I will not lie. Being single can seem the worst thing on earth on days you just need someone to give you their undivided attention and sympathy, hug and kiss you and tell you honey it will be alright. Singlehood can also be the kiss of death in certain social situations. Then there is the deep ache of loneliness weighing your heart down so that it hurts to even breathe.
But there are great blessings in being single that even I forget when I am whining at God telling Him you told me my vocation is marriage and motherhood so why am I alone? I am as miserable as Hannah was when she cried in the temple, praying for a child.
My deepest sorrow in life is that I will never hold my own child against my breast and croon words of love to her. And what do I do with the names I have picked out for my unborn children? Being single can really bite, but it can also be awesome and amazing. Here's why.
1. Sleeping alone rocks
I love snuggling in my own bed, falling asleep without someone breathing in my face or snoring in my ear. I can sleep deeply for I don't wake up when someone steals my covers or moves about in bed. I can snore as loudly as I want and make all kinds of rude noises without having to feel embarrassed or apologize. I don't have to worry about bad breath or smell his bad breath. And all those romantic couple cuddly poses you see in movies, so not comfortable. All you get is a crick in the neck. Trust me, sleeping alone rocks.
2. Jesus is The One
We all look for the perfect soulmate in life, the one person who gets us completely and loves us despite knowing all our flaws. Jesus is that perfect once-in-a-lifetime spouse. He loves me unconditionally and He will never betray me - more like I will be the unfaithful party who will be forgiven my sins before I even utter sorry. Go figure.
Every day He showers me with little gifts to make me feel loved. He guides me when I am lost and He protects me when I am afraid. He always shows me a good time. And when he can't show up in person, he always sends somebody else to take good care of me. He is the consummate lover. Whenever I am sad and lonely, his is the voice that tells me honey it will be alright. And it is.
3. I am not alone
As the Michael Jackson song goes: You are not alone, I am here with you. This is what God whispers to me in the dark, destructive storms of life as well as in the bright, sunny days. He is with me always and will never desert me. I may not always believe this or feel comforted by this promise He made me, yet He is there, a stalwart presence, my saviour and my song. Oh that today I would listen to His voice with an open and tender heart and see His face.
4. The joy of eating alone
It may feel awkward eating alone in a fine dining restaurant but eating on your own has its merits. I can enjoy my food without having to make any obligatory small talk. Especially after a long, hard day at work, vegging out in front of the telly with my dinner can be the most appetizing option. Best of all, I can eat whatever I want without having to consider someone else's food likes and dislikes.
5. I get to play good times mummy
I love children and children love me. I am good at taking care of children and I enjoy the company of little munchkins. Although I would have wanted children of my own, I am increasingly grateful I have none for motherhood is not an easy vocation, especially today. It isn't just the tensions of juggling work and home, but the world as it is today, where hatred, injustice, violence and sexual perversion abound. How would I protect and teach my children well? Better to get my baby fix by playing with the children of others for a few hours and leaving them with their parents to go home to a silent apartment. The sound of silence is never as sweet as after a few hours of screaming kids.
6. The power of one
Being single means total freedom. I get to choose whatever I want to do, whenever I want to do it. I can be as selfish as I wish to be and I don't have to plan my life around someone else's schedule. My energies revolve around my life alone. What I earn I get to spend on myself. It does mean I end up doing things on my own when it's nice to share life at times, but it is all par for the course. There is no ideal state of life except yours and what you make of it.
7. Filial piety is no struggle
I am Asian and family means the world to me. To be able to take care of my parents is one of life's greatest blessings, to repay them for their love and sacrifice. Without a husband and children to look after means I can look after my parents in the way I would want.
I am grateful for the experience of being one of my father's primary caregiver in the last six months of his life for it taught me how to love in a way that has transformed me into a stronger, kinder and wiser person. In losing him I found God, an incredibly enriching trade off. Plus, being Catholic, I know that I have not really lost my father. He is waiting for me and we will be reunited in eternity.
Living with my mother and taking care of her is one of my greatest joys today for she is my best friend and my champion. I sometimes mourn the day she will depart, but this also makes me celebrate the present when she is here with me now.
8. Life is a great adventure
Being single means I am flying with fewer restrictions. Marriage means you must cleave to your spouse. Motherhood means your children's welfare is paramount. What about singles? What am I called to do in order to come out of I, me and myself and do something worthwhile with my life? In this respect, the world is my oyster. I can do many small things with great love and reach out to more people than I could if I were married with children. I can take off on mission outreaches with minimum fuss and planning. In giving God the controls, I have been and continue to be on the ride of my life. It is awesome.
9. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
Is my life beautiful? It is because I made a conscious choice to look for beauty in my life every day. And it is always there if I look carefully enough. There is always something to be grateful for even on days I wish I had never gotten out of bed. The smile of the aunty who served me my Milo peng. The glorious coolness of tropical Singapore when it rains cats and dogs. There is even beauty in the tears of loneliness I weep, for in loneliness are the seeds of my supreme humanity, the call to love. When I say yes to the call with a heart devoid of selfishness and ego, it leads to great and beauteous acts.
10. Let the creative juices flow
Being single challenges me to be creative, as God is, which is to be extremely creative. I may not be married with children even though this is my deepest desire, but that doesn't mean I am short-changed of the experience of being married and of being a mother.
I can be as loving, caring, faithful, nurturing, giving, patient, forgiving, generous and compassionate as a wife and mother is with the people I love. I can exercise all the gifts I have with others around me. It just takes a little more imagination, a little more work and a tweaking of one's perspective to see I am wife and mother, even as a single woman, and without the woes of a real married mother. It doesn't get better than that.
But there are great blessings in being single that even I forget when I am whining at God telling Him you told me my vocation is marriage and motherhood so why am I alone? I am as miserable as Hannah was when she cried in the temple, praying for a child.
My deepest sorrow in life is that I will never hold my own child against my breast and croon words of love to her. And what do I do with the names I have picked out for my unborn children? Being single can really bite, but it can also be awesome and amazing. Here's why.
1. Sleeping alone rocks
I love snuggling in my own bed, falling asleep without someone breathing in my face or snoring in my ear. I can sleep deeply for I don't wake up when someone steals my covers or moves about in bed. I can snore as loudly as I want and make all kinds of rude noises without having to feel embarrassed or apologize. I don't have to worry about bad breath or smell his bad breath. And all those romantic couple cuddly poses you see in movies, so not comfortable. All you get is a crick in the neck. Trust me, sleeping alone rocks.
2. Jesus is The One
We all look for the perfect soulmate in life, the one person who gets us completely and loves us despite knowing all our flaws. Jesus is that perfect once-in-a-lifetime spouse. He loves me unconditionally and He will never betray me - more like I will be the unfaithful party who will be forgiven my sins before I even utter sorry. Go figure.
Every day He showers me with little gifts to make me feel loved. He guides me when I am lost and He protects me when I am afraid. He always shows me a good time. And when he can't show up in person, he always sends somebody else to take good care of me. He is the consummate lover. Whenever I am sad and lonely, his is the voice that tells me honey it will be alright. And it is.
3. I am not alone
As the Michael Jackson song goes: You are not alone, I am here with you. This is what God whispers to me in the dark, destructive storms of life as well as in the bright, sunny days. He is with me always and will never desert me. I may not always believe this or feel comforted by this promise He made me, yet He is there, a stalwart presence, my saviour and my song. Oh that today I would listen to His voice with an open and tender heart and see His face.
4. The joy of eating alone
It may feel awkward eating alone in a fine dining restaurant but eating on your own has its merits. I can enjoy my food without having to make any obligatory small talk. Especially after a long, hard day at work, vegging out in front of the telly with my dinner can be the most appetizing option. Best of all, I can eat whatever I want without having to consider someone else's food likes and dislikes.
5. I get to play good times mummy
I love children and children love me. I am good at taking care of children and I enjoy the company of little munchkins. Although I would have wanted children of my own, I am increasingly grateful I have none for motherhood is not an easy vocation, especially today. It isn't just the tensions of juggling work and home, but the world as it is today, where hatred, injustice, violence and sexual perversion abound. How would I protect and teach my children well? Better to get my baby fix by playing with the children of others for a few hours and leaving them with their parents to go home to a silent apartment. The sound of silence is never as sweet as after a few hours of screaming kids.
6. The power of one
Being single means total freedom. I get to choose whatever I want to do, whenever I want to do it. I can be as selfish as I wish to be and I don't have to plan my life around someone else's schedule. My energies revolve around my life alone. What I earn I get to spend on myself. It does mean I end up doing things on my own when it's nice to share life at times, but it is all par for the course. There is no ideal state of life except yours and what you make of it.
7. Filial piety is no struggle
I am Asian and family means the world to me. To be able to take care of my parents is one of life's greatest blessings, to repay them for their love and sacrifice. Without a husband and children to look after means I can look after my parents in the way I would want.
I am grateful for the experience of being one of my father's primary caregiver in the last six months of his life for it taught me how to love in a way that has transformed me into a stronger, kinder and wiser person. In losing him I found God, an incredibly enriching trade off. Plus, being Catholic, I know that I have not really lost my father. He is waiting for me and we will be reunited in eternity.
Living with my mother and taking care of her is one of my greatest joys today for she is my best friend and my champion. I sometimes mourn the day she will depart, but this also makes me celebrate the present when she is here with me now.
8. Life is a great adventure
Being single means I am flying with fewer restrictions. Marriage means you must cleave to your spouse. Motherhood means your children's welfare is paramount. What about singles? What am I called to do in order to come out of I, me and myself and do something worthwhile with my life? In this respect, the world is my oyster. I can do many small things with great love and reach out to more people than I could if I were married with children. I can take off on mission outreaches with minimum fuss and planning. In giving God the controls, I have been and continue to be on the ride of my life. It is awesome.
9. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
Is my life beautiful? It is because I made a conscious choice to look for beauty in my life every day. And it is always there if I look carefully enough. There is always something to be grateful for even on days I wish I had never gotten out of bed. The smile of the aunty who served me my Milo peng. The glorious coolness of tropical Singapore when it rains cats and dogs. There is even beauty in the tears of loneliness I weep, for in loneliness are the seeds of my supreme humanity, the call to love. When I say yes to the call with a heart devoid of selfishness and ego, it leads to great and beauteous acts.
10. Let the creative juices flow
Being single challenges me to be creative, as God is, which is to be extremely creative. I may not be married with children even though this is my deepest desire, but that doesn't mean I am short-changed of the experience of being married and of being a mother.
I can be as loving, caring, faithful, nurturing, giving, patient, forgiving, generous and compassionate as a wife and mother is with the people I love. I can exercise all the gifts I have with others around me. It just takes a little more imagination, a little more work and a tweaking of one's perspective to see I am wife and mother, even as a single woman, and without the woes of a real married mother. It doesn't get better than that.
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