I just read an excellent article by Kaitlin Curtice, posted on her blog on June 1 entitled People Who Hold Space Will Heal the Church* and I loved how she shared about how her husband held the space for her in their relationship, trusting and allowing her to mature as an individual, and to grow into their relationship: it wasn’t a vision for what he thought I was supposed to be, but a vision still unknown to him, held by the mystery of God.
Curtice goes on to write on how this attitude of waiting patiently, and of trusting the long-term vision, can help us heal the church which is often "a place that tries to manage others, and it often leaves people wounded. It wounds the church by distorting who the church should really be, and it wounds individuals in the church by making them feel like they aren’t good enough for Jesus."
So what exactly does holding the space mean? This term was new to me so I googled it and came across yet another great article by Heather Plett** on what it is. She stresses that it is not exclusive to coaches, facilitators or palliative care nurses, but is something everyone can do for anyone they meet in the day as well as with people of longstanding relationships.
As Plett writes:
It means that we are willing to walk alongside another person in whatever journey they’re on without judging them, making them feel inadequate, trying to fix them, or trying to impact the outcome. When we hold space for other people, we open our hearts, offer unconditional support, and let go of judgement and control.
Plett offers eight tips on how we can hold space for others which I am going to summarize here. Do read the entire article by following the link at the bottom of this entry:
1. Give people permission to trust their own intuition and wisdom.
2. Give people only as much information as they can handle.
3. Don’t take their power away.
4. Keep your own ego out of it.
5. Make them feel safe enough to fail.
6. Give guidance and help, with humility and thoughtfulness.
7. Create a container for complex emotions, fear, trauma, etc.
8. Allow them to make different decisions and to have different experiences than you would.
Reading through Plett's tips, I realize my impatience and ego have caused me to be the church that wounds and distorts more than I would like to admit. Increasingly, I realize that true wisdom is not merely having clarity and deep insight into a situation, rather, it is knowing how to impart a nugget of information that helps the other arrive at the most judicious and beneficial decision. It is not about being right, or winning an argument; it is about being a sensitive and engaged listener who genuinely cares for the wellbeing of the other.
Being human, it's impossible not to get discouraged, or allow impatience to rule our tongues with harsh words when dealing with people, especially people who do not seem to learn from past mistakes, or insist on being pigheadedly obtuse.
The only way we can be effective space holders is to emulate the ultimate space holder, Jesus (read about the classic journey to Emmaus in Luke's Gospel, chapter 24). If only I could be someone who makes people hearts burn with the truth and renewed passion.
Today, I give thanks for my ICPE Woman to Woman and Companion communities who have held the space for me and allowed me to grow at my own pace. And I trust that the Lord will continue to teach me how to be the healing space holder He has been to me all these years, and to bring healing to His church.
* https://kaitlincurtice.com/2017/06/11/people-who-hold-space-will-heal-the-church/
** http://upliftconnect.com/hold-space/
Curtice goes on to write on how this attitude of waiting patiently, and of trusting the long-term vision, can help us heal the church which is often "a place that tries to manage others, and it often leaves people wounded. It wounds the church by distorting who the church should really be, and it wounds individuals in the church by making them feel like they aren’t good enough for Jesus."
So what exactly does holding the space mean? This term was new to me so I googled it and came across yet another great article by Heather Plett** on what it is. She stresses that it is not exclusive to coaches, facilitators or palliative care nurses, but is something everyone can do for anyone they meet in the day as well as with people of longstanding relationships.
As Plett writes:
It means that we are willing to walk alongside another person in whatever journey they’re on without judging them, making them feel inadequate, trying to fix them, or trying to impact the outcome. When we hold space for other people, we open our hearts, offer unconditional support, and let go of judgement and control.
Plett offers eight tips on how we can hold space for others which I am going to summarize here. Do read the entire article by following the link at the bottom of this entry:
1. Give people permission to trust their own intuition and wisdom.
2. Give people only as much information as they can handle.
3. Don’t take their power away.
4. Keep your own ego out of it.
5. Make them feel safe enough to fail.
6. Give guidance and help, with humility and thoughtfulness.
7. Create a container for complex emotions, fear, trauma, etc.
8. Allow them to make different decisions and to have different experiences than you would.
Reading through Plett's tips, I realize my impatience and ego have caused me to be the church that wounds and distorts more than I would like to admit. Increasingly, I realize that true wisdom is not merely having clarity and deep insight into a situation, rather, it is knowing how to impart a nugget of information that helps the other arrive at the most judicious and beneficial decision. It is not about being right, or winning an argument; it is about being a sensitive and engaged listener who genuinely cares for the wellbeing of the other.
Being human, it's impossible not to get discouraged, or allow impatience to rule our tongues with harsh words when dealing with people, especially people who do not seem to learn from past mistakes, or insist on being pigheadedly obtuse.
The only way we can be effective space holders is to emulate the ultimate space holder, Jesus (read about the classic journey to Emmaus in Luke's Gospel, chapter 24). If only I could be someone who makes people hearts burn with the truth and renewed passion.
Today, I give thanks for my ICPE Woman to Woman and Companion communities who have held the space for me and allowed me to grow at my own pace. And I trust that the Lord will continue to teach me how to be the healing space holder He has been to me all these years, and to bring healing to His church.
* https://kaitlincurtice.com/2017/06/11/people-who-hold-space-will-heal-the-church/
** http://upliftconnect.com/hold-space/
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