Love Triumphantly

When someone you have loved your entire life leaves, she or he leaves behind a huge hole in your life that nothing can ever fill. More so when your relationship has been filled with light, goodness, love and laughter. Mine with E was such a relationship. Our relationship was layered with all the wonderful things the Spirit endowed with generous abundance: faith, hope, unconditional love, wisdom, joy, gentleness, truth, peace, empathy, freedom and compassion. There was, still is, a purity in our love for each other, a truly rare gift from God. 

While my grief runs deep, I know I cannot remain stuck in it. For to do so would not honour the love we had for each other and especially the love we have for our Creator. In the book of Wisdom, chapter 14 cautions against a father’s grief that leads to honouring the image of a dead child as god. Thus, we must be careful not to divinize loved ones we have lost, and so fall into a form of idolatry. 

The best way I can remember E and continue to honour our relationship is not to dwell on times past, precious as they were, but to do whatever she would do in any given situation in my present and future times. It is an extremely tall order for she was so much more kinder, wiser, and compassionate than I am, but if I do whatever the Lord tells me, I will get there, just as E did, she who always strove to do the will of God in her life. She, of course, took it to a level not many of us can achieve, but that doesn’t mean that I will not die trying. 

Having just completed the books of Maccabees, I am inspired by the lessons of zeal and faith contained within, and how I can draw on the Maccabean lessons in dealing with my grief. 

The Catechism of the Catholic Church talks about the three states of the Church that exist. There is, first, people like you and me, disciples of Christ who are pilgrims on earth. We are the Church Militant, soldiers of Christ who constantly do battle with our own preponderance to sin, as well as with the spiritual presence of evil in the world around us. What we do in our daily lives to shine the light of Christ that edifies ourselves and others is vital. 

As a member of the Church Militant, I continue to love E by being the person she has taught me to be, a stalwart warrior of Christ: to be like Judas Maccabeus, who fully relied on God’s power to do battle even when the odds were incredibly high; to always give thanks and praise to God in a celebratory and public manner, never forgetting the one who made all things possible; and to help the souls of the dead by offering prayer and masses.

Then there is the state of purification the recently dead soldiers of Christ go through known as the Church Penitent, also known as Church Suffering or Church Expectant. This is more commonly known as purgatory among Catholics and it is where our earthly sins and attachments are cleansed before the joys of heaven can be fully embraced. The only way those in purgatory can be cleansed properly and return fully to the Lord is through the prayers of the living - that’s where you and I come in. 

The focus of my prayer life has transformed in the last 18 months to include those in purgatory in a more intentional way. As Father Bobby put it, we are put here on earth to save souls, not just the souls of those who are still with us, but also the souls of those who cannot pray for themselves, those in purgatory. 

Since E’s passing, I have been praying fervently for her swift return to the Father’s embrace. Now while she herself cannot pray for this to happen, she can still pray for us who are left behind. Hence I have been seeking her intercession, and I know that whether she is still Church Penitent or is now part of Church Triumphant, her prayers are equally efficacious.

Finally there is Church Triumphant, where those who have returned to the Father’s embrace “are in glory, contemplating ‘in full light, God himself triune and one, exactly as he is'” (CCC 954). These are our saints, whether they are officially recognized or not. These are the ones, including our departed loved ones who, in enduring faith, ran the good race, and are now crowned with glory in heaven. 

I believe that E is already a saint, or soon to be, and our relationship has taken on a mystical bonding, a spiritual unity that is beyond human understanding, in the communion of saints. When on earth she prayed for my return to Jesus and her prayers bore fruit. Now in heaven I am sure she is still praying for me and for many others so that we can all eventually be together, Church Triumphant, just as the Creator desired from the very beginning. In the book of Maccabees, the prayers of the saints, the prophets, helped Judas Maccabeus win impossible battles. E will be my Onias and my Jeremiah, and will do likewise. What an incredible blessing! I hope to return to Jesus as she did, in triumphant love.