Adding value to womanhood

Recently a slew of young actresses have had digital images of their scantily clad or nude forms made public without their express permission or prior knowledge. It is many things: illegal, an invasion of privacy, malicious, salacious, disgusting, degrading, a form of oppression, abuse and the subjugation of women.

In the world of gaming, the themes of sex and violence are rampant and gamers are encouraged to, I was told in one game, finds ways to kill a prostitute they had sex with and take back what they paid for services rendered. There are even chat rooms where people discuss the best ways to commit murder and score points.

Is there a correlation between the dark, perverted world cyber space can be (where sexual predators stalk and groom innocent children, and where the sex trade has gone high tech) and the high incidence of sexual assaults on American campuses over which President Obama has taken concrete steps to address? I would say a big yes.

"From sports leagues to pop culture to politics, our society does not sufficiently value women,” Mr. Obama said. “We still don’t condemn sexual assault as loudly as we should.”*

Isn't it ironic when our more evolved societies value women less and less and misogyny wears a socially acceptable face, masquerading as sexual liberation?

We are all born with a sexual appetite but when we feed it the junk of pornography and erotica, so prevalent and accepted in societies now, we end up sexualizing the human body, treating it like a commodity. We often pass off nudity as worthy of artistic merit, or as a personal and free choice and therefore beyond criticism except by narrow-minded prudes. Every time we do that, we end up perverting our own humanity and we eventually become slaves to lust. We use each other, and our own bodies, to get our sexual kicks. We become addicted to sex and obsessed with physical beauty in an unhealthy and extreme fashion.

While the FBI goes after the hackers who splashed those images of celebrities online, we women can do something immediate and effective ourselves: stop objectifying and sexualizing your own body and stop taking nude or risqué photos of yourself and sending them to men. Why are you encouraging men to look at you as a sexual object? Why are you devaluing your own personhood?

The female body is very beautiful but why have we bought into this centrefold mentality to embrace our beauty? The man in your life should look at you with desire but he should not be salivating over your body like a piece of meat.

If a man is with you only because you look hot in a bikini and have a string of men lusting after you, there is something seriously wrong. And if you want that, there is something more than seriously wrong with you. I don't need a crystal ball to tell you the relationship won't last, or that he will eventually trade you in for a younger, sexier model.

I admit, as a woman, it is nice to be looked at admiringly by the opposite sex, to be told I look beautiful. But when a man holds a conversation with my chest, I feel violated. I am much more than the sum of my body parts and I demand to be loved and respected as such.

If we want to be valued for our human dignity, both male and female, we should begin by behaving with more respect for who we are, especially our bodies which are gifts from God and expressions of His sanctity and grace.

We need to teach our children, both girls and boys, how to love and respect their own bodies, and those of others. Teach them modesty, decorum and common decency. Teach them boundaries as well as the difference between right and wrong, good and evil.

And girls in college, nix the X-rated selfies, dressing and behaving like a slut, drinking till you pass out or doing drugs. Stay safe and do not let men treat you less than human, less than a woman. You deserve so much more.

*  Quote taken from: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/20/us/politics/obama-campaign-college-sexual-assaults.html

Pitching perfect for Christ

If I had a minute to convince others of the beauty of Christianity and give it a shot, what would I say to convey the joy of the Gospel of Christ's salvific love?

This is the challenge of Pope Francis's Evangelii Gaudium (EG). How can I give a powerful elevator pitch that strips down to the essentials why I am a missionary disciple and allures my audience with its irresistible and mystagogical beauty?

The Pope invites every Catholic to be so drunk with the joy of the Gospel that others cannot help but notice and respond positively for they want a piece of the action, too.

He challenges us to be that pithy message for it is only in living and breathing the message that we can speak it with any real conviction and its attendant boldness and wisdom.

How can we forget what Jesus instructed in Matthew 10:16: I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.

This call to mission is for every believer of Christ, with no exception, and, it is not about proselytizing but by "attraction", pointing to a horizon of beauty when we invite others to a delicious banquet that we ourselves are enjoying tremendously. (EG 14)

It is to sing in a missionary key that entices all, believers and non-believers alike, with its lovely melody. And it all begins with an encounter:

THE JOY OF THE GOSPEL fills the hearts and lives of all who encounter Jesus. Those who accept his offer of salvation are set free from sin, sorrow, inner emptiness and loneliness. With Christ joy is constantly born anew. EG 1

It is when we keep renewing this encounter with God's love that it blossoms into an enriching friendship, and we are liberated from our narrowness and self-absorption.

We become fully human when we become more than human, when we let God bring us beyond ourselves in order to attain the fullest truth of our being. Here we find the source and inspiration of all our efforts at evangelization. For if we have received the love which restores meaning to our lives, how can we fail to share that love with others? EG 8

Just as we cultivate an enduring friendship with Jesus in renewed encounter, we are called to do the same with others for: Life grows by being given away, and it weakens in isolation and comfort. (EG 10)

We are called to go forth and preach the Gospel to all: to all places, on all occasions, without hesitation, reluctance or fear. EG 23

This call to being a missionary disciple is to be on call, all the time. I have to be open to encountering Christ, and others, all the time. Not only that, I must make an effort to encounter the poor and the sick, the peripheries of society, and not just park myself in my comfort zone, snug in self-absorbed isolation.

Pope Francis challenges all of us to touch the lives of others so closely that we take on the "smell of the sheep". It may not be straightforward or immediately rewarding, but, he writes, an evangelizing community (which I belong to) is also supportive, standing by people at every step of the way, no matter how difficult or lengthy this may prove to be. (EG 24)

The only path to such persistence and endurance is if we ourselves are filled with joy and we know how to rejoice: to celebrate every small victory, every step forward in the work of evangelization. (EG 24)

Just as we must be joyful, we must be bold and creative in our communication. Our message has to concentrate on the essentials, on what is most beautiful, most grand, most appealing and at the same time most necessary. The message is simplified, while losing none of its depth and truth, and thus becomes all the more forceful and convincing. EG 35

When all is said and done, there can be no perfect elevator pitch unless we allow the Spirit of God to come alive within us and lead us. This can only come from intimate and direct connection with Jesus, assiduous study of Scripture and an unwavering pursuit of the truth.

I will make mistakes, I will never be fully ready, my words and actions may be misconstrued, the seedlings that I tend may be thin and sickly, choked by weeds, and I will get mucky and exhausted, but I signed up for life and I intend to do my best to be a missionary disciple after Christ's own heart.

It is a daunting proposition, but with the support of my community of Companions, united as we are in our radical love for Christ, we can radiate this transformational joy of Christ's redemptive love and pitch it to the ends of the earth. Hold that elevator, please.

NB I just had my Companions community retreat over the weekend where we reflected on EG, reconnected with Jesus, lived as community, played joyously like children and with the children (all four precious little munchkins), and renewed our covenantal promises to God and each other. We all had an unreservedly awesome time. And a big thank you to Esther for walking us through EG and leading our retreat.

Communicating with love

As I shared previously, I lost my mojo by ignoring my feelings. When I shared with my SD why and how it happened, he encouraged me with this simple statement: to be vulnerable is to be loving.

Father John Powell echoes this when he talks about how love works for those who work at it; and that the greatest gift of love is self-disclosure, when we communicate our vulnerability, how we feel deep inside, to others.

Self-disclosure is not about ventilating, using others as garbage dumps, pouring out our woes in an effluvium of diatribe and histrionics. Neither is it about manipulating others to feel as if they are responsible for our wounds. You need to help me in my loneliness, save me from feeling sad.

Rather, when we reveal who we are with courage, consciously choosing to trust others with our feelings, then we are communicating with love. Likewise, we should receive the sharing of others with acceptance, love and understanding.

When true communication takes place, we have created a safe haven for humanity to grow in wholeness and vigorous health, and also a place where the bonds of relationships can strengthen and multiply. As Father JP put it: It only takes a moment (of sharing) to be loved a whole life through.

Father Dwight Longenecker reminds us* our destinies are to be “filled with the fullness of God.” It’s what we call ‘theosis’. As St Irenaeus said, “God became man so that men could become gods.” What God has in store for each of the baptized is therefore “far more than we can ask or imagine.” If you could see yourself as God intended you to be you would fall on your face in awesome wonder.

This takes place as the power of God within us eventually, step by painful step and year by difficult year, we come to ‘comprehend’ or ‘fully understand and embrace’ the breadth and length and height and depth of the love of God. 

The challenge to be fully alive, to communicate who we really are to God, and to others, is clearly not easy. We often fall prey to what Father Dwight terms foolishness.

Foolishness is worldly wisdom. It is thinking that I can do things without God and make myself better on my own. Maybe through a combination of will power, positive thinking, religious exercises and striving very hard to be a nicer person.

That’s foolishness. Even if you do change yourself in that way you will only be changing the outside. Might as well have a face lift, a new hairdo or botox for all the good it will do you. We need inner transformation. We need to be “strengthened by his power through his Spirit in the inner self.”

This takes "enormous courage and unbelievable stamina", not just for an hour, or a day, but every morning when we wake up and head out the door, for the rest of our lives. And we can only do it if before we head out the door, we take time to be radically transformed by Jesus.

When we seek unity first with Jesus, when we dare to be vulnerable, to be loving, it is then we will find happiness.

Note to self: Stop relying on self. Let Jesus into my chaotic world, and then, let others in. Communicate feelings and, be vulnerable to be loving.

* http://www.zenit.org/en/articles/fullness-and-foolishness?utm_campaign=dailyhtml&utm_medium=email&utm_source=dispatch

Making the right connection

I recently realized that I no longer give myself permission to fully experience and articulate feelings like despair, discouragement and depression. It partially comes from a misguided sense that all Christians should be happy in spite of all their tribulations, that we should all be leading perfect lives since we know Christ intimately. It is also due to the lack of me time lately.

I have traded in the ability to acknowledge my vulnerability for a couple of dangerous words: distraction and disconnection. I have lost the habit of being still to great spiritual disadvantage - I have no time, I am too exhausted, I have too much to do has become my mantra.

I hurry through my uninspired prayer time. I am restless, my mind speeds ahead to where I should be next, and I keep having to force myself to slow down. The present, God's presence, is mostly lost to me. In my distraction I am disconnected from the One who truly grounds me. I do not allow Him to minister to me with His healing love.

It is not to say that I do not have a close relationship with Jesus still and that I do not receive His graces, far from it, but I cannot grow in self-awareness if I keep stifling my emotions. I cannot flesh out the person He made me to be if I am reduced to a walking robot. I cannot grow more in my understanding and worship of Christ. Instead of fighting the good fight, I will crash and burn, sooner or later.

We can argue God knows everything so why bother bringing everything up, especially bad feelings which will only make one feel worse. The converse is true. Plus, I have found that in not acknowledging negative emotions, I walk around numb, distanced from reality, and this skews my vision of self, others and the world badly.

I am more prone to negative thoughts and imagined slights from others. Being ultra-sensitive, I get upset very easily. I also walk around with a Do Not Disturb sign on my heart and I am hesitant to engage with others for I feel burdened under the weight of their crosses even though intellectually, I know I am not the messiah.

I wear my unvoiced desolation as if it were amour to block the world out. I babble repeatedly to myself platitudes such as all things work together for good to those who love God and Jesus will protect me against all evil, but without any real conviction.

In failing to utter my laments to Jesus, I also display an arrogant sort of independence, a false humility, lying to myself in the process. He does not want to hear about my pain. I am not important or good enough to take up His time. How silly, for I trap myself in the darkness of pride and shame.

Vulnerability is not a bad thing. Feeling disheartened or depressed does not make me a lousy Christian, unless I behave like one. God does not require me to be happy all the time, merely honest and sincere, a humble, contrite heart He will not spurn.

If we share with the Father our triumphs and failures, our joys and our sorrows, our strengths and our weaknesses, our nobility and our despicability, then we will stay focused and connected to Him, and to the world. We can then do all things through Christ who strengthens us when we are in right relationship with Him. Thus, we will be fully alive.

NB The W2W Ministry is currently working through John Powell's Fully Alive Experience, a great programme to learn how to live out God's glory to the fullest. 

Giving good advice

Recently a number of friends have come to me for advice on heavy duty stuff and it has been daunting. Mainly because I am afraid I will say the wrong things, that I put my own spin on things, rather than give good counsel.

What Saint Paul said to the Corinthians (1 Corinthians 2:10-16) is both sobering and uplifting at the same time:

The Spirit scrutinizes everything, even the depths of God.
Among men, who knows what pertains to the man 
except his spirit that is within?
Similarly, no one knows what pertains to God 
except the Spirit of God.
We have not received the spirit of the world 
but the Spirit who is from God,
so that we may understand the things freely given us by God.
And we speak about them not with words taught by human wisdom,
but with words taught by the Spirit,
describing spiritual realities in spiritual terms.

I may only know what is within my own spirit, and sometimes not even that, as we all have our own blind spots, but if I rely on the Holy Spirit and am guided by Him, then I am safe. Whatever I say will be "words taught by the Spirit'"

So how does this translate into "describing spiritual realities in spiritual terms"? Especially since I am an ordinary woman who is so imperfect and a habitual sinner?

On an intellectual level, it is the constant study and reflection on Scripture, teachings and all things edifying, filling my mind with good things.

Willing toward goodness is equally important, which can only be effected with any level of integrity through the regular practice of prayer and an openness to the graces of the Sacraments.

There is finally heart, allowing the Spirit to speak through the inner movements of my heart, what I feel and what I desire, what brings me inner peace and joy, and what moves me to act out of compassion.

It all comes down to love. Loving as the Good Samaritan did when he helped the injured victim, as the Good Shepherd who went after the 100th lost sheep, as the widow with two mites who gave her all, as the father of the prodigal who forgave so readily and completely, and all the other examples of sacrificial, self-giving love, chief among which is the Passion of Christ.

So even though I may not always speak with such incisiveness as Jesus did, if I truly desire the good of the other, if I truly love my brother and my sister, I will consciously set my ego aside and humbly offer what comes out of my mouth as advice.

I should not be afraid to be prophetic, to speak unpleasant truths that may not always be received in the spirit they are given (try not to expect others to follow your advice no matter how sound, and do not expect gratitude). I should not be afraid to be wrong and ask for pardon when I have made a mistake as well.

Perhaps the most important thing in proffering advice is to pray for the Holy Spirit to be present in the exchange (I do this a LOT) and to pray for the other to be guided by God, especially if they are in chaos.

Just as I seek to do God's will, my desire is for my friends to do His will. Then we will all be living out spiritual realities that centre us and bring joy and depth to our lives.