Travelling from beach to desert

Vacationing in a beach destination is a little like being in Sodom and Gomorrah. You are surrounded by people intent only on pleasures of the flesh. Everyone is there to have a good time and there is a propensity to overindulge.

Among the many vacationers comprising many families, friends and couples, you also see couples who are clearly involved in mere transactional relationships. No judgement on older, male foreigners and nubile, female locals who alternate between looking bored and acting coquettish, what you have is dross, nothing one can call meaningful or significant.

Is this so wrong, filling the need for companionship by paying for it or staving off loneliness by exchanging bodily fluids so casually? Yes, it is, for love is so trivialized and altered that it is an indistinct facsimile of the real thing.

Worse, we soon believe such relationships founded on lust to be the standard of love in our lives and we no longer bother to search for the genuine article for it is too elusive and takes too much effort to attain.

We become fast food people in our way of life. We seek instant gratification and are willing to consume what appeals only to the senses but in actual fact is bad for us on many levels.

We look only for the easier, faster way of attaining pleasure without wanting to sacrifice time and effort on our part. We grow lazy, selfish and become users of people.

We forget about God and eschew His ways for who wants to fast, abstain, spend time in prayer or give alms when one could be having fun? We fail to understand that being good and following God's ways does not necessitate giving up pleasure, and yet, this is the biggest misperception of Christianity.

The salvific beauty of Christianity and the call of Lent is to return and repent. It calls for a period of conversion, a time of purification where we seek a time of solitude, prayer and fasting in the desert so as to prepare our hearts to enter more deeply into our covenantal relationship with God.

Whether we recognize it or not, this relationship exists between every single human being and God and when we choose to develop it, especially during the Lenten season, we will experience a deep and lasting joy that cannot be found in the surfeit of food, drink, sex and pleasure one indulges in on vacation, or at home.

Why would I want to surrender my will to God in a way that means deprivation for me? What is the upside?

Father Robert Barron writes that in life, there is a pull toward hedonism - the philosophy that the good life is the physically -satisfying life. Food, drink, sex, material things, money, comfort, a secure sense of the future are the supreme values for many, especially in our culture.

Many, many people throughout history are waylaid by this powerful temptation. It is appealing because the desires are so basic. Thomas Merton said that the sensual desires - for food, comfort, pleasure, and sex - are like children in that they are so immediate and so insistent.

But our lives will never expand to greater depth as long as we are dominated by our physical desires. This is why in so many of the initiation rituals of primal peoples, something like fasting or deprivation is essential. It is also why initiation into a demanding form of life, like the military, often involves the deprivation of sensual pleasures.

When we give way to this temptation, it shuts down the soul, for the soul has been wired for God, for journey into the divine. When sensual desire dominates, those deeper and richer desires are never felt or followed. They are, as Merton said, like little children, constantly clamoring for attention, and never satisfied.

This is why Jesus responds: "It is written: 'One does not live by bread alone.'" Life means so much more than sensual pleasure. Love, loyalty, relationships, family, moral excellence, aesthetic pleasure, and the aspiration after God are all so much more important. How tragic then when we think that life shrinks down to the contours of pleasure or bodily satisfaction.

Having eaten and drunk more than I should have this last week, I welcome the season of Lent: to go into the desert and reconnect with the One who conquered death, and evil. I welcome the opportunity as Pope Francis puts it, to place myself on the path of Christ, who is "the road that leads to life."

In the desert I will be tempted as Jesus was, but engaging in spiritual combat will teach me to identify evil more readily and to "know how to respond to the attacks of the Evil One."

Pope Francis added: The Lenten desert helps us to say no to worldliness, to the 'idols', it helps us to make courageous choices in accordance with the Gospel and to strengthen solidarity among the brothers.

I found much beauty during my time in Cebu and Bohol, even as I encountered the ugliness of a godless, secular culture that celebrates lust, greed and gluttony.

As I return home, I will bring back with me great memories of natural beauty, friendship, honesty, generosity and hospitality that have enriched me. And I will offer up the ugliness of sin I found on vacation in my Lenten journey forward.

Hopefully, as I travel from beach to desert, I will make this Lent a time of renewal - of my Baptismal covenant and all the commitments that flow from it.*

* To read Pope Francis's full Lenten address, go to: http://www.zenit.org/en/articles/angelus-address-on-crossing-the-lenten-desert?utm_campaign=dailyhtml&utm_medium=email&utm_source=dispatch

Vacation blues

Life is not perfect so why would I expect things to be perfect on vacation for that would be going against the laws of the nature, no? And yet, I do expect perfection, especially because I want it all to be perfect for my mother. Despite this rather unrealistic bent that only serves to increase my stress levels, I am enjoying myself on vacation in beautiful Bohol.

We happened upon live music on our first evening here and enjoyed an evening of song with a delicious fish kinilaw (close cousin to ceviche). The next day we had a slow, lazy day with the opportunity to meet up with friends and spent an afternoon by the beach. Thanks, R, for your warm hospitality. It was a spectacular day.

It has all been really smooth from flying into Cebu (we got upgraded to a suite for our overnight stay which was excellent) and getting into Bohol, and we had a couple of relaxing days. Until yesterday.

We hired a boat to take us to Balicasag island. First, the boatman crammed 12 of us into his tiny craft which I have no issue with for he needs to make a living. What was not cool was he did not show up at the appointed time and despite texting me he was on the way, he still did not appear three hours later, at which point I thought it best to make alternative plans to get back into Panglao.

While it was unpleasant waiting and wondering if the boatman would show up and we didn't order lunch for fear he would show up while we were waiting for our food, we had a scenic view from the restaurant. Although anxiety lessened the pleasure I received from watching the variable weather turn the water from smoky to azure to turquoise and aquamarine and back, I enjoyed my time in Balicasag. The snorkelling was great and the people at the resort were friendly and very helpful.

In times of trouble God sends angels and our angel was the receptionist who helped us get onto a boat that was taking some guests ashore at half the price of a private boat. It was an infinitely more comfortable ride in as we headed for Panglao beach and tthe many gorgeous shades of blue and green the water transformed into minute by minute was a sight to behold.

The other gift was the unique approach into Panglao beach versus our morning launch from Alona beach. The shallowness of the sea meant slow and sometimes manual navigation inland and there was time to fully drink in the beauty that surrounded me.  We finally had to wade through the water to get onto the pier before taking a motor bike ride back to Alona. It was good fun for me (made me miss my diving days) and I think my soon-to-be 82-year-old mother embraced the adventure as well.

My insight from yesterday is when something bad happens, God always has a better way forward. Plus, when I surrender control to Jesus, I am less anxious and more open to the new alternatives constantly opening up. I am also more able to live in the beauty of the present moment rather than fixate on getting the future picture perfect. I need to continue to do more of this and worry less.

As I keep on letting the Spirit lead the rest of our time here, I look forward to more imperfectly perfect days filled with both the good and the bad, and all the blues of sea and sky in between.

Fasting Melakan style

Living in Singapore, I have grown used to the fast pace of city life and the impersonal utilitarianism that pervades this nation of five and a half million people. Every person is a stranger, so do not make eye contact, in case he or she wants something from you and you know full well you have no time to stop and assist, rushing as you are for your next urgent appointment. Better yet, use your phone or tablet as a shield. Plug in your earphones and plug out the world. That way, no one can approach you for you are now invisible in your alternative universe, and everyone else is equally invisible to you. You do not see as your eyes are glued to the screen in front of you.

It was therefore a little disconcerting to note that everywhere I went in Melaka, people noticed me. Walk into a room and all eyes would automatically train on you before glancing off. I initially wondered why people were so inquisitive and even felt their gazes obtrusive. Then I realized it is a small town thing, where everybody pretty much knew everybody else or felt that they did. No one, not even a tourist, is a stranger. I was just used to people ignoring me and seeing through and past me, even those who served me. How sad is that!

What amazed me further was everyone was open to giving assistance without prompting. People were genuinely nice with no thought of return. People here were givers, not users. Even if they were offering a service, they looked at me as a person, not a sale or a number. They were pleasant and they smiled readily. Why can’t Singaporeans be like this? Why can’t we be kaypoh* friendly instead or just kaypoh kiasi kiasu**?

I also noticed that everywhere I went in Melaka, no one was gazing at their phones as they walked or sat in their chairs in coffee shops. Instead they were plugged into life through their eyes and their actions. They were keenly aware of what was going on in their surroundings and actively participated when necessary. They were unafraid to get involved in my life even if it was an inconvenience to them or had no real advantage for them.

Part of this comes from the markedly slower pace of life where people can actually shoot the breeze and enjoy what they are doing. The other reason, I suspect, is people here do not feel compelled to be entertained every waking moment just because technology makes it all possible. They can sit in solitude, watching the world go by, comfortable in their own skins. 

This is just my own observation but I think smart phones and tablets have turned us into not very smart, anti-social, walking zombies. We have replaced old-fashioned conversations, the sharing of lives and quiet moments for our souls to breathe with techno gadgetry, social media and its exhibitionistic, voyeuristic, sterile escapism. This goes counter to the social dimension of our inherent personalities as human beings. Only by interacting with others do we become socially adept and humanistic. Only by giving to others do we actually find ourselves and therefore any form of real, lasting happiness. As Pope Paul VI incisively wrote in Gaudium et Spes, point 24:

For this reason, love for God and neighbor is the first and greatest commandment. Sacred Scripture, however, teaches us that the love of God cannot be separated from love of neighbor: "If there is any other commandment, it is summed up in this saying: Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.... Love therefore is the fulfillment of the Law" (Rom. 13:9-10; cf. 1 John 4:20)…

Indeed, the Lord Jesus, when He prayed to the Father, "that all may be one. . . as we are one" (John 17:21-22) opened up vistas closed to human reason, for He implied a certain likeness between the union of the divine Persons, and the unity of God's sons in truth and charity. This likeness reveals that man, who is the only creature on earth which God willed for itself, cannot fully find himself except through a sincere gift of himself.(2)

If we give in to the lure of technology, isolating ourselves in virtual worlds, we are probably stunting our own growth (in imperceptible but undeniable ways) and transforming ourselves into narcissistic, amoral and immature beings with no social graces. We become unwilling to engage in the real world in meaningful ways. We find reality too alarming, confusing, messy and troublesome, completely forgetting that people, relationships and life are alarming, confusing, messy and troublesome, but also glorious, sublime and definitely worth the effort. We even believe suffering is for others, certainly not us, and we run away from any unpleasantness in our lives instead of facing it head on.

I resolve to be more moderate in my habits and use technology judiciously: stop wexting, stop looking at my phone while having a meal and be more aware of my surroundings like the people I encountered in Melaka. I also intend to create more space to just sit and contemplate Jesus. With Lent just round the corner, fasting can be a life-giving thing as my trip to Melaka has shown me.

* nosy
** afraid to lose out to someone and afraid to get involved for fear of being implicated badly

Surrendering control

If one wants to experience God's loving and very real presence in life, one only has to surrender situations one does not have much control over.

I just got home from a two-day trip to Melaka where I had to run a number of necessary errands in a very limited space of time. Needless to say I was not looking forward to going up prior the trip, even dreaded it.

Before I left, I was already frantically squeezing in pre-trip tasks and had to put up with discouraging comments that left me feeling disheartened. So I prayed a prayer of surrender, placing an itemized wish list before the Lord.

It was an incredible time. I accomplished everything I intended to do, and more. The bonus was the way things just fell into place in a way I could not have planned myself. Even glitches were resolved so easily and quickly that one barely noticed the inconvenience caused.

People were friendly, full of smiles and so willing to help. I really love Melakan folks for they embody the kampong spirit. A good example is when I took a wrong turn and went up a one-way street in the town centre yesterday. Before you say woman driver, it used to be a two-way street and the arrows on the road were not erased, thereby misleading me (there was no No Entry sign I could see either). I even spotted another driver ahead of me who made the same mistake, a man, so I didn't feel so ditzy after all. Whew.

Anyways, we soon realized our mistake when we created a jam. A shopkeeper kindly directed me to pull into his shopfront while he stopped traffic and enabled us two clueless tourist drivers to make a three-point turn and drive down the street the correct way.

Such kindness and the willingness of strangers to lend a helping hand really touched me. Everywhere I went people went out of their way to help without prompting. Simple things like the gift of a few parking coupons when I only asked where I could purchase a book made my day.

The minor miracle of the trip was the ability to find the perfect parking spot in the heart of town where parking spots are a premium. I was waiting to know where to park when the spot behind me magically appeared as a car drove off. And it was right in front of where I needed to be as well. I could not stop being awed and thanking God.

Even the traffic cooperated, as did the queue in the bank. The bank tellers were genuinely nice and intent on saving me money... the list just goes on and on and I was there effectively for one day.

The highlight of this "business" trip was that Mummy and I even had time to meet up with her cousins. It is always nice to see them and spend time with them for every meeting is grace - they are all octogenarians.

When I shared how well things went with my cousin, she simply said: God loves you my dear.

Yes He does! I say this with a hint of surprise and a deeply grateful heart. He even gifted me with things I did not think I had time for such as a dental checkup and the chance to eat satay celup and cendol. Yummers! Yes, I know, talk of food and dental appointments go together so well.

I thank God for all the many things that went right, for the things that went wrong but were, on hindsight, blessings in disguise, and for just loving me so much.

 I will endeavour to invite God to take the driver's seat more often in future for He does a far more superior job than I ever could. No contest.

Slave for love

Today’s second reading from Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians (chapter 9, verse 16) really resonated with me for even though sometimes I feel as if I am a slave to the demands of others and my resentment shows in the impatience of my actions, I know that ultimately there is nothing I desire more than to help spread the Good News to others. If it means making myself a slave, then so be it (this does not imply abject subjugation but rather humility and the ability to be sensitive to the needs of others).

Like Saint Paul, I aspire to become all things to all so that I may help at least a few people experience the Good News in a way I have. His words encourage me to keep going for if I want to claim my share of the Gospel, that is to fully experience the joy of the Gospel myself, then I must live my life in a particular way: lovingly, joyously, empathetically, considerately and, most of all, compassionately. I must not shy away from connecting with others, and in every encounter, I must invite a spirit of hospitality into the interaction so that it becomes a positive experience.

This is quite difficult for me for being task-oriented, I sometimes forget about the journey being so focused on the destination. I get impatient and disconnected easily. I also often forget to rely on God for everything. Of course this is when things always go awry, when I insist on letting my ego take the driver’s seat. Thank God for His graciousness for He always saves the day and ensures I do not do too much damage in my inept and crude ways.

Reflecting on the last four weeks which have been busy beyond belief, there are lessons I can draw from to keep me going in 2015. The first lesson is that love really does conquer all. I have found that when I genuinely love the other (even if I may not agree with or like the person at times), I can do all things in order to touch the other’s heart and show the other how God loves him or her. The only way to love without prejudice and baggage is to keep experiencing God’s love for myself first.

As Pia reiterated in her talk on Christian leadership, being contemplative allows us to see beyond the face of things and to get to the heart of prickly relationships. If I know how to speak and act, especially with difficult people, I can then enable them to glimpse their own true identity. I will be able to bring their inner beauty to surface. Prayer helps me forgive slights imagined or real and to extend a sincere and open hand of friendship in any situation. I can be gentler, wiser and more generous. This is what it is to share God’s presence with others in spite of my own human frailties and shortcomings.

Another lesson that has been relearned recently is to keep saying yes to God even when I am frightened and feel inadequate, so not up to the task. Especially when I know my yes would make a positive difference. Rather than let my fearful and lazy child self stay in the shallows, in agreeing to swim out into deeper waters, I have found strength and empowerment. I grow, more into the person I have been created to be. So while saying yes is not always enjoyable, it is definitely fulfilling and enriching. I will keep saying yes to being a slave for that is my “obligation” as a filial child of God.     

All this running around has meant that I have not been so diligent in looking after my body and getting sufficient sleep. Letting go of the disciplines of physical fitness has resulted in physical exhaustion and a body that creaks and groans like a rusty, old machine. This, I have since discovered, is really bad, for feeling out of sorts physically I am short with people and I have no tolerance for delays or changes to the plan in my head. I am highly irritable and not pleasant to be around. I make errors in judgement. I become scatter-brained. I snap at people then regret it just moments later.

Physical health is thus vital to spiritual health. How can I serve when I am physically not up to it? I am short-changing those I serve for I just cannot give all of myself when my energy levels are close to empty or when some body part is in pain. So I am, more than ever, invested in regaining a supple and ache-free spine.

Thank you Saint Paul for inspiring me to be a slave for love. It is now time for bed for a busy week awaits.