I have been coasting. Partly due to the incredible busyness of the first five months of the year, followed by a quarter of quiescence recuperating from surgery and trying to get back to work to make up for my loss of income for the seven weeks of inactivity.
As I regain some equilibrium in my life, it is time to get back into the spiritual saddle.
I have let slide all my disciplines of prayer and have consequently hit a few roadblocks in doing what I know I am to do.
Okay, it may not be as bad as I make it out to be but I am certainly deviating from the trajectory I am supposed to be on and it comes from a combination of laziness and fear.
The perfectionist in me refuses to embark on a project that involves a lot of effort and could spell failure.
D. went for MBTI training a couple of weeks ago and it piqued my interest again. I know what I am, having completed the psychometric questionnaire years before, but reading more about my psychological type recently just blew me away.
It was pretty spot on and I felt less crazy as I realized what my "negative" tendencies were. I also think that all parents should MBTI themselves and their children in order to have them understand their children a little better and to therefore improve the dynamics of their relationship, as well as assist their children in realizing their potential fully.
M., my client who does MBTI training told me this, that we cannot change our type, especially if we answered the questionnaire honestly and not given aspirational answers.
I believe that is true. We are, each of us, like a figure encased in a marble block, that the Creator gazes upon and see a form that in Michelangelo's words is "shaped and perfect in attitude and action".
And all that is needed is our co-operation with Him so that He can chisel away all the extraneous, unwanted bits to reveal to the world the beauty He sees within.
Despite my unchangeable psychological type, I am uniquely gifted and shaped by my experiences. If I allow the Creator to fashion me as He would, in a spirit of receptivity and accountability, then I would come to life fully, in all my being.
E. gave me a rather pointed postcard that says Only You Can Choose the Right Direction.
As one of the few people who has known me and loved me (for who I am) my entire life, I know she knows I am coasting and it's time to change.
Despite the various milestones and accomplishments through these last seven years, I could be more and do more for I could answer more convincingly my fiat, instead of a tepid "Wait a while".
I love her for pushing me and encouraging me to go further for it's so easy to rest on my laurels having attained a certain level of emotional/spiritual maturity and the head knowledge to give the right answers and maybe even choose the "better portion", but not quite yet the "best".
It's easy to not focus my limited and finite energy and resources on the right things (things that I have discerned are part of my vocation) by doing a million "good deeds" that are the low-hanging fruit and so within my reach
As it says in Matthew 7:21, only the one who does the will of the Father will enter the kingdom of heaven. Forget mighty works.
So I have my work cut out for the remainder of this year: to go beyond my "type" and develop both my greater and my lesser traits to the extent I can say I did my utmost to be true to the best of myself.
I pray today for my Mount Tabor experience - to be transfigured so that I will be given new heart and a fresh, glowing demeanour to be more like Him.
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