All I knew when I began my Lenten journey this year
was that I wished to draw closer to the Lord in a new way. It would seem that that
was precisely what happened – although not quite in the way I envisioned it.
P got dengue a week into Lent, had a fall in the
shower and ended up being hospitalized for four days. It was one of the most terrifying
moments in my life when he fell, for, at that moment, I had no idea how badly
he had hurt himself. Plus the day he fell ill, we were initially unsure if it
was COVID or not, although I instinctively knew it wasn’t and opted to share
the room with him the first night. Watching him suffer quite badly over the
initial period of 10 days and the subsequent slow period of convalescing was hard.
I felt helpless and useless. I even prayed to God to take some of his pain away
and give it to me, I was happy to bear it for him.
Then the grandchildren fell victim to
gastroenteritis and one had to be hospitalized for almost an entire day. I was
on an emotional rollercoaster ride that didn’t seem to end. And yet, I couldn’t
really allow myself to fall apart for I had many errands to run, clients to
teach, and Lenten duties to perform.
My disciplines of prayer and walking were what got
me through the Lenten season. In all that time, I could only trust that the protection
and mercy of God had not abandoned my family, and that we would all get through
it. Praying the Stations of the Cross daily made the Passion so real for me and
I could feel myself living parts of it, journeying with the Lord on the way to
Calvary.
Jesus sent angels my way to impart wisdom and actual
help: E gave me something to help boost P’s energy, S told me about papaya leaf
extract to boost platelet count levels, D gave me probiotics for the grandkids
to help them beat the stomach bug, and my close friends and community brothers
and sisters offered prayer up for healing. S offered help any time, should I
need it. B took me for a walk and fed me dinner which made me feel loved – it was
nice that someone else was taking care of me instead of me taking care of everyone
and everything. I could really feel Jesus loving me providentially through
friends and family.
The latter part of Lent was spent just trying to
recover from my physical exhaustion and ensuring P got stronger and better
every day. We actually spent Holy Week on a staycation and it was lovely to
celebrate 64 months of marriage with some R & R. I felt we really met Jesus
during that week as we began walking each day in the darkness of pre-dawn, only
to see how light lit up the dawn sky and the sun rising up from the horizon.
The majesty and awesomeness of the Creator sang out to me through the beauty
that enveloped me. It made me realize how present He was in
our lives, in every moment, and it is always a question of whether I see Him or
not, of whether I choose to see Him or not.
Although I bemoaned the lack of opportunity and my inability
to quieten down and be more contemplative this Lent, and I felt guilty that I couldn’t
really fast this Lent for I got hypoglycemic due to my state of physical exhaustion,
I did get to experience Jesus in a different way. I learnt to trust in Him and
hope in Him in new ways, and I was given ample opportunity to love in very real
and practical ways. I am grateful for all the moments this Lent when I felt His
presence, during Mass, in my solitary walks, and most of all in the people He
has placed in my life.
The joy of the alleluias I sang at the Easter Vigil Mass was transformational. This promise of eternal life that comes from Jesus
choosing to save me via the Cross inspires me to love others as He loves them.
He is alive in the love P and I feel for each other,
in our marital vows that He blesses with such incredible divine graces. He is triumphant
in the love between me and my mother, and in my family. He reigns in the love found
in my friendships with those He has placed in my life, and especially my
community brothers and sisters.
I look forward to the songs of Easter, to singing new ways of love, dancing new ways of joy, for great is His faithfulness. Alleluia!
