He is alive in the love P and I feel for each other, in our marital vows that He blesses with such incredible divine graces. He is triumphant in the love between me and  my mother, and in my family. He reigns in the love found in my friendships with those He has placed in my life, and especially my community brothers and sisters.

I look forward to the songs of Easter, to singing new ways of love, dancing new ways of joy, for great is His faithfulness.  Alleluia!