Love note

She asked me 
What I liked about you 
Why I loved you? 
How do I quantify 
Or begin to describe 
What I feel inside:
The flutters of like that rise,
Sighing sweetly,
To the goodness of you.
Swells of affection 
Rolling into your ocean 
Of Marian blue.
Deep calling unto deep.
Bubbly girl to sunny boy.
We traipse the fields 
Of green and gold,
Spinning tales 
Effervescent, full of joy, 
Sprinkled with mirth 
Like a child's first giggles
While wonder and gratitude
Dog our every step.
He delights in our beings,
Our wedded togetherness
We are a party of three.
As we dance in unison
Mother Mary smiles,
We were meant to be
A fundamental truth
She made certain we knew 
What's best for last
To last forever
If we centre on Christ
Every single day
In faith, hope and love.
The flowers given 
by the Holy Family 
Will bloom profusely 
Enveloping all 
In their fragrance
Bringing Cana to life.

Adjustment period

P and I have been married exactly one

month today. In some ways it feels like forever, in a good way, even though I am still adjusting to living in his home, especially sharing a room, something I have not done since I left college.

A number of friends have already asked me this question, how is married life? In a word, it is good, although my true answer to the question is it just is. There are bad experiences mixed in with the good, but one does not measure marriage by the sum total of good things versus bad things. One appreciates the good, and deals with the bad to make it more palatable.

Marriage, the bonding of two souls, two lives, is complex and profound for although each person brings into the marriage all the other's relationships and ties, past experiences, baggage, individual perceptions, preferences, and expectations, the intentional melding of individual differences in the fire of self-giving sacrifice can give rise to a harmonious union that creates a positive and powerful force field around the couple and other family members.

There will always be the need for clarification for there will always be certain miscommunication, misunderstanding, disappointment, and hurt feelings. We move through a range of positive and negative emotions through time, and there is even an ebb and flow in affection. But as long as there is respect and openness, there will be room to rethink, adjust and discover new rhythms.

The state of my married life cannot be based on my affective state, but always on my conscious decision to commit wholly to P (and he to me), and this means we are committed to a lifetime of love and fidelity, putting each other first, serving the other as best we can, day in, and day out.

I do not look to P for my happiness or fulfilment, rather I am always asking myself how can I make him happy in a way that would also help him be enriched and whole. I am still learning, and adjusting. This is not about being subservient or codependent, but seeing with Mary's eyes (who was aligned completely to the Father's will) what needs to be done, and acting to bring about a good outcome, enjoyed by everyone. It's the Cana thing again.

I admit, it can be tiring, and a little daunting at times, and I fumble and stumble, but resting on my identity as child of God helps me tremendously in living out my marital commitments for when I feel exhausted, stressed out, unloved or unappreciated, I turn to Jesus, and He gives me the strength and energy to keep behaving like a beloved child of God who does not need to seek external validation.

This allows me to channel the joy of Cana, and to keep turning the mundane, even undesired water into robust, uplifting wine. I can remain joyful even when my body is crying out for more sleep and all I want to do is snap at anyone who crosses my path.

My days and weeks will continue to be intense as I try to find the balance, but as P shared with our Bible-sharing friends, we laugh together a lot, and we have kept up the practices of our courtship (of daily mass and devotion) which give heart to the relationship. So married life is sweet, despite the lack of sleep and irksome allergies.

Transforming water into wine

Last Saturday, the Gospel reading was from John, it was the wedding at Cana, which was our wedding Gospel reading. The main reason why we chose this Scriptural passage was because Mother Mary features as one of the key protagonists, apart from Jesus himself. Also, this mystery, the Second Luminous Mystery, is one of the signs we received as confirmation that we consider marriage so wedding at Cana is a very special Word for us. Father Antony reminded us yet again, last Saturday, why this Gospel is rich.

First, it features an unusual way for the Saviour to begin His ministry of redeeming the world. Instead of a significant event that would have caught everyone's attention, Jesus chose to manifest His divinity in a very domestic and loving way, and all because He wanted to please His mother, who was attempting to save a bridal couple from the embarrassment of having run out of wine at their wedding feast.

Mary, on the other hand, besides displaying a sensitivity to others' needs, is also full of faith and respectful of Her son. She wisely does not insist when He says the timing is not right, giving Him the necessary space to do what's right by instructing the servants to do whatever He tells them.

That Jesus did accede to His mother's wishes tells me that He listens to her, like a good son (hence making Mary a powerful mediatrix for us), and He also wants us to experience joy in our lives. He wants to transform life-giving water into something more delicious, and with a pleasurable kick in it. This extra something is sonship. As children of God, we can see him face to face, we can be familiar, intimate, completely reliant on Him for support when we need it. We actually do not need to worry so much in life even when beset with problems for He provides all the answers and takes care of us ultimately.

The antiphon after Communion from John chapter one echoes this gift of Cana: For all who would accept him, He gave them the power to be children of God.

The power is the gift of dignity, made in the image and likeness of the Father Himself, that engenders the ability to manage adversity, rejection, and suffering without breaking, or losing one's integrity, meeting hardship with the grace of unsinkable joy, lively hope, and unending love.

When we embody the dignity of who we are, and channel it correctly and appropriately, we communicate and perpetuate Epiphany to all we meet, that is, the physical manifestation of Christ living among us - and we sow healing, and revelatory life-changing experiences wherever we go. We are light bearers who emit a gentle and warm glow in a cold, hostile world, attracting people to Jesus.

The transformation of water into wine in quiet and discreet gestures also speaks of humility and selflessness; Christ, and His mother's, self-effacing yet most effective way of touching hearts and changing minds. Perhaps the best efforts of ours come when we strive to act out of divine love, continuing to be humble and self-giving, and leaving the rest to the Master Winemaker so that others can enjoy the bouquets and tastes enough to want a second glass, and another.