I am generally quite happy being a singleton. I don't feel like that it is an "unfortunate conscription" where I am only "looking in at life from the outside". However, a conversation with T this week made me feel like I was missing out big time if I chose to remain single and celibate. Rather, I should be actively looking to find me a man, and having fun while doing it.
Mine seemed like a weird, unnatural choice and I was odd in choosing this route especially since I am not working towards a religious vocation. Have I given up on marriage out of fear? Should I be putting myself out there? I hate feeling this way and yet, I know it is a choice that is not really understood by many (there are times it is incomprehensible to me, too) so I should not let it faze me.
It was, therefore, a boost to my flagging confidence to read Father Ron Rolheiser's The Single Life*. I could say that I was fully and joyfully picking up my life and seeing it as worthwhile. I accept with equanimity that I am single, in a spirit that fits the life I am actually living. I am good with my state of life, and often, more than good.
I don't dispute that, as Father Rolheiser put it, the universe works in pairs, and that even God himself said it is not good for man to be alone. I feel that reality in my body every day, the need to be in union, to connect. But understanding that this need is first and foremost a call from God to connect with Him, then with others, has made the difference for me. I don't expend extra energy desperately seeking for The One, for He is with me always (granted cold comfort at times, but mostly reassuring).
In allowing the cross of Christ to transform and repair this fault in my chastity, I can be made whole. I am not a half looking for another half to complete me. I can be a "normal, generative and happy" person, in my single self.
Certainly there are days when loneliness seems to be a fierce, all-encompassing ache that has me singing the blues, but when properly channelled, blue gives way to gold and silver. And, interesting shades of gold and silver abound.
I especially like this paragraph which I share below:
However, to be celibate and single doesn't necessarily mean that one is asexual or sterile. Today the impression is often given that no happiness exists outside of sexual union. That's superficial and untrue. Sexuality is the drive in us towards connection, community, family, friendship, affection, love, creativity, delight, and generativity. We are happy and whole when these things are in our lives, not on the basis of whether or not we sleep alone. The single celibate life offers its own opportunities for achieving these. God never closes one door without opening countless others. For instance, when our culture recognizes that it's easier to find a lover than a friend, it recognizes too that human sexuality and generativity are more than biological.
As Father Rolheiser goes on to say:
There are other ways of being healthily sexual, of getting pregnant and impregnating, of being mother or father, of sexual [sic] enjoying intimacy. Sexuality, love, generativity, family, enjoyment, and delight have multiple modalities.
It is all a question of opening ourselves to Divine-inspired creativity and going down roads previously ignored or undiscovered. The more I venture down paths I had not considered before, the more I have to concur. God has ways we humans dare not dream of, as exemplified by the Annunciation.
I would like to think that the single life has given me opportunities I otherwise would not have experienced; more adventures taken, more surprises afforded, and I am grateful.
The travails of life will arise whether I am single or married, and there will be sacrifices to be made either way. Regardless of either state of life, the choice really is to make the most of life and to be joyous for the graces one receives every day.
So I wear my single celibate life with pride for it is blessed by the living presence of Christ, who makes all things right and beautiful with great love.
* To read Father Rolheiser's article, go to: http://www.ronrolheiser.com/columnarchive/?id=1289
Mine seemed like a weird, unnatural choice and I was odd in choosing this route especially since I am not working towards a religious vocation. Have I given up on marriage out of fear? Should I be putting myself out there? I hate feeling this way and yet, I know it is a choice that is not really understood by many (there are times it is incomprehensible to me, too) so I should not let it faze me.
It was, therefore, a boost to my flagging confidence to read Father Ron Rolheiser's The Single Life*. I could say that I was fully and joyfully picking up my life and seeing it as worthwhile. I accept with equanimity that I am single, in a spirit that fits the life I am actually living. I am good with my state of life, and often, more than good.
I don't dispute that, as Father Rolheiser put it, the universe works in pairs, and that even God himself said it is not good for man to be alone. I feel that reality in my body every day, the need to be in union, to connect. But understanding that this need is first and foremost a call from God to connect with Him, then with others, has made the difference for me. I don't expend extra energy desperately seeking for The One, for He is with me always (granted cold comfort at times, but mostly reassuring).
In allowing the cross of Christ to transform and repair this fault in my chastity, I can be made whole. I am not a half looking for another half to complete me. I can be a "normal, generative and happy" person, in my single self.
Certainly there are days when loneliness seems to be a fierce, all-encompassing ache that has me singing the blues, but when properly channelled, blue gives way to gold and silver. And, interesting shades of gold and silver abound.
I especially like this paragraph which I share below:
However, to be celibate and single doesn't necessarily mean that one is asexual or sterile. Today the impression is often given that no happiness exists outside of sexual union. That's superficial and untrue. Sexuality is the drive in us towards connection, community, family, friendship, affection, love, creativity, delight, and generativity. We are happy and whole when these things are in our lives, not on the basis of whether or not we sleep alone. The single celibate life offers its own opportunities for achieving these. God never closes one door without opening countless others. For instance, when our culture recognizes that it's easier to find a lover than a friend, it recognizes too that human sexuality and generativity are more than biological.As Father Rolheiser goes on to say:
There are other ways of being healthily sexual, of getting pregnant and impregnating, of being mother or father, of sexual [sic] enjoying intimacy. Sexuality, love, generativity, family, enjoyment, and delight have multiple modalities.
It is all a question of opening ourselves to Divine-inspired creativity and going down roads previously ignored or undiscovered. The more I venture down paths I had not considered before, the more I have to concur. God has ways we humans dare not dream of, as exemplified by the Annunciation.
I would like to think that the single life has given me opportunities I otherwise would not have experienced; more adventures taken, more surprises afforded, and I am grateful.
The travails of life will arise whether I am single or married, and there will be sacrifices to be made either way. Regardless of either state of life, the choice really is to make the most of life and to be joyous for the graces one receives every day.
So I wear my single celibate life with pride for it is blessed by the living presence of Christ, who makes all things right and beautiful with great love.
* To read Father Rolheiser's article, go to: http://www.ronrolheiser.com/columnarchive/?id=1289
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