Religious experience

I just spent last weekend attending Margaret Silf's Landscapes of Prayer retreat at the Centre for Ignatian Spirituality and Counselling and it was an unbelievable religious experience. A total high.

No, I didn't go into a trance or work myself into a frenzy as if I were one of ten thousand screaming fans at a rock concert. Neither did I ingest or do anything that induced my state of euphoria that has lasted past the retreat.

It started with a genuine desire to hear God's point of view on my life and I simply gave Him the time and space to talk to me in the silence.

I came to this semi-directed retreat with a question that was causing me some distress and a steely determination to be as open-minded as my stubborn streak would allow.

As Margaret led us through the nine landscapes from her book Landscapes of Prayer, I journeyed from a garden with a winter-dead patch into a cave with a lagoon of calm, beauty and light in its centre  (much like the limestone hongs I visited off the east coast of Phuket).

Confusion gave way to clarity over the weekend as I let go of outdated ideas, past relationship hurts and misguided beliefs that have made themselves a comfortable home in my psyche.

As I meditated on some of the nine landscapes Margaret presented to the group, I found new life, keen insight and fresh inspiration.

I was drawn into a deeper intimacy with our amazing Creator as He invited me to trust Him with a child-like trust, one that bypasses my adult preponderance to fall back on known experiences and to question miracles.

D made a comment this evening that the intellect hinders one from really knowing God, especially when we engage in the academic pursuit of knowing God, not realizing that head knowledge can sometimes push us further away from God.

What I cherished about this retreat was the simplicity of the ideas presented and the subsequent invitation to find God in the beauty of the created world by revisiting familiar haunts of prayer in the mystery of stillness.

Ultimately, it was in allowing God to show me how much He loved me and the way He then proceeded to do so that blew my mind.

Contrary to what the world thinks, religious experiences are not that hard to come by, it just requires us to sit still, and in the ensuing silence, to let God do all the talking.

Dress code for Christians

When the story of a woman parishioner who was told her dressing was not appropriate for attending mass made it to the local newspaper, I was confounded for she was, in my opinion, decently dressed in every sense of the word.

It was a modern sam foo (Oriental top and pants) with three-quarter instead of full-length pants. Rather cute, I thought, and I could not quite see why it did not pass muster.

The debate about dressing (which preceded the article), what is appropriate and what is not, has been going on for years with no real outcome, as yet. There may be one soon if the Archdiocese of Singapore does decide to respond seriously on this issue, and I sincerely hope they do not.

First off, I do think there are more worthwhile issues to debate about than clothing - like global warming or social injustice and what can responsible Catholics do about it - although I do agree that some people are clad inappropriately for mass, albeit a minute percentage of the congregation.

We are also kind of missing the point when we start to criticize and pass judgement on the sartorial choices of fellow churchgoers. Too-revealing or sloppy dressing may be a religious fashion faux pas but it is no sin.

And surely what is more important is that the person actually made it to church with a heart for worship than what the person is wearing.

During the last Bible Timeline talk, Jeff Cavins gave me new insights on what being a Pharisee meant. The word itself means to separate and the Pharisees were originally set apart due to weakness, which they instead wore as a badge of honour.

The Pharisees took pride in fulfilling the Law of Moses to the letter, dotting every single I and crossing every last T, forgetting that what was most important was the spirit of the Law. Hence they despised Jesus who had expert knowledge of the Law and could challenge their exacting interpretation of the law while breaking the rules out of love and compassion.

He who dined with prostitutes who were probably immodest in dress and behaviour. Scandalous and unacceptable.

Cavins challenged us by asking us did we separate ourselves like the Pharisees, not living in the world as we are not of this world? Is Christianity about exclusivity, about what we do not or cannot do, or it is more about empowerment and what we do and can do?

Do we want people to know Jesus through us in a way that inspires love, hope and ultimately faith, or do we want them to stay away, put off by our spiritual bad breath?

Certainly there is a right and wrong way of doing things, a way that brings us closer or further away from God, but the best and only way to lead others to God is through Jesus and His loving and creative ways.

It is perhaps most appropriate then to dress ourselves in Christ's humility, compassion, openness of heart and wisdom.

Alien door

We have begun a new year of formation in the Woman to Woman Ministry and we are doing Joyce Rupp's Open the Door.

In this book we are invited to reflect on the symbolism of doors and what doors mean in our lives. This six-week prayer guide is designed to identify where we are on our individual spiritual walk, what are possible blocks to growth, possible truths we have been ignoring or rationalizing, and how we can be open to change.

Change is never easy for it calls for us to be receptive, flexible, honest with ourselves, humble, and most of all, courageous.

The alien door is the door which represents the unwanted pieces of our life. As each woman shared their "homework" last night, it is clear that facing the less than desirable truths of our lives can be painful, confusing and difficult to acknowledge.

Identifying what my alien door was threw me for a loop and evoked in me a mixture of shame and sadness, that I can still be so dysfunctional. And yet, I know, with the Almighty by my side, I may be down but not out, not by a long shot.

If I choose to befriend my shadows, then in time, and after much application, I will be empowered to grow beyond my current limiting behaviour. And I will be free.

Alien door
Its appearance fills me with foreboding.
Unspeakable horrors could lurk beyond
And yet, I am strangely attracted
To its stern but inviting exterior,
Its comforting mahogany strength that gleams
Wickedly in the shadows as shards of light
Pierce through the spaces between width and frame;
Divine beams that could shrivel my soul with truth.
The question is: should I venture forward or not?
Nothing gained if I don't, as the saying goes,
I pause, say a prayer, push open wide and enter_
A world searingly raw,
Awkward and most uncomfortable.
Out of kilter I feel vulnerable as a newborn baby
Scared and bereft
Without the swaddling of my comfort zone.
Why am I doing this? I ask for the gadzillionth time.
Do I really need to stretch and to grow?
Especially since I've ignored this alien door
For so long. What's another day?
Another year? Another lifetime?
Let me come back when I feel up to it...
Despite my weak, totally lame, excuses,
I know in my heart of hearts that
I don't want to live in darkness anymore,
Staring at the door with its promise
Of light and life from the outside,
Paralyzed by fear, leery of pain
Even though I know it is part and parcel
Of change, that will transform my world
Into a place of blessing - if I so choose.
So what will it be? To stay or to retreat?
I think, this time, I will tarry.
Thankful to the One who brought me here.
Into the inner courts of His temple
Where freedom roams and love abounds.
How lovely is your dwelling place, 
O Lord of hosts!
I think that I will stay.

Best choices

I have been unusually busy from the moment January rolled around and the pace has not let up since. Busy is good for if I don't work, I don't get paid. As always I am awed at how God takes care of my needs without me even saying a word for I was not working most of December.

Ever since I quit corporate life, I have learned what providence truly means for even through the initial difficult times, He has always made sure I had enough, just as He provided manna, quail and water for the Israelites as they wandered in the desert.

We are given many things in life, talents, gifts, and yet, often we take them for granted and look at what we do not have and crib about it. Worse, we waste the talents we have, never taking time to develop them.

Aside for developing talents, it's equally important to develop the proper life skills or a good navigation system, in order to live a rich and meaningful life. Whether it's a value or belief system, a moral code that we live by, we all need integration of reason, will and emotions in order to consistently make good decisions in life.

The sudden death of Whitney Houston has sent shock waves around the world and the prevailing reaction (the autopsy report is not yet out) is that it is drug-related due to the singer's past struggles with substance and alcohol abuse.

Houston's songs are woven into the fabric of my young adult years and I am greatly saddened her incredible talent and beauty could not overcome addictions that diminished her vocal gift and possibly took her life.

Two weeks ago, Father David shared a Spanish saying: If you don't live according to your beliefs, you end up living according to your deeds.

As he pointed out, no one starts out in life desiring to be a thief or an alcoholic. However, the choices we make in life will reinforce subsequent choices and that is how habits, beliefs and finally character are formed.

There are no short cuts to making good decisions in life for they are, not uncommonly, hard decisions, and may require much time, hard work, to bear fruit. Wisdom and fortitude are absolutely necessary to keep on the right path, while temperance and a developed sense of justice help minimize the inevitable internal struggles and conflicts one encounters.

And when one begins to despair of ever seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, it is faith, hope and love that ultimately keep one on the right track. (I know I am boringly repetitive but I am sold on virtues as being the answer to living a fulfilling life.)

It will be, by no means, an easy journey for living "good" is often unglamorous, thankless, pedestrian and draining. Good choices even call for supreme sacrifice at times, and supernatural strength (which thankfully is provided by dint of grace), but they are satisfying, mind, body and soul. And, they keep us in right and tight relationship with Jesus - always a good thing, in my book.  

To show that I do not take what is given to me lightly, I strive constantly to be a good person, one who lives out my beliefs in thought, word and deed.

I may not always be successful - integration being a life-long endeavour - but I know He will provide the means to a perfect end each time. And if I follow His lead, I will invariably make good, and even the best choices in life.

Making it work

I have always liked Project Runway's Tim Gunn for he is understatedly elegant in style and manner, proffering sage advice to contestants without being destructive.

I like him even more when I read about his candid and courageous disclosure on the show The Revolution that he had not had sex for 29 years and that he was a perfectly happy, fulfilled person.

Do I feel like less of a person for it? No! Not even remotely. I have feelings, it's not as though I am some barren forest.


Thank you, Tim, for having the guts to point out that chastity is not such a bad thing and is incidental when it comes to self-fulfilment and happiness.

Why do we allow culture to tell us what will bring us happiness and fulfilment? We often forget that fanning the flames of a sex-obsessed culture is the multi-million dollar sex industry that thrives on the sexual objectification of the human body.

Loneliness is real but what most people do not realize is that loneliness cannot be erased by a surfeit of sexual activity and that the pleasure derived from sexual promiscuity blights one's humanity and is highly addictive (thereby leading to a loss of freedom).

As GK Chesterton once said: Every man who knocks on the door of a brothel is looking for God.

What we crave in life is intimacy and union with God for that is how we are created. However, when we do not acknowledge the presence of God in our lives, we sometimes allow loneliness to obscure the truths in our lives and misdirect our desires.

Loneliness, which is part of the nature of humankind, can actually be a creative force that drives us to transcend ourselves and to bring out the best of our humanity - more so if we allow God to lead us through that particular dark valley.

A life well-lived is one where one makes the best of one's life regardless of how many times a week one has sex or not and Tim has definitely made his life work for him.

If only most of the modern world would realize that, too.