I usually catch up on my movies on flights and the one from Amsterdam back afforded enough time to watch quite a number of movies.

Among the movies I caught were The Vow and We Bought a Zoo which are both based on true stories and both mention a once in a lifetime love. Both stories espouse marital love that is giving and fulfilling but eventually ends in loss in different ways.

Despite the loss of these "great loves", both men find ways to deal with their grief in ways that re-define them, bringing them new life and new love when they let go of the past. I wept when I watched both movies for this is how love should be and I want a man who would love me as selflessly as the two protagonists loved their wives.

We all search for this "great love". I thought I had it once but it was not to be. I still want this love of a lifetime for I am a romantic at heart. But, I also know the pitfalls of making wrong choices, for I've been there before. It is the wisdom of hard earned experience that prevents me from making the same mistakes yet again (and grace of course). 

Neediness born out of loneliness is my worst enemy. However, I know I am fortunate that I am mostly able to sublimate my desires and needs by finding creative ways to love and be loved and we are not talking sex here for I believe sex should be a sacred experience with one's spouse that promises much more than the slaking of physical urges.

My mainstay is God. He is my foremost and only soul provider. Even in the depths of aching burning need, if I turn to Him, He will provide comfort in ways that remind me of how much He loves me. And should I not feel comforted, I have the strength of the Eucharist, Scripture and Tradition to prop me up and see me through the tough times.

People see keeping on the straight and narrow as boring and as desirable as a bilious affliction, I like it for it prevents me from falling too fast and hard into a self-inflicted hell.

While some might say faith is just my crutch, my "opiate", I say better than being addicted to alcohol, work, sex or other vices. Plus, as an old friend observed recently, I am happy. Certainly he sees a big difference in the me now and of the past where I was always full of angst and dissatisfied with life. I see and feel a big difference in me, too but it's nice to have validation nonetheless. 

Having an active faith has engendered in me a heart of gratitude which means I now see the glass of my days more than half full, if not overflowing, than half empty. There is much in life to laugh about, be grateful for and to give thanks repeatedly. I am always blown away when I do my examen consciousness at how I have been given much.

Faith has also yielded me fruit of the Spirit in abundance. I have been given love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. As today is Pentecost, I pray for more fruit and gifts to blossom forth.

The ancient Greeks knew a thing or two such as: Know Thyself. I am on a lifelong journey of self-discovery in order to play to my strengths and parlay my weaknesses into perfection by grace (see 2 Cor 12:9). As a serious disciple of Life, self-knowledge is key in order that I may chart my path and make my life one worth living every day.

The ability to find purpose and meaning in life is what colours my world and lights it up. Thus, if I know who I am, the person I am created to be, then I can actualize my self and become fully human; my resolution this year and for years to come for I realize I will never be done but it's worth shooting for.

Despite not having a great love, I have many loves, people I hold dear, like my mother, my brothers, relatives, good friends and my Woman to Woman community. They are an integral part of my life and I appreciate how each of them makes my life richer and fuller on a daily basis.

So even if I never found the love of my lifetime, I would still consider myself extremely blessed. I already have my cake and am enjoying it, even without the cherry on top.

Lastly I enjoy very much what I do for a living, using my talent for teaching, and this gives me great pleasure. I look forward to each day and it is gratifying when I am able to make a positive impact on peoples' lives.

While my job is one of my passions, it is not the only one. I pursue other passions outside of work that are equally soul-satisfying. They also involve using my creativity in life-affirming ways which I like. A lot. And that makes me happy.

So while I hanker after what I do not have at times, the truth is I have enough love to last me a lifetime and if I reflect a little more, I have what I want. It's just not found in one person but in many.

As I believe in the Trinitarian God, perhaps I should expand my mind a little so that I can accept that my "great love" is real, living and mine right now.