P and I have been married exactly one
month today. In some ways it feels like forever, in a good way, even though I am still adjusting to living in his home, especially sharing a room, something I have not done since I left college.
A number of friends have already asked me this question, how is married life? In a word, it is good, although my true answer to the question is it just is. There are bad experiences mixed in with the good, but one does not measure marriage by the sum total of good things versus bad things. One appreciates the good, and deals with the bad to make it more palatable.
Marriage, the bonding of two souls, two lives, is complex and profound for although each person brings into the marriage all the other's relationships and ties, past experiences, baggage, individual perceptions, preferences, and expectations, the intentional melding of individual differences in the fire of self-giving sacrifice can give rise to a harmonious union that creates a positive and powerful force field around the couple and other family members.
There will always be the need for clarification for there will always be certain miscommunication, misunderstanding, disappointment, and hurt feelings. We move through a range of positive and negative emotions through time, and there is even an ebb and flow in affection. But as long as there is respect and openness, there will be room to rethink, adjust and discover new rhythms.
The state of my married life cannot be based on my affective state, but always on my conscious decision to commit wholly to P (and he to me), and this means we are committed to a lifetime of love and fidelity, putting each other first, serving the other as best we can, day in, and day out.
I do not look to P for my happiness or fulfilment, rather I am always asking myself how can I make him happy in a way that would also help him be enriched and whole. I am still learning, and adjusting. This is not about being subservient or codependent, but seeing with Mary's eyes (who was aligned completely to the Father's will) what needs to be done, and acting to bring about a good outcome, enjoyed by everyone. It's the Cana thing again.
I admit, it can be tiring, and a little daunting at times, and I fumble and stumble, but resting on my identity as child of God helps me tremendously in living out my marital commitments for when I feel exhausted, stressed out, unloved or unappreciated, I turn to Jesus, and He gives me the strength and energy to keep behaving like a beloved child of God who does not need to seek external validation.
This allows me to channel the joy of Cana, and to keep turning the mundane, even undesired water into robust, uplifting wine. I can remain joyful even when my body is crying out for more sleep and all I want to do is snap at anyone who crosses my path.
My days and weeks will continue to be intense as I try to find the balance, but as P shared with our Bible-sharing friends, we laugh together a lot, and we have kept up the practices of our courtship (of daily mass and devotion) which give heart to the relationship. So married life is sweet, despite the lack of sleep and irksome allergies.
A number of friends have already asked me this question, how is married life? In a word, it is good, although my true answer to the question is it just is. There are bad experiences mixed in with the good, but one does not measure marriage by the sum total of good things versus bad things. One appreciates the good, and deals with the bad to make it more palatable.
Marriage, the bonding of two souls, two lives, is complex and profound for although each person brings into the marriage all the other's relationships and ties, past experiences, baggage, individual perceptions, preferences, and expectations, the intentional melding of individual differences in the fire of self-giving sacrifice can give rise to a harmonious union that creates a positive and powerful force field around the couple and other family members.
There will always be the need for clarification for there will always be certain miscommunication, misunderstanding, disappointment, and hurt feelings. We move through a range of positive and negative emotions through time, and there is even an ebb and flow in affection. But as long as there is respect and openness, there will be room to rethink, adjust and discover new rhythms.
The state of my married life cannot be based on my affective state, but always on my conscious decision to commit wholly to P (and he to me), and this means we are committed to a lifetime of love and fidelity, putting each other first, serving the other as best we can, day in, and day out.
I do not look to P for my happiness or fulfilment, rather I am always asking myself how can I make him happy in a way that would also help him be enriched and whole. I am still learning, and adjusting. This is not about being subservient or codependent, but seeing with Mary's eyes (who was aligned completely to the Father's will) what needs to be done, and acting to bring about a good outcome, enjoyed by everyone. It's the Cana thing again.
I admit, it can be tiring, and a little daunting at times, and I fumble and stumble, but resting on my identity as child of God helps me tremendously in living out my marital commitments for when I feel exhausted, stressed out, unloved or unappreciated, I turn to Jesus, and He gives me the strength and energy to keep behaving like a beloved child of God who does not need to seek external validation.
This allows me to channel the joy of Cana, and to keep turning the mundane, even undesired water into robust, uplifting wine. I can remain joyful even when my body is crying out for more sleep and all I want to do is snap at anyone who crosses my path.
My days and weeks will continue to be intense as I try to find the balance, but as P shared with our Bible-sharing friends, we laugh together a lot, and we have kept up the practices of our courtship (of daily mass and devotion) which give heart to the relationship. So married life is sweet, despite the lack of sleep and irksome allergies.
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