New year, new beginning

I've always wondered why people made such a big deal about the new year. To me, it's always been just another new day. And new year resolutions made are mostly never kept. I suppose what's so significant about it is it signals a new beginning, a chance to wipe the slate clean and begin again. Although, life typically doesn't happen that way, with such neat precision.

Being a perfectionist, I tend to review the year past with a 'glass half-empty' perspective - looking at the things I didn't manage to get done or accomplish, the failures, the broken dreams... Then I read this reflection in last quarter's Living Faith extracted from Jean Vanier's book Be Not Afraid which inspired me.

Essentially it calls us to live in the Spirit in all our relationships NOW, and not worry about the future. Live in the moment, just like children. We will be given the strength to live out the "joys, the sufferings, the peace, the hopes" if we "trust in God's love". Surrender and relax.

What struck me the most was this: "He doesn't want us to be perfect. He wants us to be confident that He will give us strength". So instead of beating myself up for my shortcomings, or holding myself up to impossible standards, I have learnt to rejoice at who I am and what I have done in the here and now.

All told, 2006 was quite a year for me and I am proud of what I have achieved, and not achieved. I gained much, in terms of wisdom and self-awareness. I loved much. I cried much. I laughed much. I strove much. In short, I experienced the joys and sufferings of everyday life and was able to thank the Lord for His blessings through it all.

Sure, I didn’t do a couple of things I REALLY wanted to, like take the time to cultivate a contemplative heart, read up more and learn more about certain saints I admire, do a silent retreat, go diving, but I mostly allowed Him to manage my time and I was busy happy/satisfied.

I am a little daunted at what lies ahead for there are many things to do in the coming months that require discipline and effort on my part to get done successfully. And as always, I am unsure if I will be able to do a good job. Therefore, I must rely on His strength. And like Mother Mary, I will allow Christ to be born in me and through me, and treasure all the messages I receive, continually pondering over them.