One of the panel speakers of a seminar I attended last week, Dr Ednin Hamzah, commented drily, "we should not be judgmental, which I am very comfortable with being". I laughed uproariously at this for I am equally predisposed to such bias.
He cautioned against being too smart that we forget to be wise. This was in reference to championing or advocating a cause to the extent we fall into the trap of impassioned zealousness that disallows us to consider any path but the one we see before us.
We forget we are dealing with people, so focused are we on concepts and ideas. We cannot see that we are not in control and that we do not know everything, that life is truly mystery. We were encouraged to listen, and to realize that it is all a process of fluid change. Although he made these comments with regard to Advanced Care Planning, what he counselled is applicable to life in general.
One of our greatest gifts as humans beings is our ability to analyze and judge situations and people in order to act with prudence. The problem comes when we become selfishly myopic, or overly rigid in principle. We lose sight of the forest for the trees.
We operate from what Henri Nouwen* calls the authority of power where if we give advice, we want to know if people follow what we say; when we offer help, we want to be thanked; when we give money, it has to be used a certain way. In other words, we do not allow others the freedom to speak or act contrary to what we think is right. We preach and pontificate. We know best. This is especially so when we evangelize.
When we bear witness to our faith, it should begin even before we begin to speak. We must first listen with openness and what Nouwen calls the authority of compassion. This authority is animated preeminently through a willing and personal encounter with the Spirit of the Father.
It is because I have experienced the compassionate hands of the Father placed on the shoulders of my repentant, bruised heart (as a prodigal child), a heart which has sinned and been sinned against, that I can treat others with the same mercy that the Father has bestowed on me.
I can be patient and persevere even when faced with hostile immaturity and aggressive persecution. I can be forgiving of ingratitude and of those who deliberately and maliciously set out to hurt me. My heart can sorrow for and with others, even those who do not deserve or desire my compassion.
In this past week I have been called to act in this spirit of Fatherhood and it has not been easy. K was rather nasty about what she perceived as her rights, using bullying tactics to get resolution. My first reaction was to fight back with an equal amount of aggression and to refuse to budge from my point of view. Of course I was within my rights. It is only when I took it in prayer that I could see the truth of the matter.
Ultimately it does not matter who is wrong or right for taking it to higher moral ground requires the grace of humility and wisdom. The humility to know I may be right but to act in the spirit of conciliation, and the wisdom to act in such a way that the other party experiences love, whether he or she knows it or not. One could call it the coward's way out, but it's not about being a doormat or avoiding confrontation, it's about weighing options and costs, and making the decision for peace even if it means I may the loser in the situation.
It is hard being the perceived loser, especially if it involves financial loss, but because I know everything comes from God, I am confident that He will provide for me in future. It's only money. Plus, I should be storing up my treasures in heaven, not on earth.
I also know I am loved dearly by Him, so even if I do not receive love from others, I am secure enough to resist seeking affirmation from the world. I have an acute sense of my own self-worth and I am quietly confident of who I am. So K, your bad behaviour was completely unnecessary and while it left a really unpleasant taste in my mouth, I will endeavour to look at you and focus on the aspects of your personality that delight me and make me laugh.
I know I will always be comfortable being judgmental. I know I will always allow pride to insist I am smarter and 'righter' than others. But if I truly acknowledge Jesus as my Lord and saviour, I will always come home to this simple truth: I am His beloved and others can recognize this, and their own belovedness, if I reflect His love by being compassionate with them.
So try a little tenderness. In our current world state of chaos, we can all stand to be a little less judgmental, and a little more empathetic. It's the only way we can fight the darkness and best it.
* From Henri Nouwen's The Return of the Prodigal Son which the Woman to Woman Ministry has just finished in recent weeks.
We forget we are dealing with people, so focused are we on concepts and ideas. We cannot see that we are not in control and that we do not know everything, that life is truly mystery. We were encouraged to listen, and to realize that it is all a process of fluid change. Although he made these comments with regard to Advanced Care Planning, what he counselled is applicable to life in general.
One of our greatest gifts as humans beings is our ability to analyze and judge situations and people in order to act with prudence. The problem comes when we become selfishly myopic, or overly rigid in principle. We lose sight of the forest for the trees.
We operate from what Henri Nouwen* calls the authority of power where if we give advice, we want to know if people follow what we say; when we offer help, we want to be thanked; when we give money, it has to be used a certain way. In other words, we do not allow others the freedom to speak or act contrary to what we think is right. We preach and pontificate. We know best. This is especially so when we evangelize.
When we bear witness to our faith, it should begin even before we begin to speak. We must first listen with openness and what Nouwen calls the authority of compassion. This authority is animated preeminently through a willing and personal encounter with the Spirit of the Father.
It is because I have experienced the compassionate hands of the Father placed on the shoulders of my repentant, bruised heart (as a prodigal child), a heart which has sinned and been sinned against, that I can treat others with the same mercy that the Father has bestowed on me.
I can be patient and persevere even when faced with hostile immaturity and aggressive persecution. I can be forgiving of ingratitude and of those who deliberately and maliciously set out to hurt me. My heart can sorrow for and with others, even those who do not deserve or desire my compassion.
In this past week I have been called to act in this spirit of Fatherhood and it has not been easy. K was rather nasty about what she perceived as her rights, using bullying tactics to get resolution. My first reaction was to fight back with an equal amount of aggression and to refuse to budge from my point of view. Of course I was within my rights. It is only when I took it in prayer that I could see the truth of the matter.
Ultimately it does not matter who is wrong or right for taking it to higher moral ground requires the grace of humility and wisdom. The humility to know I may be right but to act in the spirit of conciliation, and the wisdom to act in such a way that the other party experiences love, whether he or she knows it or not. One could call it the coward's way out, but it's not about being a doormat or avoiding confrontation, it's about weighing options and costs, and making the decision for peace even if it means I may the loser in the situation.It is hard being the perceived loser, especially if it involves financial loss, but because I know everything comes from God, I am confident that He will provide for me in future. It's only money. Plus, I should be storing up my treasures in heaven, not on earth.
I also know I am loved dearly by Him, so even if I do not receive love from others, I am secure enough to resist seeking affirmation from the world. I have an acute sense of my own self-worth and I am quietly confident of who I am. So K, your bad behaviour was completely unnecessary and while it left a really unpleasant taste in my mouth, I will endeavour to look at you and focus on the aspects of your personality that delight me and make me laugh.
I know I will always be comfortable being judgmental. I know I will always allow pride to insist I am smarter and 'righter' than others. But if I truly acknowledge Jesus as my Lord and saviour, I will always come home to this simple truth: I am His beloved and others can recognize this, and their own belovedness, if I reflect His love by being compassionate with them.
So try a little tenderness. In our current world state of chaos, we can all stand to be a little less judgmental, and a little more empathetic. It's the only way we can fight the darkness and best it.
* From Henri Nouwen's The Return of the Prodigal Son which the Woman to Woman Ministry has just finished in recent weeks.
No comments:
Post a Comment