Anniversary lessons

It has been just little over a year since P and I got hitched. I can't believe it's been a year, nor that I am married. Still amazed. Still awed by how P and I met and slipped into marriage. It was a sweet decision, and it still is.

It hasn't been easy, and yet, it has been surprisingly smooth and mostly wonderful. I suppose it helped that we went into marriage appreciating that happily ever afters are hugely possible if both parties are willing to work at it devotedly. The good thing is, we both are. Of course we frequently get a helping hand from Jesus and His Mother.

So what have I learned in this very full year of marriage?

Walking humbly
The vows we spoke to one another on our wedding day have to be lived out in very concrete ways and in tangible acts. This means respecting each other's boundaries by giving in to the other without giving up one's own dignity or identity. We go out of our way to do things that will enrich the other as Christ would, not subserviently but selflessly. Of course knowing what it is exactly that the other wants and needs is tricky and will take us a lifetime to refine.

I have learned that my way may not necessarily be his way, and therefore it is not the best way. Likewise, what P thinks I want may not coincide with what I truly want, so adjustments in thinking are needed. We will still fumble and bumble. We will still talk at cross purposes. We will still have misunderstandings and communication breakdowns. We will still get frustrated and angry with each other at times. But how we deal with all this is what will continue to move us towards the happily ever after.

If we consciously walk with humility, we will both keep forgiving and being gracious to each other even when we don't feel like it; we will take accountability for our own mistakes, apologize, and make amends. We will also be open to new ways of doing things, to new experiences, all in the name of being a better spouse.

Humility enables gratitude, empathy and generosity to well up and power our behaviour, thus humility makes us kinder, more considerate and caring towards each other. Self-denial is not a problem. Sacrifice can even be a pleasure, a joy, as I have found.

Spacing togetherness
I have always loved this quote from Khalil Gibran's The Prophet on relationships:

Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.

Give space: allowing life to unfold as it wills usually yields better results, rather than forcing things to go the way you want them. I have a tendency to jump to conclusions, be judgemental, and also to demand instant results. In these past months I have learned to hold my temper and bite my tongue (edit, edit, edit damaging, killer comments that threaten to trip over emotionally charged lips); fold my arms and wait although internally I am jumping up and down with impatience. The honey of forbearance trumps the vinegar of impulsive, intransigent gratification.

It is no longer all about me or him but about us, therefore the relationship, the us, needs time and space to grow freely and organically. In this area, prayer is indispensable. When things are not going as I would wish, when I am upset or in despair, I pray for insight and strength to change myself first. I pray for His will to be done. Often, God honours my prayer, and Mother Mary comes to my aid. Hearts transform, pathways open up, the impossible is made possible. I am always amazed at His creativity.

While we are a couple, we are also our own people, separate individuals. There will always be a tension between the two as we forge couplehood. When do we compromise personal preferences and likes in order to foster a stronger marriage, and when do we keep nurturing our own identities in order to stimulate the marriage, this is something both P and I need to tango back and forth in one accord (we can naturally agree to disagree) - sometimes giving, sometimes taking. There is no perfect science to this save the sincerity we both bring to the table in wanting the best for the other.

Hunting grace moments
Married life is filled with grace moments, some we see right off the bat, others need keen detecting. If we take the time to look, we will also find those we take for granted. The consciousness examen helps me spot grace moments so that I can show appreciation and give affirmation appropriately, and frequently (something I am still learning to do).

Grace moments are like sacraments in that they are visible signs of inner grace and concrete acts of love. When these little light bulbs of divine love go off, they light up our world, and build bonds of love between us.

We are the ones largely responsible for creating our own grace moments in marriage, and when P and I both move in the Spirit, we create grace moments which often have a multiplier effect. People around us, especially our loved ones, benefit, for the effect is not just limited to the two of us.

Of course the best kind of grace moments are those that are completely unmerited, unsought and spontaneous, blessings from the One who loves us. Look out for those as well and luxuriate in them.

Through these last 12 months of thrills and spills, the one thing that has made it all that bit better is the laughter and smiles P and I have shared. P makes me laugh every day and has even taught me to laugh at myself, and not take myself too seriously. I thank God for this good man I call husband and I look forward to celebrating many more years with him. 

Vacations and churches

When my sister-in-law asked me what there was to do in Sydney for she is visiting in March, I said to her she should research it herself for P and I have a penchant for visiting Catholic churches first before we do any additional sight-seeing.

We are always somehow blessed whenever we travel by usually picking accommodation close enough to a Catholic church to be able to walk to it thereby not missing out on our daily mass routine. Thus in Sydney, our first planned activity was to celebrate Sunday mass at Saint Bridgid's on Kent Street which turned out to be the oldest Catholic place of worship in Sydney and was a place where Australian saint Mary MacKillop frequented (or so we were told).

Later we discovered yet another church within walking distance that celebrated five weekday masses daily, Saint Patrick's, run by the Marist brothers. I felt Our Lady of Guadalupe granted my desire to celebrate her feast day, and my wedding anniversary in thanksgiving.

What P and I found most heartening was how crowded the weekday masses were in Sydney and, how many people went for the Sacrament of Reconciliation. It was hilarious really, for I thought I was next in line when a man went into the Recon room after the priest had turned on the light indicating his presence only to discover I had to get in line with 13-15 people ahead of me. On subsequent days we would see two priests administering Recon before and during mass, and this is during weekdays!

We then boarded a cruise that took us to Lifou where we could pray the rosary in the tiniest brick and wooden chapel dedicated to Our Lady of Lourdes I have seen, and to do the same in the Noumea Cathedral dedicated to Saint Joseph, again places we could walk to with not much effort.

When we returned to Sydney after our cruise we found ourselves close to Saint Mary's Cathedral and to Saint Peter Julian's, a lovely small church in Chinatown that both P and I felt was filled with the presence of the Holy Spirit.

What was the real treat just before we returned home was to enjoy the

Christmas light up at the Cathedral, whose facade was used as a canvas for the laser projection show that sought to evangelise those who watched it even as it wowed us with its beauty.

There is something to be said for seeking Jesus even when on vacation,and making time to honour Father God and Our Lady, who kept us safe and met us in the warmth and graciousness of the people, the beauty of the local architecture and land, and the many opportunities to enjoy ourselves(we had mostly great weather with a few passing showers that did not deter our activities). We were edifiied by the faith of Sydneysiders, and we found God is indeed alive and well, and living in the city.

Finding inner strength

It has been a while since I blogged. Life has been a little overwhelming lately and I have not been very inspired to share. To be honest, I kind of lost my voice. It has been a year filled not only with many new experiences that have posed needed adjustments, but numerous insignificant yet bothersome physical ailments. Despite my struggle to stay on top of things, I have spun quite often into despair and despondency. So I entered into the season of Advent not feeling quite my best, nor able to give much to anyone.

E said something to me a couple of weeks ago, a statement I found most liberating: It's okay not to be strong all the time. I had shared with him that I was not in a good place physically and that this posed quite a challenge for me emotionally.

Yes, it's okay to struggle, to fall, and to lean on those around you. There is no shame in admitting I am weak, that I have faults and failings only those who choose to love me can accept.

In the midst of my suffering, I often ask when will it end, yet knowing at the same time, I will be given the inner strength to deal with it. Thus I have found that suffering does not define me, nor should I let it do so.

I can still laugh with joy and sing with gratitude for all the good things that have been given to me. As E told me when she saw me last, rather than look at life as being filled with challenges, look at things, events that happen, as part of a season in life and allow myself to waver and stumble, taking one step at a time. Perfection is not required. I also needed to remember to articulate my difficulties, share them, rather than keep it all bottled up inside of me.

As I prayed the sorrowful mysteries this morning, I could see that Jesus allowed the events that were to happen play out fully. At no point in time did He protest or throw in the towel. He knew what was going to happen but still he underwent the betrayal, the unjust accusations, the humiliation of abuse and torture, the excruciating walk to Calvary and its final horror of crucifixion.

He bore the cross alone and walked, bowed under the weight, stumbling often. On the way, He accepted the assistance of Simon the Cyrenian, He let Veronica to wipe His face, He met His Mother, exchanging looks of grief-filled love, and He acknowledged the weeping women of Jerusalem.

In my own life who am I to eschew suffering? Nor should I demand perfection out of everything in life, especially what I do. Certainly what I can do to change things around I will do, in my own limited way, but what is not within my control I can accept with grace and act with integrity and selfless love, always reaching out to others as He did at each juncture.

As I wait for the Christ child to be born and to eventually grow up into the Messiah who redeems me, I let go of my pain, my despair, the things I cannot change, all of life's imperfections, and I look forward to His birth with anticipation and joy. I can do great things through Him only if I allow Him to be born in my heart. O come Immanuel. You will be my inner strength. 

Choosing life over death

I say I choose life every day but I lie. While I do make a conscious choice to be life-giving, to be as compassionate and loving as Jesus was, and I acknowledge the primacy and centrality of God in my life, I choose death when it comes to my physical well-being.

I don't pay such close attention to what I put in my body, often eating foods that are bad for me; I ignore what my body needs to maintain optimum health. I even ignore the pain I am in, until it becomes unbearable before I actually do something about it. Hence, I choose death on some level every day.

Just by listening to the people around me, seeing the states their bodes are in, I know I am not unique. I may even make 'better' choices, and thank God, my health issues are not serious and revolve mostly around managing muscle pain and getting a good night's sleep.

P said that people generally avoid a fast death but they invariably pick a slow one. He was talking about people with chronic illnesses who have the power to manage said illnesses yet choose to ignore the prescribed remedies, preferring instead to let their conditions degenerate to a point where symptoms can be dire, and damage irreversible. Even then, they refuse to take accountability and make judicious changes in lifestyles that would help, opting instead to use medication as their only line of defence.

It's completely baffles me that people can be so irrational, choosing death over life, albeit a very slow death, but, then again, I am no different myself. I do not eat properly and exercise regularly. I do not do what's right for my body. I guess I'm not disciplined enough, and laziness trumps vanity for me. Prayer, now I've got that down pretty much, even mindfulness, but exercise and eating right? Hmmm, I still have a ways to go.

Although looking after one's health is not explicitly preached in the Bible, Saint Paul did remind the Corinthians that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit within us, and that we are not our own, we belong to God. We also know that gluttony is one of the seven deadly sins and that temperance is a virtue. In Genesis, we are tasked to be good stewards - should this not apply to our bodies besides the environment?

When I feel tired or unwell, I am not able to give my best to the tasks I set myself. I even draw back from reaching out to others, loving others, for it all becomes just too much. My efforts are lackadaisical and perfunctory.

When I am in pain, I can only focus on my own pain, my world shrinks, and I tend to ignore the pain of others. I become self-centred, selfish, without even realizing it. I become short-tempered, impatient and quite intolerant of others' weaknesses.

When I am emotionally exhausted and fragile, I close up unto myself, and I do not hear the cries of the needy around me. I don't want to. I just can't. How can I be the hands and feet of Christ when I myself am so in need of comfort and rest?

I recently had a minor procedure done and while the outcome was good and I feel relieved and grateful, I am also physically drained. So I am learning to love myself a little more by resting and taking better care of my body. I realize I cannot continue down this path of poor stewardship over my own health for the price is high in terms of not being able to do the things I love, and the missed opportunities to minister to others.

I want to be pain-free, energized, brimming with health and vitally alive. If I am in better shape to worship the Lord, I will do a better job of it. Right now, my best is really not my personal best, and that's a shame. As I work on restoring my health, I invite you to take stock and see if you could make some healthier choices and to do it immediately. Every day we are given the power to choose life or death, choose life in all the ways that honour the Creator. 

Cultivating coupleness in marriage

I was sharing with my SD last week about how my marriage was going and he said to me you both need to find a new language of love that is special to the two of you, a coupleness that is forged from each person's gifts and talents, and expressed in giving to the other in a committed love. I thought, what a lovely concept, and I was heartened for P and I have actually been doing this for the last year or so, discovering and building our own unique love language.

He reminded me of not falling into the pitfalls of a consumer relationship where we use each other for our own selfish needs, and we do not not respect the other's gendered dignity and we objectify each other. The archetype of this kind of relationship is where the man is seen as the banker or social status enabler while the woman is the "decorative vase" or baby factory.

Then there is the convenience relationship where we are in relationship merely to suit our own needs and purposes. It is not really what we are looking for in a relationship but it serves certain superficial social purposes, so why not? This is almost like a friends with benefits type of relationship where we fulfil ourselves gratuitously at the cost of real intimacy. Again we fall into using quite easily.

I will also put into this category, what my SD cautions against for married couples, and that is the married but living as singles. There is no true commitment to establishing a life together as one couple. Neither is willing to give up or make certain sacrifices that would make the other happy, so we still pursue separate interests and social lives, much like housemates. The relationship dynamics centre around quid pro quo, a what's in it for me attitude, all very transactional. Hardly what one can call marriage.

The kind of relationship marriage should be is the committed relationship where we are invested in the welfare of the other, what is good for him or her. It's a self-donating love that does not give up one's own dignity and individuality and is centred first on loving God in order to love the other. It's not about codependency or being a doormat.

There are undoubtedly differences in how men and women communicate, and how they see things from a feminine or masculine perspective can add tension to a relationship, even in the best of committed relationships. P and I are still learning to accommodate each other's differences, even when we don't completely understand the other at times. With patience, empathy and the ability to forgive, we can change to become better people together as well as individually through time.

Here is where what JPII calls the complementarity of the sexes comes into play. We are each called to combine the best of our masculine and feminine genius in how we interact with each other as a couple and how we, as a couple, act and interact socially.

This gender difference is found in spirituality as well. Brother Dominic shared that for men, the tendency was to the external, think Saint John of the Cross's Ascent to Mount Carmel. For women, it is more internal much like Saint Teresa of Avila's bid to enter the Interior Castle.

Women tend to be more life-giving, while men more life-protecting, just like Joseph who fled to Egypt with Jesus and Mary upon receiving a dream from an angel. The invitation is for both to nurture the life-giving qualities, without ignoring being life-protecting, and bless each other, their extended and respective families, and society at large.

As P and I continue to grow in coupleness, creating our own love language, I find the words of Saint Louis de Montfort in his book True Devotion to Mary apply equally to the marriage vocation and I can certainly shoot for this:

It is certain that growth in the holiness of God is your vocation. All your thoughts, words, actions, everything you suffer or undertake must lead you towards that end. Otherwise you are resisting God in not doing the work for which he created you and for which he is even now keeping you in being. What a marvelous transformation is possible! Dust into light, uncleanness into purity, sinfulness into holiness, creature into Creator, man into God!

To Jesus through Mary

P and I just spent the weekend at the Montfort Centre learning more about Montfortian spirituality with regards to Mother Mary. We both had a great time. Brother Dominic cracked us up even as he taught us profound truths of why going to Christ through His Mother is the surest, smoothest, shortest and most perfect way. We learned more about what it means to have a true devotion to Mary, and allowed ourselves to just bask in her hidden way.

I was also delighted to find two labyrinths on the peaceful and lush grounds and to walk them in prayer. It was lovely to reflect on the past months of busyness and great adjustments, and to give thanks for all the graces I have received. Mother Mary has been my source of strength, comfort and inspiration in these months of trying to be a good wife and mother. That the transitions have been so smooth, and I have been able to find my way with not too many missteps in the trickiness of forging new relationships is due in no small part to Our Lady. I thank God for the gift of  Mother Mary, who has helped mould me in her feminine gifts of gentleness, generous hospitality, intuitive wisdom and quiet humility.

Hush! Child, do not cry!
I am here with you.
Do not be afraid!
Just do whatever He tells you
For He knows best.
I know for he is my son, 
And I have taught him well
To revere his father 
Honour his ways and walk
With integrity and mercy 
In every breath
In every heartbeat
In every step.
I am the Immaculate Conception.
Graced by God to be his echo
Tree of life
Unifying oceans 
Mystical bowl 
The hidden way
Queen of all hearts.
So learn from my fiat:
Let it be done in all things
According to the Father's will
Especially receiving the man child
Into your heart,
Giving him room to grow
So you will become more like him
God-like, Spirit-full
Singing true, humming strong
The glorious salvation song
Cutting evil at its knees.
When hope is lost remember
To light your way from within
Ponder in silence 
Pierce through the mystery
Winnow the pain away leaving
The healing scent of winter roses
Tempering suffering into a sweet delight.
You must hold firm!
Grounded in the Beloved
you are, as I am.
Via Maria
I am the perfect way
Straight to his heart
From my heart.

Using faith well

Faith unused decreases. It's a law... Today unused is lost. A talent unused is lost. An ability unused is lost.

The words of Jim Rohn, a motivational speaker who used the parable of the talents to illustrate his message of using all you've got struck a chord within me.

I thought it was interesting to view faith as a something to be used but Jim Rohn had a point. While faith is fundamentally a gift - given to each of us freely, just as salvation through Jesus Christ is - if we do not even bother to unwrap the gift, we will remain completely unaffected by the gift, unmoved. We will lose out on the experience of marvelling at its beauty, or of availing ourselves of it to bless others, and indirectly bless ourselves.

Faith cannot remain pristine or remote, some perfect ideal dwelling on top of the mountain removed from civilization. Faith must be lived out: it has to be engaged, and even gritty, for it is mostly when we grapple with it in the everyday struggles of life that we can actually grow in faith. We have to use it: use it to make decisions, use it to grow in virtue and tease our disposition into the image and likeness of the One who created us.

The parable of the talents is one that used to trouble me a lot for what if I am like the servant with one talent who is so afraid of losing it and buries it in the ground to maintain it? I am in deep trouble. Although I have moved out of that place and I see myself more like the servant who is able to somewhat multiply the talents given to me, ultimately I want to max out my potential. I have been given much, therefore more is expected of me.

So what is my faith like? Do I use it every day? Is it central to my life? Do I act out my beliefs and live out a powerful witness of life? Or is my faith incidental, I choose when and where to exercise it; it comes and goes with circumstances and I do not live and breathe the name of Jesus in all my actions? Here is where the marriage vows of being true in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health should apply. Like love, faith is not a feeling, Nor does it rely on sentiment. Faith is a commitment, an act of will as much as it is a grace given by God, a gift.

We were reflecting on the greatset commandment earlier in the week, which is the Gospel of today and initially I was focused on what I do to love my neighbour for I believe that faith must be lived out not just in words, but in action. Then the second time I reflected on it, I was struck by the necessity of loving God as stated in the first part of Jesus' answer.

I will always live in the tension of having too much to do in a limited amount of time and an easily depletable store of energy. Before I even act in love, I need to love God, sit quietly at His feet with all that I am and let His love enfold me. In so doing, awash and steeped His love, He will show me how I need to love others; who are the people, on a daily basis, that I need to love actively as my neighbour, while supplying me with the necessary disposition, plus what talents do I need to deploy to love effectively. Loving Him first frees me from unrealistic expectations on my own part, and allows me to examine my own motivations and purify them so that I do not suffer from burn out. So loving God and neighbour are inextricably tied together.

As we approach the end of the liturgical year, the Gospel readings remind us to stay awake, be alert, and be ready for the Master's coming. We cannot afford to slacken in our disciplines of faith, nor flag in our attempts to love the people who surround us. In the parting words of Jim Rohn:

Make sure that all of your talent and ability, and mentality, and ingenuity, and vitality, and strong feelings, faith, courage, make sure that all you've got is being used, otherwise you lose.

Making the mark

She was quite upset, wailing that she had made a mistake in a major decision even though she had prayed and discerned about this matter previously. What she forgot was that making the right decision does not exclude difficulties, sacrifices or a need to make radical changes in one's life, all not so easy as we get older and more set in our ways. On the contrary, making the right decision usually holds more challenges, obstacles the size of mountains even.

She wanted to know if I regretted my decision to get married, for wasn't marriage difficult at times? It is, but no regrets. I did not elaborate much for I find it pointless to gripe about my struggles. Of course there have to be struggles despite the fact I married a super great guy: there were the inevitable teething problems, the occasional communication breakdowns and misunderstandings, situations that may not be to my liking, constraints I may resent... the list goes on.

There are also times I feel lost, and empty, for marriage seems so reductive that I have become a shadow of who I am; I feel I am not serving the Lord as fully as I should, that I have buried my talents in the ground. Is this right for me? Questions crowd my mind, with no immediate or clear answers. Insecurities and fears gnaw at my consciousness. I have hopes for the marriage - for us as a couple, for myself, for the one whom I love - desires that I wonder will ever come to fruition? I can fall into despair.

Here is where I go back to the beginning.

Father Michael asked us at the Lector Day of Recollection two weeks ago, what is the mark if sin is defined as missing the mark, and we fall into sin when we are insecure of God's love, or when we doubt the giftedness of our beings and begin to let fear get the better of us. While the Kingdom of God is my mark as a lector and Christian, my personal mark goes beyond ensuring the redemption of my soul and thereby entering into eternal life.

My mark is like Mother Mary's fiat: His will always, not mine. I aim to do whatever He tells me. Why? Because no one loves me the way He does, so perfectly, so generously and so tenderly. I believe He knows what's best for me and I trust Him implicitly with my life. I follow Him because He has all the right answers: to the uncompromising, demanding yet illuminating truth, to life's mysteries, and the way to a love that satisfies completely.

Father Greg said at yesterday's retreat for ICPE Singapore's Companions that at the heart of worship is gratitude. The best way to reciprocate the Father's love is to demonstrate a heart of gratitude by loving others as Jesus loves me - which can mean to the point of death. This is the hard part, for the inconvenience of dying to self again and again is at constant war with my instinctive inclination for self-preservation.

Jesus' brand of self-donating love is where the beginning lies, a love found in Creation, and again at my inception and birth: the Father's pure love, unmerited and lavish. It is a gift of grace. Loved into being, loved for who I am in all my strengths and weaknesses, loved beyond my grievous faults, monumental mistakes and grimy, repulsive sins - how can I not love Him in return?

Our final sharing yesterday revolved around how to see community as mission instead of as a means of facilitating mission. Father Greg invited us to see perichoresis as a dynamic dance of ourselves and the Trinity at the table of the Lord. If we infuse community with the indwelling of the Trinity, we could dance in love and joy with and around each other, and thus gather others into the power and beauty of the Divine-filled dance.

On our own strength, we will bring to the table of community our paltry five loaves and two fish which may not be desired or adequate sustenance, but if we fall back on the Trinity when relating to one another, the loaves and fish can multiply and transform appetisingly and nutritiously into a rich banquet enjoyed by all. The dance requires our collective agreement to be as humble, loving and forgiving as Jesus is, to be as patient and generous as the Father is, and to be as wise and merciful as the Holy Spirit is, and so much more. It won't be easy, it will take effort, sweat, definitely tears, and we will always be buffeted by the tensions of living out our commitments to our loved ones as well as to our brothers and sisters in community.

Whatever my future struggles may be, whether in my marriage or my community (I pledged my commitment as Associate Member for another year), I know I need to always go back to the beginning, focus on the mark, then let myself be guided in the tango that mimics the perfect timing of the love that flows back and forth, between and among, the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.

Heeding Our Mother's words

While I have been on vacation, life has not stopped. People I know and love have lost loved ones, distant relatives have fallen seriously ill... conflicts, tragedies, hurricanes, earthquakes, all these are part of the rhythm of life but made surreal because I was surrounded by fellow holiday makers all out to have a good time.

So what's my take away these last two weeks? Besides confirming how P and I are good and bad (we are both such Foodies) for each other, whether one is on vacation on not, certain things remain constant and fundamental to life, like prayer.

Our Lady of Akita

We began our trip to Japan with a pilgrimage to Akita where the carved wooden statue of Mother Mary there shed real human tears, blood and even perfumed sweat for a period of time. She also appeared to a sister with messages for the world, and even healed this sister of deafness.

Apparitions, miracles, these are events that make us sit up and take note, maybe reflect a little deeper on how such realities can make a difference In our lives, inspiring us to be better people. The community at Seitai Hoshikai which is home to Our Lady of Akita is itself a miracle - how it was born out of a need and grew in such harsh conditions. Christianity is definitely not for the faint of heart but for those who are spiritually rugged and tough, people who can stay the distance.

The message of Our Lady of Akita echoes the same one Our Lady conveyed in Fatima, that prayer, constant prayer alone can avert the disasters that loom so alarmingly and threaten to overcome the world. The exhortation of Our Mother remains the same, pray the rosary daily, it is our weapon against the darkness and bleakness that prevails in our lives.

We took to heart the message of Akita and in the days that followed, we both prayed the rosary as well as the Stations of the Cross daily. There is something special that happens when we offer up our days to the Lord even when on vacation. God grants the desires of our heart, both the spoken and unspoken ones. Despite changes in our travel plans due to a typhoon, everything went smoothly and the weather cooperated, mostly - even when it rained, it was not a major deterrent, we managed to go where we needed to go.

To satisfy our tastebuds, we found a variety of restaurants that served good food, so, so important. We also stumbled upon a number of beautiful gardens on our walks around Tokyo, and visited the awe-inspiring Saint Mary's Cathedral in Seikiguchi where we had the opportunity to hear the organ played beautifully. Best of all, there was a church near our hotel in Tokyo so that we could walk to morning mass while we were there.

I am grateful for the joys and pleasures I have experienced these last two weeks, and for the many opportunities P and myself had to build stronger bonds. I feel an even greater closeness and love for Our Mother who has blessed us in innumerable ways this vacation. So although the vacation is over, my devotion to Mother Mary and Jesus grows. I may not be doing anything in life that is greatly influential, but I know I can change the world, just by praying the rosary daily.

The following words written by Saint Therese of Lisieux resonate increasingly with me. May they serve to inspire you: My whole strength lies in prayer and sacrifice, these are my invincible arms; they can move hearts far better than words, I know it by experience. 

Making miracles happen

Although it has been busy days for me, life has been fruitful and I am amazed daily by the goodness of God and all the miracles along the way

Deep down we all love to hear about miracles and even experience them in our own lives although we, oftentimes, approach them with adult cynicism. First of all, we usually think we are not worthy of receiving miracles. Secondly, we dismiss them out of hand for fear that others will laugh at us should we share them, so better to pretend we didn't even notice them in the first place. Worse, we doubt our own ability to be architects of miracles, which we can be, when we cooperate fully with God.

Listening to Sister Maria Jose of the Verbum Dei* community share how she and another sister spent the last 20 years establishing their community here in Singapore and how the growing community proved all the naysayers wrong, I have to agree with Father John Paul, the main celebrant of their 20th anniversary celebration in Singapore that there is no lack of vocations but, rather, there a lack of vision and trust - trust in God and where He is leading, each slow, uncertain step of the way.

Sister MJ had a true missionary spirit and lived out the poverty, chastity and obedience of Jesus as He did in His time on earth, and ended up growing the Kingdom in what was thought to be barren land, bearing much fruit in a scarce 20 years. Miracle upon miracle unfolded through the years of great struggle as the community established their presence here.

As Father Anthony preached last Saturday: if we truly know who and what we are as children of God, we will find ourselves going out and sharing the Good News, impelled by an inner effervescence and generosity of heart to spread the deep joy that can be found in the salvific love of Jesus Christ.

We are all saints in the making for we share in Christ's divinity as fully as He shares in our humanity. If we truly wish to maximize our saint-like potential, then we will listen to Him wholeheartedly and tread where angels fear to go, walking the narrow path unreservedly. Our bodies may be bathed in sweat, and tears, but we will experience the daily miracles that flourish in the fertile soil of aligning our wills with His. This is how we channel divinity, infusing our humanity with the best of virtues, living meaningfully the quotidian without losing hope or faith, working the extraordinary into the small, ordinary, even boring stuff.

Today P and I have been married nine months. It feels like a lifetime he jokingly remarked. I agreed with a smile for I can no longer imagine life without him - he has grown dear and familiar to me. Worshipping the Lord in marriage has been extremely rich and life-giving for me. I feel I have been stretched to grow in new ways that bring nuance to my spirituality and dimension to my personality. I have become more wise, more patient, more forgiving, and, more loving, all, of course, by the grace of God, for in striving to serve Him better, I recognize that I can do this by being a better wife and mother - all the time.

It's so clichéd but so true that one can never outdo Jesus in generosity for despite giving up many things, I have received more pleasure and joy, especially from the small miracles of family life every day. So when it comes to miracles, I comprehend fully that I have my own part to play as well: I first need to acknowledge Jesus as my all in all, relying on Him completely and with humble simplicity; I need to pray unceasingly for the needs of others for prayer can change the world; and, I need to act with unrelenting compassion and mercy as Jesus did by remaining open to the gentle promptings of the Spirit.

Like Mother Mary who remained resolute when the Angel Gabriel called her name and answered with that first "easy" yes (and that is why we honour her Holy Name today), and then proceeded to carry and give birth to the miracle called Jesus Christ, we can all be miracle makers with a simple yes. So what's your miracle today?

* To read more of the history of  Verbum Die in Singapore, go to: http://verbumdeisingapore.org/latest/about-verbum-dei-singapore-4/

Saying yes to wholeness

It has been an exhausting couple of weeks helping out at the five-day Pastoral Care Course entitled Empowering the Wounded Healer that just ended two Sundays ago as well as being involved in an earlier weekend retreat for Church of The Nativity of The Blessed Virgin Mary and an afternoon talk by Pia Attard entitled In Search of the Beloved.

There are so many things that have touched my heart - from lessons relearned to new discoveries. I am humbled and awed at just how God works and moves in mysterious and wonderful ways, not just in the lives of others, but in my own life. Truly the more one serves, the more graces one receives.

Perhaps the most important reminder for me this August is that saying yes to Jesus requires a lifetime of repeating the same response with fresh heart every day, something that somehow doesn't get easier with time.

My yes occasionally requires my willing to go the way I know I should even when my heart isn't in it: when I am feeling uncomfortably stretched beyond my limits, when I am most afraid to come out of my comfort zone, and especially when I am drooping and bone weary.

I like P's simple approach on how to say yes in tough circumstances. First, accept the situation for what it is. Then, look at the big picture (this also requires you to know who you are and where you want to go). Finally, respond by making the best out of the situation. Cut through all the dodgy rationalizations, the unreliable, seesawing emotions, plus the conditions that ego and pride place on things. Cut out all the complaining, griping and inner trash talk. Do what's right by God and by others even if it comes at great personal sacrifice that may not make sense at the time.

So when I wish to flee the scene, I am invited to make the best of it by standing my ground. And instead of bewailing the situation and allowing it to drain me, to look at it with a fresh set of eyes. Really grin, not just grit my teeth, and bear it. Bear it with good grace such that I eventually begin to see the merits of the situation. Did Saint Paul not say love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things?

Pia Attard quoted a line from Thomas Merton's Seed of Contemplation that is both profound and inspiring: There is a hidden wholeness in everything.

She encouraged PCC participants to live out a spirituality of imperfection for we are all called to wholeness and not perfection as the world sees it. Saint Paul proclaimed God's power is made perfect in our weakness, thus God's grace alone is sufficient.

It is only in my weakness that I seek for God strength.

It is only in my poverty that I seek for His richness.

It is only in my sin, that I seek for the Lord's mercy.

It is only in the seeking that I open my heart to receiving divine graces, and I open the door to wholeness, a wholeness that reveals the incredible beauty of Christ's suffering face in His redemptive act of love.

I, too, then, can be an instrument of redemptive grace and inject unimaginable richness in my life through my yes. It doesn't require me to be perfect, just to be honest with myself, vulnerable, and open to following Jesus.

In attempting to weather the hard blows and difficult life situations with the grace Jesus did in His life, the hidden wholeness will surface slowly, but surely. And even if it doesn't, I know it is there, and that, in itself, is enough. Therefore I need to continuously undergo kenosis, the self-emptying of my own will in order to receive His divine will, thereby enabling a constant flow of metanoia, a transformative change of heart.

Pia shared Saint Bernard of Claivaux's four degrees of love that we all, I believe, experience concomitantly even as we aspire to live out the fourth degree most fully:

1. Loving yourself for your own sake.
2. Loving God for your own sake.
3. Loving God for God's sake.
4. Loving yourself for God's sake.

When I can receive and wholly embody the love the Father has for me, then I am able to love myself as He loves me. Secure in my 'belovedness', I can mature into the being He created me to be. My brokenness can also be the space where He enters to bring wholeness to others. I just have to say yes to it, a wholeness that may remain hidden.

Our yeses power our actions of daily living, whether we are faithful to what we believe in, and whether we are able to rise above our own personal fears to act with integrity consistently. So make it a good resounding yes today. 

The Wounded Healer

I am not perfect.
And I will never be perfect
But that's okay.
In actual fact I am quite broken
Messed up
And more than a little quirky 
Good thing my Father really loves me
Greatly, and unconditionally
He dotes on me constantly
Calls me His delight
In His sight, I am precious
A priceless pearl
Me!
I am a child of God.
So no matter where I go or what I do
If I keep running to Him
I can celebrate my belovedness
Gain and regain strength in my weakness
Untold riches in my poverty
And in my sins I find His mercy
My imperfect cracks are gilded over
Made beauteous gifts that I can share
I can set the world on fire*
Just be being me _
Imagine that!
The imperfect, wounded one 
Who brings Christ to all.

NB   I am part of the team running the Pastoral Care Course comprising ICPE Mission Companions from all over the world, together with our brothers and sisters from the Earthen Vessels Catholic Community here in Singapore. It's a five-day course that ends tomorrow and it has been wonderful learning how to Empower the Wounded Healer inside each of us.

* inspired by Saint Catherine of Siena

Living with heart

P was sharing that when it came to healthcare, there is the heart and the art, besides the science of medicine. A good physician is one who has all three in the right proportions so that his or her patients will respond positively, to treatment both physically as well as psychologically.

Good doctors not only use their medical knowledge and skills to heal patients but they are able to build a relationship of trust with each patient, bringing reassurance and hope as well as the buy-in from each patient to do their utmost to restore their own bodies to health.

The danger is when a doctor loses heart and becomes jaded. All actions become mechanical and the practice of medicine becomes mere science, a depersonalized process lacking any soul. The loss of heart, and art, not only affects the physician's patients, but all he or she comes into contact with - colleagues, juniors, families, the entire healthcare system. The loss of heart taints everyone and everything.

Heart, or passion, is fundamental to everything we do in life, especially when it comes to our vocations and our ministries. When we are fired up with passion, our hearts are purest, we are unafraid and undeterred by obstacles; we have clear focus and we pour all our energies into hours of studying and practising skills to become good at what we do.

As practitioners, leaders or ministers, we continue to sacrifice comfort and personal wellbeing in order to help others. We aim to serve others always. We hone and use our skills so that others may benefit most. We keep on learning. And we maintain open and humble hearts to keep on running the race. We become people who inspire others to become like us: to live the art and science of being with heart.

It is not easy to remain unsullied by fame, fortune, position and power for when one is good at what one does, the attendant approbation and material rewards can change motivations and dispositions. Then there is the required staying power, the sheer grit to just keep plodding along when the going gets tough. When one loses heart, which invariably happens, how does one regain it?

I have a personal prayer which grew from the years where I turned my back on God and found myself in desperate and straitened circumstances. Because I could not experience the peace and joy of having Him in my life, I sought a purity of heart that would give me the ability to see Him again in my life. When I came back to the Lord and surrendered my life, I prayed daily that I would always be able to see His face and hear His voice in my life so as to always know where I should go. I know that if everything I am, all that I do is in God alone, then He will always teach me to walk with integrity and act with passion, compassion and wisdom.

I won't say that I do not lose heart in life, or grow a little deaf from time to time., for when the winds blow a little stronger, and the waves rise a little higher, fear does enter my heart. I am not good enough. I cannot do this. Who am I kidding - others are so much better than I am, how can I possibly make a difference?  Here is where I am called to come back to the correct disposition of heart, to return to the One in whom I live and move and have my being.

Matthew 6:33 encourages: Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. In some Bible translations it says set your heart on the kingdom of heaven. So set your heart on Jesus. When your heart is in the right place, you will have faith that moves mountains and transforms a multitude of hearts. Just as there is a science of being, there is an art of being that can only expand by being refined by the Maker Himself. 

Living in the communion of saints

C said this to me:  Someone once told me that if you seem to be doing something well in life, it means that there are lots of people praying for you...As I grow older, I begin to see more and more the wisdom of this saying.

I couldn't agree more with what he said for I know I have many brothers and sisters blessing me by way of intercessory prayer. The last seven months are proof, for I have, more or less, taken to marriage like a duck to water. Even I am surprised by how easily I have managed to take things in my stride. Not saying that it has all been smooth sailing, or that there haven't been moments of great frustration, deep hurt, and even despair, but all these difficulties seem to have been swept up in the strength of prayer to dissipate momentarily like fine mist in the warm rays of the morning sun.

In these last months, I have been given the wisdom to know what to do: when to hold, when to fold, and when to walk away (thanks, Kenny Rogers). I know the wisdom is not mine but the prompting of the Holy Spirit for the shift from completely clueless to instinctively knowing what to do is indescribable. The knowing is not a dead sure certainty, but instead works through an openness to being led by the Spirit; to be able to go with the flow of the situation, and to respond with flexible and humble sensitivity even when one is feeling quite unforgiving and hard. To be able to speak with gentle diplomacy rather than stubborn pride is remarkable, and I can only thank those who pray for me and desire that both P and I grow in the way of love and understanding in our marriage.

Apart from being a beneficiary of the intercessory prayer of others, it is a healthy spiritual practice to do likewise for those around us. Not only are we reciprocating or paying it forward when we pray for others, a good thing in itself, but we also gain a more grounded perspective and become more outward-looking as people, connecting unselfishly with others. No longer do our own problems consume all our attention. And when we go beyond prayer in helping others, we inevitably help ourselves grow in maturity.

Yesterday P and I attended the 10th anniversary memorial mass of Father Louis Fossion* at Church of the Holy Spirit and I was bowled over by how palpable the love in the room was, the love that the congregation had for this priest. P and I agreed that this man must be a saint for he touched the lives of many and changed the course of history in his own way. Of the eight priests in attendance, more than half became priests due, in no small part, to his influence, his authentic spirituality and lived love for Christ.

At the memorial mass, I realized fully that the communion of saints** is lived not just after we die and attain sainthood (some faster than others), but even as we live and breathe. (Guess it's hard for me to see myself and those around me as saints, most times.) As Father Paul Staes said, we did not come to pray for Father Fossion, but to pray with him. We, and those who are no longer with us, we collectively make up the communion of saints. We are all connected to each other in life and beyond death, and this connection becomes fully activated and alive in prayer. Last night, the communion of saints of both the living and the dead were joined as one, gloriously giving praise to God.

Thus, I not only have the intercessory power of saints official and unofficial to tap on, but the intercessory prayer of my brothers and sisters in Christ as well. They are my communion of saints just as beloved saints like Saint Therese of Lisieux are, and holy men such as Father Fossion who gave his life in service so that many could come to the faith not just in Singapore, but in Mongolia and the Philippines. I can even ask for intercessory assistance from departed loved ones who may still be in purgatory.

As I continue to intercede daily not just for those whom I love, but also those in need of prayer, I would like to thank all who intercede for me for I am grateful that I am doing well in life. Thank you for being my communion of saints.

* To find out more about the amazing and beloved Father Fossion, go to:
http://catholicnews.sg/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=2315:singapores-oldest-priest-dies-at-age-92&catid=98&Itemid=473&lang=en

** The Catechism of the Catholic Church states simply that the communion of saints is the Church. New Advent has this definition to offer : The communion of saints is the spiritual solidarity which binds together the faithful on earth, the souls in purgatory, and the saints in heaven in the organic unity of the same mystical body under Christ its head, and in a constant interchange of supernatural offices. The participants in that solidarity are called saints by reason of their destination and of their partaking of the fruits of the Redemption (1 Corinthians 1:2 — Greek Text). 

Learning to be a serpent-like dove

Yet another birthday has come and gone. This one is different for I celebrated it as a married woman. Initially I did not think anything of it until E highlighted it. It is special for my family has transformed quite significantly. It has grown, just like that. Apart from P, I have two lovely children in their 20s without having gone through pregnancy and childbirth (the best part), and I finally have sisters, together with another brother, who with their spouses and children do add up. I also have a mother-in-law who gives me the sweetest smiles.

While it can get overwhelming at times living in a houseful of people with an über affectionate goldie - as I commented to our Bible-sharing group I went from just having to please my mother to many constituents to serve - I wouldn't change it for the world. God has called me to live out my vocation of marriage and motherhood within this specific milieu and this is where I choose to be.

Reflecting on what has passed in the last year and what will be, the stories of Abraham and his progeny resonate robustly with me. The depth and breadth of faith displayed by Abraham, especially when faced with perceived great personal tragedy of the loss of Isaac at his own hands is inspiring. This can only come from a place of utter humility and obedience based on a level of deep trust.

As Henri Nouwen wrote in a letter to a friend in crisis found in the book Love Henri: You are asked to cling to your Lord no matter what. You are asked to keep praying even when it might seem absurd. You are asked to enter the darkness of not understanding with an ever growing surrender.

Just as I got proficient with my yes in my single life and was seeking a deepening of my relationship with Jesus, He saw fit to put me on a new path where I am a novice again, bumbling around cluelessly. It is not just a singular giant leap of faith I have taken with marriage, but multiple leaps into completely different dimensions with almost every step.

This time, last year, I was journeying towards marriage and looking back, I had many questions, some reservations and even deep fear even though I knew in my gut that P was the right man, and marriage was right for me, for us. Well meaning voices added to my confusion. Then there was the pain of leaving behind my single life which I loved and would miss greatly. I counted the costs, wept over the losses, but like Abraham, left everything behind - the old comfortable way of life to venture into the unknown based on a promise of greater things, a covenant of unimaginable proportions.

With the benefit of hindsight, I can laugh at how I struggled so unnecessarily. And yet, the struggles were vital. Without the struggles, I would not have grown so rigorously. I would not have sought for the healing insights, nor received the transformative wisdom I have since acquired. I would have remained a smaller, weaker person. Less refined and matured, spiritually and emotionally.

Despite seven good months of marriage, I currently feel off my game and more than a little frayed around the edges given my menopausal brain cloud and the physical woes of my fifty something body, but I have no doubt I will find my stride eventually.

Right now, it is time for me to lay low, lay fallow. It's not unlike going back to school to learn many things, chiefly, how I can find my place within my new family, bringing my own distinctive brand of love and care even as I continue to serve the Lord with docility and lightheartedness.

Yesterday's Gospel from Matthew 10:16 is something I will adopt as a theme in the new year: To be cunning as serpents and yet as harmless as doves.

To fulfil my commission well, I not only need to be wise and gentle, but patient and persevering. Where I have failed in the past, I can redeem those mistakes by not repeating them in my new family. I must re-invent myself into a better version of me, a more true version of who I am. The only way I can accomplish the desired integrity and nobility of spirit is if I surrender unquestionably to Jesus.

As I meditated on the sorrowful mystery of carrying the cross yesterday, I was struck by the reflection that stated should I choose to take up my cross, then Jesus and Mary would help me bear it. There is no need to resist so much, to be so beset with worry or fear. Let things unfold as they will, meet each step on the journey with Christ's courage and Mary's grace, even when the hour seems unendingly bleak. All will be well.

I praise God for an amazing year of growing in these last 12 months, and I am grateful His Spirit has been within me all this while, guiding me. I am also thankful for the gift of Mother Mary, who, as the peaceful dove, is the one who will teach me best to be a wife and mother par excellence.

The Lord provides

We were talking about crosses and yokes, and, somehow, the immediate picture conjured up is one of being additionally and heavily burdened, not something one undertakes with enthusiasm. Worse, the cross literally implies crucifixion, death on a cross.

Do I opt for crucifixion if I can avoid it? Not likely. And yet, as the words of the hymn Old Rugged Cross goes, the Cross has a wondrous attraction for me. To add to that, God promises that if we submit to His yoke, we submit to a kind of freedom - to be free of heavy burdens and unbearable yokes. It does not imply that life is without suffering or hardship, but it promises that we need not walk alone, and that Jesus is bigger than our problems, with Him we will always find a way out.

G recently commented that I was travelling much more recently and I laughingly responded that my dry season was over. She replied beautifully that the dry spell was a time of purification, an internalization of God's love, while now is the full expression of God's love, a time for fruition. I couldn't agree more and yet, I have enjoyed my dry season in an altogether different way.

In the intervening years since my Damascus experience, I have felt like the tree in Psalm 1, so rooted in God that I didn't feel the effects of my self-imposed drought. I was putting forth tender, green shoots of faith every day; the branches of my being were dressed in lush foliage, buds of virtue were forming to eventually bloom in profusion. Bumper crops of goodness were enjoyed by self, friends and family alike.

The dry spell was necessary to shape and mature my sensibilities, to bring out the true flavours of the woman I am. I have been tried and tested, and have grown from strength to strength. There is so much joy and satisfaction in the process of self-actualization, and this is one of the greatest benefits of taking up the cross of Christ. Plus, it is only in the desert that one can truly comprehend and appreciate God's providence.

I came to Him weary and heart-sick. When I put myself under His yoke, submitting completely to His will, I was able to receive His divine graces fully. It is the same today, when I am fearful, anxious, when I doubt myself in difficult situations, Jesus is my go-to guy. I lay everything that is out of my control at His feet, and I sit and wait, to figure out what it is I must do.

Sometimes what I am asked to do seems to be a contravention of the covenant established between God and myself. But if I keep saying to the Lord in complete obedience, here I am, just as Abraham did, I will experience extraordinary blessings. My ineffable, almighty and awesome Father always comes through.

Yahweh-yireh, the Lord provides, this is the name given by Abraham to the place on Mount Moriah where he was supposed to sacrifice Isaac, his precious son and greatest hope, as an offering to God, but was instead given a ram with its horns stuck in a thicket to sacrifice just as he was about to sacrifice his son- a reward for his faithfulness.

The Lord always provides, whether we are aware of it; whether we even ask for it. When we walk in His ways, He provides in even greater measure, not just materially, but in myriad, countless ways. It's a question of whether we ourselves can grasp the infinite generosity of the Father's beneficence.

So why wouldn't I want to take up my cross and follow Jesus? Why wouldn't I want an easier yoke or a lighter burden? It always comes down to my own generosity of spirit.

Do I want to give myself totally in service to Him by loving others without reservation or prejudice?

Have I not been shown again and again that I can never outdo Him in generosity, that the more I give, the more I receive?

Is my faith so puny that I refuse to let His power be made perfect in my weakness?

Am I so afraid of failing, of ridicule, that I waste an opportunity to help others experience the joy of being loved unconditionally by the Lord, a joy I myself have known over and over again?

Yahweh-yireh. The Lord provides. I testify to this every day and I have no doubt He will continue to do so in my future. My personal prayer is I keep praising and thanking Him as I hold my cross up with enduring pride. At the same time may I hold lightly in my hands all the gifts He bestows on me, sharing them joyously with others.

The little things

Your concern

Your care
The way you look at me
when you think I am not looking
Your gentleness
Your patience
The quickness with which you
forgive my foolishness
Your kindness
Your generosity
Towards me, but mostly towards others
disregarding your own needs
Your protectiveness
Your fidelity
I am wonderfully made
by your steadfast affections
Your smile
Your earnestness
The cheeky, fun-loving boy
who woos me with kampung charm
Your fortitude
Your passion
For His way in all things always
making you my perfect spouse
Your humility
Your faith
These are what matter most daily
on our journey to eternal happiness

Visiting the Graha Maria Annai Velangkanni

While in Medan, P and I visited the Graha Maria Annai Velangkanni, a Marian shrine set in the suburbs. I had read about it while prepping for our trip there and we were eager to go pay a visit. Upon arrival, we went inside and sat down to pray.

As I was finishing my rosary, I heard a voice in the background enumerating to an audience the significance of the various architectural details within the church's interior. Turning around I saw a priest talking to a couple and their daughter. I asked the priest if P and I could join with his little group, and he was most happy to oblige us.

It was only later that I found out the priest was none other than Father James Bharataputra, a Jesuit father who was instrumental in the building of this 'catechetical' church, as he calls it, in Medan.

Built in 2005 to serve the Tamil Catholic community in Medan, the idea of dedicating the church to Our Lady of Good Health from the town of Velankanni in Tamil Nadu was deemed not only appropriate, but strongly supported by the previous Archbishop who had visited the Shrine* there. Hearing the stories of how donations just poured in, and how this unusual church of eclectic architectural styles was constructed in just four years, in the hands of amateurs no less, was amazing.

Then there were the miracles**: the two Bibles, one hymnal and 10 million rupiahs worth of donations left untouched by a fire that razed Father James's room; the prompt arrival of the statue of Annai Velangkani that coincided with the laying of the foundation stone in 2002 despite the many obstacles; and the natural spring water that disgorges from a spot near the foot of a statue of Mother Mary in the Marian Chapel.

At the end of the tour, Father James gave us a blessing. It was a fitting way to end our short but lovely holiday, with a mini pilgrimage to yet another Marian shrine. I truly felt that everything that happened last Sunday morning was indeed by Divine appointment, and that Our Lady of Velangkanni herself blessed us and honoured our intercessory prayers for healing.

I thank God for the faith and passion of priests like Father James who are the shepherds who give up their lives for their flocks, believing as they do in the compassionate and loving heart of Jesus, our very own Good Shepherd.

*  Wikipedia says The Shrine of Our Lady of Vailankanni, also known as the "Lourdes of the East," is one of the most-frequented religious sites in India, drawing over two million visitors worldwide.

**  To read more about the miracles, see https://velangkanni.com/en/the-miracles/

Living and loving in the moment

What does it mean to be in love with God? According to Father Patrick Crowley love is not defined as twee sentimentality, nor is love of God the practice of a spirituality that does not connect with others with sensitivity and through easy availability. Addressing the various liturgical ministries of Blessed Sacrament Church last Saturday morning, Father Pat stressed the value of developing an interior life, centred on knowing the Father and His will, and allowing Him to direct all our thoughts, words and actions.

"Divine appointment," he called it, "a sense of something greater than yourself, ministering to you; something happening deep down within you." God our Creator knows every one of us intimately, but unless we choose to meet Him regularly in our daily lives, we will not know Him in return. Our faith will always flounder in the shallows, never growing in depth or richness.

Father Pat invited us to be sensible to life, in tune with life's rhythms, and to live mindfully, rather than get caught up with the act of doing, and our own way of doing things. We need to recognize and appreciate the moments in a day in order to live them well.

And when we cannot understand why things are the way they are, especially in times of crises, we should just let go, and let God. "God will always bring out something beyond your comprehension, so you need to pay attention," he reminded. It does not matter if we are in pain or broken-hearted, for God has always worked through broken individuals. Rather than give in to hopelessness, we should turn to Him, then get up, and move on. It is in the precise moment of turning to Him that we will experience the mercy of God. Perhaps not right away, but we will eventually experience an awakening, a new lease on life when we move in His Spirit.

There are three questions we should reflect on constantly:

1. How do people feel when they are with me, are they Intimidated or comfortable? If we are insecure and not comfortable in our own skins, we will tend to put people down. We cannot be life-giving individuals.

2. Am I fully aware of the presence of God in my life at this moment? Can we recognise the kairos* moments in our life, and submit ourselves wholeheartedly into the mystery of these God-gifted moments? This only comes from being more contemplative.

3. What does my daily behaviour say about the person I really am; are my actions a reflection of my intent? Is there integrity in our thoughts, words and actions? We are no saints, we will fall, but we must be honest with ourselves. Contrition and humility of heart is key.

Father Patrick called those of us in ministry to cultivate certain dispositions to aid us as we work in our Father's vineyard. There is a need:

For a universal mentality - The ability to stretch and give of self, more so when we feel challenged. Although we are shaped by our own culture, we should recognise that diversity enhances life and not be afraid of other cultures and peoples. Let's be more open and accepting.

For holiness - The call to holiness is for everyone. It is therefore important we have divine time every day, be it going for daily mass, and including any and all forms of prayer.  How else are we going to hear God speaking if we do not set aside time for Him?

To be just in the parish (and the world) - Are we fully aware of the needs of others around us and do we reach out to meet those needs? Not only that, do we exercise respect when we dispense help or "give alms", do we befriend the poor and get to know them by name? This is just behaviour, when we give in the true spirit of subsidiarity, knowing that all we have comes from God and thus, we are bound to share His bounty graciously, generously, and with full gratitude.

To be healer in the parish, and among the villagers - Rather than focusing on winning, and thereby selling our souls to be number one, we need to guard our humanity by giving of our time, effort and money. Here Father Pat spoke of the ministry of a smile as healing. He echoed Pope Francis's sharing last Wednesday: A human being’s life is an exchange of looks: someone who looking at us wrings from us the first smile, and we who freely smile at one who is closed in sadness, and thus we open to him a way out.

We also need to be inclusive, to continuously cultivate a sense of unity. This means to take time to listen, and speak words of affirmation to all who are around us, especially family members, whom we often take for granted. We can save lives when we speak loving and healing words of truth into people's lives.

To be rooted in God - When we are grounded in God we will have a solid foundation that gives us a sense of perspective and the ability to prioritize well. Father Pat quoted Mark, chapter one, verse 35, where we need to do what Jesus did, spend time in solitude frequently, so as to know and do the will of His Father perfectly.

It all boils down to the act of heartfelt ministering of the moment, bringing healing where it is needed. To do as Jesus did when He listened to the pleas of the possessed man and drove the demon within out, as told several times in Mark's Gospel. This is how we show how much we are in love with the Father, to do His bidding in a heartbeat, attuned as we are to His ways - to maximize the potential of life as it presents itself, moment by moment, in any given day. We are the Good Samaritan who does not hesitate to stop and help the fallen upon, before we go on our way.

Thank you, Father Patrick, for sharing your time and life, for living and loving us in the moment.

I would like to finish off with this inspiring prayer Father Patrick shared, written by General Douglas MacArthur for his only son, Arthur.

Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid; one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory.

Build me a son whose wishes will not take the place of deeds; a son who will know Thee—and that to know himself is the foundation stone of knowledge.

Lead him, I pray, not in the path of ease and comfort, but under the stress and spur of difficulties and challenge. Here let him learn to stand up in the storm; here let him learn compassion for those who fail.

Build me a son whose heart will be clear, whose goal will be high; a son who will master himself before he seeks to master other men; one who will reach into the future, yet never forget the past.

And after all these things are his, add, I pray, enough of a sense of humor, so that he may always be serious, yet never take himself too seriously. Give him humility, so that he may always remember the simplicity of true greatness, the open mind of true wisdom, and the weakness of true strength.

Then I, his father will dare to whisper, “I have not lived in vain. ”

* the appointed time in God's purpose

Loving gratuitously

I read the Pope's recent general audience* with interest where he offers a remedy for unhappiness. He talked about the necessity for a gratuity of love to exist in the world, where we are loved simply for who we are. Love does not need to be earned and he cautions us from falling into a terrible slavery of thinking  we need to be strong, attractive and beautiful in order for others to care for us.

Imagine a world like this: a world without the gratuity of love! It might seem like a human world, but in reality it is a living hell. So many forms of narcissism in man come from a feeling of loneliness and being orphaned. Behind so many seemingly inexplicable behaviors lies a question: Is it possible that I don’t deserve to be called by name, that is, to be loved? For love always calls by name…

This experience of divine love, of being called by name, of being loved first for no reason at all, and that does not rely on whether we are good or bad is mostly found in the way a mother or father loves their child. Even if the child has strayed, a mother never stops suffering for her child. She loves him even when he is a sinner. God does the same thing with us: we are his beloved children!

The inclusive, unconditional quality of God's love is not easy for us to live out, especially when we sin or are sinned against. Plus, no one has perfect parents, and we learn to love based very much on how our parents loved us, and how they loved each other. Thus, the memory of this primordial beauty of being wanted, loved, desired is often distorted or obscured.

Even if we have not had such great experiences ourselves, it does not stop us from loving others with this brand of unconditional love. The more we try to love this way, the more we will become proficient at it, and we will also, in turn, experience this gratuity of love ourselves.

The Pope's "medicine" for unhappy people goes like this: First you need to embrace him. Make him feel that he is wanted, that he is important, and he will stop being sad. 

It may sound simplistic but it works. When I am down, what soothes my soul, gets me out of my despair, is to just have someone listen to me wholeheartedly, without judging me or offering me solutions - just be there for me. They don't have to say a word, simply embrace me in the soft silence of loving empathy (a real hug works wonders for me as well). For into that space, Jesus enters and brings His Spirit of healing, gratuitous love.

Love calls to love, more powerfully than hatred calls to death. Jesus did not die and rise for himself, but for us, so that our sins might be forgiven. It is therefore a time of resurrection for everyone: time to raise up the poor from discouragement, especially those who have been lying in the tomb for much longer than three days. 

One of the ways to raise people up is through what Father Patrick Crowley calls the ministry of a smile. When we smile first at others, meeting their eyes with warm sincerity as we do, we will, inadvertently, as Pope Francis says, open the doors of their heart. Sadly, busy beings such as we are, always rushing onto the next appointment, we hardly ever look at others eye to eye, or smile.

On this great feast of Corpus Christi, it is fitting to live out the power of Christ's Body and Blood, given to us at every Eucharistic celebration, by pledging to love as He did. To give of ourselves: to love with a freeness of not expecting anything in return but just to love someone for who they are; and to be fully present in the moments of the day when we interact with people, listening with openness.

May the wind of liberation blow here, on our faces. May the gift of hope bud forth. And hope is from God the Father who loves us as we are: he loves us always and everyone.

*   https://zenit.org/articles/popes-general-audience-on-beloved-children-certainty-of-hope/