Spouse

Who is your spouse? he asked 
He is the one who loves you the most
She is the one who places you first within her heart
It is a truth both basic yet profound when it comes to marriage
Trust in it, then live it out 
Putting your energy entirely into cultivating intimacy 
A nuptial union of minds and hearts
Day in, day out
Season after season 
Share the joys and sorrows
the good and the bad
thick and thin
Be the we who show the world
We are the individuals who ask ourselves:
Lord, show me how to love him in the way he needs to be loved.
Jesus, reveal how to love her in the way she can freely blossom.
Father, let us discover how we can help each other flourish and bear fruit. 
There is a no man's land, 
A place of misunderstanding, of differences and brokenness, 
The vast outer space between Mars and Venus
Where frustrations and hurts can grow cancerously prolific
But, here, too, is where holy Mystery resides 
Incomprehensible yet healing 
The invitation to dive into the deep beckons constantly in the murk
Do not be afraid, as the Son reassures, time and again
Here we can plumb new depths within ourselves, smashing limitations, 
even our abhorred weaknesses
Here we can fire up hidden strengths, new powers that can forge greater bonds
Fortifying the marriage and changing the world in innumerable ways. 
After all, this is what marriage is truly about:
To love each other just as Christ loves us
And when we love in and with His Spirit, we can walk with ever-growing strength
Hand in hand, we can soar new heights and touch the face of God. 
Arise, my beloved, my beautiful one, and come!*

* Song of Songs 2:13

Cana rich

It's been the best three years of my life, my love
Full of adventure, spiced with suspense quite intense
I am learning how to avoid the quicksand of angry, hurtful words, 
Petty behaviour unbecoming a child of God,
And be open, forgiving and vulnerable. 
A constant decision to love has reaped
Fruit of unimagined abundance and complex flavour
Utterly delicious and soul salubrious all at the same time. 
I am amazed what dying to self brings to life. 
So grateful for the indispensable wisdom 
of the Holy Spirit and our dearest Mother. 
I feel blessed to call you Husband
My Forever Friend and Lover, 
Because you love me as Christ loves the church
I submit to you wholly with joy
Life with you has been Cana rich
When we do whatever He tells us
We taste the best wine that gets better all the time...
Thanking the One who brought us together as one. 

Baby girl

Precious Petal

You are a joy to behold

Perfect in every way

Sweet, smiling infant 

With a huge appetite 

For the milk of life

Bless you always

My darling

May you grow up into

The wonderfully made

Creation God has ordained 

Falling in love in Paris

I just spent a week in Paris and I had a fabulous time. I went crazy for the gardens, the museums, the churches and the wonderful sweets. The weather was perfect - sunny yet cool. The roses were blooming, the trees were changing colour and shedding their leaves. There were just so much beauty assaulting my senses whether it was nature, the architecture or the art. Love. Love. Love,

What I found very encouraging was that people still believed in God and loved Jesus. Mass attendance was not just new immigrants but those of French descent themselves, young and old. There is a great love and reverence for Mary as the mother of Jesus. There were just so many Marian Churches which leads me to believe it is our Mother who is helping to draw people to her Son still.

Part of French culture, or should I say Parisian culture specifically, is Catholicism. The artists, the writers, the politicians, the great thinkers of old, many were Catholic. And even if the creative monde weren’t practising Catholics, many were commissioned to create works that had a religious bent and bore glorious results. 

The beauty of the stained glass and murals adorning most churches I visited are all attempts to glorify God and impart a sense of reverence for our Maker. I have to say I did experience the intended sense of awe. It was wonderful to be able to celebrate the Eucharist daily in any church several times a day. It was also inspiring to visit the tombs or discover relics of so many saints and martyrs in Paris. So many incorrupt bodies of saints, so many places where holiness resides. So many wow moments for me. 

While the week was a vacation, it was a pilgrimage of sorts for me as well. I got to know more saints, read about their lives and spiritualities, and I had time to reflect and pray, whether I was sitting quietly in church, or walking outside in the sunshine. 

Life is beautiful. Life is good. God is beautiful. God is good. I found myself falling in love, again, and again, and again. Thank you, Paris, you are indeed beautiful in the fall. Thank you, Lord, for allowing me to find you and love you in this beautiful city in so many ways.

Redemptive suffering

Thank you Father Bobby for sharing how and why we should make our suffering an instrument of salvation. Suffering need not be heedless or wasted. It can be more powerful than we think if we let God enter into our suffering and transform it.

Certainly suffering is never welcome

We don’t usually wish it on ourselves

But God is bigger than anyone or anything

So we can make it work for us

using it to save others’ souls 

while bringing comfort and consolation.

For redemptive suffering helps us

grow in holiness even as we make amends

for our own sins and shortcomings, 

All in one intentional act of selflessness.

Suffering can be an invitation to love more:

As we pray for family, friends and strangers

Where even enemies become brothers and sisters,

For sharing the same cup of bitterness unites us 

lending power to our painful prayer offerings,

We become more Christ-like when we choose to care.  

Let’s not forget the holy souls in purgatory, 

Especially those we’ve loved and lost,

Our own reparation is refined in our intercession

So pray for a thousand souls each day

Remember the nameless and faceless.

Nothing could be sweeter than eucharistia, 

As we lift our hands and hearts in thanksgiving,

At that sublime, sacred moment,

Our hearts and Christ’s are one.

The cross never looked more beautiful, more radiant. 

Hallelujah! Praise the Lord!

Word of testimony

I just attended a three-day retreat at the Church of the Blessed Sacrament over the weekend past and it was like a spiritual vitamin shot in the arm. The theme was: Rebuild my church, what Saint Francis of Assisi heard the Lord say to him in San Damiano. Father Bobby Emprayil, a Vincentian priest living in Manipur was our retreat master and he was a most inspiring preacher. 

In order to build the Kingdom of God, or Mother Church, the first order is to examine ourselves as temples of God, and see what we need to do to effect some self-restoration. 

Part two of the rebuild is the focus on how we can influence our families in positive ways, bring change in these mini churches of imperfect, broken relationships. By our own strength, our efforts are often futile. However, if we clothe ourselves in God’s holiness, and continue to do His will in all things, undeterred by hostile intransigence, the blights on our family tree can disappear, and give way to a healthy crop of good fruit. 

The final piece of the puzzle involves our efforts not just within our parishes - just as we receive so must we give to ensure our parishes are flourishing physically and spiritually - but beyond. As true disciples of Christ we must be as serious and unflagging as He was in saving souls: to the ends of the earth, at all times. Sounds daunting? It is. 

The reality is we live in a world where forces of evil are present and where we are beset every day with new challenges and setbacks. There are limitations to our energies and capabilities, constraints to our circumstances. Suffering is real. Yet we are called to seek God, know God, and love God with all our strength (Catechism of the Catholic Church, paragraph1). And He supplies us with all we need in order to reciprocate His tender, inexplicable love for us. As it says in Matthew 6:33 seek first His kingdom and all things will be given to you. 

Father Bobby highlighted ways in which we can shore up the foundations of our temples and grow in endurance which he describes as the willingness to accept any form of suffering with good cheer. Here they are:

Personal holiness. We need to live good Christian lives: praying constantly and availing ourselves of the sacraments on a frequent and regular basis. We also need to release unconditional forgiveness to those who hurt us, stay close to God in meek humility, and actively seeking to build up God’s kingdom. In this way we can rebuild ancient ruins and renew cities that have been devastated for generations (Isaiah 61:4). All things are possible. 

Commitment to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. A devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus will help us cultivate the zeal to save all souls, which is the will of the Father that Jesus took upon Himself to carry out to the point of giving His life up. It’s important to consecrate our families to the Sacred Heart of Jesus and commit to praying daily not just the Sacred Heart of Jesus devotion, but also the Divine Mercy chaplet. Fasting, as well as going for reconciliation and attending mass every first Friday of the month are recommended.

Commitment to the Word of God. Proclaim the Word of God out loud every day for there is great power when we speak the Word out loud and meditate on it. And for those of us who have not read the Bible cover to cover, Father Bobby encourages us to proclaim the Bible 30 minutes every day and to eventually read it from Genesis to Revelations in totality, at least once for starters. Father Bobby himself displays an impressive lively and intimate knowledge of the Word which also shows up in his humility, zeal and love for God. 

The Word of God is our personal protection for as Revelations 19:14 states the armies of heaven follow the Word of God, and verse 15 reminds us that out of his mouth comes a sword that can strike down nations. So when we pronounce and live the Word with faith, this will bring spirit and life into our families. Deep commitment will bring about deliverance. Change is around the corner. 

Commitment to our three mothers, earthly, heavenly and spiritual. 

1. We need to care for, spend time with and pray for the mothers who bore us, honouring the fourth commandment given to us. (Fathers are not left out but mothers do hold a special place in our hearts.)
2. To show our love and respect for Mother Mary, our heavenly mother, we should pray the rosary daily, which we already know is a powerful way to rout the evil one and this sincere and steadfast action of prayer gives rise to miracles.
3. The spiritual mother that helps us grow in faith is the holy Catholic Church. Mother Church, be it in Rome or where we reside is where the Trinity lives, where the saints and angels dwell. This is our church victorious and we need to honour and love our church, warts and all. Be of active service in your parish.

Commitment to giving/thanksgiving. The practice of tithing is highly recommended: one tenth of earned income, so that we know nothing we earn is by our own efforts, we are but stewards. Ownership is the Lord’s. If we give to God what is His, the whole tithe, then He in turn will pour out an overflowing blessing on us (Malachi 3:10). We are reminded to also be cheerful givers and to keep giving in the same vein Jesus Christ himself did, think woman at the well, feeding the hungry 5,000, the Gerasene demoniac...no one gets left behind. Jesus had a great desire for saving souls and so must we as His disciples. It’s something all the saints knew and engaged in as well. A good daily prayer to include in our arsenal of prayer: Jesus and Mary I love you, save souls.

Commitment/love for the Eucharist. The Eucharist is at the heart of the church from where miracles and deliverance occur. It is the source and summit of Christian life (Catechism of the Catholic Church, paragraph 1322) and to love the Eucharist is to listen to the heartbeat of the Lord. Besides daily mass, frequent visits to the Adoration Room are de rigeur. When we sit in front of Eucharist, we either hear the Lord’s heartbeat or, like Judas, we can allow Satan to enter into us so we must stay vigilant at all times in thought, word and action. Use our tongues only to bless others.

Readiness to accept suffering for the salvation of souls. 

Suffering does not come from God, although it exists in the world and we often experience it through no fault of our own. It is invariably used by the evil one to keep us far from God. However, when we unite what we are going through with the suffering of Jesus on the cross, when we honour His mission of saving souls, we transform our suffering, we make it redemptive, an instrument of salvation for others. 

2 Corinthians 7:10 tells us godly grief brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret whereas worldly sorrow brings death. So when we willingly accept sorrow, hardship, loss, persecution, all forms of suffering, for others, we can use it to glorify God. Our word of testimony, our unshrinking courage at death will triumph over the evil one (Revelations 12:11). 

Besides blessing others, we will receive supernatural strength to endure whatever we are undergoing. Think the angel ministering to Jesus in Gethsamane, or Stephen at his stoning who was filled with the Holy Spirit and could see God (Acts 7:55).

Apart from these seven recommendations above, Father Bobby made special mention of praying for souls in purgatory. If we especially pray for people we know and love, we will make a difference to our own family histories. 

P and I ended the three-day retreat full of zeal and love for Jesus and we bless Father Bobby for giving us this gift of himself. We see Jesus in him. Likewise we hope that others will see Jesus in us as we undertake to worship God with greater fervour. I end with another prayer he taught us to say daily: Jesus I love you, increase my love for you. 

The last day

If I had known that day was to be your last

I would have let go of my childish fears,

My grown-up inhibitions and said:

I’m sorry for all the times I made you sad

Talked back, pushed back and let you down

Always wanted to make you proud of me

And so glad to be my daddy

I love you muchly, I miss you greatly

You are my one and only

The one who kept me safe and sound

Gave me a pragmatic sensibility 

Taught me to walk the walk 

Of honesty and unpopular integrity

To be bold, to be brave, and have a point of view

Thank you for loving me, and caring for me

For teaching me right from wrong

How to honour God and value family

Respect myself, giving to others

To stay humble, never forgetting where I come from

To hold all things material lightly 

While enjoying what life brings each day

Because of who you were I am who I am

A grateful, faithful daughter to the Father

You are, and will always be 

My guiding light and my guardian angel.

Ora et Labora

"How is marriage treating you?" enquired S whom I meet something like once a year. It is now two and a half years since I tied the knot so the honeymoon period is well over. 

Not to sound too saccharin or smarmy but marriage has been wonderful, awesome even. Sure, it feels like a tidal wave of changes and responsibilities, an emotional roller-coaster at times (so much to learn, so many failures) and I miss occasionally the simplicity of my former single life, but it has been good, and often great. 

Having a gentle, patient man love and respect me has been nurturing and healing even. I am more confident, less headstrong, and less quick to fly off the handle, or rather I am able to keep my hair trigger temper under control a lot better. It's taken heaps of prayer and a dedicated reliance on the Spirit to lead and guide both of us and, God willing, this will be a hallmark of our marriage: pray and work, which is P's school motto. 

I cannot stress enough the importance of attending daily mass together and praying together for I have no other explanation how we have somehow made the necessary adjustments and transitions so well notwithstanding the occasional tempest. During the liturgical offering at mass, I always make my own silent offering to God of my marriage and myself and I ask Him to sanctify both P and myself, and our marriage. I am so grateful He hears this silent prayer and helps us along daily. 

Cooperating with our Heavenly Father, P and I both believe I living out the love language of service and we do our best to show our love for the other in small and varied gestures and ways which speak of generosity of heart. When there are misunderstandings, we work through them with compassion and forgiveness, putting effort into building strong bonds in our relationship. 

We never lose sight of the big picture, what is the ethos of our marriage, and we strive hard to make it concrete in thoughts, words and actions. For we do believe in making out marriage a sign of God's faithful, unconditional love on earth. As such, making the matrimonial home a place of harmonious warmth and life is paramount. 

Certainly we do meet obstacles, situations that call upon inner reserves of selflessness. I do have meltdowns, moments of despairing self-doubt and crippling fear. That's where I pray; and work it all out in, with and through prayer. Impossible is not in our marriage vows, neither is giving up an option. Mother Mary always steps in to lead us to the heart of her son Jesus and we are guided to new places of growth and strength. 

When I look back on our journey I am always amazed and driven to my knees in humbled thanksgiving. God has truly been gracious and we are indeed blessed. And I am reminded to pray and work my way forward.

Thinking of you

You gave me life
You gave me love
Tough and harsh at times.
It wasn't always easy growing up
But I am stronger for it and happy
I can fly because you taught me how
And to always pack my own parachute
Be responsible for my own choices, good and poor,
Knowing right from wrong
Aspire to goodness and righteousness
Be generous and caring to others, always
In practical and quietly nurturing ways
You brought me up to be a lady
Who walks the talk and the extra mile
I am not afraid to be different
I bow to no one but Father God alone.
Thank you Daddy for everything
Glad but slightly sad birthday wishes
From me to you with hugs and kisses.

Kenosis

It isn’t easy I agree

To let go of ego and pride

Subsume my own needs

Always putting others before my

Desires and physical limitations 

I am tired! I have worked hard

Why should I be the one to 

Give in, give up

Go the extra mile

Again and again 

Day after day?

Surely I deserve better 

It doesn’t seem right somehow

But true love isn’t about fairness

It begins by me choosing the better part 

Followed by wanting what’s best for the other 

Taking the Spirit’s lead in a heartbeat

Acting with both wisdom and mercy.

I may be weak and a sinner

But He is indefatigable and perfect

Let me die and live 

In His love

In His name.

Each death leaves an indelible mark

Layering on layering of pearlescent holiness 

The result of tears - agonizing and copious.

Dying is a difficult, solitary business

Gethsemane a garden shrouded in darkness

Yet so much can come from the dying grain 

The humbling submission to His will

New shoots, new buds, eventual flowers 

Bring a fruitfulness unimaginably beautiful.

Death truly transcends into a celebration of life

Join in the dance 

Trust, and die to self

Live completely in Christ

For eternity is just around the corner.

Birthday wishes

Words fail me when I think of us

For you mean so much to me
A dear, dear love of my life
Impossible to put it in a few paltry phrases
What you are, who you are to me
The impact you've made on my life
I am His because you showed me
It's never too late to turn back
Your greatest gift to me was
An intimate, life-changing encounter with Him
Love compassionate, infinite and unconditional.
Thank you for being my guiding star
A sister, confidant and friend,
Beloved companion on life's journey.
My wishes for you are simple:
Seven that you have a perfect year
Completely healed in His love.
May the peace of JP2 be yours
Even on dismal days, and remember:
Life is a wedding celebration no matter what
Nuptial joy can be yours - to have and to hold
So persevere in difficult times
Take courage! For the strength of angels 
Will bear you up in hope
Two yellows for golden, exuberant days 
Peach for small but abundant moments 
Beauteously present in each day.
Be blessed. Be well. Always and forever. 

The story of my perfect day

I had a perfect day last Thursday. It was my self-declared day off and although I didn't get enough rest in the night, which made me scatter-brained, the day still turned out perfect.

After bidding J and his sweet smile goodbye, I toddled over to Mummy's and had breakfast with her at the nearby hawker centre. The yummy chai tau kway and a milo peng hit the spot. It was gratifying that the CTK seller still remembers my order despite my prolonged absence. After breakfast we did a little marketing, clothes shopping and even found a new electricity provider to save money. I so love how HDB estates pack such a wealth of good and services that take care of practically all our needs within walking minutes.

We then hopped in a taxi and went to Gardens by the Bay to see the tulips. Both the domes were brimming with bright colours and luxuriant foliage. Despite my forgetting to bring my wallet, we managed to see the new Floral Fantasy attraction and it was absolutely gorgeous. We really enjoyed ourselves oohing and aahing over the amazing collection of hydrangeas (Mum's favourite flower) they had amassed.

It was past lunchtime when we bussed home (having run out of cash) and had a late lunch. I had forgotten how good the wanton noodles were at the same hawker centre we were at in the morning. Then I bade goodbye to the CTK seller and the drinks seller before walking back to pick up my things and head home.

On the way home I stopped by the butcher's to pick up organic mince which I steamed and pureed for the grandbaby's meals. Tried out a new recipe for roast pork (so close to a perfect crackling now), walked and played with J who is always good fun. Had dinner and watched a little TV with P before I finished watching Brené Brown's The Call to Courage before bedtime.

What she shares about joy resonates with me for she shares that it's the ordinary moments people who have lost someone miss most, not the extraordinary moments so don't go chasing those moments in life. It was in all those ordinary moments of my perfect day that I experienced joy: just hanging out with Mummy, eating breakfast, then lunch, frittering away time with her which I don't do as often as I wish. The other joyful ordinary moments involved walking in the park with P and J, both of whom I have recently allowed into my heart but love most dearly. 

Brené Brown talks about how her life changed when she read a speech written by Theodore Roosevelt in 1910:

“It's not the critic who counts.

It's not the man who points out

how the strong man stumbles

or where the doer of deeds

could have done it different.

The credit belongs to the person

who's actually in the arena,

whose face is marred

with dust and sweat and blood,

who strives valiantly,

who errs,

who comes up short

again and again and again,

and who, in the end,

while he may know the triumph

of high achievement,

at least when he fails,

he does so daring greatly.”

She decided to live in the arena, be brave with her life, show up and take chances despite the research data she collected for. 20 years telling her this: 

“If you're brave with your life,

you choose to live in the arena,

you're going to get your ass kicked. 

You are going to fall.

You are going to fail.

You are going to know heartbreak.

It's a choice.

Her talk really validates my life choices for I have been daring greatly the day I said to Jesus I will follow you. I have made choices that have been excruciatingly humbling; I have fallen many times; and had a few epic failures. I have known the heartbreak of fractured relationships, of deep loss due to death of loved ones, and how choosing the narrow path exacts a price on relationships. All the above is still happening for I picked a new arena to get dusty, sweaty and bloody in but I know that as long as I walk closely with Jesus I will be alright no matter what.

From the hour-long talk, the words that connected with me were connection, vulnerability (BB’s TED talk on vulnerability and shame are also must-watch talks), courage, gratitude, belonging, joy and story. I highly recommend you watch the entire talk for there’s too much good stuff to share here. She shared that when we fear shame or criticism, we engineer smallness into our lives. We do not take risks. What I would like to pick up as a learning point for me are the stories we tell ourselves when we feel ashamed, upset, angry or fearful, especially in the relationships that matter most to us. My insight was that these stories are often shaped by my own insecurities, or unhealthy negative scripts that cause me to brood, prevent me from growing, and worse, create a damaging response. When I react badly, I create obstacles to truth, empathy, compassion and vulnerability. I hinder and fracture rather than build relationships.

Brené Brown calls it a magic sentence that also helps us build resilience: “It's just the story I'm telling myself.” If I can differentiate between this inner story and the real facts, if I dare to put myself out there in order to verify the truth, then I won’t drive myself crazy, be a b_ _ _ _ , eschew vulnerability and push away the ones I love most. 

If I dare to share these stories when I feel most ashamed, when I risk exposing my vulnerability, that’s where I will gain what I want most, and that is to be seen, heard and accepted for who I am by my loved ones, and thus belong, which is hard-wired into my DNA as Brené Brown puts it. Up close and intimate is the lifeblood of relationships and it is this that gives us a sense of belonging. She has this to say:

Belonging...

is belonging to yourself first.

Speaking your truth, telling your story,

and never betraying yourself

for other people.

True belonging doesn't require you

to change who you are.

It requires you to be who you are,

and that's vulnerable.

At the same time there is a caveat, our life stories are a gift and a privilege not meant for all and sundry. Know who are the people who love you and would honour your stories and share with them. As for the rest, try not to care what they think for it does not matter. Disclosure without boundaries is not vulnerability. When I look at what some people disclose on FB I am often horrified. Waaay too much information. 

Coming back to my perfect day, Brené Brown says this. “We are terrified to feel joy” as it is the most vulnerable of all human emotions. We often experience what she terms as foreboding joy and we diminish the moment by wondering what bad thing will happen almost as a consequence to the joy we feel. She advises we practise gratitude and:

Just choose joy sometimes.

Just choose a thing

that seems frivolous and fun

and has no ROI or payoff or upside. 

Just do the joyful thing.

So my very ordinary day was perfect because I chose joy, to spend time with my mother and be myself, to allow myself to be seen, heard and loved by her and vice versa. So grateful for the day even though at the back of my mind I know our time together is finite. I give thanks for the beauty and richness of this perfect day where I could just be and belong, exercise my talents and indulge my feminine genius of nurturing others, and I thank God for the gift of my mother who makes me strong and all things good with her unconditional love. Lastly, I give thanks for the place I call home now, next to P, the children and grandbaby J.