A good man

Today I attended the funeral service of my friend's husband G. who went home to the Lord two days ago.

I knew him in a limited way but even in that narrow window of time and manner, it was apparent that he was a man of good humour and someone who had accomplished much in his life because he loved much.

Hearing the eulogies of people who knew him in various capacities, it was clear G. was a man well respected and thought of with great affection.

Rudyard Kipling's poem If* was a favourite of his and his brother quoted selected excerpts of this poem that G. loved:

     "If you can meet with triumph and disaster
     And treat those two imposters just the same;"
     "If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
     Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;" 
     "Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
     And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!"

It would seem that G. strove to be the man described by Kipling and was a man who desired to be good above all.

I read somewhere that in the past, people aspired to be good, but today, people aspire to be happy.

It's ironic that despite today's almost manic search for happiness (especially when the perceived key to happiness rests on a special someone), there are more love-hungry and unhappy people around for they forsake responsibility, commitment and compassion in order to find  their bliss, not realizing that happiness lies in being unselfish and giving.

True loving is not motivated by any gain or fear and is, in its very act, its own reward, yielding its own quiet felicity.

People like G. and his wife A. (who has been a generous and loving friend to me) inspire me with their innate goodness, generosity and courageous zest for life. I use the word courageous for A. and G. were a couple who never let adversity dampen their spirits. A. is still the face of stoic equanimity despite a difficult time with health, and now G.'s passing.

Life indeed is fleeting and I am reminded to fill "sixty seconds’ worth of distance run" in every "unforgiving minute".

Rest well G. May the fruit of your labour continue to multiply in the many lives you touched.

* http://www.everypoet.com/archive/poetry/Rudyard_Kipling/kipling_if.htm

Beyond skin deep

I thank God for the gift of JPII and for his magnum opus Theology of the Body.

I thank God for committed men and women who do their utmost to spread the late Pope's wisdom to the masses, breathing life into a message that is so relevant for today's teenager who lives in confusing times.

It was a privilege to listen to Brian Butler last Saturday and understand how Theology of the Body for Teens Discovering God's Plan for Love and Life, a book he co-authored, addresses the needs and wants of young people today in a captivating and ingenious manner.

TOB is all about sex, but it is not sex education. TOB celebrates basic truths about our sexuality, male and female, and offers guidelines to each of us on how to make the most of our lives rooted in our sexual identities as men and women.

It's a premise for finding love and happiness while upholding some of the moral teachings of the Catholic Church.

The teachings on chastity (no premarital sex and chastity within marriage) and contraception (other than natural family planning, contraceptives cannot to be used to prevent conception) are both hard pills to swallow.

Like many, I used to think that this was the Church's way of circumscribing freedom, most unreasonable and ridiculously archaic in the modern world, having not been taught the spirit behind the teachings.

Like many, I left the Church and went my own way for years because I could not reconcile myself to the moral teachings, having bought into the world's ideas on freedom, that is to only do what is pleasing, and not necessarily beneficial, to me, myself and I, not truly understanding the nature of love as a gift.

John Paul II's TOB offers a deeper understanding of the moral teachings on chastity, the sacrament of marriage and celibacy that is more than palatable for it seeks to "untwist" our egocentric ideas on love and encourages us celebrate the "spousal meaning" of our bodies.

In understanding what and who I was created for, where I come from and who I am, as a woman, an embodied soul, I am able to see the sense, beauty and goodness in the Church's moral teachings and embrace the teachings, even though that embrace is not an easy one all the time.

As they say, nothing good comes easy. But, it definitely is more rewarding.

What I mean by this is I used to be motivated out of fear and a legalistic understanding of sin, thus I used to feel oppressed by the weight of the laws/moral teachings.

I would constantly fail as my heart was not in keeping the law and I even told myself I would accept going to hell because of my sins, not realizing I was already experiencing hell as my life was devoid of God and His love and, I was unhappy.

When I first experienced Christ's unconditional, affirming and extremely tender love for me, I was awed and could not help but love Him back. Out of love for Him, I only wanted to please Him, to give back a measure of what I have received.

He is the lover of my dreams, much like the bridegroom in Song of Songs. "I am my beloved's, and his desire is for me."

In this living, spousal relationship with Jesus, my restless heart rests in Him"* and I am no longer held captive by the law for I seek to do what is good purely out of love. I am liberated and empowered by this love.

With the law written into my heart (Jer 31:33), I no longer feel burdened, even when temptation strikes for I stand firm in my identity as a woman who is loved greatly and I will not jeopardize that love for all the tea in China, India and Japan put together.

BB said something I really liked and I think applies to every relationship we have in life and not just BGRs:

If in a relationship, we do not desire what is good for the other, but can only desire what is good for us, then we may want to consider ending that relationship, even if marriage was on the cards. Using others for our own gratification is not love.

Love, life, there are no easy answers, but God sends us prophets every day to help us, while I am doubly blessed to have, as well, the wisdom of the Bible, Church Tradition (and Moral Teaching) and the Sacraments.

To anchor me safely in my skin and keep me pure of heart.  

* A reference from St. Augustine's Confessions:
http://www.catholicradiodramas.com/Saints_Works_Augustine/augustine_our_heart_is_restless_until_it_rests_in_you.htm

Without delay

On a recent episode of Criminal Minds, I heard a quote which is pertinent to my current state of mind.

It's by British historian C. Northcote Parkinson (who incidentally lived and worked in Singapore for a period of his life): Delay is the deadliest form of denial.

I have been reflecting about gifts lately; and how I use those given to me. Yes, I do exercise my gifts daily, but there are a few key instances in which they lie dormant for I haven't mustered the courage to act and therefore open myself to the possibility that my gifts will be rejected, or worse, disdained.

My fears and my pride hold me back. Fear of falling, failing, being laughed at or dismissed.

I am unable to advance out of the comfort zone of my fears, despite knowing what I must do. I find myself going in circles although I can see where I should be walking.

Intellectually I know that fear will always be present, but if I am committed to saying yes to Him in all things, then there can be no room for a fear-induced paralysis.

And yet, I am at a psycho-spiritual impasse. Part of the problem stems from my lack of self-confidence and self-esteem, and my brokenness. The tedium of having to work through these long identified issues that are the bêtes noires of my existence fills me with ennui. Fortitude has never been my strong suit.

The other struggle I have is with my own physical limitations as I age and how I should nurture the gift of my body such that I will have sufficient energy and health to carry me through the course that I wish to chart in my remaining years. My recent surgery has really brought home to me that I must take better care of my body if I wish to be His hands and feet in this world.

It was only the realization that I am in denial, courtesy of the Parkinson quote, that I have trying, with renewed effort, to focus on doing the "right" things without further delay, of which prayer and an attention to physical well-being are huge components.

(I desperately do not want to wander in the desert of denial any more.)

As John Paul II exhorted 10 years ago: Duc in altum! Put out into the deep!

If I want deep returns in my spiritual growth, then I must cast out into deep waters, regardless of fears.

A chance remark to B., advice on what she needs to do, and I have put into motion a plan to do something I have been desiring but put off invariably for some time. My first silent retreat. Whether or not B. can join me, I am resolved to go.

I have begun to prepare my mind and heart for this special first time experience and am looking forward to mid-October with great eagerness.

Time has become an even more precious commodity as I reside firmly in mid-life. I am in a season of physical degeneration, where memory has begun to fail, eye-sight has worsened and muscles ache more. My energy level and metabolic rate are not what they were so I must prioritize wisely and make every second count for more.

The only way I can do that is to expand it in the stillness of contemplation and conflate it in Divine-led action. And, no more delays, as far as possible.