To Jesus through Mary

P and I just spent the weekend at the Montfort Centre learning more about Montfortian spirituality with regards to Mother Mary. We both had a great time. Brother Dominic cracked us up even as he taught us profound truths of why going to Christ through His Mother is the surest, smoothest, shortest and most perfect way. We learned more about what it means to have a true devotion to Mary, and allowed ourselves to just bask in her hidden way.

I was also delighted to find two labyrinths on the peaceful and lush grounds and to walk them in prayer. It was lovely to reflect on the past months of busyness and great adjustments, and to give thanks for all the graces I have received. Mother Mary has been my source of strength, comfort and inspiration in these months of trying to be a good wife and mother. That the transitions have been so smooth, and I have been able to find my way with not too many missteps in the trickiness of forging new relationships is due in no small part to Our Lady. I thank God for the gift of  Mother Mary, who has helped mould me in her feminine gifts of gentleness, generous hospitality, intuitive wisdom and quiet humility.

Hush! Child, do not cry!
I am here with you.
Do not be afraid!
Just do whatever He tells you
For He knows best.
I know for he is my son, 
And I have taught him well
To revere his father 
Honour his ways and walk
With integrity and mercy 
In every breath
In every heartbeat
In every step.
I am the Immaculate Conception.
Graced by God to be his echo
Tree of life
Unifying oceans 
Mystical bowl 
The hidden way
Queen of all hearts.
So learn from my fiat:
Let it be done in all things
According to the Father's will
Especially receiving the man child
Into your heart,
Giving him room to grow
So you will become more like him
God-like, Spirit-full
Singing true, humming strong
The glorious salvation song
Cutting evil at its knees.
When hope is lost remember
To light your way from within
Ponder in silence 
Pierce through the mystery
Winnow the pain away leaving
The healing scent of winter roses
Tempering suffering into a sweet delight.
You must hold firm!
Grounded in the Beloved
you are, as I am.
Via Maria
I am the perfect way
Straight to his heart
From my heart.

Using faith well

Faith unused decreases. It's a law... Today unused is lost. A talent unused is lost. An ability unused is lost.

The words of Jim Rohn, a motivational speaker who used the parable of the talents to illustrate his message of using all you've got struck a chord within me.

I thought it was interesting to view faith as a something to be used but Jim Rohn had a point. While faith is fundamentally a gift - given to each of us freely, just as salvation through Jesus Christ is - if we do not even bother to unwrap the gift, we will remain completely unaffected by the gift, unmoved. We will lose out on the experience of marvelling at its beauty, or of availing ourselves of it to bless others, and indirectly bless ourselves.

Faith cannot remain pristine or remote, some perfect ideal dwelling on top of the mountain removed from civilization. Faith must be lived out: it has to be engaged, and even gritty, for it is mostly when we grapple with it in the everyday struggles of life that we can actually grow in faith. We have to use it: use it to make decisions, use it to grow in virtue and tease our disposition into the image and likeness of the One who created us.

The parable of the talents is one that used to trouble me a lot for what if I am like the servant with one talent who is so afraid of losing it and buries it in the ground to maintain it? I am in deep trouble. Although I have moved out of that place and I see myself more like the servant who is able to somewhat multiply the talents given to me, ultimately I want to max out my potential. I have been given much, therefore more is expected of me.

So what is my faith like? Do I use it every day? Is it central to my life? Do I act out my beliefs and live out a powerful witness of life? Or is my faith incidental, I choose when and where to exercise it; it comes and goes with circumstances and I do not live and breathe the name of Jesus in all my actions? Here is where the marriage vows of being true in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health should apply. Like love, faith is not a feeling, Nor does it rely on sentiment. Faith is a commitment, an act of will as much as it is a grace given by God, a gift.

We were reflecting on the greatset commandment earlier in the week, which is the Gospel of today and initially I was focused on what I do to love my neighbour for I believe that faith must be lived out not just in words, but in action. Then the second time I reflected on it, I was struck by the necessity of loving God as stated in the first part of Jesus' answer.

I will always live in the tension of having too much to do in a limited amount of time and an easily depletable store of energy. Before I even act in love, I need to love God, sit quietly at His feet with all that I am and let His love enfold me. In so doing, awash and steeped His love, He will show me how I need to love others; who are the people, on a daily basis, that I need to love actively as my neighbour, while supplying me with the necessary disposition, plus what talents do I need to deploy to love effectively. Loving Him first frees me from unrealistic expectations on my own part, and allows me to examine my own motivations and purify them so that I do not suffer from burn out. So loving God and neighbour are inextricably tied together.

As we approach the end of the liturgical year, the Gospel readings remind us to stay awake, be alert, and be ready for the Master's coming. We cannot afford to slacken in our disciplines of faith, nor flag in our attempts to love the people who surround us. In the parting words of Jim Rohn:

Make sure that all of your talent and ability, and mentality, and ingenuity, and vitality, and strong feelings, faith, courage, make sure that all you've got is being used, otherwise you lose.

Making the mark

She was quite upset, wailing that she had made a mistake in a major decision even though she had prayed and discerned about this matter previously. What she forgot was that making the right decision does not exclude difficulties, sacrifices or a need to make radical changes in one's life, all not so easy as we get older and more set in our ways. On the contrary, making the right decision usually holds more challenges, obstacles the size of mountains even.

She wanted to know if I regretted my decision to get married, for wasn't marriage difficult at times? It is, but no regrets. I did not elaborate much for I find it pointless to gripe about my struggles. Of course there have to be struggles despite the fact I married a super great guy: there were the inevitable teething problems, the occasional communication breakdowns and misunderstandings, situations that may not be to my liking, constraints I may resent... the list goes on.

There are also times I feel lost, and empty, for marriage seems so reductive that I have become a shadow of who I am; I feel I am not serving the Lord as fully as I should, that I have buried my talents in the ground. Is this right for me? Questions crowd my mind, with no immediate or clear answers. Insecurities and fears gnaw at my consciousness. I have hopes for the marriage - for us as a couple, for myself, for the one whom I love - desires that I wonder will ever come to fruition? I can fall into despair.

Here is where I go back to the beginning.

Father Michael asked us at the Lector Day of Recollection two weeks ago, what is the mark if sin is defined as missing the mark, and we fall into sin when we are insecure of God's love, or when we doubt the giftedness of our beings and begin to let fear get the better of us. While the Kingdom of God is my mark as a lector and Christian, my personal mark goes beyond ensuring the redemption of my soul and thereby entering into eternal life.

My mark is like Mother Mary's fiat: His will always, not mine. I aim to do whatever He tells me. Why? Because no one loves me the way He does, so perfectly, so generously and so tenderly. I believe He knows what's best for me and I trust Him implicitly with my life. I follow Him because He has all the right answers: to the uncompromising, demanding yet illuminating truth, to life's mysteries, and the way to a love that satisfies completely.

Father Greg said at yesterday's retreat for ICPE Singapore's Companions that at the heart of worship is gratitude. The best way to reciprocate the Father's love is to demonstrate a heart of gratitude by loving others as Jesus loves me - which can mean to the point of death. This is the hard part, for the inconvenience of dying to self again and again is at constant war with my instinctive inclination for self-preservation.

Jesus' brand of self-donating love is where the beginning lies, a love found in Creation, and again at my inception and birth: the Father's pure love, unmerited and lavish. It is a gift of grace. Loved into being, loved for who I am in all my strengths and weaknesses, loved beyond my grievous faults, monumental mistakes and grimy, repulsive sins - how can I not love Him in return?

Our final sharing yesterday revolved around how to see community as mission instead of as a means of facilitating mission. Father Greg invited us to see perichoresis as a dynamic dance of ourselves and the Trinity at the table of the Lord. If we infuse community with the indwelling of the Trinity, we could dance in love and joy with and around each other, and thus gather others into the power and beauty of the Divine-filled dance.

On our own strength, we will bring to the table of community our paltry five loaves and two fish which may not be desired or adequate sustenance, but if we fall back on the Trinity when relating to one another, the loaves and fish can multiply and transform appetisingly and nutritiously into a rich banquet enjoyed by all. The dance requires our collective agreement to be as humble, loving and forgiving as Jesus is, to be as patient and generous as the Father is, and to be as wise and merciful as the Holy Spirit is, and so much more. It won't be easy, it will take effort, sweat, definitely tears, and we will always be buffeted by the tensions of living out our commitments to our loved ones as well as to our brothers and sisters in community.

Whatever my future struggles may be, whether in my marriage or my community (I pledged my commitment as Associate Member for another year), I know I need to always go back to the beginning, focus on the mark, then let myself be guided in the tango that mimics the perfect timing of the love that flows back and forth, between and among, the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.

Heeding Our Mother's words

While I have been on vacation, life has not stopped. People I know and love have lost loved ones, distant relatives have fallen seriously ill... conflicts, tragedies, hurricanes, earthquakes, all these are part of the rhythm of life but made surreal because I was surrounded by fellow holiday makers all out to have a good time.

So what's my take away these last two weeks? Besides confirming how P and I are good and bad (we are both such Foodies) for each other, whether one is on vacation on not, certain things remain constant and fundamental to life, like prayer.

Our Lady of Akita

We began our trip to Japan with a pilgrimage to Akita where the carved wooden statue of Mother Mary there shed real human tears, blood and even perfumed sweat for a period of time. She also appeared to a sister with messages for the world, and even healed this sister of deafness.

Apparitions, miracles, these are events that make us sit up and take note, maybe reflect a little deeper on how such realities can make a difference In our lives, inspiring us to be better people. The community at Seitai Hoshikai which is home to Our Lady of Akita is itself a miracle - how it was born out of a need and grew in such harsh conditions. Christianity is definitely not for the faint of heart but for those who are spiritually rugged and tough, people who can stay the distance.

The message of Our Lady of Akita echoes the same one Our Lady conveyed in Fatima, that prayer, constant prayer alone can avert the disasters that loom so alarmingly and threaten to overcome the world. The exhortation of Our Mother remains the same, pray the rosary daily, it is our weapon against the darkness and bleakness that prevails in our lives.

We took to heart the message of Akita and in the days that followed, we both prayed the rosary as well as the Stations of the Cross daily. There is something special that happens when we offer up our days to the Lord even when on vacation. God grants the desires of our heart, both the spoken and unspoken ones. Despite changes in our travel plans due to a typhoon, everything went smoothly and the weather cooperated, mostly - even when it rained, it was not a major deterrent, we managed to go where we needed to go.

To satisfy our tastebuds, we found a variety of restaurants that served good food, so, so important. We also stumbled upon a number of beautiful gardens on our walks around Tokyo, and visited the awe-inspiring Saint Mary's Cathedral in Seikiguchi where we had the opportunity to hear the organ played beautifully. Best of all, there was a church near our hotel in Tokyo so that we could walk to morning mass while we were there.

I am grateful for the joys and pleasures I have experienced these last two weeks, and for the many opportunities P and myself had to build stronger bonds. I feel an even greater closeness and love for Our Mother who has blessed us in innumerable ways this vacation. So although the vacation is over, my devotion to Mother Mary and Jesus grows. I may not be doing anything in life that is greatly influential, but I know I can change the world, just by praying the rosary daily.

The following words written by Saint Therese of Lisieux resonate increasingly with me. May they serve to inspire you: My whole strength lies in prayer and sacrifice, these are my invincible arms; they can move hearts far better than words, I know it by experience.