Silence inspired

I visited the adoration room today, the one where I saw the promise of marriage with P the second time. I haven't been here for a number of years thanks to COVID and its lengthy closure, so I was flooded with memories of how P used to drop me here in our courtship and early marriage days after morning mass and breakfast together to spend time Jesus. I still see an embracing couple and Jesus right in the centre, behind the couple, to my delight.

I have let go of contemplative prayer in recent years, so it was refreshing to sit in silence and just be. My morning had begun with making pancakes for the grandkids before dropping them off to school, then teaching a client before a break presented itself. There are a couple more classes with a grandkid pick-up in between and finally an evening in RCIA. Pretty much a full-on day.

As I sat, I felt the need to write and share that when we make time for Jesus, good things happen. I felt elated and inspired to write. Hope my writing inspires you, too.

The gift
Have I used my gifts today?
My talents, my God-given charisms
Have I glorified Him at all?
This is the only question
I must answer in order
That when I meet my Maker
He will say to me
Good and faithful servant,
Well done. Come, share in my joy.

Pancake dreams
So I say to Him as I whisked:
Please let my pancakes be good
That my grandchildren will enjoy
The love folded within the batter
That in every bite they taste
My dreams that they come to
know you as I do, and
Experience the joy of Your love
And be filled with the sanctity
Of who they are, children of God
Good in every way. Most beloved.

Christ centred

Last week was a little stressful for P and I were discussing retirement. I am incredibly bad with anything to do with financial planning so I just don’t do it as far as I possibly can, until he nudges me. Last Monday, he nudged, and I immediately developed a bad tension headache, followed by a couple of sleepless nights. Since then, we have had several heart to heart conversations and I now understand him a little better, as he does me. I understand his need to be forward thinking financially, and I truly appreciate his decisions that will ensure both of us will be comfortable in retirement. 

As it turns out, I did do some sort of financial planning in my younger days so I am doing better than he or I initially thought. But I love him all the more for it, for all he has done to date, for the nudge, and for our eventual retirement. Having a spouse who loves me and takes such good care of me is huge. I feel blessed, as I did the day we got married.

Again, I am amazed at how the Father has provided for me through P. I have been relying on the providence of the God since 2003 and I am well aware He sent P into my life to enrich my life in so many ways. While financial security is nice, and I am not downplaying the importance of it, it is, for me, merely the icing on the marriage cake. The cake itself is a partner in life who loves and respects me as I do him, and who seeks my joy as much as I do his.

Our marriage was ordained by God and by saying yes all those years ago, both P and I are co-creators with the Almighty Himself in our lives as individuals, and as a couple. Yes we have different jobs and responsibilities through the day, but in the evening we come together as a couple to worship the One who loved us first. We honour Him in prayer and we are nourished by His Word as we make space for Him in our marriage. 

I am reminded of what I saw in the adoration room just before I met P for our fateful first date. As I sat with Jesus, I saw, cast on the wall, a shadow of the monstrance and it looked like a couple locked in an embrace, and right in the middle of that embrace was Jesus. I remember thinking then, hmmm, what does this mean, a relationship with this person with whom I am going on a blind date? Surely not, I am just being silly... 

This image has been a mainstay through my marriage, for a number of weeks later, I saw the same thing in a separate adoration room. It was a pointed reminder that even in marriage, Christ must be in the centre of our lives, just as He was for me when I was single. It must always be Jesus first, followed by those He has put in my life. Centred as such as I am on Him, I have no doubt He will take care of me, and P, the rest of our days. I trust in His loving providence. Jesus, I trust in you.

Excellent questions

And so I have finally hit the big six-o and what have I done to account proudly for my time on earth thus far? How will I proceed in the finite time I have left? Am I living the life I was meant to?

P said something at lunch on Sunday about excellence and the question he threw up is perfect to keep asking oneself, time and again, regardless of whatever one does in life, and whether at work or rest. 

He was actually talking about the workplace and the question one should strive to answer every day is how do I differentiate myself from others, how do I stand out from the crowd? He personally sets himself a high bar for he likes to ask himself what can I do better this year and how can I add value to the organization, and if I can’t, then it is time for me to leave.

This pursuit of excellence is one I have taken quite seriously in everything I do ever since I decided to follow Jesus wholeheartedly in these last 20 years. It’s all about first fruits, what do I set before the Lord as an offering, a sign of my sincere love and high regard for Him? Do I give my best to Jesus, unstintingly, unwaveringly?

Of course I don’t always give my best. I get tired. I get discouraged. I get lazy and complacent. And there are days when I just want to check out of life and play hooky. But, if love is my ethos - love one another as I have loved you - then I need to always come back to this question of personal excellence that is closely linked to P’s question: am I loving others as Jesus did? 

Jesus was perfect. He was divine. He did not sin. If I do my best to love as He did, I will not go far wrong, and I will, quite naturally, differentiate myself from others and stand out from the crowd. I will add value to individuals and society at large which encompasses my family, my workplace, my community and my ministries. I will be the best me to whoever I meet, wherever I am, whatever I do. 

It is not about calling attention to oneself. In fact, it is quite the opposite. It’s about engaging in all the oftentimes challenging, tedious, mundane tasks, and doing them so well, that others do not see your personal effort or sacrifice, even as they enjoy the benefits. It is about putting shoulder to the wheel, day after day, not expecting any reward or affirmation, save the personal satisfaction of knowing one did one’s best. 

Like Moses, my true life, my life in Christ, began after 40. And my true vocation began after 50. Hence I am excited to see what else the Lord has in store for me even as I feel the degenerative effects of age in this milestone year quite markedly. 

I will not stop asking the questions that demand excellence from myself in every area of my life, and, of course, I will continue to lift up all my efforts to He who gave His best out of love of the Father. AMDG