I recently came across a quote by Khalil Gibran that resonated so strongly with me for it held such truth in it:
Between what is said and not meant,
and meant and not said,
most of love is lost.
That’s so me. I often utter churlish, petty comments to my better half that I don’t mean. I don’t mean to hurt, denigrate, dismiss, criticize or irritate with my words, and yet, I do. The deep feelings of love he evokes in me, the gratitude and joy I feel, I keep inside for I don’t quite know how to verbalize them. Shy, lah, as we say in SG speak. Somehow I am also afraid that by saying them, they may not be received in the tender spirit they are given, or the words once out are somehow adulterated and sullied by imperfect communication.
Plus both P and I are pretty much cut from the same cloth as in we prefer to let our actions do the talking. I often get embarrassed when I receive words of affirmation from people who love me, thinking often to myself, they are just saying it to make me feel good and I don’t think that’s accurate or true about me. I guess this is a throwback to how I was brought up where the only words I received about what others thought of me were often negative ones. Any hint of encouragement or love could only be found in letters and those words were rare and far between.
Now I feel quite differently for the many words of affirmation I received from my late cousin E I keep in my heart and they are most precious to me. I knew she spoke them from a place of love that was objective, and they were, and still are, life-giving to me. They have helped me see myself as God sees me, and this true reflection of who I am was instrumental in giving me a healthy sense of self and self-worth. In a way, the Father was expressing His words of love and affirmation through her to me.
I see this gift of affirmation that E had in spades as something I need to work on myself, especially in my marriage for P means the world to me. I love him with a love that is rich, full of flavour, precious, filled very much with the agape love of Christ. I desire only the good, the better of him and I would do anything within my power to effect that. Yet often I fall short when it comes to actually embodying my love, especially in the spoken word.
Therefore this Valentine’s Day I made the effort to give him flowers (from my garden but very beautiful nonetheless) and a card that expressed how I felt about him. And he planted a tender kiss on my forehead last night that spoke volumes to me and made my heart melt. We dined at home, I helped feed the grandchildren, affirming them for their good behaviour, and we went for a walk after dinner. It was a simple day filed with work and mundane activities. There were no roses, no fancy dinner, but it was a fancy day when it came to love. May each day be lived with as much affirming love as it was yesterday.
