Knuckling down to study for my exam (yes, this time I am finally going to take it having set an exam date of June 20) has been an uphill battle.
First excuse (a valid one) was work, and the inability to find the time and energy to hit the books. Then I was just unable to focus, being easily distracted, under the weather... I grew increasingly frustrated with myself and was beginning to feel the weight of the looming exam date.
So I began praying in earnest, and specifically, for diligence, focus and perseverance. Knowing my weaknesses, and knowing that I cannot do it alone has been key. In asking for help through prayer, I have been able to surmount the road blocks of sloth and lack of time (my schedule has magically cleared). Prayer has become my secret weapon in my exam prep.
Now, why, you may ask, did I not begin sooner? I guess I thought I could do it on my own. For I thought that an awareness of my weaknesses/bad habits was sufficient to fight against them. I have to admit I also thought it kinda lame to ask God for help in studying, like some wimpy kid.
Ah yes, we have hit upon my personal demons, the ones that tell me I am worthless, not worthy of being loved (or helped) and just not good enough for anything. I can never be perfect, being so unremarkably mediocre, so why try? They just floor me and leave me snivelling in the dust, too defeated to get up and try again. I go into a foetal freeze and stay there.
As I told E earlier this week, words I should seriously consider myself, God does not require us to be perfect, we just have to be sincere (a humble, contrite heart you will not spurn) and try our best. And that is perfection enough for God, for His power is made perfect in our weakness.
If we stumble and fall, that is all par for the course. Thomas Edison rightly said, "Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is to try just one more time." Thus we should simply get up and start walking forward.
I came across another great quote, by Robert Louis Stevenson:
Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.
We are so conditioned to measure success in real, material terms, that when tangible results are lacking, we think we have failed, and we give up, abandoning course. We forget that success in God's eyes requires just one thing: it requires heart. Purity of heart. Veracity of heart.
Today's reading from Romans, chapter five, says it all for me:
"...we can boast about our sufferings. These sufferings bring patience, as we know, and patience brings perseverance, and perseverance brings hope, and this hope is not deceptive, because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts by the Holy Spirit which has been given us."
What we find lacking in ourselves, what we most seek in life can be found in God's love - this is the truth of our Trinitarian God*. Out of love, He gave us His Son, and the Holy Spirit. So with the help of our Father, Son and Holy Spirit, all demons can be vanquished.
Pray for help. And as A, a bold prayer warrior, would advise, be specific. Now back to studying.
* Today we celebrate the Solemnity of the Most Holy Trinity.
First excuse (a valid one) was work, and the inability to find the time and energy to hit the books. Then I was just unable to focus, being easily distracted, under the weather... I grew increasingly frustrated with myself and was beginning to feel the weight of the looming exam date.
So I began praying in earnest, and specifically, for diligence, focus and perseverance. Knowing my weaknesses, and knowing that I cannot do it alone has been key. In asking for help through prayer, I have been able to surmount the road blocks of sloth and lack of time (my schedule has magically cleared). Prayer has become my secret weapon in my exam prep.
Now, why, you may ask, did I not begin sooner? I guess I thought I could do it on my own. For I thought that an awareness of my weaknesses/bad habits was sufficient to fight against them. I have to admit I also thought it kinda lame to ask God for help in studying, like some wimpy kid.
Ah yes, we have hit upon my personal demons, the ones that tell me I am worthless, not worthy of being loved (or helped) and just not good enough for anything. I can never be perfect, being so unremarkably mediocre, so why try? They just floor me and leave me snivelling in the dust, too defeated to get up and try again. I go into a foetal freeze and stay there.
As I told E earlier this week, words I should seriously consider myself, God does not require us to be perfect, we just have to be sincere (a humble, contrite heart you will not spurn) and try our best. And that is perfection enough for God, for His power is made perfect in our weakness.
If we stumble and fall, that is all par for the course. Thomas Edison rightly said, "Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is to try just one more time." Thus we should simply get up and start walking forward.
I came across another great quote, by Robert Louis Stevenson:
Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.
We are so conditioned to measure success in real, material terms, that when tangible results are lacking, we think we have failed, and we give up, abandoning course. We forget that success in God's eyes requires just one thing: it requires heart. Purity of heart. Veracity of heart.
Today's reading from Romans, chapter five, says it all for me:
"...we can boast about our sufferings. These sufferings bring patience, as we know, and patience brings perseverance, and perseverance brings hope, and this hope is not deceptive, because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts by the Holy Spirit which has been given us."
What we find lacking in ourselves, what we most seek in life can be found in God's love - this is the truth of our Trinitarian God*. Out of love, He gave us His Son, and the Holy Spirit. So with the help of our Father, Son and Holy Spirit, all demons can be vanquished.
Pray for help. And as A, a bold prayer warrior, would advise, be specific. Now back to studying.
* Today we celebrate the Solemnity of the Most Holy Trinity.
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