Perfecting the principle of love

As we (the W2W Ministry) worked through life principles in Vision Therapy last Friday evening, we acknowledged that while the life principle of love was greatly desired, other life principles such as power, pleasure and the avoidance of responsibility often seem to take precedence and diminish our love efforts.

It is not easy to be a loving person all the time without wanting to be so on our own terms and conditions. Love is not easy. Whether it is at work, where our colleagues and bosses evoke feelings of dislike and even disgust, or at home, where the self-serving actions of family members make us angry and less inclined to be loving.

As Christians we all know the biblically correct answer: to love as Jesus did, but do we live it out as readily as we pronounced the words? Are our actions dictated by our personal experiences of a real and living God in our lives? Are we like the Thessalonians of long ago who were exemplary models for all believers with their joyful living and worshipping?

This morning Father Luke Fong reminded all present at mass that this fundamental experience of being loved by the Father is something we often overlook. When we forget how we have been touched by Divine love, we forget to honour and treasure that Divine love in true worship and gratitude. We are not able to see the Divine in others, especially those who are not like us (and therefore people we find difficult to love).

Thus we ignore that the call to love our neighbour is not just the person we know and love, but the stranger in our midst who grates on our nerves and offends our sensibilities. Is this brand of loving possible? Not on our own strength and, not all the time. But, through Him, with Him and in Him, we can overcome our human inclinations and love with perfection.

Father Luke explained that the perfection of God we are exhorted to emulate in Matthew 5:48 is not the Aristotelian or Platonic concept of being without flaw, but the Hebraic definition which is completion. When love is complete, it has no boundaries or demarcations, no distinctions. It is a mature love that transcends the flawed individuals and situations around us. And we can love others with no expectation of reciprocity or amity.

Father Luke also shared this story of what Father Daniel Berrigan (if I heard him correctly) responded when asked whether spirituality was more that of the mind or of the heart. He said it was neither, but more that of the ass, where and what we find ourselves sitting on, be it the whiny friend, obnoxious neighbour, hostile workplace or broken family.

As we women discovered on Friday, we are each placed in different life situations and we each face different challenges. We each sit in different places and on different circumstances. The common denominator is our love for God. So even though we are on different trajectories and in varied stages of our spiritual journeys, we can aspire to this perfection of love if we allow the law of gradualness to work in our lives.

The perfect love Father Luke spoke of can be ours if we place ourselves in the presence of God, in every breath and heartbeat, every single day. Rather than placing God in a box to forget Him until we attend mass weekly, we should live inside the box of God’s love so that we radiate His love as the Thessalonians did. The world becomes our oyster for we have the pearl of great price in our grasp, this incomparable living, breathing love of God.

How we arrive at this place of perfect love is as much in our commitment to prayer (that is to be teachable and open to the wisdom of God in our lives), as it is in our attitude and its attendant actions (to do the right thing always even when we don’t feel like it and we stand to lose out). And it takes, in the words of Pope Francis, patient expectation and apostolic endurance, without grumbling or overreacting (Evangelii Gaudium 24).

Matt Redman reminds us in his song Heart of Worship: it’s all about you, Jesus. If we truly do make our worship all about Jesus, in as many waking moments as possible, then we are on our way to making the principle of love ours in our daily living. We will keep on trying in our current situations to be the better person, choose the better part and make the best decision, rather than allow the muddy waters we are in to besmirch our integrity and make us falter.

Thank you, Father Luke, for an inspiring homily, and helping me see how I can keep the greatest commandment of loving God wholeheartedly in loving self and neighbour with completeness. So I can be perfect, as my heavenly Father is perfect.

Choosing the principle of love

I have been attending Bible study classes on the Gospel of John these last weeks and it has been enjoyable and enlightening, especially when Monsignor Vaz spoke about the application of John 15:16. It was a mini revelation for me.

You did not choose me but I chose you. And I appointed you to go and bear fruit, fruit that will last, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask him in my name.

We have been chosen. We have been appointed and empowered to bear lasting fruit, the fruit of love. And we are able to love in such a powerful way, a love that lasts eternally, because He has enabled us to do so. If we have truly received the love of God, that is, experienced it in our hearts, then we will be able to display this boundless, unconditional love of God to others.

Thus, if someone steals my parking spot or displays aggression to me, because I love the other as God loves him or her, it does not matter to me. I will not get all bent out of shape and retaliate in a similar fashion. Instead, I will bless the other with restraint and calm. Really? Is that possible?

I was reminded of how I accidentally cut a queue just last May (I didn't think they were waiting to order) and the people behind me just happily continued chatting away and waited till their turn came. I was embarrassed when I realized my mistake but they did not mind at all. Only in Hawaii - where people are super nice. But why not in Singapore, too, and the rest of the world?

Father Ronald Rolheiser published on September 15* that:

Faced with a threat, our primal instincts tend to take over and we instantly freeze over and begin to shut all the doors opening to warmth, gentleness, and empathy inside us.

This is a biological instinct in each of us: fight or flight in order to survive. But unlike animals, we humans have been given free will, to choose freely how we wish to react, which path to take in life. We are called to neither fight nor run away when faced with opposition, but to stay and find a middle ground, aided by love.

That does not seem to be the way of the world now. As Father Rolheiser writes:

We live in a bitterly polarized world.  All of us recognize this, and all of us see a lot of cold-bloodedness inside world politics, inside the politics within our own countries and communities, and, sadly, not least, inside our churches. What we see in nearly every discussion today where there is disagreement is a cold, hard rhetoric that is not really open to genuine dialogue and is, invariably, the antithesis of charity, graciousness, and respect. What we see instead is paranoia, demonization of those who disagree with us, ridicule of our opponents’ sincerity and values, and blind self-defensiveness.

Moreover this bitterness and disrespect, so contrary to all that’s in the Gospels and to all that’s noble inside us, is invariably “sacralized”, that is, it is rationalized as demanded by “God” because we believe that what we are doing is for God, or for truth, or for country, or for the poor, or for mother-nature, or for art, or for something whose transcendent value, we believe, justifies our bracketing both Jesus and common courtesy.

Therein lies the danger, when we sacralize our disrespect and lack of elemental charity, becoming more skilled in justification than in self-examination, and, in doing this we are far from the Gospel, far from Jesus, and far from what’s best inside us. 

Spreading the joy of God's love, the one true God, is never about flying an airplane into a building, nor is it about beating someone up in a fast food restaurant because they rejected our overtures. Zeal for God is never violent, angry or full of hate.

Father Rolheiser reminds us: We’re called to something higher, called to respond to threat beyond the blind response of instinct. He paraphrases Saint Paul when he encourages us to: Live with enough patience inside opposition so as not have to defend yourself, let God and history do that for you.

He ends his piece by saying the litmus test of Christian discipleship is the challenge set by Christ himself to us. Questions we need to constantly ask ourselves are:

Can I love an enemy? Can I bless someone who curses me? Can I wish good to someone who wishes me evil? Can I genuinely forgive someone who’s been unfair to me?  And, perhaps even more importantly, can I live in patience when I’m in tension, not rushing to defend myself, but leaving that defense to history and to God?

This World Mission Sunday, it's worthwhile reflecting and choosing what kind of Christian do I want to be and if I choose Christ's principle of love, then I must act out that love, more so in the face of opposition and criticism, and when I attempt to share His love with others. Maybe then I will actually abide in Christ and He will abide in me.

* To read the entire article which is good, go to: http://ronrolheiser.com/on-how-we-react-to-criticism-and-opposition/#.VEKBA38ayK0

Defining mission

I was asked to contribute what mission means to me for Mission Sunday. An edited version of the article below appeared in the Catholic News in its October 19 2014 issue. Besides sharing my original version here, I would like to add a couple more thoughts on mission which were not developed due to length constraints. I have added them (in italics) at the end of the article:

My spiritual director once shared with me a question he asked in morning prayer: "Lord, show me how to love." This question is the starting point not only of my day upon waking, but of how I wish to lead my life. The things I want to accomplish on a day-to-day basis, and the dreams I desire to bring to fruition in the intermediate and distant future are all tied to this fundamental question that shapes and defines mission for me.

Mission means service. As a follower of Christ, it is to concretise the love of God in this world, sharing the joy of being a beloved child of God, and thus helping others make that same connection: to fall in love with Jesus and live in intimate and loving relationship with the Father.

More specifically it involves using my gifts and talents to touch lives, bringing light and happiness (or at least a smile) to whoever I meet and wherever I go. If I were to zoom in further, to share what is uniquely my mission, it translates into what I do for a living, I teach, and what I love to do and I am good at, I write.

As a single woman who cares for a healthy, independent parent, I have time to devote to weekly ministry meetings* that support women in their faith journeys. I am also active in my parish as a lector, and help out with the youth and faith formation ministries on an ad hoc basis (PIMBY** is my latest involvement). Previously I served two terms in the Parish Pastoral Council at Saint Teresa's.

Apart from financially supporting ICPE Mission Philippines's efforts as well as other worthy causes, I participate in reverse carolling, an annual outreach to bring the joy of Christ's birth to families living in the Montalban dumpsite in the Philippines. The Church's teaching of subsidiarity is important to me and I tithe a percentage of my earnings - give until it hurts is my rule of thumb.

I became a Companion of the ICPE Mission this year for I desired to live out the expression of my vocation, and my mission, more holistically and in a richer manner. ICPE's spirituality of worship and evangelisation gives me that renewed focus and encouragement through faith formation and the sharing of lives as a community of like-minded individuals.

Drawing from the well of covenanted community, my baptismal covenant is made so much stronger and I am emboldened to go out and share the Good News outside the parameters of Church.

It is important to note that mission is not reserved to efforts merely within our immediate communities. It is so easy to remain stuck within the confines of parish, home and country and not venture outside my familiar and known world (in my case it's my Catholic world). It is tempting to dismiss the cries of many in need, thousands of miles away, for events outside my environment do not directly impact my life.  

As I mature in my spiritual walk, I am challenged to go beyond what I know, to reach out to what Pope Francis calls the peripheries. Where should I go in order that I can go beyond my comfort zone? What should I do to reflect a more heartfelt response to God's invitation to be an active participant in the wedding banquet as described in yesterday's Gospel of Matthew 22:1-14? Who are the people I am called to love that challenge my complacency and my equilibrium?  I must not just go after the low hanging fruit, but strive to love, as Blessed Mother Teresa did:  ...if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.

I will never be as magnanimous as Blessed Mother Teresa, but I can choose to love as she did, thereby allowing God to use me as He wills, and write the story of my life, my mission here on earth.  

* The Woman to Woman Ministry is an ICPE Mission ministry that draws women from all walks of life to come together and grow in their faith in a nurturing environment and thus to empower them to build a civilisation of love in their lives.

** PIMBY stands for Pilgrimage in my Backyard. I act as a tour guide to visitors, highlighting the rich history of the Church of Saint Teresa and encouraging visitors to reflect on their faith journeys. We also pay a visit to the Carmelite monastery nearby. Saint Teresa's is one of several churches in the Singapore Archdiocese to run PIMBY.

Making life beautiful

I was asked last Friday* to reflect on life: what it means to me, what is my version of a most satisfying life, and to write a life script.

It was a joy to discover how far I have come from my previous woeful refrain of life sucks then you die. I used to hate life, huge portions of my life.

I was unhappy and felt like a complete failure with no control over my life. I was not free and had no idea how to achieve freedom, try as I might to find it. Life was a box of chocolates filled with just the ones I hated, and left me craving for more.

Today I see life as exciting, albeit challenging at times, brimming with infinite possibilities. Life is an adventure to be savoured every step of the way.

It can be tiresome occasionally, and I have to juggle the tensions of what I would like to do and what I actually do constantly. It can be a tussle between my own selfish inclinations and the deep desires that clamour to emerge from the bowels of inertia and lack of self-confidence.

Sometimes, I wish to stay in my own comfort zone and say don't bother me for I am doing the best I can when I know that's not true. I can always do more, be more, squeeze more out of life, except my own concupiscence gets in the way.  

My saving grace is my love for He who loved me first and with such tender beauty. Whenever we meet in prayer, He creates in me feelings of hope, peace, joy, fulfilment and love that draw me to Him even more, and toward His will. I may not understand His version of life for me all the time and yet, I believe in it and buy into it wholesale.

Even if it means I will get hurt, I will suffer great loss and life will bite at times, I still choose to love as Jesus does; to lay down my life by dying to self and therefore open the door to new life. I did this 11 years ago and it was the best thing I ever did for me and my life. I won't lie, it wasn't easy in the beginning, and it felt as if too much was asked of me, but it is the principle of biblical paradox that will weave its own inimitable mystery.

Saint Thérèse of Lisieux said:  Holiness is a disposition of the heart that makes us humble and little in the arms of God, aware of our weakness, and confident -- in the most audacious way -- in His Fatherly goodness.

I'd like to think that I have flashes of her audacity, for clichéd as it may sound, in experiencing the Father's goodness I find life to be beautiful and it promises to be more of the same. I just have to open my heart to its beauty.

* The W2W Ministry is doing the life segment of John Powell's Vision Therapy. 

Listening to angels and saints

I am going to send an angel in front of you, to guard you on the way and to bring you to the place that I have prepared. Be attentive to him and listen to his voice. Exodus 23:20-21

When we walk in the desert of life, we are more attentive to the signs that lead to survival. Our senses are naturally sharpened by fear and desperation. And yet, in order to act with wisdom and love, we must be attentive to the right voices, the ones God sends our way. If not, we might, like the Israelites, wander in the desert of our hearts for a very long time, parched and near death.

Besides my guardian angel for whom I give thanks for today as we celebrate our guardian angels, I also give thanks for angels like Saint Thérèse of the Child Jesus, patroness of missionaries and most beloved of my parish, Church of Saint Teresa.

I liked this reflection taken from the app Laudate yesterday, the feast day of Saint Thérèse, for it really says it all for me:

What makes St Thérèse so special?
   
We have grown used to the idea that just as there are people with talents for sport or scholarship, and the rest of us can only admire them without trying to keep up, so there are people with a talent for holiness and heroic virtue, and the rest of us can only bumble along as best we can. We can’t do better because we’re not designed to do better, so there’s no point in trying. We sink into a consoling mediocrity.

Thérèse wrecks this. She was physically weak and psychologically vulnerable. For her the great saints were giants, they were inaccessible mountains, and she was only an “obscure grain of sand;” but she was not discouraged. St John of the Cross taught her that God can never inspire desires that cannot be fulfilled. The Book of Proverbs told her, “If anyone is a very little one, let him come to me.” If you only look, Scripture is permeated with images of our littleness and weakness with respect to God, and of his care for us in our insignificance.
  
Thérèse’s “Little Way” means taking God at his word and letting his love for us wash away our sins and imperfections. When a priest told her that her falling asleep during prayer was due to a want of fervour and fidelity and she should be desolate over it, she wrote “I am not desolate. I remember that little children are just as pleasing to their parents when they are asleep as when they are awake.”
  
We can’t all hug lepers or go off and become missionaries and martyrs. But we all do have daily opportunities of grace. Some of them may be too small to see, but the more we love God, the more we will see them. If we can’t advance to Heaven in giant strides, we can do it in tiny little steps. Our weakness is no excuse for mediocrity.

Like Saint Thérèse, I can be weak and ordinary with just one talent and I can aspire to be a saint, and that is to have an extraordinary love for God.

Saints like the Little Flower are signposts that point out to us the way to the Father. They inspire us to make good decisions every day, to attune our hearts and minds to the Almighty. Like our guardian angels, they can bring us to where God is leading us if we pay close attention.

There are many voices in our lives, especially when we are tired, discouraged, angry, bitter, lonely and afraid, so it pays to pray daily for our guardian angel to light and guard, to rule and guide. Then listen in the stillness to hear the one true voice of our angel.

NB In his morning homily at mass, Pope Francis encourages us to listen with the attitude of a child so that we can hear our guardian angel with an open and docile heart. See:  http://www.zenit.org/en/articles/pope-s-morning-homily-consult-your-guardian-angels