Of suffering and fruitfulness

Last week’s readings from Genesis were about how God blessed Noah and his descendants, making a covenant of provenance and protection with them

by setting the bow in the clouds as a sign. God said to them be fertile and multiply. Hence to do the will of God is to bear fruit, bring new life, and the reason why so few people engage in this, continued Father Anthony, is because people now do their best to avoid suffering due to selfishness.

Suffering may mean experiencing pain or discomfort, either physical or psychological. It can be protracted and dull, or sudden and crippling. There is usually privation and hardship involved, but in a broader sense, suffering can mean any circumstance that involves an inconvenience to our lives. It could simply be the need for discipline and hard work to perfect a skill (Father Anthony reminded us that if we wish to do well for an exam, we need to study hard). 

Suffering calls for us to persevere in the face of persecution and adversity, to overcome discouragement and despair, and continue to submit to it with self-deprecating levity. Sometimes, if we need to suffer an inordinate length of time in a chosen task or role, for we cannot dictate when or where our actions will result in something good, we must continue to wait and choose to behave with integrity without succumbing to questionable short cuts or practices. It would be unfortunate to fall into sin just because we wish to slough off the tiresome burden that suffering usually is. 

Regardless of how we treated and whatever life situations come our way, God’s grace is there for us to avail of so we can remain true and constant disciples of Jesus. When I feel as if I cannot deal with an ongoing issue anymore, or when I do not feel as loving and generous as I desire to be, I rely on His grace completely. It’s the only way I can fight my way off the slippery slope of hurt and unforgiving anger.

Thus faith is an important accompaniment to suffering both big and small. If I have an active faith, I can remain full of hope, even joyful amidst suffering. I can draw on the Lord’s strength to walk the stony narrow path, remaining a cheerful giver rather than becoming a sanctimonious, ill-humoured individual. I am able to deny self-seeking ways in order to be life-giving and loving. I can experience poverty of spirit, drawing closer to Jesus each step of the way.

Naturally we all seek to avoid suffering. However, if we keep running away and aspire only to take the more pleasant and wide path that more people tend to travel on, we will never develop substance and strength of character. We risk remaining shallow, immature and superficial individuals. We settle for a half life much like the rich, young man who could not let go of his attachments despite His love of God. 

As I choose to be a follower of Christ, I choose to follow in His footsteps. I can see the big picture clearly to eternal life, and I also have the ability to discern which paths to take, what choices I should make daily to get there. If I choose to love Jesus who is love personified, then I choose to love everyone without exception, to look at them with God’s eyes of love. 

I must especially choose to love those who hate me and persecute me. I cannot let their hateful actions diminish me or alter my loving actions. Whatever hurt I feel I can turn into something more worthwhile, allowing the Spirit to remodel my flawed personality, transforming my weaknesses into strengths. I can always do better. I must do better and I can, through Christ.

And so I pray, I pray constantly for the ability to withstand all forms of suffering such that over time I can see them as they truly are, blessings, blessings of fruitfulness in my life. I remember God’s covenant and in allowing His love to fill my heart to the brim, I can go forth and multiply His love, bearing good fruit. 

Lessons from those we lose

At the wake two days ago, C shared something about her grandfather, my uncle, that struck me as a truism, that when someone dies you actually find yourself loving them more and that the love will continue through the years. 

It is a perverse truth that we only realize what someone means to us when we lose that person. The depth of love we feel is intensified partly because we mourn the loss of future opportunities to engage with our loved one and to walk with them in our journey of life. There is also the regret of no longer having any chance to tell them we love them or that we are sorry, to make amends where needed. 

Relationships are never perfect, so mingled with the grief is usually the pain of failure on our part to forge a better understanding, a deeper intimacy. We could have tried harder and better to communicate our love, to heal past conflicts, but we didn’t. And now it is no longer possible. Or is it? One phrase from the funeral mass liturgy stuck in my mind earlier today, turning regret into hope. We can all hope to honour the relationship by trying harder with those who are still around us. We can make amends by becoming better people, clothing our personalities and characters with the qualities we so admired in our dearly departed. We can channel the good of the one we lost in our everyday lives, thus enriching and perpetuating the legacy of that person. Thus we can glorify God out of love of Him, and live out the communion of saints here on earth.

So I am once again reminded to demonstrate to my family and those I love how much they mean to me in words and actions: to forgive and forget both imagined and real slights, any tendency to self-absorption, apathy, and to rise above my own prejudices and perceptions to act in love, to the best of my ability. Where brokenness persists, I should let go and allow God to enter the spaces. I cannot fix everything, only He can, so I bow to His superior abilities with gritted teeth, doing my part in humble prayer. I am encouraged to keep purity of heart, poverty of spirit, and be joyful even in times of adversity and chaos.

What was beautiful to witness at the wake was how well regarded and loved my uncle was. As his grandchildren discovered, yeh yeh was a learned and accomplished man who held multiple positions in life and contributed much to the education of Singaporeans. They only knew him as the kind and generous grandfather who tried to teach them Mandarin and calligraphy, who played Cantonese songs or classical music as he ferried them from point to point. He also sought to impart what he thought was important in life, chiefly virtue, faith and perseverance through hard work.

I remember Uncle B as a gentle, humble and jovial man who observed life with a keen eye, never had a bad word for anybody, had a dry sense of humour and loved my aunt with quiet extravagance.

He especially touched my heart during the deaths of my grandmother and my father when he very uncharacteristically came up to me and told me that God would bless me for all I had done. His affirmation both times meant a great deal to me for I knew his sentiment was heartfelt.

I will miss him for his kindliness and bonhomie. Thank you Uncle B for serving God your entire life without fuss or fanfare, for your integrity which is so inspiring and for your unfailing good humour. I remember fondly the times we travelled to Japan and Malacca together with Mummy and Auntie S. Rest well in the Lord’s arms, a just reward for being His good and faithful servant.