The little things

Your concern

Your care
The way you look at me
when you think I am not looking
Your gentleness
Your patience
The quickness with which you
forgive my foolishness
Your kindness
Your generosity
Towards me, but mostly towards others
disregarding your own needs
Your protectiveness
Your fidelity
I am wonderfully made
by your steadfast affections
Your smile
Your earnestness
The cheeky, fun-loving boy
who woos me with kampung charm
Your fortitude
Your passion
For His way in all things always
making you my perfect spouse
Your humility
Your faith
These are what matter most daily
on our journey to eternal happiness

Visiting the Graha Maria Annai Velangkanni

While in Medan, P and I visited the Graha Maria Annai Velangkanni, a Marian shrine set in the suburbs. I had read about it while prepping for our trip there and we were eager to go pay a visit. Upon arrival, we went inside and sat down to pray.

As I was finishing my rosary, I heard a voice in the background enumerating to an audience the significance of the various architectural details within the church's interior. Turning around I saw a priest talking to a couple and their daughter. I asked the priest if P and I could join with his little group, and he was most happy to oblige us.

It was only later that I found out the priest was none other than Father James Bharataputra, a Jesuit father who was instrumental in the building of this 'catechetical' church, as he calls it, in Medan.

Built in 2005 to serve the Tamil Catholic community in Medan, the idea of dedicating the church to Our Lady of Good Health from the town of Velankanni in Tamil Nadu was deemed not only appropriate, but strongly supported by the previous Archbishop who had visited the Shrine* there. Hearing the stories of how donations just poured in, and how this unusual church of eclectic architectural styles was constructed in just four years, in the hands of amateurs no less, was amazing.

Then there were the miracles**: the two Bibles, one hymnal and 10 million rupiahs worth of donations left untouched by a fire that razed Father James's room; the prompt arrival of the statue of Annai Velangkani that coincided with the laying of the foundation stone in 2002 despite the many obstacles; and the natural spring water that disgorges from a spot near the foot of a statue of Mother Mary in the Marian Chapel.

At the end of the tour, Father James gave us a blessing. It was a fitting way to end our short but lovely holiday, with a mini pilgrimage to yet another Marian shrine. I truly felt that everything that happened last Sunday morning was indeed by Divine appointment, and that Our Lady of Velangkanni herself blessed us and honoured our intercessory prayers for healing.

I thank God for the faith and passion of priests like Father James who are the shepherds who give up their lives for their flocks, believing as they do in the compassionate and loving heart of Jesus, our very own Good Shepherd.

*  Wikipedia says The Shrine of Our Lady of Vailankanni, also known as the "Lourdes of the East," is one of the most-frequented religious sites in India, drawing over two million visitors worldwide.

**  To read more about the miracles, see https://velangkanni.com/en/the-miracles/

Living and loving in the moment

What does it mean to be in love with God? According to Father Patrick Crowley love is not defined as twee sentimentality, nor is love of God the practice of a spirituality that does not connect with others with sensitivity and through easy availability. Addressing the various liturgical ministries of Blessed Sacrament Church last Saturday morning, Father Pat stressed the value of developing an interior life, centred on knowing the Father and His will, and allowing Him to direct all our thoughts, words and actions.

"Divine appointment," he called it, "a sense of something greater than yourself, ministering to you; something happening deep down within you." God our Creator knows every one of us intimately, but unless we choose to meet Him regularly in our daily lives, we will not know Him in return. Our faith will always flounder in the shallows, never growing in depth or richness.

Father Pat invited us to be sensible to life, in tune with life's rhythms, and to live mindfully, rather than get caught up with the act of doing, and our own way of doing things. We need to recognize and appreciate the moments in a day in order to live them well.

And when we cannot understand why things are the way they are, especially in times of crises, we should just let go, and let God. "God will always bring out something beyond your comprehension, so you need to pay attention," he reminded. It does not matter if we are in pain or broken-hearted, for God has always worked through broken individuals. Rather than give in to hopelessness, we should turn to Him, then get up, and move on. It is in the precise moment of turning to Him that we will experience the mercy of God. Perhaps not right away, but we will eventually experience an awakening, a new lease on life when we move in His Spirit.

There are three questions we should reflect on constantly:

1. How do people feel when they are with me, are they Intimidated or comfortable? If we are insecure and not comfortable in our own skins, we will tend to put people down. We cannot be life-giving individuals.

2. Am I fully aware of the presence of God in my life at this moment? Can we recognise the kairos* moments in our life, and submit ourselves wholeheartedly into the mystery of these God-gifted moments? This only comes from being more contemplative.

3. What does my daily behaviour say about the person I really am; are my actions a reflection of my intent? Is there integrity in our thoughts, words and actions? We are no saints, we will fall, but we must be honest with ourselves. Contrition and humility of heart is key.

Father Patrick called those of us in ministry to cultivate certain dispositions to aid us as we work in our Father's vineyard. There is a need:

For a universal mentality - The ability to stretch and give of self, more so when we feel challenged. Although we are shaped by our own culture, we should recognise that diversity enhances life and not be afraid of other cultures and peoples. Let's be more open and accepting.

For holiness - The call to holiness is for everyone. It is therefore important we have divine time every day, be it going for daily mass, and including any and all forms of prayer.  How else are we going to hear God speaking if we do not set aside time for Him?

To be just in the parish (and the world) - Are we fully aware of the needs of others around us and do we reach out to meet those needs? Not only that, do we exercise respect when we dispense help or "give alms", do we befriend the poor and get to know them by name? This is just behaviour, when we give in the true spirit of subsidiarity, knowing that all we have comes from God and thus, we are bound to share His bounty graciously, generously, and with full gratitude.

To be healer in the parish, and among the villagers - Rather than focusing on winning, and thereby selling our souls to be number one, we need to guard our humanity by giving of our time, effort and money. Here Father Pat spoke of the ministry of a smile as healing. He echoed Pope Francis's sharing last Wednesday: A human being’s life is an exchange of looks: someone who looking at us wrings from us the first smile, and we who freely smile at one who is closed in sadness, and thus we open to him a way out.

We also need to be inclusive, to continuously cultivate a sense of unity. This means to take time to listen, and speak words of affirmation to all who are around us, especially family members, whom we often take for granted. We can save lives when we speak loving and healing words of truth into people's lives.

To be rooted in God - When we are grounded in God we will have a solid foundation that gives us a sense of perspective and the ability to prioritize well. Father Pat quoted Mark, chapter one, verse 35, where we need to do what Jesus did, spend time in solitude frequently, so as to know and do the will of His Father perfectly.

It all boils down to the act of heartfelt ministering of the moment, bringing healing where it is needed. To do as Jesus did when He listened to the pleas of the possessed man and drove the demon within out, as told several times in Mark's Gospel. This is how we show how much we are in love with the Father, to do His bidding in a heartbeat, attuned as we are to His ways - to maximize the potential of life as it presents itself, moment by moment, in any given day. We are the Good Samaritan who does not hesitate to stop and help the fallen upon, before we go on our way.

Thank you, Father Patrick, for sharing your time and life, for living and loving us in the moment.

I would like to finish off with this inspiring prayer Father Patrick shared, written by General Douglas MacArthur for his only son, Arthur.

Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid; one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory.

Build me a son whose wishes will not take the place of deeds; a son who will know Thee—and that to know himself is the foundation stone of knowledge.

Lead him, I pray, not in the path of ease and comfort, but under the stress and spur of difficulties and challenge. Here let him learn to stand up in the storm; here let him learn compassion for those who fail.

Build me a son whose heart will be clear, whose goal will be high; a son who will master himself before he seeks to master other men; one who will reach into the future, yet never forget the past.

And after all these things are his, add, I pray, enough of a sense of humor, so that he may always be serious, yet never take himself too seriously. Give him humility, so that he may always remember the simplicity of true greatness, the open mind of true wisdom, and the weakness of true strength.

Then I, his father will dare to whisper, “I have not lived in vain. ”

* the appointed time in God's purpose

Loving gratuitously

I read the Pope's recent general audience* with interest where he offers a remedy for unhappiness. He talked about the necessity for a gratuity of love to exist in the world, where we are loved simply for who we are. Love does not need to be earned and he cautions us from falling into a terrible slavery of thinking  we need to be strong, attractive and beautiful in order for others to care for us.

Imagine a world like this: a world without the gratuity of love! It might seem like a human world, but in reality it is a living hell. So many forms of narcissism in man come from a feeling of loneliness and being orphaned. Behind so many seemingly inexplicable behaviors lies a question: Is it possible that I don’t deserve to be called by name, that is, to be loved? For love always calls by name…

This experience of divine love, of being called by name, of being loved first for no reason at all, and that does not rely on whether we are good or bad is mostly found in the way a mother or father loves their child. Even if the child has strayed, a mother never stops suffering for her child. She loves him even when he is a sinner. God does the same thing with us: we are his beloved children!

The inclusive, unconditional quality of God's love is not easy for us to live out, especially when we sin or are sinned against. Plus, no one has perfect parents, and we learn to love based very much on how our parents loved us, and how they loved each other. Thus, the memory of this primordial beauty of being wanted, loved, desired is often distorted or obscured.

Even if we have not had such great experiences ourselves, it does not stop us from loving others with this brand of unconditional love. The more we try to love this way, the more we will become proficient at it, and we will also, in turn, experience this gratuity of love ourselves.

The Pope's "medicine" for unhappy people goes like this: First you need to embrace him. Make him feel that he is wanted, that he is important, and he will stop being sad. 

It may sound simplistic but it works. When I am down, what soothes my soul, gets me out of my despair, is to just have someone listen to me wholeheartedly, without judging me or offering me solutions - just be there for me. They don't have to say a word, simply embrace me in the soft silence of loving empathy (a real hug works wonders for me as well). For into that space, Jesus enters and brings His Spirit of healing, gratuitous love.

Love calls to love, more powerfully than hatred calls to death. Jesus did not die and rise for himself, but for us, so that our sins might be forgiven. It is therefore a time of resurrection for everyone: time to raise up the poor from discouragement, especially those who have been lying in the tomb for much longer than three days. 

One of the ways to raise people up is through what Father Patrick Crowley calls the ministry of a smile. When we smile first at others, meeting their eyes with warm sincerity as we do, we will, inadvertently, as Pope Francis says, open the doors of their heart. Sadly, busy beings such as we are, always rushing onto the next appointment, we hardly ever look at others eye to eye, or smile.

On this great feast of Corpus Christi, it is fitting to live out the power of Christ's Body and Blood, given to us at every Eucharistic celebration, by pledging to love as He did. To give of ourselves: to love with a freeness of not expecting anything in return but just to love someone for who they are; and to be fully present in the moments of the day when we interact with people, listening with openness.

May the wind of liberation blow here, on our faces. May the gift of hope bud forth. And hope is from God the Father who loves us as we are: he loves us always and everyone.

*   https://zenit.org/articles/popes-general-audience-on-beloved-children-certainty-of-hope/

Holding space

I just read an excellent article by Kaitlin Curtice, posted on her blog on June 1 entitled People Who Hold Space Will Heal the Church* and I loved how she shared about how her husband held the space for her in their relationship, trusting and allowing her to mature as an individual, and to grow into their relationship: it wasn’t a vision for what he thought I was supposed to be, but a vision still unknown to him, held by the mystery of God.

Curtice goes on to write on how this attitude of waiting patiently, and of trusting the long-term vision, can help us heal the church which is often "a place that tries to manage others, and it often leaves people wounded. It wounds the church by distorting who the church should really be, and it wounds individuals in the church by making them feel like they aren’t good enough for Jesus."

So what exactly does holding the space mean? This term was new to me so I googled it and came across yet another great article by Heather Plett** on what it is. She stresses that it is not exclusive to coaches, facilitators or palliative care nurses, but is something everyone can do for anyone they meet in the day as well as with people of longstanding relationships.

As Plett writes:

It means that we are willing to walk alongside another person in whatever journey they’re on without judging them, making them feel inadequate, trying to fix them, or trying to impact the outcome. When we hold space for other people, we open our hearts, offer unconditional support, and let go of judgement and control.

Plett offers eight tips on how we can hold space for others which I am going to summarize here. Do read the entire article by following the link at the bottom of this entry:

1. Give people permission to trust their own intuition and wisdom.
2. Give people only as much information as they can handle. 
3. Don’t take their power away. 
4. Keep your own ego out of it. 
5. Make them feel safe enough to fail. 
6. Give guidance and help, with humility and thoughtfulness.
7. Create a container for complex emotions, fear, trauma, etc. 
8. Allow them to make different decisions and to have different experiences than you would. 

Reading through Plett's tips, I realize my impatience and ego have caused me to be the church that wounds and distorts more than I would like to admit. Increasingly, I realize that true wisdom is not merely having clarity and deep insight into a situation, rather, it is knowing how to impart a nugget of information that helps the other arrive at the most judicious and beneficial decision. It is not about being right, or winning an argument; it is about being a sensitive and engaged listener who genuinely cares for the wellbeing of the other.

Being human, it's impossible not to get discouraged, or allow impatience to rule our tongues with harsh words when dealing with people, especially people who do not seem to learn from past mistakes, or insist on being pigheadedly obtuse.

The only way we can be effective space holders is to emulate the ultimate space holder, Jesus (read about the classic journey to Emmaus in Luke's Gospel, chapter 24). If only I could be someone who makes people hearts burn with the truth and renewed passion.

Today, I give thanks for my ICPE Woman to Woman and Companion communities who have held the space for me and allowed me to grow at my own pace. And I trust that the Lord will continue to teach me how to be the healing space holder He has been to me all these years, and to bring healing to His church.

 *  https://kaitlincurtice.com/2017/06/11/people-who-hold-space-will-heal-the-church/

**  http://upliftconnect.com/hold-space/

The power of struggling

We come out of our mother's womb struggling. Both mother and child will experience a mix of pain and fear, amidst the awe and joy. Every new thing we learn as a child, be it walking or talking, involves great effort, and most certainly, initial failure. So why is it that, as adults, we expect life to be plain sailing, or we shy away from struggles?

When life pulls the rug from underneath our feet, we moan and wail, ready to give up and walk away? How did we lose the innate confidence we had as children that we were born to walk, and thus, we never stop attempting to stand up again and walk, even after we have fallen the gadzillionth time. We are bold, intrepid beings, undeterred by failure. Adversity is swatted away by chubby fingers and blithe spirits.

Having hit an emotional speed bump lately I have been reflecting on where I am right now - why am I struggling so much, and what is it that I am being put through my paces to learn? P mentioned last Friday evening that emotional crises are brought upon by transitions in life. I guess that must be it. I am currently still transitioning into married life.

Don't get me wrong, I can see practically almost every blessing I receive in this new season of life, and I am filled with gratitude and joy. But, to be honest, there are things I mourn deeply and I grapple with change (why can't certain things stay the way they were). I suffer a sense of guilt for having left certain things, certain people, behind. I keep telling myself not to look back, lest I become like Lot's wife, paralyzed and unable to move forward in my new life.

Then there are the growing pains, and the need to find balance and inner harmony when thrown into a completely new arena fraught with complexities to negotiate. I am impatient to get on with it and acquire a certain level of expertise that can only come with time. Instead, I wish to fast forward life and skip the struggles, knowing full well that going through it all is necessary in order for insight and wisdom to come.

When Father Romeo said change was a blessing in our lives during his weekend homily, I almost groaned. I don't dispute that change can be wonderful, but I take issue with how it can be strange-awkward painful, causing me to struggle before a new equilibrium is found.

In order to fly, the butterfly must struggle to emerge from the chrysalis. The process of breaking out of the chrysalis pumps blood through the new wings so that they can unfurl strongly into the beautiful and functional apparatus the butterfly requires to fly. So the struggles I am now encountering in the transition of single life into marriage and motherhood are par for the course. I should not let them get me down, nor stay down for too long.

After all, I have been practising for years now for this vocation and I finally get to do it for real. These are thrilling and exciting times. Never mind the occasional cut or bruise. That should not stop me. Nothing should stop me. Just as little Moana of Motunui and little Diana of Themyscira had a sense of who they were to become when they grew up, I, too, have that same intuition. I, too, am made for greatness, to move hearts, change lives, and make the world a better place.

As I prayed the Novena to the Holy Spirit for the seven gifts of wisdom, understanding, counsel, fortitude, knowledge, piety and fear of the Lord, I came to a better understanding of my struggles and what powers my fears. I thank God for the gift of the Holy Spirit this Pentecost, for, with Him, I can rejoice in my struggles and celebrate my fears. I pray for His constant presence to aid me in all my endeavours and make change a blessing I can bestow on others.