I have the December blues. It's an awful sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach for I have run out of time to accomplish the goals I set out to this calendar year due to my own poor time management and lack of discipline.
Yes it's the time of year to sit back (amidst the crazy Christmas prepping) and reflect on how my life has shaped up over the past 12 months.
And yet, there is much that I have accomplished. I give thanks for I am been largely successful in giving back to those around me (in small and big ways, planned and spontaneous) and I have matured both spiritually and emotionally.
I am especially gratified that I have let go of certain notions that have been embedded in my psyche for so many years and I now have a new way of looking at the world. And armed with John Powell's vision therapy, I hope to battle my distortions into pale images that I can see through to the underlying truth.
In the meantime, new goals have popped up on the horizon, while new ideas are brewing, and new desires have been planted in the depths of my being -all of which I have yet to find time to mull over and discern what I am to do with it.
As with any new idea or desire, I want to see it happen instantly. I want to already see the fruition of its alluring potential. I want to drop everything in order to take flight.
A visit to my SD three days back has helped give me some perspective.
After sharing with him my failings and my desires, he said to me three words: Reality. Project. Desire.
He then proceeded to elaborate, "Deal with the reality (of unfinished goals by completing them), then embark on the project (that I have already pondered over for a long while now and need to execute) and sit with the desire (until it becomes clearer)."
I thought it was a fantastic pragmatic approach to life that bore repeating, hence this entry.
He then offered three more words to allay my fears: Confidence, peace and hope.
If my talents are God-given, then I should be confident that when I use them it will be a furtherance of my vocation, and in the act I will find the peace of doing what I am created to do and the hope of breathing life into God's possibilities.
When I shared with him my sense of what this Advent means to me - being pregnant, to be filled with new life and waiting eagerly for its arrival - he gave me one final sentence that baby Jesus is saying to each of us during this special season:
"I need you to be born again for the world."
The expression of Christ's birth can only be made real through our thoughts and actions.
So what are you doing this Christmas to make it a worthwhile reality?
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