Sudden departure

My cousin J passed away suddenly, unexpectedly yesterday. I am devastated and I cannot wrap my brains around this tragedy for we just met at mass on Sunday, and we hugged, laughed and chatted briefly.

Who is going to sit next to me at mass and give me the sign of peace by kissing me on both cheeks and hugging me the special way he did?

Who will praise my cooking, genuinely loving it, and eating it with such gusto as he did?

I am bereft. Utterly. He was my friend, my little brother, one of the special few I confided in and relied on for good advice. It feels as if a vital light has gone out in my world leaving me with a permanent ache in my heart from the loss.

Why, God? How can he be gone, just like that? The cute little boy with big eyes, who used to follow me around. The sensitive soul who understood my tears and fears, and made me laugh with his wicked wit.

While I know that life is transient, must parting be so vicious and awful? I will never understand why he had to leave so soon, although I know that heaven is definitely graced by his presence for his gentleness and wisdom touched many people here on earth and made this world a brighter and more beautiful place. He will be sorely missed. Requiescat in pace, my dear J, and chope me a place in heaven as you used to do in church.