Staying awake this Advent

Recently a Christian pastor in Singapore was charged with the misuse of church funds to the tune of S$50 million and was sentenced to eight years in jail. Then there is someone I know who is in active ministry, well respected in her Christian community, who emotionally abuses her parents whom she lives with.

These are two examples of godly people, good people who have transformed lives and brought comfort and joy to others. So what is it about these two great people that blinds them to their less than Christian ways?

It makes me wonder, am I as blind as they are, are my values as warped or elastic as theirs seem to be? It scares me when Christian leaders hide dishonesty, meanness and other less attractive traits under the appearance of Christian virtue.

How do I ensure I keep walking on the right path and that my preferential treatment is for the poor, the weak, the sick, the disadvantaged, the young and the old, all the people who require a little more care and consideration? How do I avert the sin of pride or fat cat complacency?

As past Sunday's Gospel from Luke, chapter 21, warns:

Beware that your hearts do not become drowsy
from carousing and drunkenness
and the anxieties of daily life,
and that day catch you by surprise like a trap

Saint Luke goes on to counsel:

Be vigilant at all times
and pray that you have the strength
to escape the tribulations that are imminent
and to stand before the Son of Man.

Being vigilant implies a certain sacrifice and some measure of discomfort. It requires our ability to seek and find the light of truth in our lives, especially about our weaknesses, our own personal disposition to concupiscence. We will never be able to see all our own blind spots, but if we walk with God in humility, then He will reveal to us what we need to do to correct ourselves and continue to walk in the way of perfection. Frequent examen* is key.

Coming back to sacrifice, I know that I should never get too comfortable in how I live my life, especially in terms of material comfort. I should not get too attached to things, ideas, even people. As Luke reminds us, even anxiety which demonstrates a preoccupation with our own perceived problems is to be avoided. So the practice of temperance is necessary, abstinence, even, is good for the soul, lest I suffer from a drowsy heart.

If I am serious about serving, being in ministry, then vigilance is even more vital. I must be beyond reproach. This means being faithful in small things, all the time, to the best of my ability.

As Blessed John of Vercelli who was Master General of the Dominicans (1264-1283) wrote to his priests:

Watch the little things. He who grows careless in little things, little by little, falls. He who does not push himself to make progress, goes backwards.

Apart from the examen (and constant prayer, of course), ongoing faith formation helps keeps us on our toes. Not for the sake of acquiring knowledge so that I can parade my intellectual prowess, but to internalize the knowledge gained and to live it out concretely in my life. Because my memory is atrocious and sadly selective, I need to keep learning the lessons I have learned before, and to refine my behaviour, again and again.

Reminders like the season of Advent also assist us in our Christian walk. As we await the birth of our saviour, we need to prepare our hearts in order to allow the Christ child to be birthed in a hospitable corner of our hearts. If not, as Monsignor Vaz preached yesterday, Christmas will just be another holiday we celebrate, year in, year out, with no appreciable difference. Let us manifest our love for baby Jesus by loving others around us, especially those who drive us crazy, by being patient, forgiving and kind. In this way our waiting will be fruitful and we will have many gifts to adore our King with come Christmas Day.

*  The consciousness examen should be done at least twice in the day to recognize where and whether we met Jesus successfully or unsuccessfully. To find God in all things is very much Ignatian spirituality and a good habit to cultivate.

Wearing the authority of compassion

One of the panel speakers of a seminar I attended last week, Dr Ednin Hamzah, commented drily, "we should not be judgmental, which I am very comfortable with being". I laughed uproariously at this for I am equally predisposed to such bias.

He cautioned against being too smart that we forget to be wise. This was in reference to championing or advocating a cause to the extent we fall into the trap of impassioned zealousness that disallows us to consider any path but the one we see before us.

We forget we are dealing with people, so focused are we on concepts and ideas. We cannot see that we are not in control and that we do not know everything, that life is truly mystery. We were encouraged to listen, and to realize that it is all a process of fluid change. Although he made these comments with regard to Advanced Care Planning, what he counselled is applicable to life in general.

One of our greatest gifts as humans beings is our ability to analyze and judge situations and people in order to act with prudence. The problem comes when we become selfishly myopic, or overly rigid in principle. We lose sight of the forest for the trees.

We operate from what Henri Nouwen* calls the authority of power where if we give advice, we want to know if people follow what we say; when we offer help, we want to be thanked; when we give money, it has to be used a certain way. In other words, we do not allow others the freedom to speak or act contrary to what we think is right. We preach and pontificate. We know best. This is especially so when we evangelize.

When we bear witness to our faith, it should begin even before we begin to speak. We must first listen with openness and what Nouwen calls the authority of compassion. This authority is animated preeminently through a willing and personal encounter with the Spirit of the Father.

It is because I have experienced the compassionate hands of the Father placed on the shoulders of my repentant, bruised heart (as a prodigal child), a heart which has sinned and been sinned against, that I can treat others with the same mercy that the Father has bestowed on me.

I can be patient and persevere even when faced with hostile immaturity and aggressive persecution. I can be forgiving of ingratitude and of those who deliberately and maliciously set out to hurt me. My heart can sorrow for and with others, even those who do not deserve or desire my compassion.

In this past week I have been called to act in this spirit of Fatherhood and it has not been easy. K was rather nasty about what she perceived as her rights, using bullying tactics to get resolution. My first reaction was to fight back with an equal amount of aggression and to refuse to budge from my point of view. Of course I was within my rights. It is only when I took it in prayer that I could see the truth of the matter.

Ultimately it does not matter who is wrong or right for taking it to higher moral ground requires the grace of humility and wisdom. The humility to know I may be right but to act in the spirit of conciliation, and the wisdom to act in such a way that the other party experiences love, whether he or she knows it or not. One could call it the coward's way out, but it's not about being a doormat or avoiding confrontation, it's about weighing options and costs, and making the decision for peace even if it means I may the loser in the situation.

It is hard being the perceived loser, especially if it involves financial loss, but because I know everything comes from God, I am confident that He will provide for me in future. It's only money. Plus, I should be storing up my treasures in heaven, not on earth.

I also know I am loved dearly by Him, so even if I do not receive love from others, I am secure enough to resist seeking affirmation from the world. I have an acute sense of my own self-worth and I am quietly confident of who I am. So K, your bad behaviour was completely unnecessary and while it left a really unpleasant taste in my mouth, I will endeavour to look at you and focus on the aspects of your personality that delight me and make me laugh.      

I know I will always be comfortable being judgmental. I know I will always allow pride to insist I am smarter and 'righter' than others. But if I truly acknowledge Jesus as my Lord and saviour, I will always come home to this simple truth: I am His beloved and others can recognize this, and their own belovedness, if I reflect His love by being compassionate with them.

So try a little tenderness. In our current world state of chaos, we can all stand to be a little less judgmental, and a little more empathetic. It's the only way we can fight the darkness and best it.

*  From Henri Nouwen's The Return of the Prodigal Son which the Woman to Woman Ministry has just finished in recent weeks. 

Making spiritual fatherhood mine

It is just a numbers game to them. First, on Thursday, in an open-air market in southern Beirut, a couple of suicide bombers detonated themselves, killing 43 and wounding 239. Then eight men go out on Friday night, spraying bullets and setting off bombs in six locations in Paris, where people are just having a good time. Currently 129 people are reported dead, with over 350 injured. This is terrorism at its worst, tragically hiding behind the banner of religion.

How have we, humans, descended to hating each other so much that we would be willing to go on suicide missions, taking down as many lives with us as possible?

How much have we dishonoured God, Allah, by mocking the sanctity of life and killing in cold blood, then using Him as an excuse for our actions? One life destroyed in a deliberate of murder is one life too many.

Sunday's Gospel from Mark 13:24-42 aptly reads:

In those days after that tribulation
the sun will be darkened,
and the moon will not give its light,
and the stars will be falling from the sky,
and the powers in the heavens will be shaken.

Despite our horror at the world gone mad, the parousiac promise is this:

And then they will see ‘the Son of Man coming in the clouds’
with great power and glory,
and then he will send out the angels
and gather his elect from the four winds,
from the end of the earth to the end of the sky.

We cannot give up hope that goodness will triumph over evil for Christ has already redeemed the world. We cannot rest in our efforts to transform our anger and bitterness into life-giving, creative ways that can reduce the number of these end times experiences.

This is our mandate as decent human beings, we stay vigilant at all times by being as loving, merciful and righteous as Jesus was. Ours not to figure out when our collective and individual ends will be, but ours to be fully prepared by living out Isaiah 61 as concretely as possible.

One such way is to take on the role of spiritual fatherhood that Henri Nouwen writes about in his book The Return of the Prodigal Son.

We are each called to be the patient and loving father to foolish and rebellious but returning prodigal children, as well as to the angry, resentful children who fail to see they are loved as much as the prodigals.

There are three ways Nouwen proposes we take on spiritual fatherhood: grief, forgiveness and generosity. He encourages grief, the shedding of tears for others, as a way to compassion. With insight Nouwen writes:

...grief is the discipline of the heart that sees the sin of the world, and knows itself to be the sorrowful price of freedom without which love cannot bloom.

Grieving becomes prayer when it prepares the heart to respond with compassion for often we are called to show compassion by forgiving others. As forgiving is "very, very difficult" and "next to impossible", Nouwen proposes a divine forgiveness which "comes from a heart that does not demand anything for itself", a heart that is completely empty of self-seeking" so that we can welcome others into our hearts without expecting anything in return. To be more like God, our Father, we need to remember our own identity as Beloved Child so that we can "step over" our own fears, needs, hurts, inclinations and pride to move into forgiveness.

Generosity, the giving of self is the third discipline Nouwen espouses as it is something that does not come spontaneously. He says:

As children of the darkness that rules through fear, self-interest, greed, and power, our great motivators are survival and self-preservation. But as children of the light who know that perfect love casts out all fear, it becomes possible to give all that we have for others. 

This can only happen when we trust the Father implicitly to take care of us and we believe that we are all kinfolk, brothers and sisters.

Grief, forgiveness and generosity call for a constant and active renewal of faith, "a radical discipline of being home". We must repeatedly return home into the Father's arms as repentant prodigals ourselves to allow the Father's tender, forgiving and generous love to heal us, so we can pay it forward by emulating Him with others in our lives.      

So how does spiritual fatherhood figure in this climate of terror? It begins with me refusing to give in to fear, and continuing to befriend peoples of different races and beliefs.

I neither persecute people who share diametrically opposing outlooks in life, nor do I disregard or avoid those who make me feel uncomfortable. I need to fight more for the rights of the marginalized and look for more wrongs to address. Most of all, I should carry the hearts of those I love, namely family members, with more compassion, tolerance and patience.

Nouwen writes that there is an emptiness that comes from selfless giving, an emptiness both dreaded and fruitful. It is dreaded for it demands a will open to divine guidance and it offers "no power, no success, no popularity, no easy satisfaction". But it is fruitful for can be a place of freedom - I can welcome anyone without condemnation and offer hope, as well as engender a liberating trust.

Each time we touch the sacred emptiness of non-demanding love, heaven and earth tremble, and there is great "rejoicing among the angels of God". It is the joy for the returning sons and daughters. It is the joy of spiritual fatherhood.

I believe Nouwen's poetic optimism will serve us well in the days to come as we combat terrorism without resorting to the foul means used by those who stand on the side of evil.

His invitation

In a recent time of contemplation, I could sense the Lord proposing my taking our relationship to another level. The lines of Christopher Marlowe's The Passionate Shepherd to His Love* came to me and this is my reply:

Artist Sieger Koder's take on the
Eternal Bridegroom who waits 
patiently for you and me,
His Beloved, to say yes. 

Draußen steht er an der Wand unseres Hauses

See, my beloved stands behind the wall

 Song of Songs 2:9

      

 Draußen steht er an der Wand unseres Hauses

I hear you call me to your side,
To live with you, in love abide.
Better or worse, to have and hold,
Your fragrant posies don't get old.

In valley lush, my gown lamb white,
No greater love could you incite,
The shepherd of my soul you are,
I'd follow you down byways far

We dance as one to madrigals,
Sip ruby wine as evening falls.
You gave your life for mine to keep,
A nuptial gift that makes me weep.

With you I fear no evil or
Cyclones that bring me to death's door.
Your hand in mine, we walk in light,
Darkness is vanquished by your might.

The hunger of the world we feed,
Your goodness swells in every deed.
Each harvest rich is sown in tears,
As we gather, I lose my fears.

Your passion moves me to proclaim
What's truth; a meme that's never lame,
Joy blossoms bright in fields of pain
When I say yes to you. Again.


*  http://www.bartleby.com/106/5.html

Tapping into the communion of saints

On my recent trip to Malta and Rome, it was such a thrill treading paths that saints once trod, being steps away from where miracles happened or standing in front of saints' relics, giving thanks for their lives and asking them to intercede for me in prayer.

Why I love saints is because they are real men and women who lived life passionately in love with God. While some had chequered and colourful pasts, all had their own peculiar struggles and situations. More significantly, they were all united in their unwavering love for our Creator. 

There is so much I can learn from these elder statesmen and stateswomen who reflect the goodness of God and brought much needed light into the world during the times they lived. They are like the constellations of stars that shine in the night skies, guiding travellers the right way forward in a uniquely beautiful and inspiring way. 

In every age we live, there is darkness, a darkness brought on by fear, hatred, envy, greed, and other abhorrent products from the failings of human nature. What do we do with the darkness? Do we live with it, tolerate it? Oftentimes I catch myself thinking that I am unable to change things so why try? But it is the responsibility of every human being to uphold justice and set right the wrongs we see before us. All the more if we call ourselves followers of Christ, we are called to be saints, people who bear an exceptional likeness to Jesus in thought, manner and action.

We are called to build His Church as Saint Francis of Assisi was tasked with, and we contribute as Saint Francis did, with a radical poverty of spirit, or in the quiet, ordinary way new Saints Louis and Zelie Martin did, by being good, hardworking citizens, raising five daughters who went on to serve God in religious communities, one of whom is a saint who has touched many with her Little Way of Love, Saint Teresa of the Child Jesus. It doesn't matter where we are in life, we can make a difference even in the most limiting of circumstances for the tipping point lies in our disposition of hearts.

Jesus chose ordinary, unschooled men to be His disciples. Even the women who followed Him were known sinners. He did not pick the most capable or the most courageous. He called people like you or me, not very remarkable, who come with our own faults and quirks, and all He asks is we say yes and leave the rest up to Him.

If we long to see His face, then we will eventually leave off from desiring worthless things and grow in holiness (today's psalm, 24). It takes time, much pruning and a whole lot of prayer, but we can be much more. We can always be much more, especially if we claim our identities as God's children (see 1 John 3:2), and on that identity alone we walk towards an unknown future, not without trepidation, but with faith in our steps and total reliance on a father who loves us very much.  

The Feast of All Saints is not just a celebration to commemorate our beloved saints, but it is a feast for the living, those who are on their way to sainthood, you and me. We can draw inspiration from the men and women who have gone before us, and we can continue the work they began. As we do what we need to, we can also pray for their intercession, to help us be more like them, so we can be as fearless and tireless in our endeavours as they were.

Happy All Saints.